Everything is a Trauma

Welcome to the World of
New Psychology!
Everything is
a Trauma
Introducing The ReiK Method
©
for psychoanalysis and therapy
By: Mohammed Kilani
7 Steps
Learn the
that Can Resolve Nearly Any
Psychological Problem Limiting Your Life!
1
Copyright © 2020 by Mohammed Kilani
All rights reserved.
www.reikmethod.com
ISBN: 978-1-64786-723-2
2
You can actually feel the change as you read through the
pages, there's a strange collective shift that occurs as
the patient resolves his or her problems, which can be
sensed by the therapist.
Could this be a beginning of a new shift in the collective
consciousness?
I think it might.
3
If you ever spent money on psychological therapy, you'll
understand how this book will probably be your best
investment, both in terms of your financial and personal
development gains and savings.
This book is the product of 15 years of research, wrapped
up into a method.
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Index
Introduction
6
Really? Depression
9
Adventures With Nutrition
19
Hints from Tyrosine
24
The Diet I Ended Up With
26
Trauma Formation & The Development of The ReiK Method
28
Wilhelm Reich Gave Me The Keys
32
Understanding the Blind Procedure
35
Instantaneous Relaxation
38
Testing the Opposite
39
What to Expect?
42
How to Perform The ReiK Method
43
Step 1: Start with a Recent Incident
44
Step 2: Find the Dominant Emotion
46
Step 3: Establish a Logical Argument
47
Step 4: Go Back to the First Time the Emotion Was
49
Experienced
Step 5: Go Backwards a Little Bit Further
51
Step 6: Play Around the Time Line
53
Step 7: Immerse in Real Life & Test & Repeat Where
56
Necessary
The Method by Example
57
Examples From Previous Sessions
72
Resistant Patients
248
Strange Incidents of Shared Feelings
250
Am I Touching on Archetypes? Somehow it Got Automatic
252
A Note on Dealing with Chronic Anger
253
Building New Habits After the Resolution
256
Conclusion
257
5
Introduction
"Wow, I really felt a difference! It's like something has
lifted, I can feel that my muscles have involuntarily
relaxed. Can it be this simple? Did I really do it?"
I remember that first moment when I truly resolved a
trauma. It was after no less than 10 years of
experimentation in the field of human psychology.
Well, everything is a trauma, I know it's a big claim, but
I do stand by that claim in every sense of the word. So
before I begin, let me tell you my story.
Since as long as I can remember, I've been examining people
and things around me, trying to understand why they do what
they do, what motivates them, and why we can't find
complete peace and live in a perfect state of harmony.
Maybe I was looking for the Truth, that's Truth with a big
'T', nonetheless, it's always been a journey and a purpose
of mine, maybe an inner calling, it just was.
True happiness and peace can only exist in the form of
complete harmony, however, we all experience emotions that
mar that peaceful state with agony, fears, anger, jealousy
and a myriad of other emotions that seem to come between us
and that perfect state we all aspire instead of living a
robotic life guided by mundane routines.
What really prevents us from taking chances to reach our
full potential? Are our behaviors and habits really ours?
Or are they a product of traumas and conditionings that
developed during our past? We all know the story of how
elephants are trained, and how inflicting severe pain at an
early age conditions them to abide by the rules of their
trainers even when they grow bigger. Well, it's my belief
that what limits human beings is quite similar. Problem is,
for most of the time, these life limiting traumas occur to
us completely unintentionally through an elderly or a peer
during our early childhood, this can be as simple as a
completely innocent burst by a parent at a moment of anger,
or maybe sentence thrown at us by a school teacher or peer.
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They might be completely innocent, yet, if they cause a
trauma, this trauma will reside in our unconscious,
limiting the rest of our lives unless tackled. They also
have psychological and physical effects as our cellular
structures do have memories indeed and are interconnected
with our psychological state.
When it comes to animals, dissolving these traumas is
impossible. Contrastingly, our ability to think
individually enables us as humans to overcome these
unconscious fixations if the right method is used. A
solution for this has been attempted by many of the greats
in the world of psychology, sometimes with good results and
sometimes with no avail. In my opinion, resolving traumas
with rational thinking is nearly impossible, and that's why
talk therapies, and those that target reconditioning the
mind rarely work, even after years of sessions and
thousands of dollars spent. The patient can sense
improvements, or feel better and motivated at times, but
the problem always comes back.
This book suggests a new method for the resolution of human
traumas, along with many examples from real cases who
suffered from various disorders and problems. I suggest you
study the method, and then try it on few of the issues you
have, be it social problems, phobias like in the fear of
heights, or maybe to get relief from a case of a failed
relationship. Whatever it may be, I'm suggesting that these
persisting feelings you have are mere traumas that
developed somewhere in your past, and like a snowball, have
affected your perception of whatever situation is related
to that incidence for the years that followed.
I often tell my patients that resolving a trauma is like
taking off a pair of glasses tinted with a certain color.
We are not changing anyone around us, what we're doing is
changing the way we perceive and feel about the targeted
event or problem, the fact that it used to bother us will
simply be there no more after the resolution of the trauma.
If you think back about an incident of someone hurting you
when you were young and agonize about it, that's only
because of the trauma that lurks in your unconscious. Once
this trauma is resolved, you can think back about that
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particular event, and your feeling will be completely
neutral. Instead of affecting you negatively, it will feel
like it's just part of life, something that happens and
passes.
Like I explained earlier, if you put on a pair of glasses
tinted in blue, then you will perceive everything with that
color. What we do when we resolve traumas is merely take
off those pair of glasses, which changed our perception
since that moment of incurring the trauma. The world won't
change around us, but our perception will certainly change,
and the things that used to bother or limit us before, will
do that no more.
With that in mind, let's begin...
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Really? Depression
I remember how bizarre it was when, growing up, I first
heard of an actual condition called 'Depression' explained
as a physical ailment rather than a psychological one. I
guess at that young age I couldn't conceive the extent to
which our emotions can be controlled by our physical state
and hormones. Needless to say, I never thought it would be
anything that I'll ever experience, being an ambitious kid
with countless plans for life, I thought it only happens to
those with no targets in life.
But it did hit me...
At a very early age, I immersed myself heavily in the world
of business, starting my own company when I was 19 and
getting engaged in a very active business life, these were
very exciting years, I was the prince of my field; an IT
prodigy who dazzled everyone with his level of skills that
surpassed all the seniors around. Little did I know then,
that my life's journey was to take a major turn, and that
the field I developed my skills at since my childhood
wasn't to be the main path for me for the years to come.
I remember how one day, I was taking a photo for a visa
application I needed for a business trip, it suddenly hit
me. I was barely able to open my eyes and smile for the
camera. The word 'Depressed' couldn't be more descriptively
correct. There was a pressure over my eyelids and it was
then that I realized this feeling is what they mean when
they describe the condition.
I remember saying to myself: "Is this how depression feels
like? Can this be happening to me? To me!". It was very
bizarre to realize, and only then I understood that it's
not a mere psychological condition, but indeed a physical
one. Being motivated and positive wasn't enough, there was
something else.
I started to read about it, and experimented with various
methods. But I also began to notice how temporary shifts in
mood are stimulated when I ate or drank certain foods.
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Coffee for example seemed to alleviate my mood and make me
feel more positive, for a short time that is before the
drop comes back, worsened. Patterns repeated, and slowly
with keen observations, I was able to make proper
connections.
I was so lucky that I was experimenting with good diets at
a very early age. I switched first to a macrobiotic diet,
which I went with for nearly 7 years. And the fact that I
never smoked or took intoxicants, and also luckily took no
medical drugs made my observations sharper and much more
controlled for accurate experimentation. For those not
familiar with the Macrobiotic diet, the basic rules are:
 Never eating anything refined, for example, if you eat
breads or any form of grains it has to be whole.
 Refined sugar and salt are not used, they are replaced
with natural molasses and sea salt.
 Animal products are generally consumed once a month,
except for fish which is allowed more often.
 Main meals consist of whole grains and vegetables.
 Fruits are used in lower quantities.
 Coffee and tea are replaced with green tea and other
herbal drinks.
 Sea weeds are used.
 And correct food combining is utilized for proper
digestion.
When the body is clean and has no external influences, one
is able to make better connections, because every little
subtle effect is clearly felt on both the physical and
psychological level, which is what happened with me.
Gradually, I was able to connect the effect of every single
type of food with the physical - and mental - state it
created.
During the 7 years I spent on this diet, I enjoyed a great
physical state, however, a key observation came later on
when I began experimenting with raw food and long periods
of fasting, which extended at times to around a couple of
weeks of water fasts. These experimentations spanned over 3
years after the first 7 I spent with Macrobiotics.
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At the same time, I was reading extensively in the sciences
of human behavior, I also finished my second major at
university and became a licensed psychologist. I was very
interested in understanding the human mind to reach a
perfectly balanced state, and I was unconsciously
approaching this from all possible angles: Academically,
nutritionally, spiritually, and even by studying mainstream
human development methods in addition to other means
similar to hypnosis and the likes.
When it came to the academic literature, I was most
fascinated with the depth at which Sigmund Freud was able
to delve into with his study of the human psyche. Most
notably the way he understood the psychology of infants
during the early years of their development. Which seemed
radical to most people because he stressed out the vital
role of proper genital development during those first years
of the their lives, he also formulated many of his theories
based on the child's relationship with the father and
mother from a genital perspective, which needless to say,
caused a lot of controversy.
What's not generally understood is that Freud theorized the
presence of a force he called 'The Libido', the flow of
which governs in a big way the level of our psychological
health, and though he refuted this theory later on, it was
for his student Wilhelm Reich who furthered explored these
experiments and insisted that this force does indeed exist
and is responsible not only of our sexual health, but for
our biological wellness as well. He stated that it is what
the east call 'Life Force' or 'Chi', and he gave it the
name 'Orgone'. Reich went then to prove its actual presence
with scientific instrumentation, and he did.
So where does this force stand in here and why is it vital
to this book? I'll answer this question with a scenario:
When a child is born, it's like a clean slate, with no
psychological inhibitions to limit its behavior. Its
muscles are naturally relaxed, and the child has no preconceptions to govern him or her.
11
Now, imagine this child a fully grown adult, with a lot of
engraved perceptions about people and the world. These
perceptions show themselves as chronic gestures on his or
her face commemorating unresolved emotions and stresses
that happened earlier in life. What happened in between to
cause these effects?
Traumas.
A trauma is in reality defined as every single event that
was strong enough to cause a permanent change in our
perception, in other words, every event that changed the
state of that newly born child from that of complete peace,
enthusiasm, courage, love and harmony into a being of
limited, fearful, angry and defensive state.
For example, you can encounter a 40 years old adult who yet
fears to learn a specific skill which can be fairly easy to
learn because of an incident that occurred at a young age
which caused him to fear approaching this specific skill,
e.g. swimming, drawing, etc.
This skill can certainly be learned fairly well in few
lessons, however the trauma that was created at that young
age prevent the person from even trying to do that. This is
a what we call the effect of a trauma.
Similarly, one might fail at his financial career because
of an early limiting belief, e.g. a single traumatic faulty
statement he might have heard by a teacher at school when
he was young, which cause him to develop feelings of guilt
whenever he attempts to take a financial compensation for a
service or skill he offers.
One might fear to pursue a passion of his because when he
first tried, he didn't do as well as he hoped. Or because a
peer made a hurtful comment in regards to what they
produced.
In truth, any skill can be developed with proper training
and good habits. However, a trauma can lurk in the
unconscious mind preventing us from taking these very
simple steps that guarantee our success in the pursuit of
almost anything we can imagine. I very often try to set my
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patients on mere 5 or 10 minutes a day habits pursuing
anything they are passionate about. The amount of time
dedicated is not important, what's important is to be able
to maintain this habit for the rest of our lives. Day in,
day out.
Therefore, these traumas that were created during our
earliest years are most dangerous because they stand in the
way of us being the best we can be. And though failure is
normal before one succeeds, it's the traumas that these
failures create which prevent us from trying again. Unless
we know how to manage and dissolve these traumas, we won't
be able to take the next step.
Can we go back to that place of unlimited potential we
started out with as newly born children. Absolutely, and
this is the purpose of this book and method.
It's vital to know, that traumas do not only affect us on
the psychological level, they also have a major physical
effect. Every memory and unconscious belief we have has a
literal effect on our bodies, which can be observed in
muscle tissues that seem to be chronically and involuntary
contracted.
From the Reichian perspective, this is explained as Orgone
stagnating instead of flowing naturally in its correct
pathway. As explained earlier, this is the Chi that the
Chinese attempted to return to balance with their ancient
medical systems, most notably known in the form of
acupuncture.
If you want to see an example of the effect of traumas on
your body, get yourself a small mirror and look at your
face. Can you relax all your facial muscles? Try to relax
these muscles and see which areas seem to be chronically
and involuntarily contracted, and which seem to be
resisting as you try to relax. These muscles might have
been kept contracted like this for as far as you can
remember. Why? Because just like our gestures change with
various emotions, the traumas that happened in our past
create persistent emotions that bury themselves in our
muscular tissues and are evident as chronic contractions.
Every stressed out muscle, every line and wrinkle can be
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tied to a trauma that caused this area to be stressed out
at a point of time. Gradually, these contracted muscles
become visible on the face and the skin as lines and
wrinkles, it's not the only reason for those happenings,
but is certainly a major factor. Something your father or
mother might have told you when you were little, being
intense enough, has the potential of sticking as a
perception for the rest of your life, dragging with it
associated muscular tensions in various places in your
body.
Will this merely affect us on a superficial level?
Certainly not.
Every single persistent emotion caused by a trauma will
also exhibit stress on a related organ in the body because
our biological system is completely interconnected, almost
in a holographic way. These tensions also have an effect on
our various glands, which control our hormones, and as a
consequence affect our entire physical and psychological
state.
It is taught in the east, that every organ in our bodies
stores and manages certain emotions. For example, it is
stated that fear affects the kidneys, we all know how one
does tend to lose control over his bladder when he's faced
with something frightening. Anger for example is said to
affect the functioning of the liver, and the dynamics of
love and hate, needless to say, affects the heart. They
seem to have known in the east since ancient times things
that we are still at the verge of discovering.
The connection between our endocrine system and the eastern
system of Chakras is even more interesting to consider. In
China, as we all know, an energetic anatomy of our bodies
is also present to complement the physical one, this system
explains the flow of our life force, throughout our bodies.
This 'living force' is exactly what Reich referred to in
his work as Orgone, which is neither electric nor magnetic.
And its presence can be considered the missing link between
a living body and a dead one, being anatomically identical.
The east utilize this anatomical map of our energy system
to resolve biological and psychological ailments through
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different techniques, the most popular of which being with
the use of acupuncture needles in China, or pressure point
massage (Shiatsu) in Japan. Through my study of Wilhelm
Reich's work, I truly believe that these acupuncture
needles function like antennas that balance the flow of
life force in stagnating areas when placed and managed
correctly. Further research of his work, especially in the
field of building what he called an 'Orgone Accumulator'
will give you a further idea about what I'm referring to
inhere.
Now, these energy centers which they call 'Chakras' are
theorized to be the energetic connection between our
conscious presence and this physical one. In other words,
how this life force is supposed to flow into our bodies and
nourish it based on our database of emotions and
perceptions which we have acquired throughout our lives and
perhaps even before we were born through the generations
that preceded us. Reich went forth to state that he's seen
evidence of cellular memory that extended as far back as
10,000 years. Being said by one of the greatest scientists
in human history, it can't be taken lightly.
What's intriguing is that these seven main Chakras the east
spoke of are located at the same areas where our seven
endocrine glands are placed, them being:
 Muldahara: Located at the base of the spine, and
connected to the adrenal gland.
 Svadhisthana: Located at the pelvis, and connected to
Gonad gland.
 Manipura: Located at the navel center, and connected to
the pancreas.
 Anhata: Located at the heart center, and connected to
the thymus.
 Vishuddha: Located near the base of the throat, and
connected to the thyroid.
 Ajna: Located between the eyebrows, and connected to
the pituitary gland.
 Sahasrara: Located just above the crown of the head,
and connected to the pineal gland.
15
We all know that our emotions do interact with our physical
dynamics through their effects on our endocrine system.
From an energetic perspective, I'm suggesting that traumas
play a major role in leaving an emotional imprint that will
certainly find its way to chronically alter our physical
state through this apparent connection.
Saying this, it's vital to observe what happens
neurologically during this process. According to Reich,
muscles will contract due to the energetic stagnation that
happens. To illustrate with a simple example, consider the
different facial expressions we get when we're under
certain emotional influences. What he's adding is that
these contractions are also linked to the flow of the vital
forces in our system, causing chronic contractions when it
stagnates due to persistent emotions.
So based on this, traumas also have the potential of making
chronic physical changes to us. These lines on your face;
they might very well have come from that place too.
Bottom line is: We must resolve our traumas.
Why? Because just as temporary emotions cause physical
changes, traumas (or chronic emotions based on early
changes in perception) do cause physical changes that can
have catastrophic effects over time. If we choose to take
the energetic perspective into account from the Reichian
point of view; this means that traumas are literally
disturbing the flow of our life force since that very first
day they were formed.
So as you see, not only do traumas prevent us from being
the best version of ourselves by standing in the way of our
potential. They also slowly destroy us physically by
changing the dynamics of how our vital energy is supposed
to nourish us on a biological level, I'm quite sure we're
hitting on one the biggest secrets the ancients have known
since the earliest of ages and tried to pass in their
sacred teachings.
If we are able to dissolve all of our traumas, we will no
doubt be back where we started out when we were newly born
infants; endowed with unlimited potential, and capable of
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realizing anything we want when we follow proper habits.
Those limiting burdens will be lifted, alleviating with
them our entire psychological and physical state.
What will happen if we were able to be completely feww of
traumas?
The potential to do anything? Exponential growth? Or even
ideal health? I think this is an excited area to explore.
It's left for experimentation, but one thing is certain;
major change will be happen to our advantage.
17
Adventures with Nutrition
Before continuing, I must take you briefly through my
adventures with the nutritional effects on our
psychological health, I'm doing this because of the vital
role it played in forming my early conceptions on the
significance of diet and the aspects through which it can
affect and control our psychological state.
This is also very important because we need to understand
the difference between the psychological effects that can
occur due to lingering traumas, and those that happen due
to the improper intake of food, stimulants, and drugs.
These following epiphanies came to me during my first years
of dietary experimentations. One key incident happened
during a gathering with few of my friends when someone
suggested to go for a dessert, I tagged along knowing I
wouldn't be ordering anything because of the use of refined
sugar in everything present at the time. However, as we
arrived at the shop, and while my friends were getting
their orders, I noticed the store was advertising a new
variety that was sweetened with fructose instead of sugar.
I was interested, knowing - at the time - that fructose
should be better because it doesn't affect blood sugar
levels as intensely as regular sugar does. So I ordered
one, and the night proceeded.
About an hour later I stopped to contemplate something that
was notably different. I thought to myself: "Wait, I feel
light after eating that ice-cream, the heavy feeling I
usually get in my eyes did not kick in. This is quite
interesting.".
It was a revelation. Mainly because I was on a macrobiotic
diet, and already consumed no refined sugar, but I did
sweeten everything with natural molasses, and that feeling
in my eyes used to kick in still even when I used nothing
but that.
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After eating something that was sweetened with pure
fructose I didn't feel bothered which made it clear to me
that sugar was the thing that caused that feeling to occur,
despite being completely natural and in the form of
molasses (a mix of sucrose and fructose). This was a
pivotal incident that defined a lot of what happened later
in my experiments. (By the way I stopped using fructose a
long time ago as it does have an effect on the liver and
raises blood sugar mildly.)
Through the following years I did a lot of experiments with
sugar, however, the final conclusion was formed later on
when I experimented with long periods of fasting, as during
this period the amounts I ate were very little, occasional
and specific. I had my reasons to do that.
During the first months of doing so, I noticed that I felt
I had cravings for various types of foods, and being a
psychologist, my aim was to get to a point where I don't
have any kind of psychological dependency. I wanted to be
doing what I was doing comfortably, not feeling at any
point that I forced myself to stop eating something I
wanted, simply stated: I wanted to feel balanced and
comfortable, not deprived.
This started a new set of experiments. Whenever the time
came to eat, I allowed myself to eat anything I craved, no
rules considered. The purpose was to make sure I had no
inhibitions or feelings of deprivation.
I found myself consuming the strangest things when I ate, I
would go for example on three days of water fast then eat
some chocolates, then follow with a couple of days on water
then binge on a bunch of pastries, then three more and a
big box of donuts, you get the point. Don't ask me how I
survived the process safely, but it's probably the fact
that I was fasting after I ate; which gave my body a period
to rest and clean the mess. However, through that
experience I came to notice the exact effect sugar (and
anything that raises blood sugar) has on the body with a
very unintentionally precise experiment, which was very
well controlled and gave me definite conclusions.
19
It was really interesting that maybe a year and a half into
the process, I got to a point where I told myself "This is
it, I'm not eating anything that contained sugar ever
again. The depressed feeling it produces is just not worth
the pleasure it offers!".
That was when I decided that I was absolutely not
interested in anything with sugar in it. I was fed up with
sugar messing with my psychological state, which was very
peaceful and balanced otherwise. Every time I ate anything
that contained sugar, I had to wait about 10 days until I
felt psychologically balanced again. During the 10 days,
there would be withdrawal symptoms, ups and downs, and
feelings of depression that were just plain unbearable.
It was evident that sugar indeed acted like a drug that
induces physical dependencies, and so I chose to stop
consuming sugar completely from that point on.
After doing that, I truly enjoyed a sustained period of
peace for a while, until something even more interesting
happened.
Considering I was still doing my
I craved something I would still
to my fast. One day, the thing I
of mashed potatoes, and so I got
night.
cyclic water
eat it, then
craved was a
some and ate
fasting, when
would go back
simple dish
it for the
The second day I experienced the same feeling I get from
eating sugar, except, it was way worse! I was astounded,
and said to myself: "I haven't consumed anything that
contains sugar! I know what I ate over the past week, why
on earth am I experiencing this!".
Then it dawned on me. It was not sugar in particular that
caused the problem, but anything that raises blood sugar,
whether it was sugar itself, or - in this case - starch,
which acts similarly breaking down in the body.
And hence I went forth to validate this theory by studying
the glycemic index of various foods and testing them to
check if they did the same, and I was right. The higher the
food was on the glycemic index, the more the food caused
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the psychological effect I was witnessing. (A glycemic
index measures the intensity with which various foods raise
blood's sugar levels).
The challenge became to find myself a good list of healthy
foods that have little or no glycemic index. In other
words, a ketogenic diet that's compatible with my earlier
experiments in nutrition. I did not want to consume animal
products, so I had to find myself a good system that suited
me well. This of course is a personal choice, for me, I
felt much more comfortable avoiding anything that raised
blood sugar, however, what I want from you is to take these
pointers into consideration and observe the effects of
sugar and starch on your psychological state before you
proceed to learn and apply the method. It's essential.
One funny incident that happened during these experiments
involved something that can't be perceived in anyway to
have a glycemic index. One evening, I felt like making
myself a big bowl of salad for dinner. I felt however like
adding some olives to it but didn't have any. So I went to
a supermarket and got myself a jar of olives that had no
questionable additives in it. Just olives, water, salt, and
what seemed like a natural preservative.
I went back home, and made the salad. Yet to my
astonishment, briefly afterwards I was surprised to feel
the effects of sugar I explained earlier! I know, my body
got quite sensitive to those effects, but it did serve me
well. Anyway, knowing that I ate absolutely nothing that
can cause this, I went back to examine the only suspect the
I added to the meal, the store-bought olives.
So I went back and re-examined the jar and read the
ingredients again. They were: Black olives, salt, water,
and Gluconic acid as a preservative.
Well, the only suspect was the Gluconic acid, and as
bizarre as it may seem considering it's just an acid, I
went and checked its chemical formula anyway.
When I saw the structure of the compound, I was completely
astounded. The compound was: C6H12O7. I knew from previous
studies that glucose is C6H12O6, but I couldn't believe
21
that the mere proximity to the compound's structure caused
the body to interpret it - even if slightly - the way it
does with sugar, it seems it raised my blood's sugar a
little which I felt.
These experiments were extremely revealing. But more
important to this particular book, they showed me the clear
effects food can have on our psychological state, and
consequently I was able to distinguish between the problems
are initiated due to purely psychological factors, and
those that we get because of hormonal imbalances that are
caused by external factors.
This, needless to say, is something I meticulously observe
when I'm dealing with my patients. It is very important to
know the difference between the emotions that are initiated
by traumatic events, and those which are merely passing
physical states and hormonal imbalances caused by an
improper diet, and even the intake of stimulants and
different drugs.
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Hints from Tyrosine
Here's another interesting experiment that's quite
important to mention. During the development of the ReiK
Method, I felt like challenging myself one day by repeating
an earlier experiment with an amino acid called Tyrosine
that I tried in the past when I was testing the effect of
various amino acids on the psychological states, it and
other similar compounds being precursors to natural
hormones in the body.
I wanted to test the method by taking things to a next
level, by attempting to amplify emotions using these amino
acids, then seeing if I can get better results with the
ReiK method by applying it on these emotions while they are
in an amplified state.
Tyrosine, is an amino acid that acts as a precursor to
Dopamine, which basically amplifies certain emotional
states depending on the psychological structure of the
patiend.
So I decided to repeat this experiment in a controlled way
to test if I can challenge my emotions by amplifying them
and test the method on that.
I began to - gradually - take 500mg of Tyrosine, twice a
day, which is a very high dose and I don't recommend anyone
trying this without supervision.
A couple of days later, the effect of Dopamine
amplification was extremely intense and various emotions
were indeed amplified. However, attempting to use the
method did not bring back the results I hoped for. It was
like I had no control over my emotional state, I wasn't
even able to make myself relax into a tranquil self
contemplative state.
The external factor was highly controlling how my brain
functioned, and I simply did not have the ability and
clarity to experiment as I do in normal states, it was very
hard to relax.
23
The experiment lasted for about a week, after which it
became apparent to me that with the presence of an external
factor, it's nearly impossible to be able to work on our
psychological dynamics in a normal way and get proper
resolutions.
This, made it clear that these external factors must be
eliminated as much as possible before one attempts to
resolve any psychological ailments and get good results.
So my advice is: Try to eliminate anything that alter your
hormonal state and the state of your neurotransmitters.
This includes medical drugs (gradually with the
consultation of your doctor), and/or any stimulants or
intoxicating drugs you might be using.
A good life style will balance your hormones in a short
time, with which you will also be able to observe the
ripples in your emotions in a very clear way, allowing you
to be in control and to resolve things efficiently and
permanently.
24
The Diet I Ended Up With
I get this question a lot: "What do you eat exactly?",
considering I do seem to have quite an unconventional diet.
Like I explained earlier, after my years of experimentation
with the effects of sugar and starch. I chose to completely
eliminate anything that raises blood sugar from my diet,
and I've been doing this for years now.
Some of you might raise questions about the safety of doing
this on the long run, to which I can confidently answer
positively, especially that I've been doing this for more
than 5 years now, and that I'm a very active person, with
nearly 3 hours of extreme sports every day mostly in the
form of martial arts and calisthenics, the diet works just
fine.
My diet can be considered
mostly vegan (I know that
animal products except in
I very rarely consume any
a modified Ketogenic diet that's
sounds strange). I don't consume
the form of occasional eggs, and
dairy products.
I sweeten everything with organic Stevia, and chiefly use
almond and flax flour for my baked goods. I also make milk
and cheese alternatives out of almonds and other nuts and
seeds.
To sustain ourselves one certainly needs various minerals,
vitamins, proteins as well as a good source of energy. For
the first two I consume ample amounts of vegetables and raw
juices, and for energy I rely on good fats that I mostly
get from seeds and nuts. There are many other alternatives
that I use, for instance: Tempeh (which is a great source
of protein), as well as other fermented goods. This is not
the topic for this book, but I wanted to provide a quick
summary for those who ask.
An important point to mention for anyone who attempts to
switch to a diet similar to mine is that it should be done
gradually. During the first weeks, the body will slowly
shift to burning fats for energy instead of sugars, and if
25
done incorrectly, symptoms of hypoglycemia can arise. The
process has to be gradual and whenever one feels these
symptoms, some fruits can be consumed to remedy the
condition. These symptoms will gradually disappear as the
body switches to Ketones for energy. Please though consult
your doctor before attempting any of these changes, this is
a very brief description of the process and is not meant as
a health advice.
26
Trauma Formation & The Development of The ReiK
Method
What makes a trauma? The answer is simple:
An extremely intense emotional state.
This emotion: be it fear, shock, surprise, pain etc. is
capable of leaving a permanent imprint on our perception,
and consequently changing our beliefs on an unconscious
level.
For example, if an elderly member of the family screams at
the right moment next to a young child. This sudden shock
has the potential of forming a trauma that will last for
the rest of this child's life unless interfered with. This
causes the child to (for example) lose trust in people in
general or constantly feel unsafe around older people who
look similar to that particular person.
I'm constantly fascinated in my practice of how frequently
it is for traumas to form between the second and third
years of a person's life. More than 90% of the cases I work
with track their traumas back to that particular era of
their lives. This is probably due to two factors: the fact
that a child is experiencing things for the first time with
no pre-conceptions, and also because of its very highly
perceptive state that's maintained until about the age of
five. It's observed with EEGs that children's brain waves
during this period is between the Theta and Delta range (1
to 7hz), which is extremely receptive.
This highly receptive state makes it easier for the trauma
to form and stick, even if the stimuli wasn't strong enough
to do anything when the person is older.
The purpose of this book, and the ReiK Method, is to
properly erase that very first trauma, alleviating with
that all the problems that happened later on as a
consequence. When that first trauma is properly tackled and
dissolved, the problem and everything associated to it is
almost immediately lifted.
27
Let's assume we are handling a problem that concerns
certain social fears, which can be caused by a trauma
similar to a child experiencing a sudden cruel behavior by
an elderly. Now, the problem and the reason why this child
has the potential of losing trust for the remainder of its
life is because at that very moment when the trauma was
formed, a belief was created. This belief can be: "People of this type to the least - are frightening.", it can be:
"I'm not loved, no one cares about me.", or even: "I can't
trust people, they will explode and scream at me any
moment.", and similarly.
The problem, and the resolution, lies in the fact that
since that moment, the person formed a belief that became
his natural state. He or she believes that he was born with
it, and that it has always been this way, rather than the
fact that it began at a certain moment in time.
For example: I deal a lot with people who feel unloved by
their parents. When first asked how long they've felt this
way? The answer almost always confirms that it's been like
this for their entire lives. I'd ask if they felt like this
when they were mere babies, and their answer would also
confirm the state positively.
However, as I begin to delve into their early memories, a
contrary event reveals that this feeling started, yet
again, at a point of time which very often - as stated
earlier - turns out to be between the second and third year
of their lives.
When they're first asked, their belief confirms that this
problem is something they were born with and that it has
always been there. When examined however, they almost
always discover the evident time of formation, and once
this is done my task becomes easy and I just proceed with
the steps that I will lay out in the following sections of
this book in order to dissolve the trauma.
The secret is to be able to prove to that patient, even if
for a brief moment, that there was a time and place when he
or she lived without that state or problem. This
confirmation contradicts what the unconscious took for
28
granted and the trauma begins to dissolve almost
immediately.
The original trauma, once formed, rolls just like a snow
ball, copying the emotional state that was experienced
during that trauma to any remotely similar incident that
comes afterwards. Therefore, whatever incident triggered
the patient after the time of the original trauma will
dissolve as well once the trauma is successfully tackled.
Say a person developed a trauma concerning speaking with
older people because an elderly relative screamed at him at
a young age, this person will replicate this response
throughout his or her entire life whenever there's an
interaction with an older person or even a person who
simply resembles that archetype in looks.
You might ask this patient about a recent incident, and the
person would say for example: "I was doing this or that,
and wasn't able to speak to this person, I felt so
intimidated and couldn't look him in the eyes.", the
therapist would then ask the patient to imagine reliving
the experience, and to explain what was felt during the
process, and the person would say: "I feel afraid just
imagining that, I can't do it comfortably."
I stress the fact that the patient isn't even able to
imagine talking to that person comfortably. Whenever he
tries to imagine, the problem sets in, as if it's really
happening at the moment.
However, after the therapist succeeds in dissolving the
original trauma, asking the patient to imagine a recent
incident will seem to stimulate no discomfort whatsoever,
the problem will simply vanish due to the change in
perception, and any related incident will seize to be
affected by that recurring stimuli. The patient will even
report feeling surprised why he or she felt uncomfortable
beforehand during incidents that caused previous stress.
This can be applied to any unconscious belief that limits
the person's potential in any way. I'm finding out, more
and more, that these unconscious beliefs can almost all be
treated the way traumas are handled.
29
With this, the therapist's target is always to be able to
find out that original trauma, make the emotional state
present, then challenge that abnormal belief by showing the
patient that he or she did live without this state before
this incident occurred for the first time.
What remains are just technicalities concerning the best
ways to maneuver around the patient's resistances for this
to happen properly. It does take a lot of skill and
gumption which comes with experience because the human
psyche does function through layers of resistances, or
unconscious defense mechanisms.
30
Wilhelm Reich Gave me the Keys
When Sigmund Freud theorized the presence of a form of
energy which he called 'The Libido', he was observing the
dynamics of sexual repression and the effect this has on
both our psychological and physical health.
How significant were the findings? More than one would
imagine.
Why is that?
Because while most people view sex from a mundane point of
view, 'Libido' or 'Orgone' as Wilhelm Reich came to name it
later on seems to be the force behind life itself.
It's important to point out that when he studied this
force, he observed that it was a different form of energy,
neither electrical nor magnetism. There also seemed to be a
clear affinity between this newly identified force and
water as well as different organic materials, life attracts
life.
To explain further, Reich observed how just before mitosis
(the division of cells), a significant increase and build
up of 'Orgone' is observed. Pressure builds up to a very
significant point before the cell is forced to divide in
order to relieve this pressure, before which, a dynamic of
expansion/contraction is also observed.
This dynamic is evident in all creatures during the process
of reproduction, be it a single celled organism, or one
that's on a higher level of evolution.
Why did I choose to include this chapter?
It's because the mismanagement of this force due to faulty
teachings, especially those we tend to receive during our
early years, is one of the main reasons behind human
neurosis.
31
Wilhelm Reich worked on relieving this stagnation by using
a technique he developed and termed Character Analysis. He
also used other physical techniques, which sometimes is
referred to as Bio-Energetics.
What happens exactly to a person when this life force
stagnates due to traumas and faulty teachings?
I'll answer with an interesting and funny story that
happened to me:
Years back I adopted a very old cat. It was sick and needed
a good home and I had enough space to manage. This cat was
pretty old, slow to move and slept most of the time. It
took quite a few visits to the vet to get it back into
reasonable shape, but still due to its age this cat didn't
move much.
On a day while I was returning from a routine visit to the
vet's, I parked the car and opened the door only to see a
strange cat bullet out of my car, run across the field at
the speed of light, and jump unto a poor cat that was just
standing there wondering what on earth was happening. The
leap was strong enough to make both cats roll few times
before the poor female ran away! Apparently, Mr. old man
was in heat!
I looked at it astounded to see something so out of
character, went and picked it up and said to the thing: "So
now you run this fast!", the cat never moved out of the car
before, I always had to pick it up myself, I didn't even
have to worry that it will leave the seat when I opened the
door and didn't even need to use a cage for the trip.
If this was before I knew about the dynamics of life force,
the event would've just been a funny story that slid
unexamined. But I knew very well then that I was witnessing
a live demonstration of what this force which stands behind
life itself is capable of doing.
Does this mean that managing this force properly can be a
secret to understanding life, and do faulty teachings that
mess with the proper flow of this force? Is the proper
32
dissolution of these faulty thoughts the real beginning of
a new knowledge that can very well lead us to a golden age?
These are all questions that started to wander into my
head.
Wilhelm Reich succeed his original volume "The Function of
the Orgasm" with another book he titled: "The Cancer
Biopathy". In this second book, Reich actually examined and
explained the connection between the mismanagement of life
force, and the development of cancer.
Another very interesting aspect concerns the changes that
happens to a person's personality due to this kind of
repression. Reich showed how while a person is born a
natural being, when this person encounters repressive
teachings that inhibit his natural instincts, he or she
develop two contradictory personalities in place, one that
is accepted by the society (polite/humble), and another one
that plays behind the scenes and contains all the anger and
rage that developed due to these inhibitions.
This is observed most well in people who follow fundamental
religious teachings. On the surface they are extremely
polite, but in reality they are usually the people who have
the biggest potential to act sadistically towards others,
and also masochistically towards themselves. We observe
this very well in how they seem to show love to those who
share their thoughts, but are ready to fight brutally
against those who do not (e.g. other sects or religions).
They think they are following the word of God, but in
reality this is just their anger acting out.
This is a topic for another book, but this little chapter
is included to show off a very destructive form of traumas
that can very often be the cause for massive destruction
and conflict between conflicting parties, and masked with
ideologies and theologies. When these traumas are resolved,
people will find it easy and natural to love and accept
everyone for who they are, and these judgmental foundations
will be eliminated.
33
Understanding the Blind Procedure
The blind procedure is a vital tool used during the
implementation of the ReiK Method. It's often used when a
patient can't properly remember any memories when asked to
go back to a point of time in the past.
The procedure involves
random questions about
her to answer with the
regardless of it being
the therapist asking a patient some
an early memory, requiring him or
first thing that comes to mind
correct or not.
The accuracy of the information obtained is insignificant,
what matters is to get the patient to speak spontaneously
which reveals unconscious connections that will lead to the
original memory that was forgotten.
This procedure is best explained with an example.
Assuming the therapist is encountered with a case where a
patient is afraid of the dark, during the session, the
therapist will need to take the patient through early
memories in order to find out the original trauma that
caused this fear to exist. The following is a sample script
from a real case:
Therapist: "When was the very first time you ever remember
being afraid of the dark?"
Patient: "I really can't recall, I've always felt afraid
when the lights were turned off."
(The therapist will attempt for a short while to navigate
through early memories with the patient, however, let's
assume that it didn't work out and the patient failed to
arrive at the memory of his or her first experience.)
Therapist: "Ok, I just want you to answer my questions with
whatever comes to mind, the answers don't have to be
correct, just say whatever comes to your mind."
34
(Therapist then starts to ask questions similar to the
following.)
Therapist: "It's the very first time you ever experienced
being afraid because of the dark. Be at that place and time
and just answer my questions: Are you in your house or
somewhere else?"
Patient: "In my house."
Therapist: "Where exactly?"
Patient: "In my room."
Therapist: "What's the time?"
Patient: "Maybe around 9pm."
Therapist: "Anyone around you?"
Patient: "No, I'm alone."
Therapist: "How do you feel?"
Patient: "Afraid."
Therapist: "How old are you?"
Patient: "Maybe 5."
Therapist: "What are you afraid of exactly?"
Patient: "Ghosts, scary creatures showing up."
Therapist: "Remember, this is the first time you ever felt
this way. Meaning you didn't feel this way before this day.
Is this the case?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Wonderful. What happened earlier? Considering
the day before you weren't afraid of sleeping in the dark.
What happened in between? How did you conceive the idea of
ghosts and monsters?"
35
Patient: "I was at my cousin's house earlier. He showed me
a tape of Michael Jackson's Thriller, there was a moment
were he turns into a werewolf, his eyes turn yellow, it was
very horrible for me to see."
Therapist: "And this was the first time you ever felt
afraid of such creatures?"
Patient: "Yes, ever after I'd imagine monsters coming to
haunt me at night."
(The session continued and that fear was resolved by
dissolving that original trauma. He then found it funny
because thinking of zombies and the likes was clearly a
matter of cinematic production to him. He didn't know why
he took it seriously.)
With the preceding example, you saw how despite the fact
that the patient failed to find the exact memory which
initiated his fear; going through the blind process brought
out unconscious associations that led to the original
trauma.
You will notice that the blind process is used more often
than you'd imagine during the sessions and in different
ways. It's very frequent for patients not to recall early
memories due to their unconscious defense mechanisms,
however, going through this process will almost always
bring out interesting associations that will lead the
therapist to finding good leads in order to continue
properly.
This will become more clear in the examples to come in
later chapters.
36
Instantaneous Relaxation
Understanding the concept of instantaneous relaxation is
also extremely vital to the implementation of the ReiK
Method. It's the moment at which the trauma being tackled
actually begins to dissolve, in fact, if this instantaneous
relaxation does not occur during the therapy, then the
therapist should keep repeating the steps until the patient
shows a clear sign that he or she has relaxed, evident by
his physical and muscular state.
Usually during the second half of the session, while going
through the steps, there will be a moment in time where the
patient realizes that the problem hasn't always been there
and that there was a time in his or her life when he
existed without the presence of this problem, it will hit,
and when this realization occurs the patient will suddenly
experience a change in perception and his physical state
will change accordingly. The tension on his or her face
will and around the eyes will relax, breathing will slow
down, and the patient will experience a shift into a much
calmer state. He or she will no longer be bothered by the
problem and will feel ok about it, even wonder why it was a
problem to begin with. This is what we term: Instantaneous
Relaxation.
When this happens, it's like a confirmation to the
therapist that the trauma has been tackled, and after this
shift in state, the patient's reaction towards whatever
triggered the problem in the past will change. It might not
be completely dissolved, but generally no less than 70% of
change is observed if the trauma was properly selected and
approached.
The therapist should always take queue from this state. If
the patient didn't show signs that he or she has relaxed,
the trauma must have not been approached correctly, and the
therapist should start the process again. I usually never
end a session without approaching this state, even if the
allocated time was exceeded. The patient should leave the
session with at least one good traumatic resolution.
37
Testing the Opposite
Occasionally, a therapist might be faced with a challenge
when a patient fails to put his hands on the exact emotion
that has caused his or her problem.
Let's say a patient faces a problem getting promoted at
work because of his fears of confrontation, which
consequently limit his or her interactions with upper
management and even allow coworkers with less skills to be
promoted before he or she does. The therapist would
normally attempt to ask the patient to go to the last event
which featured the problem in order to re-experience the
emotional state that was present at the time.
However, sometimes a patient would fail to find the correct
expression for that emotional state.
One person might be have a problem because of his or her
shy nature while another might have unconscious feelings of
guilt that stand in the way of moving forward and
succeeding. If the therapist finds it hard to pinpoint the
emotion while examining a recent incident, he might instead
try to make the patient imagine living the opposite state
and use that to determine the emotion that's standing in
the way and incurring the limitation.
To exemplify:
Patient: "I keep losing opportunities and I never speak up
when I should. My coworkers were promoted earlier than me
even though I was there before them and I'm as good, even
more experienced. I feel bad about this."
Therapist: "Give me the last time this has happened to you,
a time you couldn't speak up and take a chance on something
you knew you could do."
Patient: "Ok. There was a meeting last week, I had a good
idea to present to the management but I didn't. Instead I
38
talked about it to a coworker who actually ended up telling
this idea to the manager and took credit for it."
(The therapist might try to have the patient go back to the
event and explain the emotional state that prevented him
from speaking up.)
Therapist: "Were you afraid?"
(Let's say this case is different and the patient wasn't
actually afraid of speaking up.)
Patient: "I'm not sure, there's nothing for me to be afraid
of, the manager is a nice person."
Therapist: "What did you feel? What prevented you from
speaking up?"
(Let's imagine that the conversation went back and forth
for a while, but the patient wasn't actually sure what
prevented him from speaking. The therapist might try now to
test the opposite.)
Therapist: "Ok. I want you to imagine that you're in the
meeting right now. You had a great idea and you immediately
presented it to the manager with complete confidence.
Imagine doing that right now, what do you feel as you do
so?"
(The therapist is forcing the patient to put himself in an
ideal scenario. A strange phenomenon will be experienced,
which is the fact that the patient will usually resist even
the simple act of imagining his or her ideal state. The
therapist will then continue. After proving this strange
phenomenon to the patient the therapist would then
continue.)
Therapist: "I'm only asking you to 'imagine' doing that,
why is it hard to do that. I mean, your boss is not in
front of you right now. Try to imagine again and tell me
what prevents you from doing so?"
(The patient will try, but usually will experience failure
in the beginning when he or she attempts to imagine the
39
ideal scenario. With emphasis, the patient will finally
start speaking.)
Therapist: "You are in the meeting right now, you're
speaking your idea to your boss perfectly well and with
confidence. Try to imagine doing that, what prevents you
from doing so?"
(The patient might finally speak and say something like:)
Patient: "He will think that I'm materialistic."
(Bingo, now the therapist knows what kind of trauma this
patient actually has. It might not be fear, but feelings of
guilt associated with success, which at an early point in
time might have been formed due to faulty teachings by a
parent, a school teacher, or even a preacher.)
There are many scenarios where the therapist will find the
utilization of testing the opposite very useful. This will
become more and more apparent with practice as it differs
based on the case. Some will find it easier to pinpoint the
emotion by going to a recent incident, while others will
necessitate the utilization of this method to figure out
the emotion that was experienced as he or she experienced
the original trauma.
40
What to Expect?
The way the method works is usually experienced in the
following sequence:
1. A patient comes to the session in distress.
2. The therapist identifies the problem, and then asks for
a recent incident when it happened. The therapist then
makes the patient imagine reliving that event in order
to experience the emotional state that was present at
the time.
3. This identified emotion is then tracked to its origins
by navigating through the patient's memories, utilizing
the blind procedure and the process of testing the
opposite when necessary.
4. When the correct event is identified, the therapist
begins to perform the steps in order to resolve the
trauma.
5. The therapist keeps testing differences in the
patient's feelings and perceptions during the process.
6. When the therapist is able to successfully tackle and
dissolve the trauma, the patient will show immediate
signs of instantaneous relaxation.
7. More tests are done back and forth to make sure the
patient is indeed experiencing a change in perception.
8. The patient is then asked to immerse in real life for a
while to test these changes.
9. The patient would report back that the problem has been
resolved (completely or in part), or that he or she
noticed something else that became apparent after
resolving that trauma.
41
How to Perform The ReiK Method
As explained in earlier chapters, the ReiK Method focuses
primarily on taking the patient back to a place before the
trauma was originally formed, making him relive some
memories from a state he enjoyed prior to that event. When
the patient succeeds in doing that, the belief that was
formed due to that trauma begins to change, and the trauma
begins to dissolve accordingly if the therapist approaches
the process correctly.
To begin a session, the therapist will of course need to
ask the patient to describe his or her problem. If the
patient mentions multiple ones, the therapist should keep
asking the patient to look for the problem that is most
significant that seems in turn to affect his or her life
the most. Once this is identified, the therapist can then
proceed with the steps.
The target is to identify the problem, then connect it
accurately with the primary emotion it seems to stimulate,
making the patient relive that exact emotional state at the
time of the session. Afterwards, the therapist will seek to
find the very first time this emotion was experienced (the
trauma). When that happens, the therapist will then play
around the time-line, going before and after the event to
convince the patient's unconscious that he or she did
indeed live independent of the problem at a point of time.
The therapist will keep repeating the steps until the
patient experiences a state of instantaneous relaxation.
Afterwards, the therapist will test the patient by
navigating through similar events that stressed out the
patient in the past, and if the trauma was indeed
successfully resolved, the patient's perception will be
changed accordingly, and when the patient attempts to reimagine these scenarios, he or she will seem to be
indifferent about them compared to moments ago when they
seemed to stimulate a strong emotional response.
This process has been systemized into seven practical steps
for the practitioners to follow.
42
Step 1: Start with a Recent Incident
At the beginning of the session, the therapist will talk
briefly to the patient to understand the problem in
general. Afterwards, the therapist will proceed to ask the
patient about a recent incident where the problem was
experienced.
He will then ask the patient to relive the incident as if
it's happening right now, making sure the patient is
experiencing the same feelings he felt during that event.
Having the feelings present at the time of the session is a
key element before the therapist can continue. The patient
can't talk about the problem nonchalantly, he or she has to
be experiencing the feeling which haunts them during the
time the problem was experienced in real life, and this is
best accomplished by returning first to a recent incident
when it was in effect.
For example: (continuing the earlier case with the patient
who experienced intense fears of the dark.)
Therapist: "When was the last time you experienced this
fear?"
Patient: "Two days ago when I was attempting to sleep. I
was alone and it was completely dark. I usually sleep with
the lights on when I'm alone, but it happened to be this
way that day."
Therapist: "Were you afraid?"
Patient: "Yes. I can't help but imagine bad things when
it's dark."
Therapist: "I want you to go back to that moment you were
in bed, it's completely dark, imagine being there and tell
me what you feel?"
43
(The therapist attempts to have the patient summon the
exact emotion he felt at the time of the event.)
Patient: "It's frightening, I keep imagining bad things
coming out of the dark. Monstrous faces."
Therapist: "I want you to be there as if it's happening
right now, be in the dark and look at different areas
around you."
Patient: "Ok."
(The patient takes his time to do that.)
Therapist: "How do you feel? What's happening?"
Patient: "I feel very frightened because I imagine things
coming out to haunt me, frightening faces. "
(The patient is now ready for the next step because the
therapist can see clear signs of fear on him.)
44
Step 2: Find the Dominant Emotion
When the patient is in the correct emotional state, the
therapist should then start identifying the dominant
feeling which governs the patient's state. If there are
numerous emotions, the therapist should keep going until
one describes the patient's state best.
The patient has to completely agree that this is how it
most accurately feels at the moment and in real life.
While the emotion is being determined, avoid vague terms
that contain numerous states combined, e.g. if the patient
says he feels depressed, which can be caused by several
different things. Keep going at it until a more clear
emotion is identified, e.g. unappreciated and unloved.
Example:
In our previous example the emotion is quite clear: 'fear'.
The therapist might sometimes try to get things more
specific by asking further about the physical sensations.
Therapist: "What physical sensations do you get as you
imagine being in that dark place, as you imagine these
creatures coming to haunt you?"
Patient: "It's like my body is paralyzed, electricity
rushing through my entire body. I can't breathe properly."
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Step 3: Establish a Logical Argument
After listening to the patient describe his or her problem,
establish a good logical argument against his current
belief. This won't solve the problem at this point, however
it will serve later once the trauma is tackled and
dissolved, the mind will quickly pick up on this new
argument and accept it for evidence.
Having a good argument, as expressed earlier, won't resolve
the problem now, because the unconscious belief is still
there and is usually not the product of logic. However,
after tackling the trauma, the mind will grab on this new
rationale right away and it will make the resolution much
more effective.
This argument certainly needs to be presented very
intelligently by the therapist and should also make perfect
sense to the patient. The process will be more clear using
the examples to come.
Example:
Therapist: "You know these monsters and creatures don't
exist right?"
Patient: "Yeah of course."
Therapist: "Plus you're not a kid anymore."
(The patient laughs.)
Therapist: "Why are you afraid of the dark then?"
Patient: "It's scary when it's completely dark I guess, I
keep getting the visuals of something coming out. Plus I
believe that demons do exist indeed."
(This is a sensitive point, as it's tied to a theological
belief. The therapist in here has to be very intelligent in
presenting his argument.)
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Therapist: "But even if they do, demons aren't capable of
hurting someone physically, they might exist in a parallel
world, not in our material one. These visuals of monsters
you're getting is something you see in movies, not what
exists in this real world."
(The patient starts to loosen up a little, as the reasoning
seems to be appealing. This however, does not resolve the
problem at this point. If the patient experiences dark
again, he might be able to reason a little, but he will
still feel uncomfortable and afraid, because the trauma
wasn't resolved yet.)
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Step 4: Go Back to the First Time The Emotion Was
Experienced
After you establish the dominant emotion, take the patient
backwards to the very first time this emotion was ever
experienced. You will rarely succeed at the first attempt,
instead, you will mostly encounter one of two things:
 The patient will have to go backwards in stages.
Incident after incident will be revealed until the one
that actually caused the problem is identified.
 The patient will say that he or she can't remember the
first time this has happened, in which case you can go
for the blind procedure, or testing the opposite, to
come up with related unconscious connections that will
lead to the memory.
When you succeed in going backwards to a good event,
establish the surrounding as accurately as you can by
asking questions about the time of day, the people around,
the sounds, colors, objects and visuals related from the
memory (the blind procedure can be very helpful here too).
Make sure the patient is not just remembering the memory,
but is effectively imagining being there and experiencing
whatever feelings he felt back then when the event
happened. Ideally, the feeling he is experiencing should be
identical to the one that occurred to him during the recent
incident. If the feeling is different, try to make another
pass at the problem to make sure you're in the correct
zone.
Example:
The patient established that he's afraid of the dark and
the therapist was able to bring him back to a recent
incident and re-experience the emotion he felt then.
The therapist now attempts to ask the patient to go back to
the earliest memory where this emotion was experienced.
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From the example in the blind procedure chapter (please
read it as an example for this step), the patient failed to
recall the earliest memory, however, going through the
blind procedure revealed that the first time he experienced
this fear was right after seeing a frightening movie at his
cousin's house when he was about the age of five.
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Step 5: Go Backwards a Little Further
Now, once you successfully establish what seems to be the
first time the patient has ever experienced this emotion,
making sure that the patient is currently experiencing this
feeling by imagining being present there. Ask the patient
to go backwards a little further in time, usually just
minutes before the first traumatic experience.
Make sure to make it clear that at that point of time, the
patient can be absolutely certain that this feeling has
never been experienced yet, being prior to that very first
traumatic experience.
When you succeed, ask the patient to give you any memories
or sensations from that time, asking about different
sensations, the place he or she is in, the time of the day,
any visuals, colors, smells etc. The accuracy of the
information isn't important, at this point, all you're
trying to do is try and get the patient to experience how
it felt like to live without the presence of the problem,
proving to him or her that there indeed was a time when
they existed without this problem.
When the patient succeeds in experiencing how it felt like
to live without that state, you will usually notice
immediate signs of spontaneous relaxation and the trauma is
almost certainly tackled. It takes a little bit of going
back and forth as you will see in the following steps, but
it is at this point that the resolution begins to happen.
Example:
Therapist: "That first time when you saw the video of
Michael Jackson's Thriller. Describe to me what you felt
when you were watching it. When was the exact moment you
received the shock?"
Patient: "It was at a moment where his eyes turn yellow, he
turns his face suddenly and it looks extremely
frightening."
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Therapist: "Are you saying that before that moment, before
he turned his head and you saw his eyes like that, you had
absolutely no fear of the dark? Would you say that this was
the very first time this fear was triggered?"
Patient: "I can say so, yes."
Therapist: "Wonderful. Now, I want you to be at that
moment, he's turning his head and you saw that frightening
scene. Before he turned his head. How were you feeling?"
Patient: "Normal. I was just sitting watching the movie
with my cousin."
(If the patient is indeed
the problem, which should
until it happens, it will
the therapist might start
relaxation.)
experiencing his state prior to
be re-emphasized by the therapist
be the point of resolution and
noticing signs of spontaneous
Therapist: "Who's around you?"
(The therapist is asking for random details to help the
patient relive the state more efficiently)
Patient: "My mom and my aunt are with us, we are all
watching TV, my cousin is showing me the video."
Therapist: "At this point, there were no perceptions of
fear in your life right?"
Patient: "Right."
Therapist: "If you imagine being at that time and think of
the dark, will that mean anything to you?"
Patient: "No, I'd feel completely fine."
(Now, the patient's belief is starting to change. While he
thought before that darkness has always been frightening to
him, he is now convinced that there was a point of time
when darkness felt completely neutral to him. The therapist
can now proceed to the next step.)
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Step 6: Play Around the Time Line
When the therapist is successful in bringing the patient
back to a time before the problem first occurred, making
sure he lives an emotional state from that point of time,
the trauma begins to dissolve, and in some occasions it
even dissolves completely. After this, the therapist's task
is merely to play around that time-line, testing things
back and forth to make sure the change has indeed
occurred, and proving to the patient that his perception
has changed when he or she looks back at things that
bothered him beforehand.
This procedure also assists in resolving persistent
traumas, as the act of switching randomly between different
time lines puts the patient in different emotional states.
Remember, the key to the method is to be able to
intelligently put the patient at an emotional state that
preceded the first happening of the trauma. This act will
alone convince the unconscious that the belief that 'the
problem has always been there' is incorrect, which is
exactly the process that resolves the problem.
The therapist should mainly keep jumping between three
events:
1. The time when the trauma was first produced
2. A time before that trauma. Which can be minutes, hours,
or days depending on the case. The therapist will
notice that chosen times can resonate differently with
different cases, and he should be able to feel which
can help navigate best through the patient's
resistances
3. A recent event when the problem was experienced
When the therapist feels that the patient has successfully
accessed and lived in a state prior to the first trauma,
evident by a change in the patient's physical state spontaneous relaxation - he can start to test thing by
52
jumping between different points of time to both assist in
completing the therapy and to test the change in the
patient's perception. If the trauma has indeed been
dissolved, the patient will confirm that his perception has
changed even though it was different minutes ago.
It is very important to note that sometimes the patient
fails to relax at the first of doing this. In this case,
the therapist can simply start to jump between different
time lines, which enables the patient to access different
emotional states, consequently helping to resolve that
persistent trauma. Therefore, in such cases where a patient
doesn't seem to be able to relax even after he goes to a
time that precedes the trauma. The therapist can simply
start switching randomly between different time lines and
can keep doing this until he notices signs of spontaneous
relaxation. If the emotion is correctly experienced, this
should work out.
Example:
(After the therapist notices signs of relaxation)
Therapist: "Go back to the moment when you saw that
horrifying scene, with the yellow eyes. Be there and tell
me. How do you feel?"
Patient: "Actually I feel more relaxed."
Therapist: "Is it as terrifying as before."
Patient: "No, it feels much less intense."
Therapist: "Ok, imagine being in your room, sleeping in the
dark, how do you feel? Do you fear the presence of monsters
and scary creatures?"
Patient: "No, I feel more relaxed. It's not as intense as
before."
Therapist: "Be in complete darkness, what do you feel?"
Patient: "Peaceful."
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Therapist: "Go backwards to the time when you saw that
video, be there with your cousin, mom and aunt. What do you
feel?"
Patient: "I feel neutral, it doesn't bother me."
Therapist: "How about that movie you're watching, what do
you feel when you think of it?"
Patient: "It's just a movie, it's normal to watch a
terrifying movie and be scared a little, but it's not
real."
(The therapist can keep switching back and forth to
solidify the resolution depending on the case. But all in
all, this is exactly what happens in almost every case. An
event that felt completely terrifying to the patient
becomes neutral as if it's just a normal every day event
when the original trauma is resolved.)
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Step 7: Immerse in Real Life, Test & Repeat When
Necessary
When the resolution seems to be satisfying, the therapist
should end the session and ask the patient to immerse
himself or herself in life for a while and observe the
changes that occurred. Is the problem still there? Did it
lessen? Did it change or reveal other problems that are
related? Accordingly, the patient can effectively identify
whether the problem has been resolved or not. And based on
that determine the best step to go for next, if needed.
Ideally, the therapist can ask the patient to make
observations during a two weeks period and send feedback.
Changes should be spontaneous and unconscious in terms of
the patient's reactions to the stimuli that previously
bothered him or her. The process is unconscious, unlike
other methods which seem to recondition patients
behaviorally.
Example:
In the previous case, this particular patient tested
himself for a short period of time, which revealed that he
no longer is bothered by those images of creatures that
resembled what he saw in the video clip mentioned during
the therapy, however, he did notice that he has fears of
demons haunting him, it was different because it was
connected to his theological belief as well.
Another session was scheduled which revealed that early
during his childhood, he was told about the presence of
demons by a teacher at school. The procedure was repeated
and this resolved the patient's problem. He reported
afterwards that he was able to sleep in complete darkness
without any problems, in fact, he found it very peaceful
and was bothered when the lights were turned on.
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The Method by Example
Let's consider this case:
A 35 year old female came for a session with many forms of
fears in her life crippling her to a very large extent. She
came to the session mainly because at a recent time someone
proposed to her but she couldn't go with it due to these
unreasonable fears, despite the fact that she liked the
guy.
For example, she has incessant fears of driving and of
flying, and she knew that if she got married she will have
to travel, least of all for a honeymoon, which seemed
enough a reason for her to abandon the whole idea. Such
fears might seem strange and unreasonable, but they did
persist and cripple her life since her early childhood. It
was time for her to stop and she was seeking help.
It's noteworthy that she took many human development
courses, as well as attended therapy for years with no
significant improvements.
(The therapist first needs to understand the problem by
asking key questions, both to understand the patient's
background and the problem well enough.)
Therapist: "Ok, tell me more about your fears?"
Patient: "Well they are so many, but a significant event is
that recently someone came to propose to me. I liked him,
but I was afraid of what will happen if I agreed. I knew I
will have to travel with him, I also fear the
responsibilities of marriage, having kids, along with other
consequences. They are so many."
Therapist: "Ok, we need to identify the most incessant
problem for a start, so tell me of a recent incident where
you encountered something of the sort that bothered you,
let's start from there."
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(Step 1: It's helpful to start always with a recent
incident that bothered the patient. This will make it
easier to identify the main problem as the patient states
what bothered him/her the most during this recent event.
This will lead the therapist to identifying the dominant
emotion.)
Patient: "I think probably a major experience was tied to
my fear of flights, I had to go to a conference for work.
But a day before traveling I freaked out, I cried and went
hysterical saying that I can't go ahead and do it.
Consequently I didn't go, and lost the ticket and the
opportunity. It was a major thing at work that very few had
the chance to take."
Therapist: "When was that?"
Patient: "About a month ago."
Therapist: "Alright, I want you to imagine being at the
airport, walking through the gate, and getting into the
plane, imagine that you're doing this right now. What do
you feel?"
Patient: "Very frightened. Just the sight of it."
(Step 2: Establishing the dominant emotion.)
Therapist: "Ok, now imagine that you're in your seat, and
the plane is taking off. You're above the ground, 30000ft
above the ground, what do you feel now?"
(I'm deliberately provoking her fear to make sure her
feeling is present and intense.)
Patient: "I can't even imagine doing that, it almost feels
like I'm going to faint, my whole body feels numb and
paralyzed."
Therapist: "What are you afraid of exactly, being in this
situation?"
Patient: "Dying, I'm afraid the plane would fall down."
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(Step 3: It's necessary now to establish a logical argument
for later.)
Therapist: "You know that statistically speaking, this
almost never happens. Everything in life is pure
statistics. You can be walking down the street and get hit
by a falling meteor, but this almost never happens. Right?"
Patient: "I guess so."
Therapist: "Ok, so statistically speaking, you know that
countless planes fly every year, but we so rarely hear of a
plane crashing, maybe once every ten years we hear of a
single event. Therefore, comparatively, it basically never
happens. Risk is always there, or else we'll just sit at
home. And even then there are risks present, but the
statistics are low and that's how we play life. If you jump
off the roof of a building, the chances of getting hurt are
extremely high of course. But walking down the street and
getting hit by a falling comet will almost never happen,
though there's indeed a very tiny chance, however, you
won't go as far as to cripple your life based on that,
right?"
Patient: "Right."
Therapist: "From this perspective, I want you to go back
and imagine yourself in the plane, 30000ft above the
ground. What are you afraid of?"
Patient: "I'm really afraid something would happen, of
death and the pain we experience through the process of
dying."
Therapist: "You know death is inevitable right? It can come
to us at any moment. We don't know whether it's now or in a
hundred years."
Patient: "Yes I know."
Therapist: "So if a plane falling is statistically almost
nullified, why are you afraid of dying this way?"
(Still establishing the logical argument.)
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Patient: "It would hurt so much, I fear the pain."
Therapist: "Well, I guarantee, if a plane fell down you
won't feel any pain dying, it will be a quick snap."
(I said it humorously and we laughed.)
Therapist: "Ok, I won't lie to you, dying might be painful,
but it can also be very peaceful. This is not something we
can control. We don't know when and how it would come if we
do things reasonably, all we can do is let go and do our
best every moment. There's always a chance we might get
hurt doing something, you can slip going down the
staircase, but if you do things wisely, these chances are
minimal, and that's how we play life. Don't you agree?"
Patient: "Yes sure."
Therapist: "Ok, now go back to the plane, 30000ft above the
ground, imagine being there, do you still feel afraid?"
Patient: "It's a little less actually."
(This is good, but logic alone can't remove a trauma, it
will come back, therefore I had to bring her back to an
emotional state where the feeling is present and is strong
in order to proceed.)
Therapist: "Ok, let's move to something else, you said you
fear driving cars, when was the last time you drove?"
Patient: "Years ago."
Therapist: "That long."
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Ok, imagine yourself in the car, you're taking
off, what do you feel?"
Patient: "Afraid of accidents I guess, I can't guarantee
what other drivers might do. Things can happen."
59
Therapist: "But you understand that if you took good
measures, the chances of something happening is minimal,
right?"
Patient: "Right."
Therapist: "Yet, still you feel afraid."
Patient: "Yes. I'm really frightened to drive."
(Now that we've returned the feeling of fear to her, we can
go back and re-tackle the trauma. The previous state of
relaxation was false because it was done with mere logic,
and the therapist knows that unless the original trauma is
resolved, it will come back.)
Therapist: "Ok, imagine yourself 30000ft above the ground
in a plane again, do you feel afraid?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Is it similar to the feeling you get when you
are driving?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Ok, imagine yourself driving on the highway.
The feeling is there right?"
Patient: "Yes, very much so."
Therapist: "What are you afraid of?"
Patient: "Accidents, pain, something wrong happening, other
people's unexpected mistakes driving."
(Moving forward to step 4: Going back to the first time
this emotion was experienced.)
Therapist: "Ok, see this exact feeling you're experiencing
right now? When was the very first time you ever
experienced this kind of fear? I want you to go back to the
earliest possible memory, the very first time you ever felt
this way. Take your time."
60
(She spent a while thinking.)
Patient: "Well it was fear, but it wasn't a fear of death,
I think it was a fear of failing at school."
Therapist: "What's your earliest memory of that happening?"
Patient: "Maybe the sixth grade. I used to go through so
much drama feeling I would fail, even though I was a good
student."
Therapist: "Does this mean that you didn't feel these fears
when you were in the fifth grade?"
Patient: "No, I don't think so, I probably was fine then."
Therapist: "Were you completely normal from that
perspective in the fifth grade?"
(I'm making sure she's convinced she was fine then.)
Patient: "Generally speaking, I would say yes."
Therapist: "What happened in between?"
(I'm looking for the traumatic event.)
Patient: "There was this teacher which everybody was scared
of, they said she failed everyone. I remember hearing my
sister and cousin talking about her."
Therapist: "Did this happen between the fifth and sixth
grade?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "And you think your fears started then."
(Most people establish their traumas at a much younger age,
but events usually start unfolding this way.)
Patient: "I would say yes."
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Therapist: "So you were completely fine when you were in
the fifth grade?"
Patient: "I think so."
Therapist: "Ok, give me a memory of you being in the fifth
grade. Feeling completely fine, and having no fears."
(She thought a little)
Patient: "I remember one day when the teacher pulled me in
front of the class, and started explaining the human
skeleton by using me as a model. It was fun."
Therapist: "How did you feel then?"
Patient: "I was fine, it was fun."
Therapist: "Great, now fast forward to the sixth grade, are
your fears of failing present?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Did the fears start with the things you heard
from your sister about that teacher during the summer?"
Patient: "I think so. But there's something else too, I
remember now. There was this older cousin of mine who
failed at school, I remember us going to my aunt's house to
visit, they were talking about him. It was scary because
they were saying they thought there was something wrong
with him as his behavior wasn't normal, almost as if he was
possessed or something."
Therapist: "When was that?"
Patient: "I think around that time too."
Therapist: "How did that make you feel when you heard them
talking?"
Patient: "Well, it was scary because they mentioned him
being possessed, something demonic."
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(She's going through different issues at once, therefore it
was necessary to isolate a dominant emotion to start with.)
Therapist: "How do you relate this to your fear of flying?"
Patient: "Fear of death probably. It's scary when you hear
about demons and the likes, things than can do something to
you."
Therapist: "Why did you mention your fear of failing at
school? Why is it important to you and how does this
relate?"
(She stayed silent for a while.)
Patient: "I have many fears in general, it's like I
hesitate when I try to do anything. I fear the consequences
of things, of being held responsible."
(I need to re-establish a dominant emotion.)
Therapist: "Ok I want you to go back to being 30000ft above
the ground in the plane. How do you feel being there?"
Patient: "My chest pounds, I feel afraid it would crash."
(I'll throw a little logic here again. Just to make sure
the argument is sound in her mind before continuing.)
Therapist: "But we did agree that statistically speaking, a
plane falling almost never happens right?"
Patient: "Right."
Therapist: "As I told you, death is inevitable, we can't
control when and how it happens, we can only do our best
and let go. But when it comes to planes, the chances of it
crashing is actually way lower than the possibilities that
can happen in our normal daily lives. One can choke while
eating, but you won't go as far as stop eating because of
these odds, would you now?"
Therapist: "No I wouldn't."
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(Step 4 again: Going Back to the first time this emotion
was first experienced.)
Therapist: "Ok, let's now explore the trauma. You're in the
plane traveling and it's very uncomfortable to you.
Describe to me how you feel, include any physical
sensations."
Patient: "Well, I'm extremely frightened to the point of
feeling hysterical. I feel like my whole body is paralyzed
and I need to keep grabbing any family member next to me.
This is what happened the last time I had to travel."
Therapist: "Good, now these feelings you're describing,
when was the very first time you ever felt this way?"
(I'm trying to isolate the correct trauma by making her
feel the emotion with precision.)
Patient: "Maybe when I was 9."
(I'm skeptical yet again as it's too late an age for such a
trauma to be established. But I have to go through with it
to see why she went back to this memory.)
Therapist: "Explain to me what's happening."
Patient: "I was traveling with the family, it was extremely
scary when the plane took off."
Therapist: "Are you saying that before that time, before
you were 9, these fears did not exist?"
Patient: "I think not, they didn't."
Therapist: "Did you travel before?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Was it comfortable?"
Patient: "Yes it was. But I was just too young to
understand."
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Therapist: "There's a trauma in the middle and that's what
we need to explore. So yet again, you're 9, the plane is
taking off, go to that place."
Patient: "Ok."
Therapist: "You're very afraid right?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "What are you afraid of?"
Patient: "Of the plane crashing."
Therapist: "Alright, before this age, before you were 9,
when did you first conceive of the idea that a plane can
crash?"
(She remained silent a little.)
Patient: "It was my brother, maybe a year earlier, he
mentioned that a plane is most scary when it takes off."
Therapist: "How old were you then?"
Patient: "Maybe 8."
Therapist: "Are you saying that before your brother
mentioned that, the idea of having a fear of flying did not
exist?"
Patient: "I think so."
(It seems this is indeed the original trauma, when the
thought or image of a plane crashing formed in her
unconscious due to what her brother told her at that age.
It needs to be resolved, yet still the possibilities of
other forms of fears before that need to be explored
afterwards.)
Therapist: "Wonderful, then you're saying that before this
event, flying in a plane was a normal experience, even fun
for you like it is with most children. You know that
65
children find it extremely fun and exciting to fly in an
airplane. Right?"
Patient: "Yes, I don't think I had a problem before."
Therapist: "Were you excited when you traveled before?"
Patient: "Yes, I remember traveling with my cousins
earlier, it was fun."
Therapist: "Great, now back to when your brother was
talking, he's mentioning that a plane taking off is scary
and you formed this concept which stuck with you."
Patient: "Right."
Therapist: "Go to the time you were 9, the plane is taking
off, and you're extremely frightened. I want you to
experience that fear as if you were there now."
Patient: "Ok."
(I gave her some time, which is very important here, I kept
encouraging her to feel as if she's there at the moment.
Reliving the experience is vital to the process.)
Therapist: "Is the feeling similar to that feeling you got
when your brother talked about how it's scary when a plane
takes off?"
Patient: "Yes, it is."
(Time for step 5: Going backwards a little further.)
Therapist: "Ok, go to that place when your brother talked
about a plane taking off. Where were you? Inside your
house?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "What time was it?"
Patient: "Sometime afternoon."
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Therapist: "You were about 8 years old right?"
Patient: "Right."
(Establishing a visual surrounding helps recall the memory
and experience it in a better way.)
Therapist: "He's mentioning that it's scary when a plane
takes off, and that was the first time you ever thought
about this, right?"
Patient: "Yes, right."
Therapist: "Now go to the time when you were 9, the plane
is taking off and you're feeling extremely scared. Take
your time and imagine being there." (I gave her a short
while then proceeded.) "Are you experiencing the feeling?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Now imagine that you're traveling at this age
and time, you're in a plane 30,000ft above the ground, it's
frightening right?"
Patient: "Yes, very much so."
(It's good to make sure she has the feelings present as
this will help when she compares situations after
dissolving the trauma. It's now time to make her feel how
it's like to live without this fear.)
Therapist: "Back to the time when you're brother was
talking, he mentioned that it's scary when a plane takes
off, and it was your first time to ever think of it like
that. Now, few minutes before, what were you doing?"
Patient: "Nothing specific I guess, I was just in the
house."
Therapist: "Did the fear of flight exist in your life in
any way?"
Patient: "No it didn't."
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(She knows this rationally at this stage, but the fear is
still in her unconscious until she's able to experience how
it feels to live before this idea was ever perceived.)
Therapist: "What were you doing?"
Patient: "Playing with my sister maybe."
Therapist: "At that point of time, if you thought about
flying in a plane, would it have been scary to you in any
way?"
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "Ok, imagine a time then, before your brother
talked about airplanes, you're about to fly in a trip, the
seatbelt is fastened and the plane is taking off, when you
imagine doing that, do you feel scared?"
Patient: "Yes."
(This is where we tackle the unconscious idea and force her
to experience how it feels to be devoid of the problem.)
Therapist: "Why? Considering that at that point the idea of
a plane being scary did not exist in your life? You haven't
yet experienced that idea, and a thought of flying in a
plane at that time was still normal and fun."
(Her unconscious thought is challenged. If she can feel,
even for a moment, how it was like to live at that point
without her fears, the trauma will almost instantly
dissolve. The patient usually begins to relax at this
stage. Once this question was asked, this particular
patient indeed began to relax, so I emphasized.)
Therapist: "At that point, minutes or hours before your
brother talked about planes, if you traveled in a plane,
how would you have felt?"
Patient: "It probably would've been fun."
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(Her gestures began to relax before she said it. That
instantaneous relaxation is the signal that her trauma has
been tackled.)
Therapist: "While you're sitting in your seat and as the
plane takes off, you would've felt completely fine, it
would've even been fun to experience the plane taking off,
right?"
Patient: "Yes I think so."
(The yes she's saying now isn't a conscious one, now she's
actually feeling that she would've been ok flying in an
airplane, it's not a rational process, the trauma has been
tackled at this point, and no less than 70% to 80% of the
problem might have already been resolved. It's time for
step 6: Playing around the time line to improve the
resolution and to test the changes in her perceptions.)
Therapist: "Ok, I want you to fast forward to the time your
brother is talking about planes, he's saying that it's
scary when they take off. How do you feel? Does it feel as
scary as before?"
Patient: "Not as before, but it's still there."
(This is normal, the feeling is less intense, but it's
still there until we do some going back and forth. Once we
do this she will relax more.)
Therapist: "Alright, go to the time you were 9 years old,
after your brother gave you the impression that got you
scared. Imagine flying in a plane, as it takes off, how do
you feel?"
Patient: "It feels less scary to be honest."
Therapist: "How about if you travel now, imagine the plane
taking off, how would you feel?"
Patient: "Much less scared, I think I can even handle it."
(I need to take her through extremes to test her.)
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Therapist: "How about while the plane is 30000ft above the
ground, look down from your window, do you feel scared?"
Patient: "Maybe yes, but not much actually it's different."
(Taking her to extremes to test how much of the problem is
still present and to test the degree of success. She was
very relaxed at this point. We tested things a little back
and forth around the time-line and she seemed to be fine.
It's time for Step 7: Asking her to immerse in life for a
while and observe the changes that happened with her
reactions when the stimuli is present.)
Therapist: "Ok, I want you to test yourself for the coming
couple of weeks. Challenge yourself, for example attempt to
drive and observe any differences in your fears, see the
changes in your reactions and give me your feedback after
testing yourself for a while. Sounds good?"
Patient: "Yes, sounds great."
(Session ended. She came back for a couple of sessions
later, during which she stated significant improvements, we
worked also on her other forms of fears that she mentioned
earlier. Generally speaking, she confirms that her issues
are now basically resolved. She reported that she also took
comfort in reciting prayers before flights, and said
humorously that she is actually the one now who comforts
her family members during flights.)
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Examples From Sessions
The following chapter is comprised of real cases. Studying
the scripts of these cases is the best way to understand
how the method works and observe how it's applied in real
life. You will also notice the importance of the
therapist's experience in knowing how to maneuver around
patients' unconscious defense mechanisms in order to wind
up at the original trauma that caused their problems. The
steps are all the same, but sometimes there might be slight
changes based on the case according to what the therapist
finds best while navigating through the patient's memories
and defenses.
Essential Notes:
 Scripts are sometimes edited to be easier to read,
however all cases are from actual sessions that got
treated over the past years.
 Some details are also intentionally changed for reasons
related to privacy. Stating things with complete
accuracy can lead people who know the patients to
identify and recognize them.
 Multiple sessions are sometimes combined into a single
one to avoid redundancy.
 Similarly, sometimes only relevant parts are scripted
and presented to avoid unnecessary elongation.
 The cases have been chosen to represent a variety of
problems, avoiding those with similar
problems/resolutions.
 Sometimes a patient experiences a state of relief
quickly during the first half of the session, in which
case, instead of completing the session for no reason
you will notice that it's my preference to end it
prematurely and ask the patient to immerse in real
life, allowing him or her to observe the changes, then
come back for the second half to complete the session
and do what's necessary.
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Sample Case (Feelings of Loneliness)
A 22 year old young man, studying in university and living
with his parents and siblings. Although he has a very good
social life evident by the fact that he hangs out pretty
often with friends, whenever he's left alone he encounters
extreme states of loneliness, it haunts him and he feels
that he needs to be with someone. He generally gets
extremely depressed whenever he has nothing to do during
the day, or when he retires for the night. He also
experiences extreme anxiety when someone cancels on him and
takes it personally, feeling rejected, even when the other
person has a very good excuse.
Session Script
Therapist: "Tell me a little about how you feel when you're
alone. Take a cue from the last time it happened to you."
Patient: "Well, despite the fact that I have a very good
social life, usually, whenever I retire for the night I
feel extremely lonely, like I need someone to be with me. I
sometimes keep messaging friends but of course they're not
always available, I know I overdo it but if someone didn't
answer right away I feel so rejected and angered. I'm not
sure why I keep feeling lonely this way. I know I
shouldn't."
Therapist: "Don't you resort to family when you feel
alone?"
Patient: "No actually."
Therapist: "Why so?"
Patient: "We've never been that close."
Therapist: "Are you saying that despite being at home with
your family, you still get that sense of feeling lonely?"
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Patient: "Yes actually. I retire to my room and stay in my
bed, usually playing with my phone."
Therapist: "This is a thing we need to explore. This loss
of the feeling of having a family, a safe home, which
causes you to look for this sense of security somewhere
else. I also noticed you stating that you feel rejected
which to me is clearly a trauma that we need to examine.
But I'll start with the first part, is that fine?"
Patient: "Yes sure."
Therapist: "Let's start with a recent incident where you
felt lonely, tell me a little about it."
Patient: "Actually it happens almost every day. Whenever
I'm left alone."
Therapist: "No problem, just go to a recent incident that
felt significant for you. And tell me what's happening at
the time."
Patient: "Well few days ago I was hanging out with friends
from my university. It was a late night, we finished and
went home. As I laid on my bed I couldn't help but feel so
alone, it feels like torture because I feel this way all
the time, every day when I finish, it's not an isolated
incident."
(I'm starting to suspect that he's experiencing some form
of separation anxiety, it could be an emotional attachment
to specific friends, I need to explore more. Still,
considering that I look at almost everything from the
perspective of a trauma, I'll start looking for an event
where he felt unloved or unaccepted by family or an early
group of pears, which might have initiated his sense of
insecurity, but I need to take things in steps, and let him
come to that conclusion himself.)
Therapist: "I want you to experience this feeling as if
you're retiring at night right now. Imagine yourself in
your bedroom, no one is answering on the phone, be there,
and tell me how it feels."
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(He took a little while.)
Patient: "I feel so alone, it bothers me a lot."
Therapist: "What sensations do you get, that you can
associate with this feeling?"
Patient: "It's quite extreme. Do you know that feeling you
get when you're sick in the stomach, kind of nauseated.
It's similar to that. Almost like someone is stabbing me in
my stomach and chest."
Therapist: "You know you have good people in your life and
that you're not actually alone right?"
(A small setup for the mental argument.)
Patient: "Yes I do."
Therapist: "Yet you still feel like you're lonely."
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Why do you feel like this?"
(I'm just engaging his rational thinking a bit as well as
listening to the words that will come through for clues.)
Patient: "I'm really not sure, I just feel so deprived and
alone."
Therapist: "Like there isn't anybody with you supporting
you? Would you say similar to a child who has no one to be
there for him"
Patient: "Yes, I would say similar to that."
(I will attempt to make him imagine the opposite and see
what feelings stop him from experiencing the ideal state.)
Therapist: "Imagine that you're in your bed, feeling
completely secure, at home, and surrounded by family and
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people who love you. What do you feel when you try to
imagine this?"
Patient: "I don't feel like I have a family, that's
actually how it feels."
Therapist: "Alright, we need to examine the time at which
you've first formed this belief. So, I want you to go back
to that place, you're in bed at night after retiring for
the day, and no one seems to be available to talk to when
you message anyone. Take your time and be in that place."
(He took some time.)
Therapist: "Now, see this feeling you're having right now?
I want you to go back to the very first time you ever
experienced it. When would you say was your very first time
you ever felt this way that you can recall? It doesn't
really matter whether it was actually the first time or
not, just tell me what comes to mind."
(He thought for a while)
Patient: "Well, I recall this incident when I was a kid, I
was walking down the street, and this older guy bullied me
by spraying me with water using a pumped hose which he was
playing with. He then slapped me hard and hit me several
times, and I was left in the corner crying, people passing
by looked at me, I remember these two girls passing by and
saying 'poor kid' as they walked and saw me crying in the
corner, they didn't care further and kept walking. I went
home and slept in bed crying."
Therapist: "How old were you?"
Patient: "Maybe 9, I don't remember well."
Therapist: "Why didn't defend yourself?"
Patient: "How could I, he was older."
(I'm examining if he has an abnormal sense of self-worth, a
normal kid would defend himself, even against an older
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person. However, this will only happen if the person felt
supported.)
Therapist: "You could've defended yourself even if he was
older, why didn't you?"
Patient: "I was afraid he would hit me harder."
(This tells me that he attempted to defend himself at a
point of time in the past, but was hit hard when he did so
which broke his spirit.)
Therapist: "Did you tell your parents about it?"
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "Why not?"
(He remained silent.)
Therapist: "Why didn't you go home right away and tell your
parents that an older kid hit you?"
Patient: "They won't do anything, they were never there
when similar things happened."
Therapist: "Are there incidents like this which happened
before?"
(I need to check here if his parents really didn't support
him, or if he experienced an event in the past which formed
that belief.)
Patient: "Yes, I was bullied a lot."
Therapist: "Did you ever tell your parents about that?"
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "Why not? It's not normal for a kid not to
resort to his parents when threatened by others."
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(He was silent a little. It's becoming clear to me that he
felt unsupported by his family at a point of time because
of a specific incident.)
Patient: "I'm not sure, maybe I felt ashamed and I didn't
want to look weak."
Therapist: "But you say the kids were older."
Patient: "Yes they were."
Therapist: "Were you ever bullied by kids your age?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "What did you do?"
Patient: "I hit them back."
Therapist: "And that solved the problem?"
Patient: "Yes, they would never attempt again."
Therapist: "So clearly the problem is with older kids
against whom you were helpless."
Patient: "I guess so."
Therapist: "But why didn't you tell your parents?"
Patient: "I don't know, I guess I wasn't sure they will
help. I didn't think they would care."
Therapist: "Are you saying they won't help?"
(He hesitated, and stayed silent for a bit.)
Patient: "No I can't say that."
Therapist: "Then why didn't you tell them?"
Patient: "I don't know."
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Therapist: "My concern is, do you feel that your parents
would have supported you?"
Patient: "Yes they would have I think, if I told them."
Therapist: "What do you think they would do?"
Patient: "They would've dealt with the kid. Or his
parents."
Therapist: "If you were there right now, at the moment when
the kid bullied you, would you have spoken to your
parents?"
Patient: "Maybe I'm not sure."
(He was changing feelings, it's too soon because we didn't
tackle any trauma, but it seems based on the facts at the
time being he knows his parents would've helped. However,
at the time of that incident he didn't feel that way, and
I'll be looking for a trauma that started it. I have to go
through this gradually, and I'll attempt to make him test
the opposite to see what happens.)
Patient: "Ok, it's important to explore why you didn't feel
supported by your parents. So go to that place when the
older kid bullied you, be there and experience getting hit
by him the way it happened, then imagine shouting at him
and saying that you're going to tell your parents right
away and that they will deal with him. Imagine doing that
and tell me what you feel."
(He took some time.)
Patient: "It feels that my parents won't take it seriously.
They will just say it's kids playing. My parents really
weren't there for us, they were busy with other things."
Therapist: "Do you think your parents are good people?"
Patient: "Yes of course, I do."
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Therapist: "Great, so you think your parents are good
people, but they're too busy with problems of their own and
wouldn't care about your problems because of that."
Patient: "Yes.. I'm not sure.. It's just their personality,
they don't care in general."
Therapist: "Would you go as far as to say that they don't
care about you?"
Patient: "No I wouldn't. But if they did they would've
given me the priority, instead of being too busy with
mundane problems."
Therapist: "You're angry at your parents because they
weren't there for you when you needed them?"
Patient: "I'm not sure how to phrase it. They just don't
care, they're distant."
(Gestures of anger and agony were clearly showing up on his
face. His belief is that his parents didn't really care the
way they should have, he knew they would certainly be
involved if there was an emergency, but otherwise they're
distant. The feeling I'm waiting for him to spill out is
similar to a kid shouting: "You were never here for me!",
once he goes there we can explore the first time he felt
it.)
Therapist: "See this feeling you're experiencing right now,
imagine yourself a 5 years old child, and verbalize it with
this child's language. What would you say?"
(He remained silent for a while.)
Therapist: "Would you say for example? You were never here
for me, you don't love me!"
Patient: "I very much would."
(His unconscious is indeed convinced that they were never
there for him and that they don't care on that level. This
is the feeling and the trauma we're working on. All I need
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to do is take him a time before he felt this way for the
first time.)
Therapist: "What would you say further?"
Patient: "I'd say I hate you! You didn't care about me when
I needed you! You left me alone and abandoned!"
Therapist: "Is this directed at your father or mother?"
(He took a little time)
Patient: "Both, it's hard to separate."
Therapist: "Are you saying that you lost trust in both your
parents at the same time?"
Patient: "Maybe it happened with my dad before it did with
my mom. I'm not actually sure."
(Now it's time to explore the first traumatic incident.)
Therapist: "Alright, I know this feeling is very strong and
painful, but we need to explore this from a traumatic
perspective. This anger you feel right now, the feeling
that your parents weren't there for you, when was the very
first time you remember encountering it?"
Patient: "Hard to tell."
Therapist: "I know, but let's go slowly. Did you feel this
way when you were 8?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "How about 7?"
Patient: "Yes, it was there."
Therapist: "6, 5?"
Patient: "I think so yes."
Therapist: "Did you feel this way when you were 3?"
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Patient: "Maybe, maybe it started around that time."
Therapist: "Are you saying that at 2 years old, you felt
safe and knew your parents were there for you?"
Patient: "I think so yes."
(He already began to relax after saying this, because of
the mere fact that the belief was challenged and the
thought that there might have been a time where he didn't
feel this way.)
Therapist: "Ok, this feeling of anger must have happened
during this period. Try to go to the earliest experience
where you felt angry at your parents and talk to me about
it."
(He thought a little.)
Patient: "There are two incidents that I can recall, one
with my dad and one with my mom. I'm not sure which one
happened before."
Therapist: "Which one would you feel like telling me
first?"
Patient: "I think the one with my dad."
Therapist: "What happened?"
Patient: "My dad was coming back from work, he was going up
the stairs, my mom told me to rush down and hug him. I went
down the stairs, very excited, but he walked by me as if I
didn't exist, he ignored me completely."
Therapist: "That must have been very hard."
Patient: "It was. Very well so."
Therapist: "How old were you?"
Patient: "Maybe 3."
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Therapist: "And you remember this very clearly."
Patient: "Yes, very, as if it was happening to me right
now."
Therapist: "Why do you think your dad acted this way?"
Patient: "I believe that he had problems with my mom, and
she used me that day to try and ease the tension, but my
dad reacted like that because he knew what she was trying
to do. Still, he shouldn't have done that, that's not how
you act towards a child."
Therapist: "He shouldn't have indeed. Unfortunately we
can't change people, what we can do is change how we
perceive things. But you did say that you know your parents
are good people right? You know that to be true."
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "But still you're certainly angry because of
what happened right?"
Patient: "Pretty much."
Therapist: "Great, now let's handle this trauma. Tell me,
when you were going down the stairs to meet your dad and
hug him, how did that feel? At that time, how did you feel
towards your parents? Were you completely fine?"
(I expected him to say that he was.)
Patient: "Actually no, things felt a little awkward."
Therapist: "At 3 years old?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "How so?"
Patient: "I did feel that something wrong was happening.
Things didn't feel completely fine, I almost felt a little
embarrassed to go down and hug him."
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Therapist: "How about that incident with your mom, you
still didn't speak of that. Was it before? Were things fine
with your parents before that event. You told me there was
another event."
(He went through severe expressions of tension. He was
clearly experiencing a lot of anger flooding through
remembering that incident.)
Patient: "Maybe it was before, but I'm not completely
sure."
Therapist: "But it was a very intense event right?"
Patient: "Yes, very much. I completely lost trust in my mom
since that day, it's like she wasn't my mom anymore."
Therapist: "What happened?"
Patient: "I was playing with a new toy, it was like a toy
accordion which someone gave me as a gift maybe that day or
briefly before. I was very excited about it, playing and
making a lot of noises with it. My mom warned me that if I
didn't stop she will rip it apart. Granted it was annoying,
but I didn't take it seriously and kept on playing. She
then came at me, she was very mad, and took it from me and
ripped it right in front of me. I was completely crushed."
Therapist: "How old were you?"
Patient: "About 3 years old."
Therapist: "That must have been a tough experience indeed."
Patient: "Yes it was, I actually remember how I looked at
her as she did it. My eyes were watering and I couldn't
believe that she actually did that. I think I lost my trust
in my mom that moment."
Therapist: "And that was the moment you lost your sense of
trust and safety?"
Patient: "Probably. I was completely confident and felt
safe before that incident."
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Therapist: "Great. I understand that this must've been a
very tough experience for you. However, remember it's just
a trauma which caused you to form the belief that your mom
doesn't care about you. I want you to go along with me and
handle it the way we handle traumas, ok?"
Patient: "Ok."
Therapist: "From the perspective of a trauma, what matters
to me is merely the fact that right before that moment when
she ripped it in front of you, you were feeling completely
safe and you had absolutely no problem being yourself and
trusting her. This was indeed the case right?"
Therapist: "Yes."
Therapist: "Great, this is all I need. Now imagine her
ripping the toy, be at that moment and look at her face.
Tell me what you feel?"
Patient: "I feel crushed, I hated her for doing that."
Therapist: "I completely understand, but what matters to me
is to ask: was this the first time you ever experienced
this feeling?"
Patient: "It might have been yes. Because I remember being
very confident before that, I never would have doubted she
would actually do it."
Therapist: "How did you feel towards her before she did
this? Did you trust her?"
Patient: "Yes I did, she was my friend."
(This is the beginning of the resolution, now he's starting
to realize that he felt fine towards his mom at a point of
time.)
Therapist: "Great. Two minutes before she came and
destroyed the toy, what were you doing?"
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Patient: "I was just playing around. I remember it was
night time, a typical night at home."
Therapist: "How did you feel?"
Patient: "Happy, it was normal and ok."
Therapist: "If at that time you looked at your mom's face,
what would you have felt?"
Patient: "She was my friend."
Therapist: "Give me any memory that comes to mind involving
your mother, few days before this event."
Patient: "It's certainly hard to remember that."
(I'll go for the blind procedure.)
Therapist: "I know it's hard to remember, but I just want
you to answer my questions randomly with whatever comes to
mind, ok? It doesn't have to be accurate or even true."
Patient: "Ok."
Therapist: "Take yourself to any time few days before the
day she ripped your toy, you're with your mom. Would you
say it's day or night?"
Patient: "Maybe night, a little before in the evening."
Therapist: "Are you in your house?"
Patient: "No, we're in the car."
Therapist: "What's happening."
Patient: "I'm not sure, we're just going somewhere, maybe
to the house of my mom's friend."
Therapist: "How do you feel towards your mom? If you look
at her face at that time, what would you feel?"
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Patient: "It feels normal, pretty cool even, she's like my
friend not my mom, I can talk to her like adults do."
Therapist: "And that trust was broken the day she ripped
your toy?"
Patient: "Yes, she broke my trust in her."
Therapist: "This is understandable, but remember, this
thought you have is just a trauma that's based on an
abnormal event, you said yourself that you know your
parents are good people. Again, you're in the car, look at
your mom's face, how do you feel?"
Patient: "I feel completely fine."
Therapist: "Do you feel confident and safe?"
Patient: "Yes."
(I'll begin to navigate back and forth.)
Therapist: "Ok, go to the time when she ripped your toy.
She's ripping your toy right now in front of you, look at
her face, how do you feel?"
Patient: "Crushed, I can't believe it's actually happening,
I was shocked."
Therapist: "Ok, 2 minutes before she ripped it, what's
happening?"
Patient: "I'm playing I guess."
Therapist: "At that time, if you looked at her face, how
would you have felt?"
(This is the moment when his unconscious thought begins to
get challenged. He began to relax a little.)
Patient: "It feels fine, I'm just playing."
Therapist: "Do you love and trust her?"
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Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Go backwards a bit to the time you were in the
car with her, how do you feel towards her?"
Patient: "She's my friend."
(His expressions of relaxation were improving. It was clear
we were in the right zone. It's now time to test changes a
little.)
Therapist: "Go to the moment she ripped your toy, it's
happening right now. Look her in the face and tell me, do
you feel as crushed and angry?"
Patient: "Maybe I do a little, but no not as I did before."
Therapist: "Ok, come back to this day and time, imagine her
in front of you, look at her face, what do you feel?"
Patient: "A little bit angry, but I love her no doubt."
Therapist: "Ok, go to the time when you were in the car,
look her in the face, was there any trace of anger or any
negative feeling at the time towards her?"
Patient: "No, she was like a friend of mine, my backbone."
Therapist: "Ok back to the moment she ripped your toy, do
you feel as crushed?"
Patient: "Not to the extent that I was before, maybe a
little, but I also feel like I would've reacted
differently."
Therapist: "Do you feel that you love her?"
Patient: "Yes. But still, I'm angry."
Therapist: "Imagine hugging her, can you imagine hugging
her comfortably?"
Patient: "At the moment she ripped the toy?"
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Therapist: "Yes."
(I'm challenging the emotion.)
Therapist: "Well, I am angry at her. Maybe not hug her
right away, but yes I would be fine, not like I felt
before. She would get me another one if I asked. Actually
the feeling is strange, I feel like my confidence has been
restored."
Therapist: "You feel like you can talk back to her as an
adult, not that you're a helpless kid who has been
mistreated right?"
Patient: "Exactly."
(Back to testing the problem he came with in the beginning
of the session.)
Therapist: "Wonderful, now imagine being at home at this
age, it's night time, do you feel lonely?"
(This question seems to have shocked him. He was completely
out of the zone. He took some time to answer.)
Patient: "It's hard to tell, but it's different."
(I love this part, where the patient's mind gets confused
after resolving a trauma trying to make new connections. It
briefly tries to understand why there was a problem to
begin with.)
Therapist: "How so?"
Patient: "It's really hard to tell, when I imagine myself
in bed at night, there's this void, but it's different at
the same time."
Therapist: "I completely understand. Your mind is just
trying to make new connections. This needs a little time to
set, and we need to test this in real life for a while. So
I want you to engage normally in your life and observe any
differences in your spontaneous reactions. See what still
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bothers you and what doesn't and update me in a couple of
weeks. Sounds good?"
Patient: "Yes sounds great. Thanks."
(Session ended.)
Next Session
The patient improved, but he noticed that he acts with
bursts of anger towards his parents, his confidence was
raised and he demanded his rights when he needed to speak
up. But he did still feel angry at times and he wanted to
work on that. He didn't mention his feelings of loneliness
when he explained the problem.
Therapist: "Give me a recent incident where you experienced
this anger."
Patient: "There's nothing specific, it's just frequent, I'm
edgy when I interact with them in general."
Therapist: "Ok, just give me the last time it happened to
start with. Where were you?"
Patient: "At home."
Therapist: "What's happening?"
Patient: "I don't recall exactly what was happening or what
my mom was saying. But I wasn't feeling comfortable, I was
defensive, edgy and angry."
Therapist: "Why?"
Patient: "She tips me off, the way she behaves, the way she
looks at me."
Therapist: "What do you mean the way she looks at you?"
Patient: "Like I'm less than others."
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(To me it's clear that there's a trauma where his mom made
him feel like he was less than his peers, I need to look
for that.)
Therapist: "Okay, very interesting. Do you feel your mom
doesn't accept you the way you are?"
Patient: "Kind of yes, she makes me feel like this with her
looks."
Therapist: "When did that start?"
Patient: "Since I was a young boy, she compared me to other
kids, I always felt like they were better than me somehow."
Therapist: "In what sense?"
Patient: "They looked better than me."
Therapist: "Did she ever say something about this?"
Patient: "No, not really, but I saw it in her eyes, when
there were kids who looked better, she was fascinated by
them and commented."
Therapist: "You felt that she didn't accept you for how you
looked?"
Patient: "Least of all, she wished I was better looking."
Therapist: "Do you feel that she did the same with your
siblings?"
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "Are they better looking than you?"
Patient: "No, not really."
(To me I know this must have been a specific incident where
his mom, probably unintentionally, compared him to others.
I need to take him back to this moment gradually.)
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Therapist: "Ok, imagine her in front of you, look at her
face. Do you feel that she's comparing you to others?"
Patient: "Yes, with her looks and behavior."
Therapist: "Ok, see this feeling, when was the very first
incident you ever felt like that?"
(He went silent for a while.)
Patient: "It was frequent, I don't know maybe when I was
7."
Therapist: "Who's the very first person you were ever
compared to? Can you recall that?"
(He took some time again.)
Patient: "Maybe to a cousin of mine."
Therapist: "How so?"
Patient: "He looked very attractive. Everyone in the family
was fascinated by him."
Therapist: "And you say that the very first time you were
ever compared to someone was with this person, your
cousin?"
Patient: "I think so, can't really recall an earlier
incident."
Therapist: "Ok, the very first time you were ever compared
to your cousin, try to go there, and tell me what's
happening. What I'm saying is that before this incident you
never experienced being compared to others in your life.
Take your time."
Patient: "Really hard to recall that."
Therapist: "I'm sure, but let's do this again. Just imagine
being there and answer my questions with whatever comes to
mind."
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Therapist: "How old are you?"
Patient: "Maybe 3."
Therapist: "What's happening?"
(He remained silent for a while.)
Patient: "I really don't think I was compared to my cousin
at that age, I wouldn't have realized that, I think I
remember now what happened."
Therapist: "What happened?"
Patient: "I remember my mom admiring my cousin and how cute
he was at an older age, maybe 7, then I made connections."
Therapist: "Ok, please proceed, what were these
connections?"
Patient: "My mom told me at a point of time that I had
funny features as a baby, I never understood that until
later when I saw early photos of mine, I realized I indeed
had funny features."
Therapist: "Then it hit you when your mom mentioned how
cute other kids were, starting with your cousin, right?"
Patient: "Exactly."
Therapist: "Again, you need to understand that it's just a
trauma, you have a belief that you are less worthy than
other people based on looks, despite the fact that it's
completely insignificant. For instance, do you know of
people you would tag as 'ugly' yet have the most
interesting and outgoing personalities and are completely
confident?"
(I'm establishing a logical argument for later.)
Patient: "I do actually, I've always envied these people
and wondered how they can do it and not care."
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Therapist: "It's really simple. To your unconscious,
because of the belief you formed at that early age, it
seems to you that only people who are attractive deserve to
feel confident and feel worthy. Again, this is just a
trauma. It might have started the moment you looked at that
photo and realized you had funny features the way your mom
stated, it doesn't mean of course that you are any less
than others, or that your mom didn't love you, but you did
get the impression and it stuck with you. So go back to
that moment, and tell me what's happening and what you are
feeling as you do that."
Patient: "I guess once I saw the photo I realized I indeed
didn't look good."
Therapist: "Do you think that you don't actually look good.
Now I mean."
Patient: "No I don't."
(He was indeed a handsome man, above average in terms of
looks.)
Therapist: "Where's the problem then? Why do you feel
insecure at the time being?"
(I know that traumas do not respond to logic, but I need to
establish a rational base before tackling the feeling that
was created at that early event.)
Patient: "It's hard to explain, it's the feeling, there's
so much pressure in my head, I feel it all the time when
I'm around people."
Therapist: "This is very important, you said pressure in
the head."
Patient: "Yes, particularly in the eyes."
Therapist: "And you think it's because you feel less worthy
than others."
Patient: "Yes, it's like I feel so pressured."
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Therapist: "And it's because of how you look? Knowing it
was there only when you were very young, plus you're
confident you look fine now you know that."
(He hesitated to answer. Again, it's clearly the trauma
functioning in the background of his mind, he was compared
at a point of time and that image got stuck with him.)
Patient: "It sounds weird, but it seems like it."
Therapist: "Great, we're getting somewhere. This pressure
in your head and eyes, describe it to me, verbalize the
feeling in the language of a 5 year old. I want you to feel
that pressure right now and express it with words, what
would you say? Take your time to feel it."
(He took some time.)
Patient: "I think it's like I want to scream saying: Why
did I have to be that way!"
Therapist: "This pressure is you not accepting how you
looked?"
Patient: "Pretty much yes, I didn't look good."
Therapist: "Do you think how you looked was the reason you
were rejected by your parents?"
Patient: "Yes I do."
(He was completely confident.)
Therapist: "Great, I know this is not easy, but again it's
just a trauma and we need to trace it to its roots. This
pressure in your head, do you think it existed when you
were 5?"
Patient: "Yes it did."
Therapist: "4?"
Patient: "Yes."
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Therapist: "3?"
Patient: "Yes, but it was less, it probably started then."
Therapist: "It was then that you began to realize you
didn't look good?"
Patient: "I think so yes."
Therapist: "Was it the photo?"
Patient: "It's hard to explain, but it's like connections
between things, the photo is involved."
Therapist: "Ok, again, the first time you felt this
pressure, the first time you realized you don't look good.
Which means that before that time, you didn't have these
feelings. Were you 3? Before?"
(I just need him to say an age with certainty. This will be
the setup for completing the process by going back and
forth around it.)
Patient: "Before 3 it wouldn't have been a thing to
consider of course, I wouldn't understand how to compare
myself to others."
Therapist: "So you're saying at 2 years old you didn't feel
inferior to others in any way?"
Patient: "Yes sure."
Therapist: "But at 3 you felt different?"
Patient: "It's hard to say, but I think it started then at
least."
Therapist: "Ok, think of that cousin of yours right now, do
you feel less worthy than him based on looks?"
Patient: "Not now no, but definitely when we were
children."
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Therapist: "When you think of him now, do you feel the
pressure you mentioned?"
Patient: "Kind of yes."
Therapist: "Imagine his face right now, this pressure
you're feeling, was it there when you were 3?"
Patient: "It's so hard to tell because the problem happened
about that time, however I only realized it later when I
saw a photo of my early childhood. I realized I was indeed
an ugly kid."
Therapist: "How old were you when you saw the photo?"
Patient: "Maybe 5."
Therapist: "And you experienced comparisons by your mom
around that time."
Patient: "Yes. I didn't feel that she fully accepted me,
well... not exactly, but yes the feeling was somehow
present."
Therapist: "Ok, go backwards to the time you were 2,
feeling completely confident. There's absolutely no shred
of doubt in your mind that you are less than any other kid.
Be at that place. Take your time to do that."
(He spent some time in silence.)
Therapist: "Is it morning or night?""
(He was resisting to answer, as if he didn't want to go
there. And gestures of anger appeared on his face, he
clearly felt angry at his parents for feeling unaccepted,
to the point that he even refused to imagine a point of
time where he was. I interrupted again.)
Therapist: "Do you think your parents did not accept you
since your moment of birth?"
Patient: "No, of course not."
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Therapist: "You know they loved you then right?"
Patient: "Yes, but I am angry at them at the same time,
it's like I don't want to be near them because of how they
treated me."
Therapist: "Did they really?"
(I had to challenge his thought, he's now challenged to reexamine knowing there are times they were good to him.)
Patient: "Not in the conventional sense, but they did
compare me to other kids and made me feel like I was less
than them. All the time."
Therapist: "Again, I have to consider it from the angle of
a trauma. I will ask: When was the first time ever that you
were compared to another child? Before which you know you
never perceived being compared and felt completely fine,
comfortable and safe around your parents, and around other
people."
(He's really resisting hard, yet, all I want to do is have
him access a state before this feeling started. He still
perceives that he has always lived under the influence of
this thought and that his parents have always compared him
to others because he wasn't as good as them, I need to take
him to a time where he knows for sure this feeling did not
exist. Then the trauma will be tackled.)
Patient: "Probably at 2 years old, but honestly I'm not
sure what's the point, I was an ugly child."
Therapist: "This is your unconscious belief talking,
imagine standing next to your cousin now, are you less than
him in any way?"
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "Would you say that there are 'ugly' people who
feel completely secure and confident?"
Patient: "Of course, I even know some." (He laughed a
little.)
97
Therapist: "Then the problem is only with your perception,
and this is the trauma. So let's proceed, at 2 years old,
you say you never felt compared right?"
Patient: "Yes, I would say so."
Therapist: "Go back to that time, when you were 2, stand
between your parents, and imagine your cousin in front of
you, do you feel less than him?"
(His gestures were actually starting to change, this
question hit him and allowed him to perceive a time when he
actually didn't feel compared to others. His face began to
relax and he thought about it. I continued.)
Therapist:
took place
years old,
cousin, do
"At that time, the perception that a comparison
did not exist in your life, so again, you're 2
stand between your parents and look at your
you feel in any way that you are less than him?"
Patient: "A little, but I have to admit, it's less than
before."
(Playing around the timeline will improve his relaxed
state.)
Therapist: "Ok, imagine your cousin in front of you now, do
you feel you are less than him?"
Patient: "No not really, but I am a little angry."
(It seems now that he's beginning to regain his confidence,
there are feelings of anger surfacing because of how he was
mistreated based on looks.)
Therapist: "Go back to when you were 2, look at your cousin
while you stand between your parents, would you say you
feel angry?"
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "Come back to the time being, look at your
cousin, do you feel angry?"
98
(He paused a little, still looking angry as if he wanted to
take revenge or something. But he was changing gradually as
he thought about it. I gave him the time.)
Patient: "Not really, I feel calmer than before. A little
angry, but I think I can handle it."
Therapist: "Do you feel that you are less than him in any
way?"
Patient: "No, but I do feel that I hate him a little."
Therapist: "Why, because he looked good?"
Patient: "It's... I don't know what to say."
Therapist: "Is it his fault that he looked good?"
Patient: "Of course not."
Therapist: "And are there people who are less attractive
but are completely outgoing and have no problem at all
comparing themselves to others?"
Patient: "Yes of course there are."
Therapist: "What's the problem then?"
(He's feeling confused, his mind is making new connections,
he doesn't feel that he's inferior like before, but it's
like he wants payback for the suffering he went through.)
Patient: "There really isn't a problem, I think I just need
to take a break to digest what happened."
Therapist: "You do indeed, we did a lot of work today and
it was intense. You need some time to experiment with what
we've done. Therefore, I need you to test yourself in real
life for the next couple of weeks and see if these problems
bother you in any way. Observe that and send me your
feedback once you're satisfied that you've tested yourself
enough. Sounds good?"
99
Patient: "Yes, sounds good."
(Session ended)
Note: The patient reported that his feelings of loneliness
have changed, they still existed sometimes but in a
negligible manner. He also spontaneously switched to a more
extroverted nature, made new friendships and connections.
He came back for a couple of sessions later to help guide
him find his mission in life, it seems his previous problem
was an excuse for him to avoid doing things he knew he had
to do. We explored his passions and worked on the formation
of proper habits. His relationship with his parents is also
steadily improving, he seems to deal with them like he
always wanted, as friends and doesn't experience feelings
of intimidation when he interacts with them like before.
100
Sample Case (Jealous of Best Friend Being Prettier)
A 22 year old female, finishing up her college. She has a
problem feeling inferior to friends at times, due to which
she experiences feelings of jealousy. She wants to be more
confident about her looks and shine in terms of her
personality.
Session Script
Patient: "I have a friend, she's actually my best friend
and I love her so much, but sometimes I find myself
extremely angry and jealous. I can control it and people
don't notice, but sometimes it gets out of control and it
shows. I'm really bothered by these thoughts, I wish to
feel more at peace and I don't want to experience these
thoughts towards her."
Therapist: "Why do you find yourself feeling jealous?"
Patient: "Well, she's very pretty and talented, I wish I
was like her and at times I feel inferior to her."
Therapist: "Is this the first time you experience this
problem? Or did you experience this with other friends
before?"
(It's very important to look for patterns, the patient
usually thinks it's an isolated case.)
Patient: "Come think of it, no. It happened to me several
times in the past."
Therapist: "With different friends?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Did they all have similar traits? Being pretty
and talented, and did that strike jealousy in you?"
101
(She stayed silent for a while. It hit her.)
Patient: "Actually yes, I seem to choose ones who are
pretty and talented. I'm actually not proud of this, but I
seem to belittle other people if they're not attractive
enough and I don't associate with them well. I don't say
that to them of course, but I do behave in a manner that
reflects that without meaning to."
Therapist: "This is clearly the pattern we should start
with. So you seem to associate and befriend attractive
people, and you like being with them yet feel jealous of
them. At the same time you seem to belittle others you deem
less attractive from your perspective, makes sense to you?"
Patient: "Pretty much yes."
Therapist: "Excellent, let's begin by examining a recent
incident. Tell me about the last time you experienced these
feelings of jealousy and anger. When was that, what was
happening that day and how did you feel in the process?
Imagine being there and tell me what's happening."
(She took some time to recall an incident.)
Patient: "Well, we were hanging out a short while ago at
college as we usually do with a couple of our friends, my
friend – the one I told you about - is often the center of
attention and I don't mind that, however, sometimes it just
gets too much, like the other day two of our male friends
were talking, they were both clearly trying to impress her,
I was standing and listening to the conversation, I felt so
jealous and enraged, I was left out completely like I don't
exist, I almost felt like I wanted to kill her honestly, I
was mad at them too for doing that."
Therapist: "This is understandable, it's part of our social
interaction and it happens in this manner a lot. However,
what I'm interested in here, and the key to the resolution
of your problem lies in the fact that there seems to be a
pattern of you befriending attractive people, and
belittling those who are not. It clearly shows me that the
problem is internal, a feeling you have that you don't look
as good as those you choose to befriend. Therefore, let's
102
explore things from this perspective, and after we resolve
this we will re-test things in real life and see any
associated changes, sounds good?"
Patient: "Yes sure."
Therapist: "Great, now go back to that incident, and tell
me exactly what's happening and how you're feeling."
Patient: "Well it's simple, she is more attractive which
makes people show more interest in her. I think that's just
a fact."
Therapist: "Are there people whom you think aren't that
attractive, yet, don't seem to be bothered by these
thoughts?"
(I am challenging her logic here.)
Patient: "Yes actually... sure."
Therapist: "There you go, then this thought is relative,
and you've formed this specific belief at a point of time.
You know how in the media they usually portray people with
specific features, e.g. blond hair and fair skin as more
beautiful than others, these perceptions are usually the
problem. In reality this is not true, what's attractive is
the personality of the person not his or her looks. Every
person is unique in his own way. Here, you are experiencing
feelings of jealousy and anger simply because at a point of
time you formed the belief that you were inferior to others
based on your looks, this is what I refer to as a trauma.
And this is the thing we're going to explore. Ok?"
Patient: "Ok."
Therapist: "Alright, now go back to that time when you were
hanging out with your friends. What time of day was it?"
Patient: "About 3 or 4pm."
(Establishing the surrounding with accuracy allows the
patient to summon the feeling in a more efficient manner.)
103
Therapist: "Were you inside or outside?"
Patient: "Outside. In the campus."
Therapist: "How many of you are there?"
Patient: "Four people. Me and my friend, and two other male
friends."
Therapist: "What's happening?"
Patient: "We're just hanging out. Talking about random
things."
Therapist: "What tipped you off?"
Patient: "They were all very interested in her, she was the
sole center of attention. One guy was showing her something
on the phone, I was curious, they both laughed and he
didn't even care to show me what they were laughing at. I
felt furious."
Therapist: "Why so?"
Patient: "Because he didn't even care to show me what was
on the phone, he was just interested in showing her."
(She was very angry.)
Therapist: "You might not realize this at the moment, but
this is indeed just a trauma. Let me give you an example:
When a normal confident person encounters a similar
scenario, he or she will not be bothered, instead will
simply ask to see what was on the phone if interested in
that, even make a joke about that he was left out, e.g.
saying: 'I don't matter you guys huh?' But because you had
the belief that you're inferior somehow you got overly
sensitive because of it. You know this is not the first
time you felt like you're inferior to others right?"
Patient: "Yes sure."
Therapist: "Give me another scenario that you can recall."
104
(She took a while.)
Patient: "You're right, it's a pattern, I almost always
feel less than others in social situations, like I'm left
out. I mean I do interact normally with others I'm not a
complete introvert, but I'm never the main event, I'm
always the one who tags along."
Therapist: "Do you think that this is because you are the
less attractive one?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapy: "How about those you know aren't very attractive
but still are extremely confident? You said you know people
who are like that"
Patient: "Yes I do know people with great personalities but
are less attractive, they don't seem to have any problems
and I've always envied how confident they are and how
they're able to do this."
(I'm making sure the rational part has a sound base before
I proceed.)
Therapist: "Ok, go back to the time you were with your
friends. The incident we talked about. Your male friend is
showing your best friend something on the phone. How do you
feel as he does that?"
Patient: "Enraged."
Therapist: "You feel enraged because..? Speak
spontaneously."
Patient: "Because he doesn't care about me and he's more
interested in her."
Therapist: "Alright, but he does that yet again because..?"
Patient: "Because she's more beautiful of course."
(I'm just making sure she's summoning the feeling at the
moment.)
105
Therapist: "You feel inferior to her right?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Imagine standing there as he shows her
something on the phone. You feel inferior right? See this
feeling, give me another event in the past where you felt
it."
Patient: "They are so many like I told you, I almost feel
it in all my social interactions."
Therapist: "Give me any event that comes to mind from your
past. The earlier the better."
Patient: "Well, there were so many incidents inside the
family. My cousins and uncles used to make fun of me all
the time."
Therapist: "Why is that?"
Patient: "They just made fun, took me as a target. It's
their nature."
Therapist: "All the time?"
Patient: "Almost. When we visited, part of the conversation
would almost always steer up to making fun of me."
Therapist: "Did they do it with everyone?"
Patient: "Not everyone, but it was a habit of theirs."
Therapist: "Well, you're clearly good looking, so why did
they make fun of you?"
Patient: "Because I was quiet and shy."
Therapist: "Not because of how you looked?"
(Her eyes opened up, it was almost as if she was realizing
something.)
106
Patient: "I don't think I looked bad as a child. But I was
very shy, and consequently was targeted by others."
Therapist: "And they picked up on that and made fun of you
all the time?"
Patient: "Yes, probably."
Therapist: "Well bullies do that, they prey on those who
allow them. But why were you shy to begin with?"
Patient: "I don't know exactly, it's been the case always
when I was young."
(I'll look for the first time she experienced feeling shy.)
Therapist: "What was your age when you were experiencing
these incidents with your uncle and cousins? Roughly."
Patient: "I'd say about 7 years old."
Therapist: "Did you experience these feelings at 6?"
Patient: "Maybe yeah."
Therapist: "How about at 5?"
(She took a while to think.)
Patient: "Before my first grade I know I was very outgoing,
I was actually the most popular kid in kindergarten."
Therapist: "This is significant. But things changed after
the first grade?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "What happened?"
Patient: "A new school."
Therapist: "What about your school?"
Patient: "It was a fundamental school, very oppressive."
107
Therapist: "You're saying because of these fundamental
teachings you changed from an outgoing person to a shy
one?"
Patient: "I would say so maybe. I was ok before in
kindergarten, I had no problems."
Therapist: "What images come to your mind from school at
that age, when you went to this new school?"
Patient: "Really ugly looking and scary teachers."
Therapist: "Tell me more."
Patient: "They made us guilty all the time, God will do
this and God will do that. We were oppressed and we
couldn't be ourselves, everything made us feel guilty."
Therapist: "Again, were all your classmates shy?"
(She paused and thought of it.)
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "Then why were you affected while others
weren't."
(She paused again.)
Patient: "Probably my dad."
Therapist: "What about your dad?"
Patient: "He always made me feel guilty, that I need to
follow religious teachings."
Therapist: "Why did that make you shy?"
Patient: "His looks, I always felt guilty when he looked at
me. I couldn't be myself."
Therapist: "Ok, when was the first time this happened? You
said you were ok in kindergarten right?"
108
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "So when did it happen?"
Patient: "It's so hard for me to tell. But maybe he started
teaching me about religion at that age."
Therapist: "Before you went to this new school?"
Patient: "Yes before that."
Therapist: "What did he say?"
Patient: "I think he was talking about those who do wrong,
he was comparing good kids to bad ones."
Therapist: "And you wanted to be one of the good kids of
course."
Patient: "Yes of course."
Therapist: "Ok, before we proceed I have to tell you that
this good and bad thing is just a relative matter,
especially when it comes from a religious perspective like
this. It's very common among religious traditions, because
many times people seek religion as a mean to prove
themselves right and belittle others. The right way to
raise a child so to teach it to respect everyone, not to
compare between people. Your dad is not perfect, and it
seems he transferred this perception to you unwillingly at
that young age. Does this make sense?"
Patient: "Yes it does."
(I need to access the first moment she saw that look from
her dad which made her feel guilty.)
Therapist: "Ok, you're telling me that you were completely
fine in kindergarten right?"
Patient: "Yes."
109
Therapist: "At that time you didn't experience feelings of
guilt. You didn't compare kids and categorize them as good
or bad right?"
Patient: "Right, I didn't."
Therapist: "When was the first time you heard the term
'good or bad' from your dad?"
Patient: "I can't remember accurately, probably just before
the first grade when he enrolled me in this new school?"
Therapist: "What did he tell you?"
Patient: "That I have to associate with good kids and be
careful of those who act against the will of God."
(I'm suspecting that she also developed a fear of those
'bad' kids as well. So I'll ask few further questions.)
Therapist: "What do see when you imagine those bad kids?"
Patient: "Like they can hurt me."
Therapist: "How so?"
Patient: "They're just impolite, they weren't raised well."
Therapist: "So you only associated with the few you felt
safe around, and who were probably following religious
instructions the way your dad stated."
Patient: "Yes, that's exactly what happened."
Therapist: "This is certainly a formula that leads to
introversion, and can very well be the reason you became
shy. Ok, again logic won't resolve the problem so go back
to that moment when your dad told you about religion, about
good and bad kids."
(I just need to take her a moment before this event and
make her experience how she felt when she was devoid of
this problem.)
110
Patient: "Ok."
Therapist: "What's your age approximately?"
Patient: "Probably 5."
(I need to touch on the rational base.)
Therapist: "You know your dad was only trying to look after
you, he was teaching you right and wrong from his
perspective. No one is perfect and this is the best he
could do at the time. But the right way to raise a child is
by teaching it to respect all people not compare between
them. You agree right?"
Patient: "Yes I do."
Therapist: "Ok, let's go backwards. Your dad is teaching
you about religion. You're about 5 years old. What time of
day is it?"
Patient: "Noon I think."
Therapist: "Where were you?"
Patient: "In the house. I'm not sure but I think we're in
the guests room."
Therapist: "Anyone around?"
Patient: "I don't think so, my mom is probably in the
kitchen or something."
Therapist: "What's happening?"
Patient: "My dad is telling me about being a good girl.
It's interesting, all I can think of as I recall him
talking to me are the looks of those 'bad' girls whom he
demonstrated very well as he spoke, he made them look
almost monstrous."
Therapist: "Very interesting, so unwillingly he transferred
to you a fear of anyone who didn't follow religious
traditions somehow."
111
Patient: "Yes."
(Now is the time to attack the trauma. It's clear to me
that she became introverted because she feared associating
with anyone outside the circle that her dad mentioned, she
also got the impression that everyone else is capable of
doing bad which intimidated her.)
Therapist: "See this feeling you get, those 'bad' girls,
look their faces. What do you see?"
Patient: "They don't have ethics and are capable of doing
wrong things: smoking, swearing, sex and the likes."
Therapist: "Was this the first time you ever felt like
this?"
(She paused a little to contemplate things.)
Patient: "I think so yes."
Therapist: "5 minutes before, what were you doing?"
Patient: "Playing in the house. Maybe neighbor kids were
around."
Therapist: "Did you compare people then?"
Patient: "No, I don't think I did."
Therapist: "Were you shy then?"
Patient: "Actually no, I was very outgoing."
Therapist: "How about when your dad told you about
religion, did that change?"
Patient: "Yes, I certainly changed."
Therapist: "Did you become shy?"
Patient: "Can't say it this way. But my feelings did
change."
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Therapist: "Because you didn't want to be one of the bad
girls or associate with them."
Patient: "Yes exactly."
Therapist: "And feelings of guilt stuck with you ever
since."
Patient: "Yes, I always tried to be the good kid. Problem
is, nobody notices you when you're the shy one."
(She was going through a lot of emotional tension. She was
realizing what happened. It's good but I need to go back
and forth to make sure her trauma is dissolved.)
Therapist: "Go back to that moment when your dad spoke to
you about religion and about those kids. Imagine him
speaking to you, and think of those kids that he mentioned
and deem as bad, what do you feel? Do you feel as strongly
as you did before about them?"
Patient: "No, I feel that they're just humans."
(The change in perception happened the moment she went
before her dad talked to her.)
Therapist: "Do you think they're bad?"
Patient: "No I don't think so. I almost feel mad at my dad
for telling me that?"
Therapist: "Why?"
Patient: "It deprived me of the interaction with so many
people, just because they were not religious the way my dad
wanted. I always felt guilty associating with anyone
outside the circle that he accepted."
(Back to the recent problem.)
Therapist: "Ok fast forward in time to when you were with
your friends. Do you feel mad because you were not the
center of attention?"
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Patient: "Not really no. I'm not bothered by it. I can ask
to see what they were laughing about if I wanted. It's my
fault that I didn't interact correctly."
Therapist: "Ok back to the time before your dad talked to
you, you said you were playing with neighbor kids?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "How did you feel then?"
Patient: "I was happy. Completely normal."
Therapist: "How about when your dad talked to you. Go back
to that moment, he's speaking to you. How do you feel as he
tells you about religion?"
Patient: "It really doesn't have as strong an impact on me
anymore, I know better."
Therapist: "You know he was just doing his best for you
right? this was his best at the moment."
Patient: "Yes I do."
Therapist: "Are you mad at him?"
Patient: "No, not really, he is a good person."
Therapist: "Ok, imagine those kids who do not follow
religious tradition. Do you think they're bad?"
(She took a long breath.)
Patient: "No I don't, I'm not in a place to judge."
Therapist: "Are you better because of what you do?"
Patient: "I'm also not in a place to judge."
Therapist: "This is wonderful. We worked on a major issue
here and have certainly resolved a trauma that seems to
have had a key impact on your life. I want you to take a
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couple of weeks to test yourself in real life and send me
back what happens with you, whether or not there are
recurring scenarios that seem to bother you and what
changes you notice based on your reactions. Sounds good?"
Patient: "Yes, sounds great!"
(Session ended.)
Next Session
Patient: "It's amazing how there has been a feeling of
depression that followed me through my entire life. I
really feel it's lifted now! I'm thrilled that this part of
my life is over."
Therapist: "I can see that your eyes are wide open and
vibrant, they're full of life, while before they were
partly shut and you indeed gave a different impression."
(She smiled, she looked motivated and full of life. As if
she had the world in front of her to explore.)
Therapist: "It seems your trauma was indeed associated with
your feelings of guilt which limited you throughout your
life. This is wonderful. Ok, what seems to be the case for
today?"
Patient: "Well, first of all I wanted to share what I'm
experiencing after our last session, I'm very grateful. And
also, it's really not that big a deal, but I did notice
something that I would like to work on."
Therapist: "Alright, what is it?"
Patient: "Sometimes during my interactions, I am turned off
by people who are of a certain look, I don't want to use
the word ugly, but let me say that people with a certain
look do stimulate a negative reaction in me. I notice that
I tend to avoid them, speaking few words before I excuse
myself and go."
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Therapist: "Ok, give me a recent incident."
Patient: "Few days ago I was at the university sitting with
my friends. A new girl that one of my friends met earlier
came and said greetings and she hung out with us. I
couldn't get myself to talk to her, I barely turned my face
and looked at her."
Therapist: "Why so?"
Patient: "Well, umm.. She's like not our type, or.. I
hesitate to say, our class."
Therapist: "How did she look?"
Patient: "Very traditional, kind of tribal."
Therapist: "Were these the things that made you not want to
interact with her?"
Patient: "No actually, and I don't like saying this, but
she didn't look good."
Therapist: "How did she look exactly? And please use the
words of a 5 year old, don't worry and speak spontaneously,
you know the process."
(She hesitated, then continued.)
Patient: "I really hate saying this, but she looked dirty,
she even smelled a little. She looked like someone who came
out of a village of a completely simplistic background, too
much work to go through associating with her or have her
join our group. I mean she's a nice person and she was
polite, but I really didn't feel like associating with her.
Problem is, I felt appalled, and this is what I hated and
what I want to work on. I almost didn't want to look at
her. I don't want to feel like this and I'd love to be more
compassionate."
Therapist: "It does make sense
in regards to comparing people
exaggerated reaction yet again
experience, maybe someone with
considering your past issue
based on looks. To me, this
stems out of a traumatic
a similar appearance annoyed
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you in the past, or you still have feelings related to
inferiority based on looks. Normally, a person would be
polite, and interact with a limited natural manner without
feeling bothered. So let's work on this."
Patient: "Ok."
Therapist: "Give me an early experience, preferably in your
childhood, where someone bothered you and – at least to you
– didn't look good."
(She thought for a while.)
Patient: "I remember this annoying girl that came to class
when I was in first grade, I'm sorry to say but she was
very ugly, had unmanaged curly hair and she was extremely
annoying, she didn't have good manners, almost she like
came out of a primitive place or something, I hated her.
She kind of ruined my fun once she came into my life."
Therapist: "Why so?"
Patient: "I didn't like having her around."
Therapist: "Again, why?"
(She had conflicted emotions.)
Patient: "Yet again I really, really, hate saying this; but
she was disgusting, once she came she stuck to everyone and
she had no manners, she was even the type that spits in
your face as she spoke. Who would want such an ugly thing
to enter their lives."
(The trauma is starting to get clearer. Notice how all I
care for is to have her go back to a time before she met
this girl and was appalled by her. Because of this
experience she's judging anyone who resembles with
similarities, expecting to be bothered by this new person
because of that.)
Therapist: "Alright, you know people are different right,
and you can't judge people based on looks. Would you agree
that there are people who look good but are not very polite
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or well mannered, and people who do not look as good but
are so great to be with?"
Patient: "Yes, of course."
(Building a logical foundation.)
Therapist: "Remember the first time you ever saw this girl.
Go there and tell me what you see."
Patient: "Well, it was later during my first grade, she
wasn't there in the beginning. I remember how it was a lot
of fun, but one day I notice there was this new kid running
around. I clearly remember seeing her, all messy and so,
she was very different, and she really didn't look good. I
didn't want to be around her."
Therapist: "Then."
Patient: "Then it turns out she's in our class. And she was
around for a couple of years."
Therapist: "Why do you hate her so much, it's ok to come
from a different background, she didn't know any better."
Patient: "No it wasn't the case, she was very ill mannered
and annoying, arrogant even. She annoyed me all the time. I
remember one day I was playing on the swing and she came
and pushed me and I fell. I was injured."
Therapist: "Ok, but why did you judge this new person you
met recently based on that? She's not the same."
(She paused for a while, noticing what happened.)
Patient: "Her looks probably, she looked similar."
Therapist: "Exactly, that's what I'm saying. Because of
that traumatic experience, you unconsciously judge everyone
who looks similarly the same way. We just need to resolve
the trauma that was formed because of that person. Like I
told you, a normal person would interact naturally without
feeling appalled or bothered. If you like the person you'd
interact, and if not you'll just excuse yourself and go
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with respect. Even further, a normal person should have
great empathy for those less fortunate in any manner, not
see it as a defect. Makes sense?"
Patient: "Yes, very much so."
Therapist: "Great, so let's proceed. So this kid in your
first grade. Go back to the first moment you met her, be
there. What time of day is it?"
Patient: "Noon maybe, during the break."
Therapist: "As you saw her, what did you feel?"
Patient: "My body actually trembled, she looked so bad. Her
hair was curly and messy, I don't have a problem with that,
but she was really dirty. I think her nose was even runny.
She had no manners at all like she came from the jungle."
Therapist: "You said your body trembled, this is good to
start with. Look at her, the first moment you saw her. And
feel that shake in your body right now."
(She stayed silent.)
Therapist: "Imagine her in front of you, the first time you
saw her."
Patient: "Ok."
Therapist: "What do you feel?"
Patient: "Disgust."
Therapist: "You say it was about noon time right?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Was this the first time you ever felt this way
in your life?"
Patient: "Yes I think so."
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Therapist: "Ok, look at her, do you see her clearly, how
she looked at the time?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Before we proceed, I want you to recall that
person who came and joined recently, look at her, do you
feel similarly?"
Patient: "Kind of, yes."
(I'm doing this to prepare for the comparative process
later.)
Therapist: "Alright, back to your first grade when you saw
that girl for the first time. 5 minutes earlier, what were
you doing?"
Patient: "I was playing in the playground."
Therapist: "Who's around you?"
Patient: "I don't remember being with anyone, I was alone,
but it was ok I just wasn't with anyone."
Therapist: "Ok fast forward in time a little, you saw her
for the first time, what's happening?"
Patient: "I noticed this strange new kid running around, it
was the first time I ever saw her, and I mentioned how I
felt."
Therapist: "Great, look at her face again, do you feel
'disgusted'?"
Patient: "Yes, very. My body shook completely."
Therapist: "Ok, a minute before you saw her, look around
the playground, what do you see?"
Patient: "Kids playing around. They're happy."
Therapist: "Do you feel happy too?"
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Patient: "Yes I do."
Therapist: "Then it changed."
Patient: "Yes, it's like it was the first time an ugly
thing entered my life. I hated that, it was like my life
and peace changed ever since."
Therapist: "Because of that single kid?"
(She knew the argument was strange.)
Patient: "Kind of, I don't know, but I didn't like having
her in my life."
Therapist: "Ok, again, look at her face, the moment you saw
her. What do you see?"
(I know that she already began to dissolve her trauma the
moment she said she felt happy before she saw her for the
first time. I just need to make her see that. This is the
magic of this method. She indeed paused a bit before
answering.)
Patient: "I don't feel as bad as before."
Therapist: "What do you feel?"
Patient: "I don't know, I guess compassionate. It's not her
fault, she was just a kid. Plus this is how she looks."
(She was having an epiphany.)
Therapist: "Wonderful. Ok fast forward to the recent time
when the person you told me about came and joined you and
your friends. Look at her, and tell me what you feel?"
Patient: "I feel different actually, quite normal,
compassionate about her being different. You're right, I
don't have to be stressed out because of her, she might be
a good person in which case I'll be glad to have her as a
friend, and if she wasn't I can simply excuse myself
whenever I want and go."
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Therapist: "Exactly this is the natural behavior."
(We talked a little, she was very interested in how the
unconscious functions, then we ended the session.)
Therapist: "Alright, test yourself in real life and let me
know how you feel and whether or not there remains any
traces of the problem. Observe your natural reactions, what
still bothers you and what changed. Sounds good?"
Patient: "Yes sure, sounds good thanks."
Therapist: "Alright, I'll be waiting for your feedback."
(Session ended.)
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Sample Case (Can't Allow myself to be Happy)
26 years old man who can't seem to allow himself to be
happy, even when he finds himself in beautiful social
gatherings where everything is great and everyone is having
a good time, he can't help but have feelings of sadness
despite not having any reason to feel this way.
Session Script
Therapist: "Tell me about a recent incident where you've
experienced this."
Patient: "Well, just yesterday I was hanging out with a
group of friends, we were having a great time, everyone was
laughing, but I couldn't help but feel very sad. I just
couldn't let go and have fun, my smiles were fake. I don't
have a reason to feel this way, it almost seems like I
can't allow myself to be happy."
Therapist: "Ok, tell me more about your gathering
yesterday. Be there and tell me what's happening."
Patient: "We were just hanging out, a bunch of us, talking
and goofing around next to our car. It was a typical
weekend and we were trying to decide where to hang out and
what to do, but we spent some time fooling around by the
car before doing that, talking and laughing."
Therapist: "What time was it?"
Patient: "Maybe 8 or 9pm."
Therapist: "You say your friends were having fun but you
couldn't allow yourself to be happy. How did you feel
exactly?"
Patient: "I felt sad, my smiles were fake."
Therapist: "What was bothering you?"
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(He was silent for a short while.)
Patient: "I don't know, it's like there's a deep sadness in
me and I almost feel like crying, I can't allow myself to
be happy and enjoy things."
Therapist: "Ok, I want you to imagine being there, your
friends are talking and having fun, look at their faces and
tell me exactly what you feel."
(He spent a little while. Closed his eyes to visualize.)
Patient: "It's a feeling of deep sadness, I can't smile
genuinely."
(I'll test the opposite and see what feelings come out.)
Therapist: "Ok, so your friends are having fun and enjoying
their time, I want you to imagine forcing yourself to smile
genuinely. Make your face look happy and vibrant, relax
your muscles and all the tensions present. Take your time
and tell me what you feel as you do that."
(He closed his eyes and began attempted at that, a lot of
tension and ticks took place as he did it. When he tried to
relax his face, lines of tension were established
elsewhere, he couldn't do it.)
Therapist: "Why can't you relax?"
Patient: "I'm not sure, there's a lot of tension and
sadness."
Therapist: "What do you feel as you try to do it?"
Patient: "I keep getting this memory of my dad."
Therapist: "What memory?"
Patient: "A look he gives me."
Therapist: "You see him giving you this look as you attempt
to smile?"
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Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Ok, why is he giving you this look?"
Patient: "I don't know how to say it, but it's like I'm not
allowed to be happy."
Therapist: "Why would that be?"
Patient: "Every time I am happy my dad looked at me in a
way that made me feel guilty, it's like I'm not allowed to.
But what breaks my heart was that he felt fine about other
peers and nephews being happy, but not me, it's like I
wasn't allowed."
Therapist: "Ok, I know this must have been hard, but I need
to work on this from the perspective of a trauma so let's
trace it back. Return to being with your friends, and try
to smile again, then describe to me what you feel, describe
that look that you imagine your dad giving you as you
attempt to relax and smile."
(He closed his eyes and attempted to visualize, he spoke
with his eyes closed. There was a very strong and apparent
tension. He remained silent for a long time so I spoke
again.)
Therapist: "How do you feel as you try to smile? Speak
candidly."
Patient: "I can't seem to do it because every time I try, I
imagine this look on my dad's face, and I feel so guilty."
Therapist: "Very good. Remember this is just a trauma that
started this belief of yours at a point of time. We can't
change your dad, he has his personality, problems and
challenges, but we can change your perception and this is
what we do when we handle traumas. Now, this look that your
dad gave you, when was the first time you experienced it?
The very first time you ever experienced the thought that
you don't deserve to be genuinely happy? Give me an early
memory of an event that comes to mind."
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(He took a while.)
Patient: "I'm not sure, but I'm remembering an incident
where I was playing with relatives, they were happy and so
was I, I remember I was playing with extreme joy, I then
looked at my dad while I was playing and I smiled in his
face, instead of smiling back he gave me this look. I felt
like I was doing something wrong."
Therapist: "How old were you?"
Patient: "I'm not sure, maybe 7, or 6."
Therapist: "What time of day do you feel it was?"
Patient: "Evening."
(He was having a lot of tension on his face, looking like
he's on the verge of crying. As a child his expression
would be verbalized in a manner similar to: What did I do
to deserve this?)
Therapist: "Would you say that before this event, you were
capable of being completely and genuinely happy?"
(This is the crucial part, him admitting that there was a
time before where he was capable of experiencing genuine
happiness without having any feelings of guilt.)
Patient: "I think so."
Therapist: "Wonderful, this is all I need. Now be at that
place, you're playing with your cousins, feeling happy.
Again, how old are you?"
Patient: "I keep recalling I was 7, but it might have been
before."
Therapist: "It's ok, take your time."
Patient: "Actually... I think I recall an event from when I
was 4, maybe 3 even."
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Therapist: "Great. You're 3 or 4 years old, what's
happening? What time of day is it?"
Patient: "Night time."
Therapist: "What are you doing?"
Patient: "Playing with my cousins."
Therapist: "Is your dad around?"
Patient: "Not yet."
Therapist: "Do you feel that you can be completely happy?"
Patient: "Yes, we were very happy, they were sleeping
over."
Therapist: "Ok, before we continue, fast forward to the
current time, imagine being with your friends and try to
smile genuinely. Can you do that?"
Patient: "No, not really."
(This is done for comparison later on.)
Therapist: "Ok, now, go back to the time your dad gave you
the look, to that exact moment. Look at his face, what do
you feel?"
Patient: "It's like I've done something wrong. Like I
didn't deserve to be happy."
Therapist: "But your cousins did?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Was this the first time you ever saw this
look?"
Patient: "I think so yes."
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(Remember, to me I only need to make sure it's the first
time he ever experienced this feeling, then take him before
that moment.)
Therapist: "Look at your dad's face, and verbalize the
feelings you had at the time with the language of a 3 years
old, what would you say to him?"
(He thought a little.)
Patient: "I don't know, maybe I might say: 'What did I
do?'. To be honest I just keep seeing my face shocked by
his expression, I didn't know why he would look at me this
way. My fun was just ruined for the night."
Therapist: "And ever since?"
Patient: "Well, maybe yes."
Therapist: "Do you deserve to be happy?"
(He remained silent. Then answered.)
Patient: "I know I do, but I don't feel that I do."
Therapist: "Why? What did you do not to deserve to be
happy?"
(I'm challenging his rationale a little.)
Patient: "Nothing."
Therapist: "Exactly, you were just 3, it's your dad's
problem and he transferred his own confusion to you. This
happens in life, intentionally and unintentionally and we
can't control it, but the good news is that it is just a
trauma that struck you at that point of time and stayed
with you, and we can certainly resolve that. You would say
that you didn't feel you had a problem being happy before
this incident right?"
Patient: "Yes."
(That's all I need.)
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Therapist: "Great, so yet again, look at your dad's face.
You're 3, playing with your cousins. Imagine looking at
him, then smile, can you do that?"
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "Ok, be at that moment, the exact moment when
you were playing and looked at your dad's face. Take a
little time."
(He spent some time.)
Therapist: "Look at his face, what do you feel?"
Patient: "Crushed."
Therapist: "Ok, I want you to go backwards a mere minute
before the event. Take your time to be there, what are you
doing?"
Patient: "Playing."
Therapist: "Do you feel happy?"
Patient: "Yes very much."
Therapist: "Ok, take your time to be there. It was just a
minute before your dad gave you the look."
(I gave him a little time, he took a breath.)
Therapist: "You were happy, right?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Ok, a minute before, what were your feelings
about your dad?"
Patient: "They were normal, he was playing with us."
Therapist: "Look at his face, do you feel you can look at
him and smile?"
129
Patient: "Not much no, there's this tension."
(This is the moment.)
Therapist: "Why? Considering a minute before the event this
feeling meant nothing to you. I want you to be there, a
minute before he gave you that look for the first time, 10
seconds even, look at his face, what do you see?"
(He took a little time.)
Patient: "He's playing with us."
Therapist: "What do you feel towards him?"
Patient: "He's my dad, I'm riding on his back while we
play."
Therapist: "You know your dad is not perfect right? And
that he has his problems and challenges."
Patient: "Yes of course."
Therapist: "That moment you were riding on his back. Did
you love him?"
Patient: "Yes of course."
Therapist: "If you looked at his face at that moment, what
would you have seen?"
Patient: "He's smiling and playing."
Therapist: "Is it possible that he was just tired a little
after, and considering he can't reveal his own challenges
and pains to your cousins, he just unconsciously acted
towards you?"
Patient: "It's possible yes."
Therapist: "Did you have good moments with your dad later
in your life?"
Patient: "Of course."
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Therapist: "Ok, fast forward to the moment he gave you the
look. Look at face, and tell me what you feel."
Patient: "I feel better actually."
(His facial muscles were clearly relaxing.)
Therapist: "Describe his feeling."
Patient: "I feel more compassionate towards him, he indeed
had his challenges, he's not a bad person."
(I'll play a little with the time line now to improve the
resolution and test the differences.)
Therapist: "Ok, imagine looking at him at this age and
time. Do you feel angry at him?"
Patient: "No, not really. I love him. He's a good person."
Therapist: "Wonderful, go now to the time you were with
your friends, they're having fun. Can you look at them and
smile genuinely?"
(His face was relaxed.)
Patient: "I think I can yes. I feel much more relaxed,
maybe there's a little feeling of melancholy, it's very
mild, like a trace, but I feel much better."
(I did a little back and forth. His state of relaxation
improved steadily.)
Therapist: "This is wonderful. We've clearly touched on the
trauma. You'll need to test yourself for a couple of weeks
to see what impact this will reflect on your real life. So
test yourself for a while and see if there are any traces
of the problem left, then report to me how things are
going. Sounds good?"
Patient: "Yes sounds great. Thank you very much."
(Session ended)
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Sample Case (Problem with sense of pride)
32 years old male, needs to work on his sense of pride. He
doesn't seem to respect himself enough and because of that
he's always losing lots of opportunities that he knows he
deserves. He also allows himself to be pushed-over by
others because of that. He gets very depressed when this
happens and he blames himself for being a weak person.
Session Script
Patient: "I would like to work on my sense of pride. I
don't seem to hold myself in a very composed and dignified
manner. I do not respect myself the way I should."
Therapist: "Ok, give me a recent incident when this was
triggered. Preferably during the past week."
Patient: "Okay, it's part of my personality so it happens
all the time, but here's one time that really struck my
attention a couple of days ago, I was going into a
building, and I found myself acting weak as passed by the
caretaker of that building who was standing by its door. I
even said hi to him in a shy low tone; he picked on that
and it triggered him to impose himself on me the way he
responded, I hated that. Despite me being a very dignified
man, coming from a wealthy family, I feel so intimidated by
others, even those who are of a much lower class. I don't
know why I do that."
Therapist: "What do you feel when you're around other
people?"
Patient: "it's like I feel I'm less than them."
(I'll attempt the opposite to get a better idea about his
fears.)
Therapist: "Ok, let's imagine the opposite. Imagine
yourself in front of that caretaker, and imagine speaking
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to him with a strong dignified tone, holding yourself in
high regard. What do you feel as you imagine doing that?
Take your time."
(He took a while.)
Patient: "I don't know why I feel afraid as I imagine
standing in front of him. He's just a caretaker."
(I began to suspect that people of a specific appearance
trigger fear in him.)
Therapist: "Are there scenarios where you interact with
people without fear?"
Patient: "Yes. But only with people I've known since my
childhood. Actually come think of it maybe only 2 or three
people, otherwise I feel intimidated talking to people in
general under most social circumstances, even with my own
family."
Therapist: "This must have started somewhere. Was there a
time when you were an outgoing person and had no fears
communicating with people?"
(He stayed silent for a while.)
Patient: "Not really, I was like this all my life."
Therapist: "Were you shy say at 7?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "6?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "5, 4?"
Patient: "Well, everybody tell me I was very outgoing at
that age."
Therapist: "Do you remember being this way?"
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Patient: "Ok, yes I do. I remember once we traveled when I
was about 4. I was so independent and everybody loved me
even the strangers in the trip. I was very outgoing and
talented."
Therapist: "But you say you were shy at 6 and 7."
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "What happened in between, can you think of the
first incident you felt shy?"
(He stayed silent for a while.)
Patient: "There's this incident with my uncle."
Therapist: "Tell me about it, how old were you?"
Patient: "Maybe 5."
Therapist: "What happened?"
Patient: "I remember now, as a kid I was really outgoing, I
had an uncle whom I loved so much. He's my only uncle, he
was young and cool. I was his buddy and he took me
everywhere."
Therapist: "Ok, please continue."
Patient: "I remember a day I was in his house playing. I
was throwing toys at him to get his attention."
Therapist: "What was he doing?"
Patient: "I don't remember exactly, he was sitting on the
couch doing something else. My mom was preparing to take me
home, I think she was outside waiting for me."
Therapist: "Ok, what happened after?"
Patient: "I kept throwing toys at him to get his attention,
but he kept ignoring me, told me a couple of times to stop
doing that."
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Therapist: "Then?"
Patient: "The last time I threw the toy at him he stood up,
shouted at me angrily and chased me while I ran out of the
house to go to my mom for protection. He lost his temper."
Therapist: "Why was this event significant to you?"
Patient: "I lost trust in him after this incident, he was
my role model, my buddy and the coolest person I know. But
after it I feared him for the rest of my life and I
couldn't relate to him ever again."
Therapist: "And that destroyed your confidence?"
Patient: "Yes it did. I know I was very confident before."
Therapist: "Why was it that extreme? He just chased you out
of the house and screamed at you."
(I know how traumas work, but I'm just attempting to
establish few logical arguments.)
Patient: "No, he didn't just do that. He also attempted to
kick me and missed. I remember how high his leg was raised
in the air. He did something like a karate move. He was
tall and big, I still remember how his leg flew above me
and I ran away in fear."
Therapist: "Was he really trying to hit you?"
Patient: "Come think of it, no, he was just trying to scare
me."
Therapist: "And he did."
Patient: "Yes, very much. And my relationship with him
changed forever after this event."
Therapist: "How was your relationship with him before?"
Patient: "It was wonderful. He was my role model, and I
looked up to him and felt protected by him. I remember how
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he took me often with him on his motor cycle, I rode in the
back, it was so great."
Therapist: "You know you annoyed him, right? By throwing
the toys at him."
Patient: "Yes I know, it even hurt him a little. They were
hard plastic Lego parts."
Therapist: "So he acted out on you because of that pain."
Patient: "Yes. But still."
Therapist: "Ok, yet again you thought that he tried to hit
you, but then when you considered it again you figured he
just did a move to scare you, did he not?"
Patient: "Yes, I think that's what he did, he didn't really
try to hurt me. But he did shout at me in a very
frightening manner."
Therapist: "Clearly this was a very strong trauma at the
moment it happened which made you lose trust in him and
probably in everyone who looks the same to you ever since.
But you know he isn't perfect and people make mistakes
right?"
Patient: "Yes I know."
Therapist: "Were you intimidated by him in any way before
this incident?"
Patient: "No, I didn't at all. To be honest I don't know
how I was comfortable enough to do that and throw toys at
him comfortably at that time. It was very courageous and I
was comfortable doing that. He's a big intimidating guy."
(I like this, I'll make him do some connections.)
Therapist: "And since then you became intimidated by big
looking guys?"
Patient: "I think I did yes."
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Therapist: "I know this seems logical to you because you
rationalized that big people should be scary because they
can hurt others, but believe it or not it's just a trauma,
and this is exactly what we will deal with here."
Patient: "Alright."
Therapist: "Let me ask you a question. Do you have other
relatives who interact with this uncle comfortably?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Are they your age?"
Patient: "Yes, even younger."
Therapist: "Does he hit them?"
(He laughed.)
Patient: "Of course not."
Therapist: "Do you know of any big people who look
intimidating, but are very nice and kind?"
Patient: "Yes of course. I know few who are even as nice
and innocent as kids."
Therapist: "Despite looking 'scary'?"
(He laughed.)
Patient: "Yes, despite that."
Therapist: "See, this feeling you have is simply a trauma.
It's a perception you formed because of a single
frightening event. All we need to do is resolve this trauma
in order to change this perception."
(He already began to relax a little.)
Patient: "Great."
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Therapist: "Ok, let's return to the time you experienced
this shock with your uncle. Can you give me any memory
before it that comes to mind? Take your time."
Patient: "I recall being at home with my mom."
Therapist: "How was your sense of pride at that point of
time? Was your personality outgoing?"
Patient: "Yes, completely."
Therapist: "I like that you're confident about that.
Another question, immediately before the incident with your
uncle, how was your sense of pride?"
Patient: "Very strong obviously. I wasn't scared by him and
was throwing Lego parts at his head."
Therapist: "Give me any other memory from a previous time
where you felt completely confident."
Patient: "During earlier years people tell me that I was a
natural leader. I do remember that as well, I was quite
popular."
Therapist: "Well, it does show based on what you told me
about the incident with your uncle. You were clearly
courageous and didn't mind messing with someone way bigger
than you."
Patient: "Yes, I guess so."
(I'm sensing clear change. The mere fact that he admitted
that he was strong before the event is enough to cause the
trauma to change.)
Therapist: "Think of your uncle now. Imagine him in front
of you, would you feel intimidated?"
Patient: "Maybe yes, a little, but it's different."
Therapist: "Ok, fast forward to that incident with the
caretaker, stand in front of him. Do you feel intimidated?"
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Patient: "Not like before, no."
Therapist: "Would you just say hi and keep going to the
building naturally?"
Patient: "Yes, I think I would."
(His eyes changed and showed signs of strength. But I
wanted to challenge him further.)
Therapist: "Alright, I want you to imagine asking the
caretaker commandingly to do something, I'm not asking you
to act in a condescending manner, but imagine commanding
him to do something. Just for the sake of testing yourself.
Can you look him in the eyes and do that?"
Patient: "Actually I feel a little intimidated and afraid
to do so no."
Therapist: "Why?"
(He remained silent. So I provoked him.)
Therapist: "Will he snap and hit you?"
(He laughed.)
Patient: "No he won't, well, maybe he's the type that
does."
Therapist: "Really, do you think he will snap and hit you?"
Patient: "It's a possibility."
Therapist: "Yes, everything in life is a possibility, but
if you spoke to him respectfully but strongly and asked if
he'd help you with something for a pay. Do you think he
will hit you?"
Patient: "No, of course not."
(It hit him.)
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Patient: "It's strange, because I've always imagined they'd
react negatively because they'd take it in a wrong way."
Therapist: "This is normal, it's how the unconscious
perceives things due to traumatic event. But it's a false
perception, you can be perfectly respectful yet strong."
Patient: "You're right."
Therapist: "Ok, go back to your uncle, and think about him
again. Do you feel intimidated in any way?"
Patient: "Not really, may be a tiny bit. But no generally
speaking."
Therapist: "Can you stand in front of him, look him in the
eyes, command him, and be playful."
(He hesitated a little, then spoke.)
Patient: "Yes, I think I can. I don't have a reason not
to."
Therapist: "Wonderful. This is a deep issue because it's
supported by habits that lasted a lifetime, but it will
change gradually during the coming period. All I want from
you is to repeat the procedure we did whenever you feel
weak around other people. Whenever that happens, just take
a break and repeat the process the way we did."
(I explained the method to him to give him a better
understanding.)
Patient: "Alright I'll do so."
Therapist: "Great. Test yourself for the coming couple of
weeks and see the changes that occur in your behavior, and
keep me updated. Sounds good?"
Patient: "Sounds great, thanks."
(Session ended.)
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Sample Case (Physical effects triggered by traumas)
A 27 year old female having problems with her period since
she was 12. Considering that I have very good expertise in
the field of nutrition, she came to me in hope to find out
if there's something wrong in her diet or if there are any
remedies she can use to alleviate the condition.
She explained that she went to nutritionists and followed a
good lifestyle, her physical tests show absolutely no signs
of any problems present, even her hormones seem to be in
complete balance.
She has no other physical problems except for what relate
to the regularity of her period, which, since the age of 12
seem to have fluctuated abnormally.
I gave her few life style and nutritional recommendations
based on what she told me, then I proceeded to check things
with her psychologically.
Session Script
Therapist: "I have to ask, since I did experience some
cases of women who had similar problems with their period
due to mere emotional reasons, one significant case that I
recall was a young 22 year old woman whose period stopped
completely after a failed relationship, which left her
extremely heartbroken. We need to explore this area, so
please tell me a little about your emotional wellbeing
since you were 12. Was there anything extreme that happened
with you around that time?"
Patient: "Well. There's something that happened when I was
young, but I'm totally ok with it now, it was a big deal
but I worked on it."
Therapist: "What was it?"
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Patient: "It was a matter of rape, I was violated that
way."
(She was speaking almost nonchalantly which struck my
attention.)
Therapist: "This is not something to take lightly, it's a
major issue. You're speaking of it as if it's a normal
thing. So talk to me more about it please. Did it happen
only once?"
Patient: "No. It happened maybe 5 or 6 times."
Therapist: "When was that?"
Patient: "About the time I was 6 years old."
Therapist: "How many people were involved?"
Patient: "All by the same person."
(She had a neutral emotional expression, which was very
strange considering the severity of what happened and what
she was saying. This was a very strong unconscious defense
mechanism.)
Therapist: "Did anyone know about this?"
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "You dealt with this all by yourself?"
Patient: "Yes I did."
Therapist: "How do you feel about it now?"
Patient: "I think the issue is over now, I dealt with it a
long time ago."
Therapist: "Remember that you started experiencing the
problem with your period at the age of 12, it did not
develop recently, so this might very well be related to
what happened to you back then. Therefore we need to
explore this in depth."
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Patient: "Alright."
Therapist: "What I need to do is observe the effect that
this traumatic event is having on you. To start, I want you
to think about this person who assaulted you, what do you
feel when you do that?"
Patient: "He did something very bad of course. It was very
unethical."
(She was speaking with a very rational tone, detached of
any emotions. I needed to have her connect to her
emotions.)
Therapist: "You are talking from a very intellectual
viewpoint, I want you to picture him in front of you, what
do you feel?"
Patient: "He's really a bad person for doing this."
(She was starting to get emotionally stimulated, but was
still hesitant to share her feelings.)
Therapist: "I want you to talk as if you were a 5 year old,
don't speak with the lexicon of an adult. A 5 year old will
express his or her feelings in a different way that's
purely emotional. Take yourself there and speak from that
viewpoint, for example would you scream at him and say: I
hate you! You're a horrible person, I wish you would die!
And so. Go with that and speak freely like children do,
what would you say?"
Patient: "Yes I would indeed say that, I wish he was dead,
he does not deserve to live! I can't believe that he can go
on living his life as if nothing happen after what he did.
Where is... (she hesitated a lot before she continued, then
she talked with a loud angry tone) GOD in all of this! when
this was happening!"
Therapist: "How do you feel now? What's the most dominant
feeling? Is it anger?"
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Patient: "Yes, I'm so angry, I can't believe I allowed him
to do that, I can't believe that I listened to him. I don't
know why I didn't tell my mom about this!"
Therapist: "I see that you're also feeling guilty here.
You're holding yourself responsible for this."
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "How can you feel guilty, you were 6 years old,
it's clearly not your mistake."
(She remained silent. She had her doubts.)
Therapist: "We have two major emotions here, needless to
say you're angry because of what happened, but the other
one that strikes me is your feelings of guilt because you
went along with it. This can't be reasoned."
Patient: "I could've stopped him."
Therapist: "You were merely 6 years old, this feeling can't
be justified, it can't be your fault in any way as you
weren't aware of what was happening, he was an adult and
you were a kid. He knew how to manipulate you even if you
could've stopped him and you didn't have enough maturity to
know how to deal with something like this."
(She was silent, clearly feeling like she could've done
something.)
Therapist: "When you think of him right now, how do you
feel? Take a little time."
(I'm making sure she summons the correct emotion before
proceeding.)
Patient: "I feel so much anger, I hate to say it but I
really wish he'd die."
Therapist: "Ok, before we proceed I want to tell you that
we can't change people, they have their own problems and
challenges. However, we can change how we perceive things.
This event has a strong effect on you right now, but once
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we deal with the trauma, it will become like thinking about
any passing event in life, this is 15 years of experience
speaking, and it's the only valid way to deal with most of
our problems that I found after all these years of
experimentations. Therefore, I will be focusing here on
dissolving the problem by working on dissolving the
associated trauma. Afterwards we will test things and see
the difference, ok?"
Patient: "Ok."
Therapist: "Now, this won't be easy for you at all, but we
must do it. I want you to go back to that time you were 6
years old, it was the first time he assaulted you right?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Ok, go back to that time, to the first time he
assaulted you, and tell me exactly what's happening."
(She remained silent for a while.)
Patient: "We came back from a wedding late at night."
Therapist: "What time was it?"
Patient: "A little before dawn, maybe 3am."
Therapist: "Where were you, in your house?"
Patient: "Yes, but not inside the house, it was on the
roof."
Therapist: "What's happening?"
(She was starting to get very emotional, her voice was
extremely shaky and she was about to cry. She was finally
beginning to connect to the emotional state she ignored for
so long.)
Patient: "He called me to the roof, when I went upstairs, I
saw him standing there, he... he.. he didn't have his pants
on."
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(She remained silent a little.)
Patient: "I can't... I really can't talk about this."
(She began to sob. She was experiencing an emotional
breakdown.)
Therapist: "I understand how hard it's for you to talk
about this, but I want you to know that I really don't need
the details of what happened during the process. What I
need is for you to feel the exact emotion you had present
at the time, so just imagine being there and tell me what
you feel as you recall what happened. This was the first
time it happened right?"
Patient: "Yes right."
Therapist: "Look at him, how do you feel when you do?"
Patient: "Horrible. My hands are shaking as I speak."
Therapist: "And it's the first time you ever experienced
this feeling?"
Patient: "Yes."
(Now I have all the elements in place to proceed with the
steps.)
Therapist: "Ok, so you're on the roof with him and it's
your first time experiencing this. Before this event the
feeling you're experiencing right now did not exist in your
life, would you confirm this positively?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Great. Can you tell me what you were doing 10
minutes before going to the roof, before he called you?"
Patient: "I was downstairs with my family members, we just
came back from the wedding and we were settling."
(As soon as she admits that there was a time where she
existed without the trauma, the change starts to happen.
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Notice how I don't even care about the details, all I need
is for her to summon the feeling that was present during
the trauma, then take her to a time and place before that.)
Therapist: "What were you doing?"
Patient: "I was with my sister, everything was fine."
Therapist: "If you think about that person at that time,
how would you have felt?"
Patient: "Normal I guess."
Therapist: "Would you feel any kind of anger?"
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "Ok, go back to the roof now, climb the stairs
and look at that person. How do you feel?"
(She remained silent.)
Therapist: "Your feelings of anger are different right?"
Patient: "Actually yes."
(Do you see what just happened? Without even talking about
any details or attempting to rationalize what happened, the
mere remembrance of her state prior to that event changed
how the trauma affected her right away.)
Therapist: "How do you feel?"
Patient: "Quite normal. It's strange."
Therapist: "Look at his face, do you feel angry?"
Patient: "Not really, it's strange. I'm looking at him and
I feel just normal as if it's a normal event."
Therapist: "Although few minutes ago you felt very intense
emotions imagining this. Right?"
Patient: "Yes."
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Therapist: "See, this is how traumas work. You can spend
thousands of dollars over years of therapy and get no
results, however, in mere minutes if you tackle the trauma
correctly, you can dissolve it. Let's test things again,
think of him right now, would you still say that you feel
you want him to die?"
Patient: "No I don't."
Therapist: "What do you feel?"
Patient: "I'm angry at him still, he made a mistake, a big
one nonetheless, I still say he should be punished for it."
Therapist: "Yes of course if he didn't learn from that
mistake or correct his behavior, but what we care about
here is your perception not how other people are, we can't
control that. Do you feel better now when you think about
the event?"
Patient: "Yes, I do."
Therapist: "Did you notice how intense your feelings were
before and how different they are now?"
Patient: "Yes, it's amazing actually."
Therapist: "This is great. You've just experienced how
dissolving traumas works. These feeling have buried
themselves in your unconscious. You were very brave to
handle things on your own like you did, however, these
feelings were still there and might very well have been
connected to your physical problems. Therefore I want you
to observe yourself during the next month and send me your
feedback. You should of course take into consideration my
other nutritional recommendations which I gave you, they
will help clean your body and balance your hormones as
well. Do this and send me your feedback, sounds good?"
Patient: "Yes, sounds great thanks."
(Session ended.)
148
(This patient sent me about a couple of months later that
her period improved and was regulating, she was noticing
great improvements. It's important to say that she also
fixed her diet, took less sugars, starches and animal
products, and also took herbal supplements for female
hormonal imbalances that I recommended to her.)
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Sample Case (Can't get over love)
This was a very interesting case. Considering the dynamics
of love and heartbreak. I had to do few experiments to see
if I can resolve this problem from the perspective of a
trauma. There was a lot of anger involved, and many
unresolved issues. The relationship was terminated without
any kind of closure and the patient had no means to
approach and contact her ex. He hurt her in different ways
before severing the contact suddenly and she was left in
frustration, hurt and in tremendous anger because of that.
Session Script
Patient: "I was in a relationship with a man whom I loved
more than anything, we had normal problems every now and
then but it didn't seem to be serious in any way. One day
months ago he suddenly ended things cold heartedly by
cutting all contacts with me and left me with no means to
approach him in any way, just like that, he didn't even
explain what was wrong. Things seemed so fine even days
before that event. I can't seem to be able to get over
this, I wake up thinking about what happened almost every
day, and it's been months now. I want to forget what
happened but I can't. I really loved him so much but
apparently I meant nothing to him. He simply used me when
he needed and threw me like I was nothing when he was done.
I feel so angry and devastated, I didn't get any kind of
closure, he ended things without even allowing me to ask
for the reason, I was just left alone in the shock."
Therapist: "How long have you been in this relationship?"
Patient: "A long time, years."
Therapist: "You said he didn't care the way you did right?
When did this become apparent to you?"
Patient: "I was deeply in love, but I started suspecting he
wasn't really at the same place I was few months into the
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relationship, I know he liked me but it was different, I
was deeply in love. But he, I don't know anymore what was
happening, people can be so cruel sometimes. He could've
just been honest with me since the start instead of using
me like this."
(She spent some time telling me about all the details of
their relationship, about the beautiful memories they had
and how wonderful things seemed to be. She also talked
about her feelings of guilt that she might have made some
mistakes that drove him away. However, after examining them
it was clear that his nonchalant behavior was there since
the very beginning, he didn't respect her well and was
narcissistic in nature. He even belittled her and broke her
spirit whenever she attempted to do something significant.
After we talked about enough details to give me a good
picture of the relationship, I proceeded.)
Therapist: "Ok, now, we can dwell over anger, heartbreak,
and the things that happened through the years. But I
assure you that it very rarely resolves the issue. I want
to try something different here as I myself have learned to
view everything from the perspective of a trauma, is this
ok?"
Patient: "Yes sure."
Therapist: "You seem to be fixated upon a fact of you being
deeply in love with him, knowing that he doesn't love you
back the way you did. So, I want to try to dissolve this
deep state of love the way I dissolve a trauma, it will be
quite in reverse but is worth experimenting with. I want
you to recall the first moment you saw him and experienced
falling in love with him. Can you remember that very first
moment?"
Patient: "Yes of course, it was actually the very first
time I saw him, he was talking to a friend of mine. I know
that the very first moment I laid my eyes on him I fell
deeply in love, I knew this was the man I so wanted to be
with."
Therapist: "And that's the feeling that remained with you
all these years, right?"
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Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "And you still feel that way even now."
Patient: "Yes I kind of do. I'm still in love with him, and
that's what hurts me the most."
(I'll attempt to take her backwards before that moment now
and observe any changes in her feeling. It's experimental
but worth a try.)
Therapist: "Ok, go backwards a minute before you saw him,
to a time when that first image of him did not even exist
in your life. Tell me, what were you doing a minute earlier
before the first time you saw him?"
Patient: "I was joining some friends in a social gathering,
I was very happy actually, it was with some of my best
friends whom I loved so much, we were having fun."
Therapist: "That deep feeling towards him didn't exist then
right?"
(I'm just emphasizing for the process.)
Patient: "Yes of course, it didn't."
Therapist: "Alright, when you think of him at the time
being, picturing his face, do you still feel that state of
desperate love?"
Patient: "Yes I do."
Therapist: "Now go backwards few minutes before the
incident of seeing him for the first time. Imagine yourself
present at that time, remember that back then you've never
seen his face. Take your time and be there."
(She spent a little time in silence)
Therapist: "From that place and time, imagine looking at
his face. Do you feel attached and deeply in love yet
again."
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Patient: "Yes I do. But honestly I'm not sure it makes
sense as I can't imagine his face if I didn't know him."
Therapist: "I understand. What I'm asking you to do is put
yourself in a scenario similar to walking down the street
days before you knew the guy, and imagine passing by him on
the sidewalk as you do by any other person. Imagine being
at that place and time, passing by him and seeing his face.
What do you feel as you do so?"
(She was a bit confused. But it did seem to strike
something in her. What I'm doing is attempting to get her
to a point to imagine him in front of her prior to that
very first moment she fell in love. I just want to try to
get her to summon the feeling, her unconscious will
remember then how it was before he entered her life.)
Patient: "It's a bit strange, attempting to do so."
Therapist: "It's ok, I know. It's ok, let's fast forward,
he's in front of you right now, look at his face, what do
you feel?"
Patient: "Angry."
Therapist: "Do you still feel that you're in love with
him?"
Patient: "Yes, desperately."
Therapist: "Remember, at that time, days before you even
knew him this feeling did not exist, and he didn't mean
anything to you yet. So try again to go backwards in time
and imagine passing by him in the street before that first
moment you met him. Imagine doing that and tell me: Do you
still feel that you're in love? Take your time to do this
well."
(She took a while.)
Patient: "I know the moment I would lay my eyes on him at
any point of time I'd fall in love."
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Therapist: "Why so?"
Patient: "He's just perfect."
Therapist: "In what sense? Obviously he's just a human who
makes mistakes like any other, evident by what happened to
you."
Patient: "Yes, I know."
Therapist: "What do you mean when you say 'perfect'?"
Patient: "Ok, he's extremely good looking, any woman would
fall in love with him right away if she saw him."
Therapist: "Is that true? Do you know of women who saw him
and didn't fall in love with him?"
Patient: "Yes I do. I even know of people who said he was
vulgar in looks and behavior."
Therapist: "Is he?"
Patient: "I don't know, maybe considering I'm angry at him
I'd confirm it, I guess people have opinions."
Therapist: "It's not fair to judge people anyway right?"
Patient: "Yes I agree."
Therapist: "Ok, you said he was perfect. Is he?"
Patient: "Well, he is good looking."
Therapist: "But you just admitted that it's relative."
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Even still, you know this is relative."
Patient: "Yes sure."
Therapist: "Alright, so you are still in love with him and
don't want to lose him because he is 'good looking'?"
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Patient: "Maybe he just was the man of my dreams."
(There must be a reason for her to be attracted to this
type of man. But from what we discussed earlier it was
clear that in terms of a relationship they had a dead end.
So there was no point attempting to remedy their
relationship in any way.)
Therapist: "Is he the only man on earth with the potential
to be the man of your dreams?"
Patient: "I know he's not, but it just feels that way."
(I know that this is how a person feels when in love,
however I'm just setting up for a logical argument.)
Therapist: "I understand, but I'm just asking these
questions to show you later on the strange ways with which
our unconscious works. Okay then, I want you to go back
again to that first time you saw him. What were you doing?"
Patient: "I was meeting up with some of my close friends."
Therapist: "What time was it?"
Patient: "Maybe like 6pm."
Therapist: "Remember, we are at a point of time before you
met him. Who's there?"
Patient: "A group of my friends, I'm greeting everybody."
Therapist: "Alright, this was minutes before you ever saw
him, recall your feeling then at that time, minutes before
you saw him for the first time. How did you feel then?"
Patient: "I was fine, happy, I was doing the things I
wanted to do and I was shining in many ways."
Therapist: "Good, be there, minutes before you met him. His
face shouldn't mean anything to you yet. Just go to that
place and imagine how life was before you saw him for the
first time. Take as long as you need."
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(She took a while. I made sure she put herself in the
emotional state that was present prior to meeting up with
this person.)
Therapist: "How do you feel now when you imagine his face
in front of you?"
Patient: "Well I still feel something towards him, but it's
a little less intense."
Therapist: "Do you feel the same desperate state of love?"
Patient: "No, it's weaker. But I still feel angry at him."
Therapist: "This is understandable considering what he did,
but this is a separate issue, still let's go with it. Why
do you feel angry at him?"
Patient: "The way he left the relationship, it was just so
mean and brutal. He had zero consideration for my feelings,
it was so arrogant, cruel and insensitive."
Therapist: "Would you say he's a bad person?"
Patient: "I'm not even sure what to say in regards to that
anymore. I wouldn't have spent time with him if I thought
he was a bad person. But he has a very serious problem.
What he did was unacceptable at all."
Therapist: "Why do you still agonize over him? Just speak
candidly."
Patient: "I don't know... I guess I really thought we were
meant to be with each other. I'm also so angry at him,
because of how he left things without an explanation and
didn't even allow me to ask why he did what he did. I'm
angry and don't have any way to get a proper closure."
Therapist: "I understand, this is not easy at all. Again,
talking about this won't resolve the issue, I'll yet again
tackle this anger from the perspective of a trauma, I only
want to deal with the feeling. Remember, we can't change
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people, but we can change the way we perceive things. This
anger, when was the first time you ever got angry at him?"
Patient: "The first time I ever got mad at him?"
Therapist: "Yes."
(She took a short time.)
Patient: "I vividly recall one night when he sent me
something that was very inconsiderate, it was late at
night. He canceled on me the day before but it was fine,
just a normal event. However that message he sent me on the
following day was a shock to me because that moment I
realized I don't mean much to him, it was so cold and he
compared me to other people he barely knew. What he said
gave the impression that just as he can cancel on anyone
who means nothing to him he can also cancel on me when he
doesn't feel like doing something. His excuse was so
mundane and reflected that I meant nothing to him, while I
on the other hand gave him the priority whenever he needed
anything."
Therapist: "How did you feel then?"
Patient: "My whole world collapsed. I was deeply in love
before that incident, he meant the world to me."
Therapist: "And that message changed things?"
Patient: "Yes it did, his message showed he didn't really
care about me. And when I tried to ask he just ignored me.
I felt so enraged all night because of it, I remember it
vividly because I couldn't sleep all night, I felt so sad
and angry. My world fell apart."
(This behavior is typical of a narcissistic personality
which he seems to have as a trait. Many people fall into
similar pitfalls when they are in a relationship with a
narcissist. However, my concern is to change her emotional
state as she's already out of the relationship.)
Therapist: "You had a lot of dreams with him right?"
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Patient: "Yes, and that night it all changed."
Therapist: "When was that?"
Patient: "Maybe a year after I met him."
Therapist: "And you stayed with him long after?"
Patient: "Yes, years, around three years."
Therapist: "Ok when you think about him right now, what's
the dominant feeling you get?"
Patient: "Anger, I'm heartbroken because I was in love, but
I'm more angry and wish he'd pay for what he did to me and
how he treated me. It was so wrong and I certainly didn't
deserve what he did."
Therapist: "Ok, considering there's no way for you to
resolve this anger with him, we will yet again continue
tackling things from the perspective of a trauma. We can't
change what happened, and we certainly can't change him.
Therefore, go back to that moment you first got angry at
him, you said it was about a year after you met, right?"
Patient: "Right."
Therapist: "What happened that night?"
Patient: "Well, what happened was that he canceled on me
the day before, which was fine and felt normal. However,
that night through his message I realized the reason was so
silly and clearly meant that I don't mean much to him. I
felt so enraged all night, and I couldn't sleep."
Therapist: "Do you remember that first moment when you
received the message, the moment you received the shock?"
Patient: "Yes, of course. Vividly."
Therapist: "Ok, I want you to go back to the moment you
read the message, and experience the shock as if it's
happening to you right now. Go to that moment and tell me
what you feel."
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(She remained silent a little.)
Patient: "I was heartbroken. I was deeply in love before
that."
Therapist: "Yet, you stayed with him."
Patient: "Well, you know how it goes, I thought maybe it
was a misunderstanding, I gave it a chance. But I know I
did that for too long now, I should've realized that
earlier."
Therapist: "Ok, would you say that the night you spoke of
was the very first time you ever felt angry at him?"
(Just making sure she can confirm that before this event
she felt fine.)
Patient: "There were of course minor events before that,
but they were small and insignificant. They didn't have an
effect on my love and how I saw him. But this one, yes, it
made all the difference. Things went downhill afterwards."
Therapist: "Ok, that first moment you saw the message and
received the shock. Imagine it's happening right now to you
and that you're looking at your phone."
(She spent some time.)
Therapist: "What do you feel?"
Patient: "Very disappointed."
Therapist: "Imagine his face in front of you, what do you
feel?"
Patient: "So angry. You have no idea!"
(Now is a good time to proceed.)
Therapist: "Ok, that moment you received and saw the
message. Before it, what were you doing?"
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Patient: "I was in bed, it was late at night, maybe 1am."
Therapist: "How did you feel towards him then?"
(She sighed and breathed deeply. A look of melancholy on
her face.)
Patient: "I loved him... I loved him so much... I was so
excited to do something with him on the day after. I
thought he canceled on me the day before because he was
actually busy."
Therapist: "And that message shattered you, because you
realized he canceled for no reason."
Patient: "Yes... He just didn't care much."
Therapist: "Ok, again before that message. Minutes before
it. Tell me what's happening."
(She was beginning to relax a little. This is because her
feelings of anger were challenged by remembering how she
felt before they struck her for the first time.)
Patient: "I was in bed, preparing to sleep."
Therapist: "How did you feel then?"
Patient: "Happy, I was so happy, it was a good day."
Therapist: "How did you feel towards him that moment?"
Patient: "I loved him so much, he meant the world to me, he
really was everything to me."
Therapist: "Imagine his face in front of you right now, as
in the time being. What do you feel? Do you still feel
desperately in love, or angry?"
(Her expression was much more relaxed and compassionate. I
wanted to test the changes.)
Patient: "Well, I really love him, I don't know why things
had to happen the way they did."
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Therapist: "Do you feel angry at him?"
Patient: "I'm not even sure what to feel, I'm more like
puzzled and confused."
Therapist: "Great, it seems we tackled something here as
minutes ago you felt great anger when you thought about
him. Go back to the moment you read the message, and tell
me what you feel? Do you feel as angry as you did?"
(I'm testing again.)
Patient: "I don't feel that angry no. But I do feel sad
because I don't understand why it happened."
(Temporary melancholy is normal when a person breaks up
with a partner or loses a loved person. As long as these
emotions are well balanced they will fade away in a short
time.)
Therapist: "It's ok, this might stay for a short while.
It's typical of relationships and breakups. Just give it a
little time. But I want to ask you again: Do you think
there exists no one else on earth with the potential of
being the man of your dreams?"
Patient: "No, of course there can be."
Therapist: "Good. Another question: Is he the only one who
looks good? Is there no one else who looks good to you that
exists?"
(I'm just throwing few logical arguments for her before
ending the session. She smiled a little.)
Patient: "No, I'm sure there are others who look as good,
even better."
(She looked sad, but was accepting. She has relaxed a lot.)
Therapist: "Ok great. Now give things a little time to
settle. Give it a week or two and see how you feel and send
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me an update. It seems we hit on the correct trauma. Let's
see what will happen after this. Sounds good?"
Patient: "Yes, sounds good. Thanks."
(Session ended.)
Another Session
Patient: "I'm still bothered by anger, it comes to me very
often, especially when I wake up. I honestly don't feel
that I love him anymore, but I feel angry, very angry at
times."
Therapist: "Ok, before we start it's good that you're
saying with great conviction that you don't feel in love
with him anymore. Beforehand you were madly and desperately
in love."
Patient: "No, I really feel that I'm over him, in fact I
feel so blessed with the new people I have in my life,
they're much better. I still don't understand why we had to
go through what happened because things should've been
fine, but I don't care anymore."
Therapist: "Great, so what you're saying is that the only
problem right now is that you still feel angry sometimes."
Patient: "Yes, but it's really intense. I wake up feeling
angry at him and feel like I want to... (she hesitated)
curse him or something for what he did."
Therapist: "Is it that intense?"
Patient: "Really so. He doesn't deserve to be forgiven. He
did so many bad things to me and I didn't deserve them, I
was so kind to him and gave him everything I could. I don't
even have a way to make him pay back for what he did to me.
When I think about this I feel so hurt and enraged."
Therapist: "Do you want revenge?"
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Patient: "Ah... I really don't want to say it this way. But
he deserves to be punished."
Therapist: "Is there a way to properly punish him for what
he did? E.g. can you sue him or something? I'm just making
sure there's an action that can be taken, this is why I
ask."
Patient: "No. What he did to me was all psychological
abuse, he was so cruel and didn't care for my feelings."
Therapist: "You've tried of course communicating this to
him in the past but there were no means to do so, right?"
Patient: "Yes, he never cared. It always gave him a way to
hurt me even further."
Therapist: "So your current situation is that you have
massive anger towards him but can't do anything about it.
I'm just making sure."
Patient: "Yes indeed, this seems to be the case. I'm just
left alone to deal with my anger."
Therapist: "Okay, we've dealt with these feelings last time
by going to a time before your first incident of anger.
That seemed to make you feel better at that time. What
happened after?"
Patient: "Actually that helped me fall out of love with
him. However, in regards to anger, every time I remember
the cruelty of what he did, and because I know for sure
that he's not sorry for anything, my anger returns. I wish
there's a way for him to pay for it."
Therapist: "So you just want him to pay for what he did to
you."
Patient: "It might not be my proudest moment, but yes."
Therapist: "Yet, you know there's nothing you can do about
it."
(She laughed.)
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Patient: "Yes. There's absolutely nothing I can do."
(The only thing I learned to care about is to find a way to
make a patient be in a state that's prior to experiencing
the problem. The therapist has to have enough gumption to
know how to suggest a good scenario to the patient that
would both take him/her there and still make sense as a
rationally speaking.)
Therapist: "I'll try something here: See this anger you
have? You're waking up with it every day thinking it's not
coming to an end because you have no means to a resolution.
This massive anger, big as it may seem, will come to an end
one day. Least of all when we die, it will dissolve. So
whether we found a way to resolve it or not with him, it
will still come to an end one day, correct?"
Patient: "Yes, I suppose."
Therapist: "Then, considering that there's nothing you can
do about it, why not make that moment now instead, giving
yourself the peace of mind you desperately needs instead of
waiting and suffering for a very long time for no reason?"
(That seemed to hit her, she paused and spent a little time
in silence.)
Patient: "It makes sense indeed. I have to say."
(This is exactly what I'm trying to do, change the thought
in her unconscious by giving her an irrefutable proof, a
new belief for her unconscious to grab on instead of the
old one. In this case it was believing that this anger
won't go away unless she gets him to payback for what he
did somehow. Her dilemma was in knowing there was
absolutely nothing she could do about it and she thought
the anger will be there forever because she had no choice.)
(She spent some time in silence, her gestures were
changing. Her face still looked angry but it was different,
she came to a realization and it hit her.)
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Patient: "You're right... I'm agonizing for no reason,
there's nothing I can do about it. Why not end it now."
Therapist: "How do you feel?"
(Her face looked angry, but it was different. She
continued.)
Patient: "I really want to slap him hard for what he did. I
am so angry, but life goes on I guess. He didn't deserve
that I was good to him, and I really don't know what's
wrong with him and how he could do what he did."
Therapist: "How are your feelings towards him now?"
Patient: "I am angry, but I don't want anything to do with
him anymore."
Therapist: "This is better, but you need to get to a point
where you feel neutral when you think about this. That's
your queue that the problem has been resolved for good. Let
things sit for few days and see if you still wake up
bothered by what happened. See if there are any significant
changes because of what we did today, and let me know in a
couple of weeks, sounds good?"
Patient: "Yes, sounds good."
Therapist: "Don't forget to keep moving forward with your
life always. You will meet new people and there will always
be those who are right for you and those who are not. It's
a matter of reasonable possibilities, you went through a
rough patch with this failed relationship, this happens in
life and it's normal. So just keep going and do your best."
Patient: "I will do that, thanks."
(She reported a while later that she no longer wakes up in
the morning feeling angry and hostile at him. When she
thinks of him her feelings are more like he was part of the
past, she forgot him and celebrated new people that came
into her life.)
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Sample Case (Afraid to take care of her nephew)
I like this case because it shows the amazing ways in which
the unconscious mind is capable of functioning in terms of
formulating its defense mechanisms. The patient was equally
surprised when she realized what was happening.
In the beginning of the case, the patient found it very
hard to talk, she was very sensitive and on the edge of
crying. She spoke about different things without clear
correlations. I had to calm her down several times and ask
her to tell me exactly what she was feeling. Eventually she
was able to speak consistently.
Session Script
Therapist: "How do you feel exactly, right at this moment
as you speak?"
Patient: "I feel very sad."
Therapist: "Why is that?"
Patient: "I'm afraid because my sister is very tired, she
collapsed a short while ago because of a back injury. I
feel frightened just having the thought that something
might happen to her."
Therapist: "Is there something serious?"
Patient: "No, not really, she hurt her back because she
fell. But seeing her tired and bedded for a while makes me
feel so afraid. I'm also having to take care of her little
daughter while she recovers, and I'm so afraid of the
responsibility. I didn't mind it in the past, but now I'm
having to take care of her all the time and I'm just afraid
of the responsibility."
(She was very depressed, almost feeling like her life is
falling apart. We spoke about different things that
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troubled her and about different aspects in her life
connected to her purpose and passions, then we continued.)
Therapist: "Ok, give me an example of a recent time where
you experienced this sadness intensifying, preferably
during the past week."
(She took a short while.)
Patient: "Probably two days ago when I was taking my nephew
to school."
Therapist: "What happened? and why did that affect you
negatively?"
Patient: "I just felt a great state of sadness taking her
to school."
Therapist: "Why was that significant to you? It's an easy
task relatively speaking. Do you feel uncomfortable taking
care of her at home?"
Patient: "Not this way no."
Therapist: "But having to take her to school stressed you
out a lot?"
Patient: "Yes. I was tremendously uncomfortable doing
that."
Therapist: "Why so?"
Patient: "I don't like going there."
(Here I began to suspect that her problem is actually less
related to taking care of her nephew and more connected to
some sort of a school related social phobia. Going to
school must be associated with fears stemming from early
childhood. While she spoke, she also mentioned that she
went to the same school when she was a child. I began to
test this emotion for validation.)
Therapist: "This is interesting, I want to explore this.
Imagine yourself approaching the school with your little
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nephew. It's morning time, what do you feel as you approach
the building? Imagine being there now. Take your time."
(She took a little while.)
Patient: "I don't like to visit that place."
Therapist: "What do you feel as you see the school's
building? Try to find a single word to describe your
feeling. Would you say it's fear?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "What triggers that fear? Is it the students
there? The teachers? Imagine yourself standing in the
middle of the playground of the school. All the students
around you are playing and doing their things, what do you
feel?"
Patient: "I'm very uncomfortable. I feel tremendous
pressure."
Therapist: "Are you afraid someone would hurt you somehow?
Try to explain why you feel uncomfortable."
Patient: "No, I don't think someone will hurt me, but I
feel a lot of pressure."
Therapist: "Ok, you're standing in the middle of the
playground, I want you to imagine being there. Feel that
pressure and let it be present right now as if you are
actually there."
Patient: "Ok."
(I gave her a little time in silence.)
Therapist: "How old are you?"
Patient: "12 maybe."
Therapist: "See this pressure, was it there when you were
11?"
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Patient: "I think so yes."
Therapist: "How about when you were 9?"
Patient: "Yes, it was there."
Therapist: "7?"
Patient: "Probably, I'm not sure..."
Therapist: "When would you say was the very first time you
ever felt this kind of pressure at school? Meaning before
that time this pressure did not exist in your life."
(She thought for a while.)
Patient: "Maybe in the fourth grade or around that time."
Therapist: "Are you saying before that time this pressure
did not exist?"
Patient: "I'm not sure but probably not."
Therapist: "What happened in the fourth grade?"
Patient: "There was this teacher. She was so mean."
Therapist: "What did she do?"
Patient: "Her looks, she just made me feel so intimidated
and afraid."
(I'm astounded how often similar encounters affect people
for the rest of their lives.)
Therapist: "Ok, be at that moment, look at the teacher's
face and tell me what's happening."
Patient: "She's actually not doing anything to me, she's
punishing another girl, but she looks so mean though, I'm
frightened."
Therapist: "Are you afraid you're going to meet her at
school when you take your nephew there?"
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Patient: "No not really, she's not there anymore, she
stopped teaching since a long time."
Therapist: "But you're still uncomfortable entering that
school."
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "This is completely normal and yet so
interesting, because what we're dealing with here is simply
a trauma that started around that time, it's not a rational
thing. This is how the unconscious works. Ok, imagine
standing in front of the school with your nephew, at this
age and time, you do still feel uncomfortable right?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Great, go back to the fourth grade, when you
felt intimidated by that teacher, look at her face and tell
me what you feel?"
Patient: "Scared, she's very intimidating and she makes me
feel so guilty."
Therapist: "Except you didn't do anything, right?"
Patient: "No I didn't."
Therapist: "As you know, we can't control other people.
This teacher has her own problems which caused her to
behave this way. However, we can certainly work on your
reaction and whether or not what she does affects you. As
we resolve your trauma this perception will simply change.
Makes sense?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Ok, let's work on that. Again, look at her
face, make yourself present there and summon that
uncomfortable state of pressure, intimidation and guilt."
Patient: "Ok."
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Therapist: "Is it the same feeling you have when you
imagine standing in the middle of the playground?"
Patient: "I can say so, yes."
Therapist: "How about as you approach the school in the
morning with your nephew. Is it the same feeling?"
(She thought for a while.)
Patient: "Yes. It's very similar, the same kind of
pressure."
Therapist: "Imagine standing in front of the school's
building right now, at this age. And tell me what do you
feel?"
Patient: "Scared and pressured. I don't want to go in
there, I feel almost like I want to run away."
Therapist: "Did this feeling exist before that moment in
the fourth grade when you had your encounter with the
teacher."
(If she says no with conviction, the trauma will begin to
dissolve right away, because she'll admit to herself that
there was a time when she didn't feel like this. She took a
while to think, her belief was challenged.)
Therapist: "That moment in the fourth grade, if you go
backwards in time just a few minutes earlier, would you say
that the pressure and fear you're experiencing right now
existed in your life?"
Patient: "I'm not really sure. No it didn't."
Therapist: "Are you saying that minutes before that moment,
before you saw the teacher's face and established that
fear, your perception of school was completely normal."
Patient: "It probably was. Yes."
(Her face already began to relax once she admitted that.)
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Therapist: "Ok, minutes before that incident, tell me
what's happening."
Patient: "We're in the classroom, talking and playing
around."
Therapist: "What would you feel about school if you thought
of it at that time?"
Patient: "It was fine, normal, I loved it."
(Now it's time to play around the time line.)
Therapist: "Ok, fast forward in time minutes after seeing
that teacher's look that scared you. Look at her face, what
do you feel?"
(There should be a difference. She took a short while.)
Patient: "I feel much better actually. Less scared and
intimidated. I don't think I'm even scared... Well, maybe a
little, but not like I was... I'm not sure actually." (She
was smiling.)
(I love this moment after the dissolution of the trauma
when the mind takes a while to realize what's happening,
the old paradigm doesn't seem to make sense anymore and the
mind tries to understand why there was a problem to begin
with.)
Therapist: "Fast forward in time and look at the school's
building. How do you feel?"
Patient: "I feel much better, I don't think I even feel
scared to go in there anymore."
Therapist: "Can you picture yourself going into the
building feeling relaxed?"
Patient: "Yes, I think I'm completely fine doing that."
Therapist: "Do you see how your fear of school was the
actual reason behind your recent depression when you had to
take care of your nephew?"
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Patient: "I indeed can see this now. I normally wouldn't
have any problem taking care of her, but the fact that I
had to take her to school every morning and enter that
place was just too much for me to handle. I can't believe
this! I wouldn't have imagined that this would actually be
the cause of my depression!"
Therapist: "It's interesting how the unconscious mind works
isn't it?"
Patient: "Absolutely, very much so."
(We tested things back and forth to make sure she wasn't
bothered by the idea of going to school anymore. She seemed
to be fine, so we ended the session and I asked her to
report to me later how she felt the following days to make
sure nothing is left of the problem.)
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Sample Case (Feeling ostracized)
25 years old Female, she has a good group of friends, but
she doesn't feel that she belongs even to her very own
group. She always experiences feelings of loneliness
especially when there are no plans for the day, and it
triggers her so much when plans are cancelled. It makes her
feel immensely disappointed and depressed.
Session Script
Patient: "I often feel alone and that I don't belong to the
group I'm hanging out with. I know I have good friends, but
still, I can't help but feel this way and I can't take it
anymore."
Therapist: "Give me an example of a recent incident where
this has happened."
Patient: "Just yesterday, we had plans with friends, they
were canceled and I felt so bad, I almost took it
personally. I also didn't know what to do on my own, I felt
like I was so alone."
Therapist: "Were you really alone? Or were you able to be
with other people if you wanted to?"
Patient: "Actually I would've been able to be with other
people. I just felt depressed and didn't feel like it."
(I'm sensing here that the problem might be related to a
specific friend she's attached to.)
Therapist: "Was it a specific friend that you felt bad
canceling on you?"
Patient: "No not really, it was a generic hangout with
three good friends of mine."
(I still have my doubts, but I'll go with it.)
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Therapist: "Ok, go back to the moment when plans were
canceled. And tell me how you felt the moment you knew it?"
Patient: "I felt very disappointed. We had fun plans and I
was excited to do them."
Therapist: "But you can do them some other time right?"
Patient: "Yes sure."
Therapist: "Why were you disappointed?"
(She genuinely looked sad as she thought about it.)
Patient: "I'm
in me."
not sure. I guess it does trigger something
(She might have some abandonment anxiety triggered by an
event in her early childhood.)
Therapist: "Try to verbalize your feeling, this
disappointment, how did it feel exactly?"
(She took a while and was hesitant what to say.)
Patient: "It's really silly
but it feels like... almost
alone forever, that kind of
a lot of sense, but this is
and doesn't make much sense,
like I was left abandoned and
feeling. I know it doesn't make
how it felt."
Therapist: "I think I understand what you mean. Although
the event was a normal everyday thing, you still felt like
it was a big deal for you and that everything fell apart
because of it."
Patient: "Exactly."
Therapist: "This is how traumas work, you're not reflecting
on a single event, instead, the event is triggering
something much deeper which is what I refer to as a trauma.
The good news is that this is something we can work on."
Patient: "Great."
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Therapist: "See this feeling of desperation, like
everything is falling apart. I want you to experience this
feeling right now as if it was happening to you at the
moment. Go back to when your friends canceled on you, and
be there. You've just received a phone call telling you
plans have been canceled, how do you feel? Take your time."
(She took a while.)
Therapist: "What's happening? What do you feel?"
Patient: "Like everything is falling apart, I know the
event is nothing special, but at the time it almost feels
like it's the end of the world or something."
Therapist: "Ok, see this feeling, the feeling that
everything is falling apart, when was the first time you
experienced it in your life? When was the very first time
you ever experienced that things are falling apart and that
you're left completely alone?"
Patient: "It's not easy to remember..."
Therapist: "I know, but go with me. This feeling, was it
present in your life when you were 15?"
Patient: "I think so yes."
Therapist: "How about 13?"
Patient: "Maybe."
Therapist: "You said maybe. How about 12?
(She took a while.)
Patient: "I'm not sure. Probably not."
Therapist: "Alright. Are you saying that something happened
around this age, before which this feeling of desperation
did not exist in your life?"
(She spent some time thinking.)
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Patient: "I think yes."
Therapist: "What happened around that age?"
Patient: "I was growing out of my childhood."
Therapist: "Alright, why was it significant to you? It's a
normal part of life."
Patient: "I grew very tall real fast. Way faster than my
classmates, almost in a funny way."
Therapist: "I can see that you're of a normal height now,
you're not abnormally tall. What happened then?"
Patient: "I just got taller much earlier than my peers.
This made me feel funny standing between them. I remember
how in the morning I always stood last in line, I was the
tallest and I looked funny."
Therapist: "This happens to a lot of people, but it usually
gives them power over their peers because they feel they
can control them by being bigger. Why did you feel funny?"
Patient: "My childhood was over."
Therapist: "There you go! That's a something we can work
on; your feeling that things have changed, never to come
back because your childhood was over. You also felt left
alone because you were different and felt ostracized. These
are traumas we can tackle."
Patient: "I did indeed felt this way."
Therapist: "But were you really excluded from the group?"
(Starting to work on the rational argument.)
Patient: "Not really. Sometimes they made fun of how tall I
was."
Therapist: "Was it abnormal in any way? Were they bullying
you?"
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Patient: "No not really. It was in normal contexts every
now and then."
Therapist: "But you did feel quite sensitive about it when
it happened, right?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Why is that? Because you felt your childhood
was over?"
Patient: "Maybe yes. But also I felt like I was inferior."
Therapist: "In what sense?"
(This makes sense, she's bringing her feelings of
inferiority into this or else she would've felt empowered
in front of her peers instead.)
Patient: "Well, I didn't look as good as others?"
Therapist: "Did you always feel this way?"
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "When did you first realize that you didn't look
as good as others?"
(She remained silent.)
Therapist: "Ok, let me do it in reverse. Do you think there
was a point of time when you looked good?"
Patient: "Yes sure."
Therapist: "How did you look during your years growing up.
Say 7 years old, 8, 9?"
Patient: "I looked fine. People loved me."
Therapist: "But things changed when you were 13?"
Patient: "Yes."
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Therapist: "Ok, when was the first time you felt you didn't
look as good as others?"
Patient: "When I got abnormally tall."
Therapist: "This doesn't mean you didn't look fine. What
was the age during which you got significantly taller? 13?"
Patient: "Maybe even around 12."
Therapist: "Did you feel that you looked bad then?"
Patient: "No I didn't, I felt fine. But I was amazed that
all of the sudden I stood next to adults that looked like
giants to me a short while ago, yet were now my height,
shoulder to shoulder."
Therapist: "Did you feel that you looked bad?"
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "When did you start believing that you did?"
Patient: "I think... Wait there was this incident in the
bus."
Therapist: "What incident?"
Patient: "We were returning home from school. This former
friend of mine all of a sudden started bullying me and said
I looked funny, tall like a macaroni. She even made weird
funny faces about me."
Therapist: "Did you talk back to her?"
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "What did you do?"
Patient: "I remained silent. Felt so bad about it."
Therapist: "And the pressure started then?"
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Patient: "Yes. I think."
Therapist: "You know that if you talked back to her, even
bullied her back considering you were taller you might have
spent the rest of your life feeling empowered and superior.
I'm not saying you should intimidate others, but I'm just
showing you the possibilities. Why did you remain silent
and took on the bullying?"
Patient: "I'm not sure... Maybe because I thought she was
right."
Therapist: "Right about what?"
Patient: "That I didn't look good."
Therapist: "Because you got taller? I mean everyone will
gain height around this age, least of all you got your
guarantee that you won't be short. It doesn't mean you
looked bad or awkward."
Patient: "I guess so."
Therapist: "Before that event in the bus, did the thought
that you looked bad ever occur to you?"
Patient: "Not really, but I did suspect things were getting
strange, I did look different and I was adjusting to the
changes I was seeing in the mirror. It's like when she said
what she said she confirmed to me that I indeed looked
weird."
Therapist: "Ok. 5 minutes before she said what she said.
What was happening?"
Patient: "It was a normal day, we were getting into the bus
after school to go home."
Therapist: "Did this particular girl mean anything to you?"
Patient: "She was actually a friend of mine, things were
normal and I even liked her. I actually was surprised when
she talked this way about me."
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Therapist: "Well, she has her reasons, we can't change
people. But what I want you to do is go backwards 5 minutes
before she said what she said. Be at that moment with her,
at that time, did you feel that you looked bad?"
Patient: "No I didn't."
Therapist: "Being tall doesn't mean you had to look bad
right?"
Patient: "No, it certainly doesn't."
Therapist: "Alright, fast forward to the recent event when
your friends canceled on you. Go to that moment, and tell
me, do you feel bad because they canceled?"
Patient: "No I don't, plus they didn't cancel on me, the
thing just got canceled."
Therapist: "Wonderful. Go backwards to the time you were
tall, standing between your peers. Do you feel you looked
bad?"
Patient: "Well not bad, but I did look funny though."
Therapist: "Do you have to look funny? I mean can't there
be a tall charming girl?"
(She laughed.)
Therapist: "I guess it's possible."
Patient: "Ok. How about when you were in the bus, as that
girl spoke. Do you think you would've remained silent."
Therapist: "I think not, I might have bullied her back,
even hit her, considering I'm bigger."
(We laughed.)
Therapist: "Well I wouldn't ask you to go that far, but the
point is that you would've talked back and not taken it in
silence."
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Patient: "Yes."
(We proceeded to test things out and she felt much more
relaxed in regards to feeling inferior to others. We ended
the session and I asked her to test herself. She did come
back for a couple of sessions later because she had issues
clinging to her childhood which she felt was ended
prematurely. She also had some anxiety triggered by
separation, which turned out to be due to her mom leaving
her at a relative's house one day when she was busy with a
friend's wedding, she wasn't comfortable being left there
and it made her freak out every time a loved person left
her even if for a short while. We worked on those issues
and resolved them.)
(Session ended.)
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Sample Case (Antisocial Tendencies)
Male, about 25 years old with antisocial tendencies. He's
an introvert in general, but seeks improvements and reads a
lot in the literature of human development.
Session Script
Patient: "Sometimes I get these thoughts of extreme hatred
towards people. And the problem is that it happens
sometimes even towards those I love, which is what made me
come to you for help. I hate feeling like this, but it
seems to me as if my feelings of love turn into hatred once
someone does something I don't approve of."
Therapist: "How often do you experience these feelings?"
Patient: "It happens randomly, but it does happen often
enough."
Therapist: "Ok, tell me about the last time you experienced
these feelings."
Patient: "Few days ago, I was with a person I met recently,
a good guy. I didn't have anything against him at all, but
there were feelings of anger and hatred in me, I didn't say
anything of course, but I felt bad about it."
Therapist: "Was there anything wrong in the interaction?"
Patient: "No, not at all, which is why I felt like I coming
to you and doing something about it. I barely know the guy,
and he's really a very nice person. There was no reason for
me to feel this hatred or anger towards him."
(I'm suspecting I might be looking at a case of clinical
depression with bipolar traits based on the impressions I
got from him.)
183
Therapist: "Describe the feeling further to me please, was
it anger towards that person?"
Patient: "I'm not sure if the anger was even directed at
him in particular, I just didn't feel ok. It was more of a
generic feeling, I sometimes experience this kind of anger
in general."
Therapist: "That last sentence is important. You say angry
in general. Describe that more please."
Patient: "I really don't know, I just feel pressured
sometimes."
Therapist: "Why so? What pressures you? Go back to that
recent scenario you told me about, imaging being with that
person and tell me what you feel. Imagine being there right
now, what pressures you? "
(He took a short while.)
Patient: "I'm not sure what to say. I just feel a lot of
pressure, things around just feel all messed up."
Therapist: "How so? What's messed up exactly?"
Patient: "Things in the world."
(This was an interesting turn in direction. I'm still
suspecting I'm dealing at least in part with a form of
clinical depression.)
Therapist: "Few days ago, when you were with that person.
Was there anything messed up during the interaction?"
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "How were the people around you that day?"
Patient: "They were fine."
(His anger seems to be triggered by a negative perception
of people which must have started sometime in the past.)
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Therapist: "Why were you angry then?"
(He remained silent a bit.)
Patient: "I don't know, really. They are just feelings I
get."
Therapist: "What pressures you? Why do you feel that things
are messed up? What are you blaming people for?"
(I felt this was the right question to ask based on how he
was expressing himself, he gave clear signs of anger
towards society. He did indeed take a long breath after I
asked the question, it triggered him. I emphasized the
question.)
Therapist: "What's tipping you off?"
(It trigger him and he did burst in anger.)
Patient: "Man I hate people!"
Therapist: "Why so?"
Patient: "I don't know what to say, there's just so much
ignorance."
Therapist: "How is this relevant to you? so let them be if
they want to, why does it matter to you?"
Patient: "Because it's wrong! It destroys good things,
ruins lives."
Therapist: "Who's lives? Did it ruin yours?"
Patient: "Yes. I hate having to live in such an ignorant
society."
Therapist: "You said that it ruined your life too. Who
comes to mind as you say this? Think of a person that comes
to your mind and tell me who."
(This question seemed to stop him a little. He remained
silent.)
185
Therapist: "I think you're judging people based on some
experience you had in your past. Try to recall and give me
an example of the person or people who treated you bad and
had a negative effect on your life."
Patient: "It's not really particular, don't you agree that
people in general are messed up? They're unkind to each
other and there's so much ignorance going on."
(I know it's just a rational excuse. He seems to be going
for a good cause but a trauma will always reflect in anger
on whatever cause a person takes up, therefore this anger,
or trauma, must be dissolved.)
Therapist: "You say that during the incident few days ago
the people there were fine, so when you say unkind and
messed up, who are the people that come to your mind?"
(I'm trying to have him mention even if a single name in
order to start with the process, generalizing is a defense
mechanism.)
Patient: "It's really generic. People in general."
Therapist: "You're saying people are unkind in general?"
(He couldn't confirm the statement. He remained silent.)
Therapist: "Do you believe that people are unkind in
general?"
Patient: "No."
(Yet, his facial expressions featured lots of anger.)
Therapist: "What's the source of your anger."
Patient: "I was mistreated, a lot, without doing anything."
(It begins.)
Therapist: "When?"
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Patient: "During my entire childhood."
Therapist: "Tell me the first incident that comes to your
mind."
Patient: "They are so many, in school, in my neighborhood,
my family, everyone."
Therapist: "Everyone mistreated you?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Was there anyone who treated you well?"
(I threw the question to prepare for a rational argument.
This seemed to stop him. He paused, and realized he was
exaggerating.)
Patient: "Yes, of course."
(His emotional state seemed to shift a little, he stayed
silent for a short while. His emotional state changed from
angry to sad, his eyes watered a little.)
Therapist: "Who hurt you?"
Patient: "It's so hard to say, I grew up in a rough
environment."
Therapist: "How so?"
Patient: "I was a good kid, but I didn't have anything,
while everyone around me had everything they wanted. We
were poor."
(A good place to start, this might be his key trauma.)
Therapist: "Whom are you referring to when you say this?"
Patient: "My cousins, and the kids at school."
Therapist: "What did they have which you didn't?"
187
Patient: "Everything, good toys and video games. They had
everything."
Therapist: "And you didn't."
Patient: "No, we were poor."
Therapist: "Were there poor kids around you?"
Patient: "No, and that's the problem. I grew up in a rich
environment."
Therapist: "I guess your dad did his best to put you in the
right place."
Patient: "He did, but it kind of backfired. I had a
terrible time growing up between all those people who had
more than I did."
Therapist: "This is indeed rough to experience."
Patient: "It indeed was."
(This shows the source of his anti social behavior. And his
feelings of self righteousness are simply defense
mechanisms to cover up for this, a way for him to feel
superior to others somehow.)
(His trauma was traced back in time, and there turned out
to be two major events involved in his childhood because of
which he was severely traumatized to feel inferior to
others. One time was when his dad purchased an expensive
piece of candy for a cousin of his when he asked for it
while they were shopping at a store. He always wished to
buy that brand but never could or dared to ask his dad to
get for him, and this event affected him so much. There was
another event involving a toy a classmate at school owned
which was something he so wished he could have but
couldn't, it was all he wanted at the time and he felt
inferior seeing those around him get what they wanted while
he didn't. We worked on these traumas and resolved them.)
188
Sample Case (Obsessing Over Lost Object)
This is a very interesting case, it was the patient's
second session. A 35 years old woman, married with
children, and have suffered from feelings of neglect which
she came for earlier and worked on.
This time, she noticed something abnormal due to an event
that happened with her losing some photos of her young
child. It was a very interesting session considering she
almost beat me into figuring out her own trauma, she
understood how the method worked very well.
Session Script
Therapist: "What's the problem?"
Patient: "I noticed something so strange that happened to
me recently. And I know I need to work on it."
Therapist: "What happened?"
Patient: "A laptop of mine broke a short while ago, which
contained all the photos I had of my child during his early
years, all our great memories. When that happened, I felt
devastated and got deeply depressed. I obsessed about it
and I still do. I even tried to send the hard drive abroad
to specialized companies in order to retrieve the photos
for me, it didn't work out. I feel so depressed because of
this. And I feel that I'm so attached to the photos and I
just can't handle the fact that I lost all these memories.
Problem is, my family is telling me that my child is right
there in front of me, and are inquiring about what makes me
care so much about mere photos. The thing is, even as I
look at my child, I feel that I still care so much about
the photos, it's like I don't care enough that he's right
there in front of me, I just want the photos. I know
there's a problem here, and I want to resolve it."
189
Therapist: "What's the feeling that comes to you when you
think about losing those photos?"
Patient: "Like it's all gone forever, never to come back. I
feel so devastated because of it."
Therapist: "I would suggest something here. Based on our
previous session, and the fact that you felt neglected by
people and that others were treated better than you when
you were a child, do you think these photos represented
memories that you fought so much to have, and that this is
why you felt so bad about losing them? They represented
something you fought so much for and were denied in your
childhood."
Patient: "Maybe."
Therapist: "Why do they mean so much to you? You stated
that you felt as if you cared more about the photos than
you did about your child."
Patient: "Yes I know, it's so strange, but I seem to be
more attached to the memories than to what's actually right
there in front of me."
Therapist: "Imagine your child in front of you right now,
look at his face. What do you feel?"
Patient: "I love him of course. But, I really still want
the photos, I know it's very strange."
Therapist: "It's understandable, but the strange deal is
that you feel more attached to the photos than to the fact
that your child is in front of you."
Patient: "He was young when we took those photos. He is
older now and we can't have these memories back. These
memories are gone forever. "
Therapist: "I know, but still, your child is right there in
front of you. You know you can have new memories, even
better ones."
190
Patient: "Not like these, we can't recreate his early
years."
Therapist: "Ok, you said that you felt they were gone
forever never to come back, the choice of words is
interesting. Go with that feeling, the feeling that
something is gone forever and won't ever come back. What
does the phrase 'gone forever never to come back' mean to
you? What early memory does it summon when you think about
it?"
(She spent some time in silence.)
Patient: "There was a tape... Wait, yes, I completely
forgot about that."
Therapist: "About what?"
Patient: "There was this tape I had as a child, my dad made
it for me, I recited something at school and my dad
recorded it for me. I treasured that tape and loved it so
much, it was my pride, then I lost it. I was devastated."
Therapist: "How old were you when that happened?"
Patient: "About six years old."
Therapist: "What happened? How did you lose it?"
Patient: "I didn't actually lose it, but we taped over it
by mistake. I had that tape with me, and I was showing it
to my cousins, and they recorded over it by mistake, I went
to my dad and told him about that and he got mad and blamed
me for it then told me he will never record another one for
me again."
Therapist: "Ok, clearly a six year old can't be blamed for
such an event, but it can certainly traumatize you at that
age."
Patient: "I think yes it's the one. That's exactly what
happened. I think this event began the feeling that I lost
something precious forever, never to come back."
191
Therapist: "It's very interesting to me how you found the
event yourself this way, it shows that you understand
exactly how the method works, it's remarkable to me
considering this is your second session."
Patient: "Thanks."
Therapist: "Ok, let's continue with this line of events.
What was happening with your cousins when they recorded
over your voice by mistake? How did you feel once you
realized they taped over your voice?"
Patient: "I actually didn't feel bad at that very moment.
We were pressing the record button together and playing
around while we recorded our voices using the same tape,
not realizing we were taping over my old recording. Once I
realized what we did I went to my dad and told him. I
didn't feel bad until he told me that it was my fault and
that he won't make me another tape."
Therapist: "That crushed you."
Patient: "Very much. I felt that I will never have another
one again, it was lost forever. I felt so guilty as well
because it was my fault."
Therapist: "Well, you know you can't be blamed for it as
you were merely 6 years old at the time. Also, although you
may have thought your dad was mad at you and was punishing
you for it, in reality, he might actually have just been
talking to you in a parental manner trying to show you that
if you don't take care of your stuff you will lose them. He
might not have been mad at you to begin with, just teaching
his child a good lesson. Don't you agree?"
Patient: "Yes, that was probably the case."
Therapist: "Wonderful. Now, go to that moment when your dad
told you that he won't make you another tape, look at his
face and tell me what you feel?"
Patient: "My eyes are watering, I feel very sad and
disappointed."
192
Therapist: "Seconds before you went to tell your dad. Did
you feel like this?"
Patient: "No, I was fine."
Therapist: "Minutes before, when you were with your
cousins, what were you doing and how were you feeling."
Patient: "We're playing with the tape recorder. I made them
listen to my tape, then we all started to play around and
press the record button to record our voices, imitating
what I made them listen to. I wasn't really realizing that
we were taping over my original recording."
Therapist: "How did you feel at the time?"
Patient: "We were all very happy."
(A quick return to the problem we started with. At this
point, going back and forth will be very beneficial to the
process.)
Therapist: "Ok, stop for a second and think about your
son's photos. The ones you lost forever, and tell me now
how you feel?"
Patient: "The feeling is actually less intense. It
changed."
Therapist: "Wonderful. Go back to the moment you told your
dad about the tape. Look at his face, what do you feel?"
Patient: "It's amazing, I actually feel completely ok about
it."
Therapist: "He's telling you that he will never make you
another tape again. How does that make you feel?"
Patient: "It feels fine, not a big deal like it felt a
short while ago."
Therapist: "How about the photos that you lost recently,
think about them, do you feel saddened about that?"
193
Patient: "Significantly less."
Therapist: "Imagine your son in front of you, look at his
face, how do you feel?"
(She smiled.)
Patient: "I want to hug him tight. I love him so much."
Therapist: "Do the pictures mean anything to you now?"
Patient: "I know they're not important, I don't really care
much that I lost them!"
Therapist: "Wonderful dear, because of your understanding
of the method, you were even able to make the shift
yourself much faster than it usually happens. I think you
will be helping a lot of people with this."
Patient: "I actually already started helping my sisters and
friends with it, but the thing that happened with the
photos haunted me and I felt like I needed some assistance
to guide me."
Therapist: "It's ok, it takes a little experience but I'm
sure you'll master it in a very short time. Is there
anything else on your mind?"
Patient: "No, this is it. Thanks a lot!"
(Session Ended)
194
Sample Case (Looks at people in a condescending way)
27 years old male, introvert, looks at people in a
condescending way. He doesn't like this about himself and
sought help to change.
Session Script
Patient: "I don't feel that I like people around me, I see
myself looking at them like they're inferior to me. I don't
know why I do this and I want to work on this, I would love
to get to a point where I can love and respect everyone."
Therapist: "How do you act exactly? Do you find yourself
acting rude towards people?"
Patient: "No, I act normally in a polite manner, but I
don't really mean it, and they feel this often and react to
it, I can see it in their reactions and facial
expressions."
Therapist: "Give me a recent interaction where this has
happened."
Patient: "Okay, I was at a shop buying some things a couple
of days ago. The owner came and saluted me warmly, I
saluted him back, tried to smile, but I couldn't help but
feel like I wanted to keep my distance, my smiles were
fake, and he sensed it."
Therapist: "What did you feel towards him?"
(He took a while.)
Patient: "I just didn't feel like connecting to the person,
I didn't feel that liked him."
Therapist: "Was it something personal? Or is it something
you feel in general towards people?"
Patient: "No it wasn't personal. I do feel this way often."
195
Therapist: "Ok, let's go back to that shop owner, why
didn't you feel that you liked him? You said he was nice to
you, right"
Patient: "Yes he was."
Therapist: "Why so then?"
Patient: "I hate to say it, but it's like he's of an
inferior class."
(I'll just test the opposite to examine the emotion that
stands in his way.)
Therapist: "Are there people you like interacting to?
People you feel up to your class or 'superior' so to say?"
Patient: "Yes sure."
Therapist: "What was wrong exactly with this person. Is it
his financial class?"
Patient: "Not really, he's the owner of a good shop."
Therapist: "What's wrong with him then?"
Patient: "I don't know how to say it."
Therapist: "Don't worry, speak candidly."
(He was hesitant.)
Patient: "Well, he just doesn't look fine to me. I don't
want to associate with him."
Therapist: "Ok, there are two things here, first the fact
that you have a sense of judgment based on his looks, while
normally a person should not judge people based on that.
But yet again, you think you're forced somehow to associate
with him when in fact it's your choice, you don't have to,
you just have to respect him back. To me this speaks of a
trauma where some people were forced on you against your
196
will at a point in life, so we will be testing these
grounds ok?"
Patient: "Alright."
Therapist: "Ok, this incident in the shop, how would you
express your feelings verbally if you were 5 years old.
Imagine yourself standing in front of that person as a 5
year old, and express your feelings verbally. What would
you say?"
(He remained silent, then spoke.)
Patient: "I don't know, I just don't like him."
Therapist: "Why?"
Patient: "He doesn't look good to me."
Therapist: "If you were 5, would you say for example:
You're ugly."
Patient: "Maybe yes I would."
Therapist: "Are there 'ugly' people in your life whom you
know to be extremely nice, whom you even like?"
(He laughed.)
Patient: "Yes, sure."
Therapist: "Then why exactly didn't you like this person?
Did he hurt you in any way?"
Patient: "No, he was normal and polite."
Therapist: "Why would you use these words? And remember,
keep talking in the words of a 5 years old."
Patient: "I just don't trust him, I know his type."
Therapist: "What type?"
197
Patient: "Just a feeling I get, I feel that I can sense
people in general, I tend to know their personalities by
looking I them."
Therapist: "Ok, imagine looking at him right now. How do
you feel?"
Patient: "I don't trust him, it's like he's capable of
doing bad things."
Therapist: "Ok, let's provoke this a little, imagine
telling him something nice and smiling at him, what do you
feel when you attempt to do that?"
Patient: "I can do it but not sincerely. I'd definitely
have a fake smile."
Therapist: "Provoke this by trying to imagine saying it
while you mean it. Take your time."
(He took a while, closed his eyes. His facial expressions
showed that he was trying to smile, but his facial muscles
were resisting, he also had expressions of anger.)
Therapist: "What do you feel?"
Patient: "I'm uncomfortable if I try to smile, I can't seem
to be able to do it."
Therapist: "Even to merely imagine the scenario."
Patient: "Yes, even so."
Therapist: "Why is that?"
(I know he can't even imagine smiling at the person. But
it's necessary for the process.)
Patient: "I just don't like him, I really don't."
Therapist: "What do you feel? I see that you look a little
angry, are you?"
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Patient: "Yes I do feel so. I also feel almost like I'm
disgusted by the person. You know that feeling when you
cringe as you meet someone, it's similar."
Therapist: "This is quite intense, ok let's go with it.
Which feeling is stronger?"
Patient: "I'm not sure, they're interwoven together."
Therapist: "If you express this feeling as a child, what
would you say?"
Patient: "I really hate that he exists. I don't want him in
my life."
Therapist: "But you know very well on a rational level that
this particular person didn't do anything wrong to you
right? Plus he doesn't have to be in your life, he's just
like anyone you pass by in the street. Why is it this
intense?"
Patient: "It pressures me so much, just the mere fact of
having to interact with him."
(It's clear that he has an intense trauma associating with
people with a similar look or personality, we need to see
where this began.)
Therapist: "Ok, you are standing in front of him, feeling
pressured, imagine doing that. Is the feeling present?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "See this feeling, I want you to give me an
early memory from your childhood where you felt this way.
Give me any memory that comes to mind."
(He resisted for a short while, saying there isn't a
specific one that he can remember.)
Therapist: "Alright, I'll ask you few questions and just
answer with whatever comes to mind, it doesn't even have to
be true. Just say whatever comes to mind. Ok?
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Patient: "Alright."
Therapist: "You're standing in front of this person,
feeling triggered, repulsed and angry. This feeling, I want
you to go backwards in time with it to your early
childhood. Now, just answer my questions with whatever
comes to your mind. Is it morning or night?"
Patient: "Morning."
Therapist: "Are you inside or outside?"
Patient: "Inside."
Therapist: "Who's around you?"
Patient: "People, there are quite many."
Therapist: "Who are those people?"
Patient: "Relatives, there are many strangers too."
Therapist: "What's happening?"
Patient: "There's a big lunch."
Therapist: "How old are you approximately?"
Patient: "Maybe around 5."
Therapist: "How do you feel?"
Patient: "Scared."
Therapist: "Why so? of whom? Who's in front of you?"
Patient: "An elderly uncle."
Therapist: "Does this uncle strike in you the same feeling
you mentioned earlier?"
Patient: "Yes, I hate him. He's very intimidating and
scary."
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Therapist: "You're 5 years old right."
Patient: "Yes, about that."
Therapist: "Describe this uncle to me."
Patient: "He's so mean and beastly, very intimidating, big,
controlling, and unkind. The likes of him are the reason
bad things exist in this world."
Therapist: "That much?"
Patient: "Yes, really and more."
(He spent a while telling me about the cruelty of this
specific uncle. They lived as an extended family and he was
there all the time. He controlled the whole family with
violence.)
Therapist: "I know this wasn't easy for you as a child,
however, through my practice I've learned to consider
everything from the perspective of a trauma and treat it
from that angle. This is what we should do, is it ok?"
Patient: "Yes sure."
Therapist: "Alright, this uncle of yours, you said you were
5 when this event happened in front of you, and back then
you already saw him in a beastly manner. Can you go a
little backwards in time and give me the very first time
you ever saw this uncle as a bad person? What I mean is:
Before that event, this uncle looked fine to you, he was
just a normal relative and did not cause you any kind of
distress. Try to go back to the first time you saw him in
this fashion. Take your time."
(He took a while.)
Patient: "I think this time was it."
Therapist: "Really? The lunch event when you were 5?"
Patient: "Probably yes."
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Therapist: "Do you mean that before this event, your uncle
was a normal person to you, and did not cause you any form
of stress?"
Patient: "Maybe, I'm not completely sure. But I think I
only realized I hated him during this event."
Therapist: "Why so?"
Patient: "He looked so intimidating and scary."
Therapist: "He didn't look scary to you before that?"
Patient: "Actually he did not, before that I remember this
day when I went into his room while he was sitting in bed
with my aunt. I entered the room, looked at them, I think
they greeted me or something and I went away. It was
completely normal."
Therapist: "Did he look fine to you then?"
Patient: "Yes, there wasn't anything wrong at the time with
how I saw him, I had no fears of him."
Therapist: "How old were you?"
Patient: "3 years old maybe."
Therapist: "Between 3 and 5 years old, did anything
happen?"
Patient: "I'm not sure, I recall him hitting me and a
cousin of mine occasionally, but that's all."
Therapist: "Did you feel negatively about him then?"
Patient: "Well yes, but it wasn't anything special. It was
quite normal."
Therapist: "Ok, fast forward to the lunch event. Why was it
different, tell me what was happening."
Patient: "He was standing with other men, they looked so
intimidating."
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Therapist: "Why was that significant?"
Patient: "I just remember it so clearly, I was standing few
meters away looking at them, a large group of men with him
in the middle. They were talking aloud and laughing, but in
a very intimidating and scary manner."
(This is probably the image we're seeking. The looks of
these men - or type of people - scared him. And based on
that he felt intimidated by anyone of similar traits.)
Therapist: "Ok, I want you to be there. Look at these men,
you do feel scared as you imagine looking at them, right?"
Patient: "Yes, quite so."
Therapist: "Now, fast forward to that shop owner you told
me about earlier. Look at that shop owner, do you think the
feeling you get when you look at him is similar?"
(He stayed silent a little.)
Patient: "I'm not sure."
Therapist: "What do you feel as you look at the shop owner,
you said you don't feel like you wanted him in your life,
and that he's of an inferior class. Forget about that for a
second and imagine standing in front of him, looking him in
the face. What do you feel?"
Patient: "Actually yes, I can say that I'm afraid of him."
Therapist: "Because he looks somewhat similar to that group
of men you saw at lunch that day when you were little."
Patient: "Well, he does look like them, yes, tribal, big
mustached, wrinkly face, and has a strong intimidating
laugh."
(I'll throw a mind bender at him for a rational clue before
I continue.)
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Patient: "Even if it happened only once in your life, Do
you think that when you were little, say 2 years old, you
were carried by a tribal, big mustached, wrinkly faced man
with a strong laugh, and felt completely happy and
comfortable."
(He smiled.)
Patient: "Yes, I'm sure it has happened."
Therapist: "They don't have to be scary do they? They're
just humans."
(It hit him, and I could see him relaxing.)
Patient: "Yes of course."
(This is the moment where the trauma gets tackled, with the
mere fact that he admitted this as a possibility.)
Therapist: "Then why were you intimidated by this group of
men at lunch when you were little?"
Patient: "Well, my uncle was indeed mean."
Therapist: "Ok, how about all the other men, do you know
them all? Are you telling me they are all mean as well?"
Patient: "No of course I can't say that."
Therapist: "Just because they look alike doesn't make them
similar does it?"
Patient: "No it doesn't."
(A little back and forth in time to improve the resolution
and test the effect.)
Therapist: "Ok, I want you to fast forward now to the time
you were talking to that shop owner. Look at him and tell
me what you feel? Do you feel better about him?"
(He took a long breath.)
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Patient: "Yeah, I feel better actually."
Therapist: "He's just a human right?"
Patient: "Right."
Therapist: "Does the fact that he has certain features,
like a big moustache and a strong laugh mean anything to
you?"
Patient: "Not really, I don't think so."
Therapist: "How about having him in your life. Do you feel
you're ok to have him in your life?"
Patient: "I guess so. I mean if I was bothered I can just
excuse myself, I'm not marrying him." (He laughed.)
Therapist: "Wonderful, we've definitely touched a key
trauma here. I want you to test yourself for the coming two
weeks and give me a feedback about your interactions with
people. Examine what bothers you and what doesn't anymore.
Sounds good?"
Patient: "Yes, sounds great. Thanks a lot!"
(Session ended.)
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Sample Case (Overly Sensitive When Disrespected)
A 33 Year old female with a daughter. Having a problem of
feeling too sensitive when she's disrespected. She also
feels down at times and extremely jealous when she feels
that other people have more than she does.
Session Script
Therapist: "Tell me about your problem."
Patient: "I really don't know where to start, they are so
many. I have a problem of getting too sensitive when I feel
mistreated or when anyone talks to me with disrespect."
Therapist: "Alright, can you tell me of a recent incident
where you were bothered by this?"
(She thought a little.)
Patient: "I was with my sister and she was wearing a new
diamond ring she got. I asked her about it and she told me
her husband got it for her recently. I spoke nicely about
it, but I really felt bad inside."
Therapist: "Well, these things do have two aspects when we
look at them. First, a self actualized person who's doing
his part and sharing his passions in life really cares not
about such material expansions, we can't all get everything
after all. Imagine a self actualized painter for example,
all he or she cares about is to have a comfortable home and
the time to be able to paint and share his muse. Material
expansions such as having luxurious homes and endless fancy
possessions really mean nothing to him, he knows he will
leave his body at any moment. All he's concerned about is
to have a suitable and comfortable life to allow him to
paint with consistency. This is a beautiful and very mature
way to look at things. We do not seek endless possessions
but enough comfort to share our passions through our lives
and every day. I'm sure you understand this right?"
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Patient: "Yes I do. It's beautiful to look at it this way."
Therapist: "Ok, now let's take a look at the reasons this
has actually triggered you. As you know, we can't change
others but we can certainly can change how we react to
things, and it's my belief that this is usually triggered
by traumas. You said you had several problems, feeling
jealous and being too sensitive when you feel that others
are disrespecting you. Which feeling would you say is
stronger?"
Patient: "I guess feeling disrespected. It is stronger."
Therapist: "Give me a recent incident where this happened."
(She thought for a while.)
Patient: "Ok, this was about a month ago. I was in a class
we're having, and the teacher proposed a topic to discuss.
I got too sensitive and asked to change the topic and there
was a discussion about it."
Therapist: "Why did you feel sensitive and ask to change
the topic?"
(She hesitated a little)
Patient: "Well it's a religious matter and they're
criticizing a country that means much to me insensitively.
Tagging its people in an unsuitable manner collectively
simply because they belong to a different religious sect."
(We talked a little, apparently she belonged to an uncommon
sect in the country she lived in. People argued about
differences and didn't talk with respect when it came to
those who adopted that sect. She felt sensitive when people
criticized that unjustly.)
Therapist: "There are two possibilities here: They might
have really been out of line and it's indeed a sensitive
topic and can reflect actual disrespect when discussed by
immature people. Still, you might have explained your
opinion without feeling bothered or getting sensitive, and
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this is something we can explore. Tell me more, what was
happening? Who was speaking?"
Patient: "Well the teacher proposed the topic, and students
started to talk. One of the students started criticizing
harshly and I felt so angered. I told her that she's being
unfair and her answer was that she wished I would meet
those people one day and get mistreated by them to
understand."
Therapist: "Ok, as you know it's very normal, even common
for people to act from a point of ignorance. My question
is: Why did that bother you? You know she wasn't a very
mature person."
Patient: "If she loved me she wouldn't have said that and
hurt my feelings."
Therapist: "There you go, this is the first sentence you
say which we can actually work with 'if she loved me' this
is very significant and is definitely coming from the past,
considering she's just a fellow student and isn't actually
compelled to be a person who provides love for you. So go
with that feeling, this sentence: 'if she loved me', when
was the first time you think you experienced it in the
past? When was the first time this sentence actually meant
something to you?"
(She was familiar with the method so she thought for a
while then answered.)
Patient: "Maybe with my sister. She was chasing me to hit
me one day when we were young."
Therapist: "What happened?"
Patient: "She was chasing me around the room to hit me, I'm
not sure, maybe I broke one of her toys."
Therapist: "How old were you?"
Patient: "Maybe 5."
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Therapist: "The sentence 'if she loved me' why is it
significant here?"
Patient: "Probably because she was chasing me to hit me.
But actually the feeling isn't that strong. I think there's
a time before."
Therapist: "Go with that. When was the very first time this
sentence meant something to you?"
Patient: "Maybe when I was 4."
Therapist: "What's happening?"
Patient: "I was at school. My mom used to always comb my
hair before I went to school. But on this particular day
she didn't. Instead, she made me wear a hat. When I went to
class, things were normal. Shortly afterwards, I was
talking to a close friend of mine, I told her: Do you know
why I'm wearing a hat today? It's a secret."
Therapist: "What happened after?"
Patient: "I continued and told her that I'm wearing a hat
because my mom didn't comb my hair for the day. She then
asked me if she could take a look. I lifted the hat a
little and she looked briefly. But after she did, she went
and told all the other girls and they laughed at me. I felt
so betrayed."
Therapist: "And that made you feel she didn't care about
you."
Patient: "Yes. If she cared, she wouldn't have done that."
Therapist: "Think of her right now, what do you feel?"
Patient: "Angry, and hurt."
(Notice how even after all these years, she still felt hurt
because of that event. Despite that fact that they were 4
years old at the time.)
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Therapist: "Remember that she was only 4 years old. You
can't blame a child for making a mistake at that age. But
still, this is how traumas work, and this is how a single
event can affect us for the rest of our lives. Do you think
you can recall an event earlier than this one with this
feeling was present?"
Patient: "No, I think this is the one."
Therapist: "Great. Are you saying that minutes before this
event, the sentence 'if she loved me' did not exist in your
life?
Patient: "I think I can say that yes."
Therapist: "Wonderful. Okay, before we proceed. Fast
forwards in time to the event that happened in your
classroom when they discussed something about your sect
insensitively, you're still bothered by that event right?"
Patient: "Yes right."
Therapist: "How about in regards to what happened with your
sister and her ring. Thinking about that. Does it bother
you?"
Patient: "Yes."
(For comparison later on.)
Therapist: "Good, now backwards in time to the event when
you were 4 years old. You're with your friend and she
betrayed your trust by telling the other girls about your
hair. Think of your friend, what do you feel?"
Patient: "I'm angry and feel so betrayed."
Therapist: "Remember she was 4 right?"
Patient: "Right."
Therapist: "Ok, now, seconds before she told the class,
what was happening?"
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Patient: "I was telling her my secret."
Therapist: "How did you feel?"
(This is the moment where the trauma get resolved.)
Patient: "We were happy."
Therapist: "If you looked at her face then. What would you
have felt?"
Patient: "Happy, I loved her, she was my friend."
(Her facial muscles began to relax.)
Therapist: "Would you have questioned whether or not she
loved you back then at that time?"
Patient: "No, I wouldn't have."
Therapist: "Ok, fast forward now to the time when you were
in class and they discussed the topic that made you feel
sensitive. Look at the woman that criticized you and tell
me what you feel?"
(She should feel different because the moment she felt her
state prior to what seemed to her like a betrayal by her 4
years old peer, the trauma immediately got tackled and
began to dissolve.)
Patient: "I feel better actually, the feeling is much less
intense."
Therapist: "Alright, back to the event when you were 4,
look at your friend, what do you feel?"
Patient: "I feel fine, I'm a little angry at her though."
Therapist: "Because she betrayed your trust."
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "But yet, you know she was 4 right?"
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Patient: "Yes right."
(She smiled.)
Therapist: "Ok fast forward in time to the moment you were
talking to your sister about the ring. Do you feel bad or
jealous in any way?"
(After tackling the trauma, going back and forth always
improves and solidifies the relaxed state.)
Patient: "Actually no, I don't know why I was angry at her,
she was even respectful and chose her words in a way that
wouldn't hurt my feelings."
Therapist: "Wonderful, ok back to the time when you were 4,
look at your friend. What do you feel?"
(She laughed.)
Patient: "It's ok, I love her."
Therapist: "Do you feel bothered in any way by what she
said?"
Patient: "No, I think I'm completely fine."
Therapist: "How about the event where your fellow student
criticized your sect? Do you feel bothered by what happened
there?"
Patient: "No, it's ok. It's just her opinion."
Therapist: "Wonderful. I think we worked on the correct
trauma in here. Let's give things a couple of weeks and
we'll revisit if anything seems to be lingering, so keep me
updated. Sounds good?"
Patient: "Yes, sounds great."
(Session ended.)
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Sample Case (Afraid to move forward)
Female, in her twenties. She has problems moving forwards
and committing to good routines. She wanted to work on
another problem concerning her financial blocks as she
can't seem to allow herself to take what she deserves
despite being skilled at what she does. This was her second
session.
Session Script
Therapist: "What seems to be the problem?"
Patient: "Well, I've been going to the gym for a good while
now. Maybe 4 years. But I'm really not enjoying it, I am
constantly forcing myself to go and I feel it's more like a
punishment than something I like to do. I'm not sure how to
deal with this."
Therapist: "If it's been that long in this gym and you're
not enjoying your time there, why don't you just switch
gyms and choose another one you enjoy more and where people
are more suitable for you?"
Patient: "Actually the gym there is good and I like the
people a lot, they are friendly and kind."
Therapist: "What seems to be the problem then?"
Patient: "Well, I get too lazy to go there, I'm like
dragging myself when I go."
Therapist: "How about when you get there, does your mood
change?"
Patient: "Absolutely, once I'm there I feel fine and I
enjoy myself a lot, the problem is in getting myself to
go."
Therapist: "This problem in here is simply a matter of
human nature. Remember when we spoke about the importance
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of setting the right habits? I told you then that there are
two major elements that we must pursue. The first concerns
releasing any lingering traumas and getting back to our
natural state where no unconscious inhibitions exist. And
the second is in determining your goals in life and setting
good daily habits to make them happen. You must do both."
Patient: "Yes I remember, it's just hard sometimes to
commit."
Therapist: "I know, this is human nature, if we are in our
comfort zone, our nature prevents us from taking action, in
here habits comes to the saving. For example, when you're
at home it's very hard to make yourself go to the gym,
right?"
Patient: "Right."
Therapist: "But I'm sure, once you get there, once you open
the gym's door your feelings change right away, correct?"
Patient: "Yes absolutely."
Therapist: "In here habits come to our saving, all you have
to do is force yourself to follow a good daily routine and
find a way to make yourself go to the gym, whether you feel
like it or not, feel lazy or motivated. Just find ways to
trick yourself to go there every single day and slowly you
will build up the habit. In a short time it will be very
easy for you to do. I use positive enforcements like
treating myself to something I like whenever I want to
encourage a good habit, it takes a little time then it
becomes systematic. You need to find a way that works out
for you, but this is something only you can do. Makes
sense?"
Patient: "Yes, makes sense."
Therapist: "Wonderful, so in regards to this issue, all you
need to do is develop good habits, and you should be fine.
It's a challenge in the beginning but it's the only way.
Alright?"
Patient: "Yes, sounds good."
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Therapist: "Good, now tell me about the second issue. You
told me you had a problem with money, tell me more about
that."
Patient: "Well, I never seem to be able to take money from
people, even when it's rightfully mine. I feel so guilty
about anything concerning taking money from people."
Therapist: "Give me an example."
Patient: "Ok, for example, the other day my aunt asked me
to buy her a book and gave me the money for it. She also
told me to buy anything I wanted for myself while I was
shopping for her. I went and got her the book and when I
came back and was giving her the book I also returned the
money, I told her that the book was a gift from me, she of
course refused and insisted to pay me back, she asked me
about the price and I actually told her a number less than
what I paid, she paid me that amount of course. I just
don't know why I do this to myself, why I feel guilty about
taking money from people."
Therapist: "Tell me another incident."
Patient: "Something else that comes to mind is a recent
incident that happened with a potential employer. We were
supposed to discuss a proper salary, I was supposed to tell
her the suitable amount for me, but I couldn't, I remained
silent, I felt that I couldn't ask for it."
Therapist: "What was the problem? What do you fear exactly
about asking for a proper salary that you know you
deserve?"
Patient: "I fear that she will look at me differently, that
she will think I'm materialistic."
Therapist: "Makes sense. This is very common, especially
among people who are raised fundamentally. There seems to
be a lot of guilt tripping in regards to fiscal matters and
things aren't perceived correctly."
215
(She spent some time talking about similar incidents and I
was noticing her words, she mentioned her dad few times
during the conversation.)
Therapist: "I was observing the words you were using as you
spoke, as you know our target is to find the main trauma
causing the problem and to resolve it, which consequently
should change your perception about everything that
happened afterwards. Now, I want you to imagine standing in
front of that employer you told me about. Imagine talking
to her comfortably and telling her about the salary you
find proper for you. How do you feel when you imagine doing
that."
(She spent some time in silence. Closed her eyes.)
Patient: "Well, I can't imagine doing that, I can't
perceive that it's even possible for me to talk to her this
way and ask for the proper salary that I actually want. I
always end up asking for the minimum amount."
Therapist: "You know the process, just imagine you're
talking to her right now, you're strong and you're
demanding the salary that you want. You are doing this
right now, what emotions stand in your way?"
Patient: "I'm really not sure I can even imagine myself
doing it."
Therapist: "Imagine that you've done it, it happened
already, how would you feel after?"
Patient: "She will look at me in a very demeaning manner."
Therapist: "Why? Is it because she will think you're a
materialistic person?"
Patient: "Yes, she will perceive me this way and I will
lose her respect because of that."
Therapist: "Alright, you talked about your father several
times while we discussed things earlier. I want you to do
this: Find me a memory of you as a small child where your
216
father looked at you in a way that made you feel guilty for
demanding something."
(Her eyes watered a bit.)
Patient: "I'm not sure I recall a specific memory."
Therapist: "It's ok, I just want any memory that comes to
mind, of a time when you saw that look on your father's
face, a look similar to that you fear receiving from that
employer if you demanded a good salary."
Patient: "Well, I can give you a memory with another
person, not with my father."
Therapist: "That's totally fine, I only asked for a memory
with him because you mentioned him several times during the
conversation. Who's the person that comes to your mind?"
Patient: "A kindergarten teacher, she looked at me in a
very demeaning manner, like I'm a bad person, and I was
deeply affected. It wasn't about money, I think it was
about something I did in the classroom. She looked at me
like I'm very bad, I felt so guilty."
Therapist: "Is it similar to the feeling you fear to
receive by confronting that employer?"
Patient: "Maybe..."
Therapist: "Would you say that you were behaving normally,
just being yourself, and got a very unfair and cruel
reaction from that teacher which established a fear in you
concerning being perceived as a bad person, concequently
preventing you from being yourself for the following
years?"
Patient: "I think so, yes."
Therapist: "Before that teacher spoke unfairly to you and
gave you that look. Were you normal and outgoing?"
Patient: "I think I was yes."
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Therapist: "Briefly before, what were you doing?"
Patient: "We were in the classroom, just talking and
playing."
Therapist: "How did you feel?"
Patient: "Completely fine, I was just happily socializing
my friends."
(We spent a little time discussing the details of that
event, making sure she summoned the feelings that were
present prior to the time she received the guilt tripping
look by her teacher. Then we continued.)
Therapist: "I want you to imagine standing in front of that
employer right now. Imagine asking her about the salary,
can you imagine doing that?"
(She remained silent, she was smiling a little.)
Therapist: "You do feel a difference don't you!"
Patient: "Actually yes, I do."
(She smiled, almost like an intense laughter was about to
burst. Her face lighted up.)
Therapist: "What do you feel?"
Patient: "I feel like I can talk to her comfortably and ask
about the salary that I want and even say it humorously."
(She said that smiling, she was very excited.)
Therapist: "See! You know the process, as we've discussed
before, one can spend years discussing an emotional problem
and go nowhere with that, however, if we are able to access
and dissolve the trauma that caused the problem then we can
resolve things in mere minutes."
(She smiled.)
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Therapist: "Once again, I want you to imagine standing in
front of that employer, demanding the salary you wanted.
Can you do that?"
Patient: "Yes, I think I can."
Therapist: "You can even say it in a humorous manner right?
As if you're talking to a friend."
Patient: "Yes it feels that way indeed."
Therapist: "Wonderful. Ok then, you know the process, I
want you to test things out and report back to me if you're
still experiencing any challenges. If you do, I want you to
attempt to work on them yourself this time as you're aware
by now of how the method works. Can you do that? Sounds
good?"
Patient: "Yes, sounds great. Thanks a lot!"
(Session ended.)
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Sample Case (Constantly sabotaging her own success)
Female, 27 years old, very bright but she keeps sabotaging
her own success. She wanted to work on resolving this.
Session Script
Patient: "I feel that I sabotage my own success, I don't
know why. On many occasions I even know what needs to be
done but I seem to do something different. There's a
passive behavior in me and I know I need to work on it."
Therapist: "Ok, can you give me a recent example where you
did this?"
Patient: "Thing is, I like to experiment, and I do this all
the time, for example, I have a side career in the stock
market, and although I know what needs to be done according
to the rules I've studied, on many occasions, I find myself
doing the opposite for the sake of experimenting, it's
really stupid, but I seem to have this great tendency to
experiment when I should just stick to the rules, or at
least to experiment with unreal accounts instead of real
ones. I think I might be sabotaging my own success
somehow."
Therapist: "So generally speaking, would you say that you
have a tendency to make wrong decisions at critical times
when you know better?"
Patient: "Exactly!"
Therapist: "Alright, let me check things from an opposite
scenario. Imagine yourself making an important decision,
say from the same example of your work with the stock
market."
Patient: "Ok."
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Therapist: "You're about to make that important decision,
imagine that you made the right decision and you succeeded
with a wonderful operation. What feelings do you get when
you imagine that?"
(She thought briefly.)
Patient: "It feels so trivial, like there's no challenge in
it."
Therapist: "This is very interesting, you'd rather make the
wrong decision just for the sake of the challenge?"
(She smiled.)
Patient: "I don't know why, but it's so boring to just
follow conventional methods."
Therapist: "You'd rather lose than follow simple rules?"
(It was a pleasantly funny interaction.)
Patient: "Yes, I think this is exactly what's happening."
Therapist: "Well, it's good to seek challenges of course,
but what we can check here is whether or not this is
stemming from a self destructive behavior. Is that ok?"
Patient: "Yes, of course."
Therapist: "Ok, imagine yourself making all the right
decisions, can you imagine seeing yourself winning all the
time, successful and triumphant."
(She spent some time attempting.)
Therapist: "What would you feel when you imagine sitting
and making the right decision by following the rules?"
Patient: "I feel like it's too stupid, I'm not contributing
or doing anything special."
Therapist: "Can't you build upon the known rules safely to
come up with something special of your own?"
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(Apparently, the logical suggestion that he can still do
something special by building on the current rules safely
had an effect on her rationale.)
Patient: "I guess I can."
Therapist: "Ok, imagine yourself again making the correct,
yet simple, decisions that every successful person does,
trivial as they may be. Can you see yourself taking these
decisions even though they are not special in any way?"
Patient: "I think I can, although as you said, I'll see
means by which to improve on them to come up with something
of my own."
Therapist: "Nice, is this the only problem you are facing
at the time being?"
Patient: "Well, for now yes."
Therapist: "Wonderful, test yourself for a couple
and see if your perception of the problem changed
feel you need to work on it further, report to me
we can continue with the session once you examine
Sounds good?"
Patient: "Yes sounds good."
(Session ended.)
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of weeks
or if you
then and
things.
Sample Case (Human development instructor feeling
depressed)
A female, about 30 years old, though works as a human
development instructor, she finds herself in deep
depression sometimes. She doesn't show that to people, and
they don't know about her state in regards to this. She
tried all the methods she could put her hands on with no
apparent success.
Session Script
(The patient described her problem.)
Therapist: "Alright, there are several factors that we need
to examine before we can proceed, as you know, my focus is
on resolving traumas. However, there are physical aspects
that can cause depression as well, it can be caused by the
wrong diet with the consumption of sugars and starches to
be particular, and it can also be caused by traumas that
were initiated in our early childhood. So I'll need to ask
you few question to assess the problem in a better way. Is
this ok?"
Patient: "Yes sure."
Therapist: "Alright, you say that you feel depressed. Is
this a general state or does it happen in certain
circumstances?"
Patient: "It's actually a general state."
Therapist: "Does it get triggered when you are around
certain people, do you feel normal when you're alone for
example?"
(In here I'm trying to see if there are social anxieties or
inferiority complexes playing a part in her depression)
Patient: "Actually no, when I'm alone it kicks in just as
hard."
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Therapist: "Tell me about the people around you, family and
friends."
Patient: "Well, I have a great family, I love them and they
love me back and respect me and depend on me a lot. I have
a lot of friends as well."
Therapist: "Considering that you told me you work in human
development, I assume you're already doing things you're
passionate about right?"
Patient: "Yes, this is correct. I've already tried so many
methods as well, playing sports and filling more of my time
with useful things. But nothing is helping the way I feel."
Therapist: "Do you feel vibrant and full of life at times?
E.g. when you accomplish something amazing and feel good
about yourself?"
Patient: "Not really, in fact it can be the opposite, when
I accomplish something great I feel an even bigger
emptiness."
(It was an interesting case, I'm trying to ask all these
questions to be able to see if there are any situations
that trigger the problem.)
Therapist: "Would you say that you feel lonely at times?"
Patient: "The opposite, fact is I avoid being alone, like
in traveling, because that triggers me to think more."
Therapist: "More about what?"
Patient: "Life, everything, purpose, why people suffer, why
all this has to exist. I don't understand why."
Therapist: "But you have the freedom to choose the path you
want to take, you can help with all of that, help make
things better."
Patient: "I don't think we have the freedom to choose."
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Therapist: "Why so?"
Patient: "Take me as an example, I have this problem, and
I've tried everything, yet I can't seem to be able to get
out of it."
Therapist: "Maybe in a way until you learn what's
necessary, but you can always choose how to perceive things
around you. Take cue from Viktor Frankl for example.
Although he lived in Nazi Germany and went through a lot,
he had a revelation one day that although he can't control
the things that happened to him, he can always control the
way he sees them, his perception, don't you call that a
freedom of choice?"
Patient: "I don't know."
Therapist: "Ok, let me give you another example. Let's
assume someone has a million dollars. That's a lot of money
which enables this person to live in abundance for life,
correct?"
Patient: "Yes I suppose."
Therapist: "Ok, now let's assume this person has a friend
who owns 500 Million dollars. Don't you think this fact is
capable of making this person absolutely miserable if he
looked at it from the wrong perspective?"
Patient: "Yes, it can of course."
Therapist: "And yet, this person has virtually anything he
or she needs right?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Ok, now let's introduce another person into the
formula. Someone who doesn't even have money, only his
daily needs with the work his does. Can this person be
happy and satisfied if he looked at things from the right
perspective, for example knowing that none of us knows when
we're leaving this body and that as long as we are ok for
the day, nothing else matters."
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Patient: "I suppose yes, this person can be happy."
Therapist: "Great, and I'm not trying to impose ideas here,
I'm merely trying to introduce that perception plays an
important part. Let's return to your depression. Do you
feel vibrant at times, for example when you accomplish
something great?"
Patient: "Not really, I feel great emptiness in fact when I
do, I'm not sure why I do what I do and what for."
Therapist: "We do things to offer something worthy to the
world while we're here, and we also do much of what we do
for the people we love. Let me ask about this if I may:
Have you ever fallen in love?"
(I wanted to see what motivates her whenever she does what
she does. I wasn't yet sure what drives her as a person.)
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "Are you saying that you never experienced
falling in love? Being 30 years old this is quite extreme
don't you think?"
Patient: "I don't know."
Therapist: "Not even a schoolgirl crush, you've never
fallen in love that way when you were young?"
(I'm examining if she was ever motivated to do things for a
beloved person, then lost that motivation when the
relationship is over. Her answers might very well be mere
defense mechanisms.)
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "You say that you never even had a crush."
Patient: "Yes, never did."
Therapist: "This can't be normal don't you think?"
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Patient: "I'm not sure, I guess it's not something done in
my society."
Therapist: "Ok, how about doing things for the people you
love, the people around you?"
Patient: "Yes I do of course, I have fears though, a lot of
fears, I constantly fear the loss of those people I love."
(Here she finally started to open up. Her body language
changed.)
Therapist: "Great, tell me more about these fears."
Patient: "I can say, it's mainly about my dad, I fear
losing him so much."
Therapist: "Would you say this fear is similar to that
feeling of depression you have?"
Patient: "Yes, not exactly, but it's quite similar."
Therapist: "When did you start experiencing these fears?"
Patient: "It's very hard to recall, I feel like I had this
feeling my whole life."
(We tried for a short while but she couldn't touch on a
specific incident.)
Therapist: "Ok, no problem, I want you to just answer my
questions with whatever comes to mind, it doesn't even have
to make sense, just answer with whatever comes to mind, is
this ok?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Alright, imagine you're in your early
childhood, and you have this great fear of losing someone,
just go back in time and imagine being in a place where
this is present."
Patient: "Ok."
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Therapist: "Is the feeling present?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Is it morning or night?"
Patient: "Night."
Therapist: "Are you inside or outside."
Patient: "Outside, in the car."
Therapist: "How old are you approximately?"
Patient: "About 8 years old."
Therapist: "What's happening?"
Patient: "Nothing special, there was an argument, it wasn't
intense, but my parents were talking as we drove."
Therapist: "Did you experience that fear of loss in regards
to your dad at that time?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "How did you feel?"
Patient: "I feared losing him so much, and what would
happen to us to us if we lost him."
Therapist: "Was it the first time you ever felt like this?"
Patient: "I think so."
Therapist: "Would you say that 5 minutes before this
incident, the idea of losing someone never crossed your
mind?"
Patient: "No, it did."
Therapist: "When? When did you first ever conceive the
concept of losing someone?"
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Patient: "Earlier I guess, older people talked in front of
me randomly about what happens when someone is lost, the
consequences of losing a father in particular."
Therapist: "When was that?"
Patient: "I don't know exactly, maybe 7."
Therapist: "Ok, try to recall the first time you ever heard
someone talking about this, again, speak randomly with
whatever comes to mind. Is it morning or night?"
Patient: "Morning. About 10am maybe."
Therapist: "How old are you?"
Patient: "I would say 7."
Therapist: "Inside or outside?"
Patient: "Inside."
Therapist: "Your house?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Who's around you?"
Patient: "My older sisters I think, and my aunt."
Therapist: "What's happening?"
Patient: "They were talking about the loss of beloved
people, and what happens after."
Therapist: "And the thought got instilled in you right?"
Patient: "Right."
Therapist: "Again, would you say that this is the first
time you ever felt this fear of loss?"
Patient: "Yes it was."
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(This turned out to be her key trauma, and we worked on it
and resolved it using the method, it indeed turned out to
be the reason of her depression, although she wanted to do
something worthy to the world, her fears of losing the ones
she loved always seemed to question her motivations, her
unconscious was constantly about the point of what she was
doing. The problem was resolved and she reported later
great improvements.)
(Session ended.)
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Sample Case (Incessant fears of getting ill)
40 years old woman, with intense fears of getting ill. Her
fears got to the point of crippling her life. She went
through 3 years of therapy, with no results, and attended
so many human development courses as well.
Session Script
Therapist: "Ok, tell me a recent story where you
experienced these fears."
Patient: "The most recent one concerned me being at the
dentist's office. He was taking off my tooth, I was
actually ok with that, but when he said that he had to
perform an X-Ray to make sure no traces are left I got
insanely afraid, and I even fainted as he did so."
Therapist: "What were you afraid of exactly?"
Patient: "I was afraid that the radiations can possibly
cause cancer. I learned that through many lectures I
watched."
Therapist: "Well, radiations can be a factor, but a single
X-Ray isn't that big a deal statistically speaking."
(I established a good rational ground and explained to her
how radiations affect us and how we can take good measures
to prevent the damage, which extends to so many other
sources, e.g. WIFI, phones, etc.)
Therapist: "I know you can't help but feel afraid when you
think of taking an X-Ray, but it might be necessary
sometimes. What we can do is take the best measures and
play things wisely. But I have to ask, as you know my main
focus is directed at finding what traumas cause changes in
our perceptions, and based on that I want you now to
imagine being at the dentist's office, go back to that
event you told me about and imagine being there, the doctor
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is attempting to take the X-Ray. What do you feel as he
does that?"
Patient: "I feel very afraid, my entire body is getting
numb, left hand is particular."
Therapist: "What do you fear exactly?"
Patient: "That it's possible for me to get brain cancer
because of this X-Ray."
Therapist: "Alright, I want you to make yourself present at
the dentist's office right now, preparing to take that XRay."
Patient: "Ok."
(She took a moment.)
Therapist: "This fear of getting brain cancer is present
right now, correct?"
Patient: "Yes, absolutely."
Therapist: "Alright, now, this fear of getting brain cancer
because of the radiation. When was the very first time you
ever experienced it? Meaning, before that time, this fear
wasn't present in your life."
Patient: "I guess this happened because of my Aunt, she had
brain cancer and died from it. She experienced so much pain
because of it."
Therapist: "How old were you?"
Patient: "About 33."
Therapist: "Would you say this was the very first time you
had fears of getting sick?"
Patient: "I had fears about getting various sicknesses in
the past, but this was when I started to fear getting brain
cancer yes."
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Therapist: "Ok, I want you to go back to that experience
you had with your aunt at 33, tell me what's happening."
Patient: "I remember going to see my aunt in her room, she
knew the doctors couldn't do anything, she was in a lot of
pain, the cancer had spread in her brain. She told me to
forgive her if she ever did anything to me. She later on
started to lose her consciousness and hallucinate. It was
terrible."
Therapist: "I know it's a very tough experience. I want you
to imagine looking at your aunt, what do you feel?"
Patient: "I feel sad of course. She went through a
terrifying process."
Therapist: "Now I want you to imagine being at the doctor's
office, he's performing the X-Ray on you, what do you
feel?"
Patient: "I feel afraid of course. Just thinking that the
rays are going through my brain is terrifying."
Therapist: "Yet you know from what we spoke of earlier that
this is statistically very low and there are ways to deal
with it right?"
Patient: "Right. But it's still very scary."
Therapist: "Ok, go back to picturing your aunt. I want you
to go to a time briefly before you saw her suffering from
the brain cancer. Can you do that?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Ok, you're now at a point of time before she
got her illness. What's happening?"
Patient: "We're at a normal family gathering I guess.
Things are fine."
Therapist: "Remember, at this moment the words 'brain
cancer' didn't mean anything to you. Now, look at your
aunt, what do you feel?"
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Patient: "I feel better, I feel love and compassion towards
her."
(She was relaxing. She was experiencing being at that point
of time before the problem, which is exactly what we need.)
Therapist: "Ok, I want you to imagine being at the doctor's
office, he's attempting to perform an X-Ray. What do you
feel?"
(She remained silent)
Therapist: "The fear is still there, but it's less intense
right?"
Patient: "Yes actually."
Therapist: "See, this is what happens when we tackle a
problem from the viewpoint of a trauma. Change happens
instantly even though it doesn't seem that we've done
anything on the conscious level. What we're after is to
give your unconscious mind a proof that things were
different at a point of time and that it hasn't always been
the way it is. Now, I want you to imagine sitting with your
aunt. What do you feel?"
Patient: "I feel fine, just love."
Therapist: "Minutes ago imagining that you're sitting with
your aunt would've made you feel very sad right?"
Patient: "Yes, right."
Therapist: "Ok great. You told me in the beginning that you
have incessant fears of getting ill, and while you do your
best to be healthy and eat right, you still can't control
these fears. What are you afraid of exactly? Why do you
fear getting ill?"
Patient: "Pain I guess, the pain one experiences during
dying. I am not really afraid of death, but I am afraid of
the pain one experiences when he dies."
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Therapist: "Do you believe that it's always painful when we
die?"
Patient: "Yes of course."
Therapist: "Here we go. This is another idea that you've
developed probably during your early years. Logically
speaking it is of course possible to experience pain when
we die, but it's also possible to die peacefully without
any pain. Don't you agree?"
Patient: "I'm not sure, the moment the spirit leaves the
body, there's a lot of pain associated with that."
Therapist: "Are you saying it's impossible to die
peacefully?"
Patient: "Maybe, I'm not sure. But the moment the spirit
leaves has to be painful. I was taught in school that even
prophet experienced these pains and expressed that."
Therapist: "Are you sure he did? I mean you were taught by
people who transferred what they knew, but it doesn't have
to be true. For all that matters, the prophet might have
just experienced a brief moment of pain no more than that
we experience when we get a mild cold, then he went
peacefully. It might not be something worth worrying about.
Don't you agree?"
(Here again, I'm developing a rational base before tackling
the trauma.)
Patient: "I suppose, but I've seen my dad die when I was
young. And he was in tremendous pain, he was screaming."
Therapist: "Oh, this might very well be the real source of
your problem. Tell me more about it."
Patient: "I was about 9 years old, I remember my dad
screaming in his room, he was in a lot of pain. I wanted to
see him but my big brother didn't allow me, he told me that
dad was in a lot of pain."
Therapist: "Did you know your dad was dying?"
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Patient: "Yes, my brother said so, and he said that dying
is very painful."
Therapist: "I'm sure that must have been a very tough
experience. But remember, it's a perception that you have
developed back then and took for granted. You developed the
belief that dying is a very painful process."
Patient: "Isn't it true? I mean it has to be."
Therapist: "Not necessarily. Are you saying that no one can
die in peace?"
Patient: "Maybe yes, but still... My dad was screaming of
pain while he died."
Therapist: "I understand. However, he might have had an
ailment that caused a lot of pain, and, this might have
been his responsibility. For example, one might get
diabetes, high blood pressure, failure in certain organs
etc. due to bad habits. And although this person would get
a lot of clues that he has to change his lifestyle to
resolve these problems, this person might choose not to. So
experiencing pain in these cases is kind of the person's
own responsibility don't you think?"
Patient: "Yes, I suppose. But still don't you think that it
will be painful at the moment of death?"
Therapist: "It can be for sure, but it might not as well.
What I'm saying is that if we do everything well in life,
and have good habits, all we can do then is let go and
trust that God will bring out whatever is best. We will all
die one day and we don't know when or how, this is not
something we control. But what we can do is have good
habits and just do our best, things will happen the way
they are supposed to happen, this is God's will. Don't you
agree?"
Patient: "Yes, I do."
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Therapist: "Ok, let's now check the trauma. I want you to
picture your aunt instead. What do you feel? Do you feel
any discomfort when you picture your aunt?"
(I started with the aunt to compare the two traumas.)
Patient: "No actually, I feel fine."
Therapist: "Wonderful, now picture your dad. What do you
feel?"
Patient: "I feel a lot of pain, the memory is terrible."
Therapist: "Great, this is the trauma acting out. Now that
time when your dad was in pain, you were 9 years old, he's
in the next room screaming. Imagine being there, how do you
feel?"
Patient: "Terrible."
Therapist: "Do you fear death?"
Patient: "Yes, of course."
Therapist: "Alright, I want you to be at that place and
time as if you're present right now. Your dad is screaming,
and your brother is telling you that death is painful. Take
some time."
Patient: "Ok."
Therapist: "Now, can you tell me that this was the very
first time you ever experienced being afraid of death and
the pains associated with it? "
Patient: "I think so, yes."
Therapist: "Do you mean that before this memory, you didn't
have any thoughts related to that."
Patient: "Probably yes, it was the first time."
Therapist: "Great, now I want you to go backwards in time,
a couple of days before this event."
237
Patient: "Ok."
Therapist: "What's happening."
Patient: "I'm at home playing with my sister."
Therapist: "If you think of your dad at that moment, how
would you have felt?"
Patient: "It was fine, we didn't think much about it. He
was in his room in bed and we attended to him as we was
sick for a long time. It was part of our life."
(She was beginning to relax.)
Therapist: "Tell me more about what you're doing with your
sister."
(We spent a while talking about the details of what they
were doing, I took her back and forth few times to solidify
the resolution.)
Therapist: "If you think of your dad right now, what do you
feel?"
Patient: "I feel ok actually."
Therapist: "Think of the day when your dad was in pain in
the next room, be at that point of time and tell me what
you feel?"
Patient: "I feel much more relaxed. I mean it's a tough
event, but it feel like it's just part of life."
Therapist: "Do you feel that you fear death?"
Patient: "Not the way I felt before, it changed."
Therapist: "I know, the moment you prove to your
unconscious mind that there was a time before this belief
existed the perception ends up changing. Did you notice
how?"
Patient: "Yes actually, it is amazing."
238
Therapist: "Think of your aunt now, what do you feel?"
Patient: "Normal, I love her."
Therapist: "How about your dad, think of him, how do you
feel?"
Patient: "I feel normal as well, may he rest in peace."
Therapist: "That pain you felt few minutes ago when you
thought of him is almost completely gone right?"
Patient: "Yes, very much. I'm feeling a state of peace that
I haven't felt for a long time."
(We talked a little.)
Therapist: "Wonderful, is there anything else on your mind
or any questions?"
Patient: "No, it's fine. Thank you very much, I really am
feeling a tremendous difference. It's like something has
lifted."
Therapist: "I'm glad I could help. Test yourself for the
coming couple of weeks and give me feedback, I'd love to
know the changes you experience in your life. Sounds good?"
Patient: "Will do, thanks!"
(Session ended.)
239
Sample Case (Uncomfortable Around People)
Female, about 45 years old, introvert and she feels
uncomfortable and weak around people.
Session Script
Patient: "I was in a breathing course, I found myself
feeling so uncomfortable towards the people there and
towards the teacher in particular. She felt it and reacted
negatively because of that. I also have a lot of fears in
regards to financial stability, and I wish to resolve those
issues."
Therapist: "Ok, tell me more about the incident with the
teacher in that course, go back there and tell me what's
happening."
Patient: "Alright, I guess she's giving the lecture,
however, I just feel so uncomfortable towards her."
Therapist: "What do you feel?"
Patient: "I feel that she's dishonest, I don't like her or
trust her."
Therapist: "Why so?"
Patient: "I guess I can read people, I just can see that
she's a dishonest person. I feel like she's wearing a
mask."
Therapist: "Well you're not marrying her, you're just
attending a lecture she's giving which you might like and
you might not. She doesn't have to become part of your
life. There are people whom you meet and just have to act
towards with respect and then go on."
Patient: "Yes, I understand."
(I began with the rational argument.)
240
Therapist: "Alright, look her face, now talk to her as if
you were a 5 year old girl, what words would you say? How
would you describe your feelings verbally as a 5 year old?"
Patient: "I would say, you're not a good person."
Therapist: "Why so, proceed with the thought. Did she do
anything to you."
Patient: "No."
Therapist: "Ok, proceed with the thought, you feel she's
not a good person, because:"
Patient: "Because she's wearing a mask. She's not a good
person."
Therapist: "You know very well she didn't do anything to
you, it's not fair to judge. However, when you look at her,
what sensation or image do you get?"
Patient: "I don't trust her."
Therapist: "Ok, keep looking at her face, see this feeling,
when was the first time you ever felt this way in your
life? When was the first time you experienced a feeling
like this towards someone?"
(She thought for a while.)
Patient: "I don't know, maybe 7 or 8."
Therapist: "Whom comes to mind as you imagine that?"
Patient: "I'm not sure, maybe my aunt, or her husband."
Therapist: "What happened?"
Patient: "I'm really not sure."
(I asked few questions but she couldn't touch on the exact
memory correctly.)
241
Therapist: "Ok no problem, just answer my questions
spontaneously with anything that comes to mind. You're
around 7 years old, looking someone in the face, and you
don't like that person, you feel uncomfortable and do not
trust that person, is it day or night?"
Patient: "Day."
Therapist: "What time approximately?"
Patient: "Maybe 8am before school"
Therapist: "Who's around you?"
Patient: "My uncle."
Therapist: "How old are you?"
Patient: "I think 7."
Therapist: "Ok, look him in the face, what do you feel?"
Patient: "I feel like he's an awful man, I don't like him,
I feel disgusted when I think of him."
Therapist: "Why so?"
Patient: "He's just awful, towards me and people."
Therapist: "When was the first time you looked at him and
felt this way?"
Patient: "Always."
Therapist: "Ok, did you feel this way when you were 6?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "When you were 5?"
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "How about 4? 3?"
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Patient: "I did too."
Therapist: "Ok at 2?"
Patient: "Yes I did."
Therapist: "Still? Even at 2 years old?"
Patient: "Yes I really did."
Therapist: "Ok, so what's the earliest memory possible
where you looked at him and felt this way? When was the
very first time you saw his face and felt like this?"
Patient: "Always, since the very first time I ever saw
him."
Therapist: "Still, when was that?"
Patient: "I don't know, can't say accurately, maybe 3
months."
Therapist: "You thought he was awful looking at him when
you were 3 months old?"
Patient: "I think I did."
Therapist: "Ok, I want you to notice something here, when
you look at people you seem to have a tendency to judge
them by the way they look, for example your recent
interaction with the teacher giving the course. It seems
very well that this has started with your experience with
this uncle. So we have to work on it for a short while to
find out the real time that your perception of him changed.
So yet again, answer spontaneously, it doesn't have to be
accurate: When was the very first time you recall looking
at him and seeing him as an awful person."
Patient: "Maybe when I was 1."
Therapist: "Good. Was it morning or night?"
Patient: "Morning, before school. At about 7:30 maybe."
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Therapist: "What's happening?"
Patient: "He was yelling at me, but when my mom came he
changed his tone and spoke to me nicely. It was unpleasant
to see such hypocrisy."
Therapist: "And of course you stopped trusting him since
then."
Patient: "Yes."
Therapist: "Ok look him in the face during that incident.
What do you see?"
Patient: "I don't like him."
Therapist: "Alright, would you say that 10 minutes earlier
before he spoke to you that morning, this feeling towards
him did not exist?"
Patient: "I think it might not have been there."
(This mere acknowledgment is all we need to begin.)
Therapist: "Wonderful, so 10 minutes earlier he was just a
normal family member to you, right?"
Patient: "I think so."
Therapist: "What were you doing?"
Patient: "I was playing."
Therapist: "Why did he yell at you?"
Patient: "He didn't want any noises."
Therapist: "Alright, so naturally, you're a 1 year old
playing around which is very normal for you, and he's an
old man who doesn't want noises around, which is normal
too, or maybe he's just a grumpy man by nature, no one is
perfect. Right?"
Patient: "Yes right."
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Therapist: "Great, so after that incident, you came to
believe that he's an awful person. But you do say that 10
minutes before he was just a family member, right?"
(Her feelings were shifting already, evident by her facial
expressions.)
Patient: "Yes right."
Therapist: "Imagine looking at his face right now, what do
you feel?"
(She laughed.)
Patient: "I think I feel normal, even compassionate. He had
a problem, but he wasn't that bad."
Therapist: "Wonderful, now I want you to fast forward
towards the recent incident with that instructor, look at
her, what do you feel?"
(She remained silent a little.)
Patient: "Nothing, really, I don't know why I took things
personally with her, I barely know her."
Therapist: "Beautiful. See, you established a judgmental
attitude towards people based on that event when you
stopped trusting that uncle when he changed his attitude as
your mom came. But you know people are not perfect, they
have their problems and challenges. However in here, and
after 15 years of experimentation, I came to the definite
conclusion that it is traumas that stand as barriers that
prevent us from perceiving things correctly the way they
really are, instead, we come to judge everything around us
based on those traumas which we usually develop during our
early childhood. To my knowledge and experience this is the
best way to free ourselves from all those limitations, and
there is so much to come in regards to this."
(We talked for a while, she was very delighted and spent
few minutes laughing hard, saying that she feels so silly
about the way she acted during many incidents, I explained
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things to her and she understood what we did very well. She
also reported to me later about how her relationship with
her mom changed a great deal because of what we did and
that she now looks at her with great compassion instead of
getting triggered and angered. She also improved her
relationship with her daughter.)
(Session ended.)
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Resistant Patients
I believe that the only trait that can ever stop a person
from advancing in his or her life is arrogance. This is a
broad topic, but is relevant here as well because I can say
that the only people who could not benefit from the method
were the ones who experienced the shift, then voluntarily
chose to bring themselves back to their original state and
claimed they did not feel anything. It happened few times
during the past years, we'd be going through the steps and
get to the point where the patient experiences the state I
previously termed as 'instantaneous relaxation'. I'd
clearly see that happening, however, once I ask the patient
to confirm if they felt different, they immediately and
voluntarily would bring themselves back to their original
problematic state, claiming they didn't relax. On a
previous moment they would look so peaceful and relaxed,
then once asked to confirm, they'd take it almost as a
challenge, shift their mood back, and say that they don't
feel anything. This is what I call a resistant patient.
They can't be helped, unless they wanted to open the door.
However, I would like to give an example that illustrates a
similar pitfall many of us experience and can relate to
when challenged with a strong experience that exhibit a
form of recurring anger:
We've all experienced events in our lives that can initiate
a big deal of anger, some are more intense and persistent
than others.
What I want to point out is how you've surely also noticed
how an angry state dissolves after a person sleeps or even
takes a short nap. Waking up, the person feels a great
state of tranquility and that anger wouldn't be present,
briefly, until the person makes the choice to voluntarily
bring that state back again.
Treating a resistant patient is somehow similar,
occasionally you might experience a person who refuses to
admit the change that is evidently happening. Needless to
say sometimes a therapist can fail to bring forth the
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correct resolution, but I'm speaking in here about those
cases where the state of relaxation is clearly evident, and
yet, the patient chooses not to admit that and instead
brings himself or herself back in a flash of a second
(similar to what I explained above with recurring anger) to
their original state. You will experience cases like this
sometimes if you undertake the task of helping others with
this method, or any other method so to say.
In these cases, my suggestion to you, and what I've always
done has been to explain this concept to the patient and
refund the session's fees back to him or her (in full or in
part based on what has been done).
It's pointless to try and help someone who doesn't want to
be helped. I then give them my opinion about the problem,
and my suggestions for the resources that they can further
explore, and then I end the session.
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Strange Incidents of Shared Feelings
Carl Jung theorized that there's a collective consciousness
that's shared by people and even by every singular species.
This means that when enough of one group share the same
feeling, it can be transmitted psychically to all the rest
who are - so to say - energetically connected to that
group. This extends to people of the same environment,
family, country, or any other of shared commonalities.
Since the very beginning, I've been noticing strange
encounters of shared feelings with patients when I'm in the
session with them. I wonder how much of that you the reader
and any practitioner of the method will be experiencing.
What struck me the most is the fact that many of the
sessions are handled over the phone without even seeing the
patient. Interestingly, even as we talk, once the patient
states the problem, I begin experiencing the feeling he or
she has, the discomfort, the physical tension they get,
even in the same places that they are experiencing them
physically at the time of the session. This leads me to
know, step by step how the patient is feeling, and take
that for clues to know how to proceed.
For example, I would be talking to the patient and working
through the method, reaching the stage where I go back and
forth through in time, and at the exact moment a patient
relaxes, I would experience that shift in state in my body
as well, even before the patient tells me so. This serves
as an additional indicator for me somehow during the
session. There were countless cases where I'd be talking to
the patient in a manner similar to this:
(Going back and forth in time.)
Therapist: "How do you feel now?"
Patient: "I feel more relaxed."
(I'm still feeling the tension in me despite the patient
telling me that he or she is feeling better.)
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Therapist: "I don't think you're completely there yet, you
might still experience some pressure around your eyes, do
you feel this way?"
(I'd be talking on the phone, no means to see how the
patient looks like, my mere indication is the fact that I
still feel a pressure around my eyes myself which became
present as the patient described his or her problem to me
during the session.)
Patient: "Actually yes, the pressure is still there."
(I'd keep working with the patient until the pressure that
I felt during the process is completely relieved. And after
I feel that it's completely gone I'd say something like:)
Therapist: "Now that pressure went away completely didn't
it."
Patient: "You're right, it went away."
(The patient would usually be surprised because they
wouldn't be able to tell how I can sense these subtle
sensations they're getting.)
This is very interesting for me to research further,
because by healing the traumas it seems we're also clearing
out stagnations in the collective consciousness. The phrase
"You need to change yourself in order to change the world"
can't get any clearer than this. If this is indeed what I
think it is, then we can use the method to actually clean
up all the collective traumas that have held people back
since the beginning of time.
More to come.
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Are We Touching on Archetypes? It Somehow it Got
Automatic
I'm noticing a lot of resemblances between different cases
that have similar traumas, almost to the point of
generalizing the resolutions. This might lead me to write
another book that could work out as a reference to showcase
proposed resolutions for different psychological ailments,
it will be a great reference for self based assessments, so
will it be for practitioners as therapeutic aids.
The procedure became to more like the following scenario:
I'd be going through the session, the patient begins to
explain the problem that he or she is experiencing. Briefly
into that explanation, I'd notice the resemblance it has
with other cases that were indeed caused by a certain
trauma that seems to occur commonly and frequently. E.g. a
guilt tripping look by an elderly member in the family that
causes that person to unconsciously sabotage himself or
herself in life due to an unexplained feeling of guilt.
Similar to that, I'm seeing countless connections between
problems and the traumas that seem to induce them, and
based on that I do believe that soon enough it might be
very possible to put that into a reference that can
showcase these commonalities and resolutions in a practical
manner from the perspective of relieving traumas.
There will be more to come about this too.
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A Note on Dealing with Chronic Anger
Upon observing the dynamics of dealing with chronic anger,
I found it necessary to include this note in order to
clarify when and how the ReiK Method can be used to deal
with these situations.
I can say that every case of chronic anger is stimulated by
a trauma, which means that the ReiK Method can be used to
deal with that state by dealing of the event - or trauma that triggered it.
I've noticed however that in some cases, anger keeps coming
back to the patient due to the lack of a proper closure. It
would return every time the patient remembers what happened
and the fact that he or she didn't not have the closure
they desperately needed.
For example:
In a case which involved a bitter divorce, the wife had
chronic feelings of anger due to heartbreak and the loss of
dearly possessions that were seized upon unfairly by her
ex-husband. She tried to get over her feelings of anger
using the method which gave her relief during the sessions.
However, weeks later she would come back feeling
heartbroken and in need to go through the process again.
This, despite the fact that the trauma that initiated her
anger was worked on and seems to have been eliminated.
After few sessions, it turned out that she couldn't and
didn't want to forgive her husband for taking possessions
which weren't rightfully his. She attempted to forgive him
and worked on that, but the feeling seemed to come back
whenever she saw anything that reminded her of her exhusband or the possessions that were unfairly taken from
her. Her ex-husband was living nearby, and she had constant
exposure to things that reminded her of him and what
happened between them.
After further examination, it turned out that this
proximity and the fact that he took possessions that
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weren't rightfully his kept affecting her negatively. She
wasn't ok with that and didn't have a proper closure, and
she didn't think that he deserved to be forgiven for it.
I suggested that if she wasn't able to forgive him for what
happened and the possessions were rightfully hers then she
should attempt to resolve her problem by forcing her exhusband to give back what's hers with a legal suit.
She found that to be suitable and did it with a lawyer she
knew, and her ex-husband was indeed forced to return what
he took. This gave her the proper closure on the matter.
She didn't care about him anymore and just wanted justice.
Afterwards, she had absolutely no problem dissolving any
remainder feelings of anger she had and moved on in peace.
I found this note necessary to include because with chronic
anger there are cases where action can be taken in order
give the patient a proper closure, similar to what happened
with this case.
These two matters concerning closure and the dissolution of
traumas are however also very interestingly interwoven.
Because patients often won't be able to take necessary
action unless they rid themselves of some limiting beliefs
affecting their personalities and their feelings of selfworth. Otherwise, they would've originally taken action and
gotten their closure without needing to upscale the problem
to the level of distress.
I'll give another example:
A woman in her late thirties came to me with extreme selfesteem problems. People used her and pushed her around and
she didn't seem to be able to hold herself together. She
had problems with her mom and co-workers and she usually
kept silent when people abused her kindness and took
advantage of her.
The first session was very successful in resolving the
problem with her mother. Before that, her mother caused her
a great deal of stress because she pushed her around and
controlled her, she came to the second session very excited
and explained how she felt completely fine communicating
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with her mother now intimately and wisely without any
problems, while in the past it usually such interactions
resulted in feelings of anger and hatred.
For this second session, she wanted to work on pressures
she felt because of her co-workers, which we worked on and
resolved successfully.
The patient came back later for another session, she was
happy and satisfied that she was experiencing major changes
in her life. What made her come however was something
different: There were plans for her to marry a man towards
whom she felt comfortable in the past (their culture goes
for a traditional arranged marriage), however, although she
previously felt fine going forth with that arranged
marriage, she now experienced feeling pressured to go
through with it. On a logical level, things seemed to be
fine, and whenever she reasoned things she felt that he's a
good man, however, she couldn't help but feel pressured.
We examined what was happening, she hesitated in the
beginning then expressed that this man might not be good
enough for her, that she wanted someone better. She felt
embarrassed saying it in the beginning because she thought
it was mean to express such feelings. However, as she grew
and her feelings of self-appreciation developed, she now
learned to demand what she thought was rightfully suitable
for her, and she saw that this man wasn't good enough.
This is a perfect example of people settling for less than
they want because of unresolved feelings of inferiority.
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Building New Habits After the Resolution
It's very often that after resolving a trauma, the patient
experiences a feeling of void, sometimes to the point of
feeling like he or she doesn't know what to do with their
life anymore. Psychologically speaking, this is due to the
fact that the unconscious can easily use a trauma as an
excuse to take an easier path in life, playing victim and
building defense mechanisms because of that as an excuse
not to do the work that has to be done.
I keep emphasizing to my patients that resolving one's
traumas is like returning to the naturalness we had when we
were little children. We are full of potential and
enthusiasm to do anything, our potential is unlocked.
However, unless we setup the right habits and do our work
every single day we won't be able to accomplish anything.
Therefore, the purpose of the ReiK Method is to remove all
these obstacles that keep us locked in fear and destroy our
potential. Once we do that, then it's up to us to setup the
right habits every single day to get ourselves to go where
we need to go.
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Conclusion
For more than 15 years, I've experimented with every single
method I came in contact with which explored human
psychology.
These years of experimentation which involved all academic
and non-academic resources that I could put my hands on
yielded a method, which through practice during the past
years was systemized into steps that I came to name as: The
ReiK Method.
I sincerely believe that this method could start a new
revolution in the world of psychology if properly
understood. It's the product of finding out the best way
possible to understand how the mind works, how it
formulates its beliefs and how these unconscious beliefs
can be changed when they become toxic and limiting to us.
My next step is to figure out how to apply this method
successfully with the younger generation. I've given
sessions successfully to people of all ages, 15 years and
older, due to their ability to reason properly when engaged
in the session. Slightly younger kids of about 12 years old
have also shown similar responses to the method with minor
tweaks.
Now, I'm undertaking the task of exploring the correct way
to communicate with those who are younger, between the ages
of 5 and 7 to be more precise, in order to help them attain
their full potential in life without having to experience
the limitations that early traumas inflict on them until
they're able to reason at an older age. They shouldn't need
to wait before they can do that and this is the next step
for the method.
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Everything is a Trauma
By: Mohammed Kilani
http://www.reikmethod.com
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