Gender Aspect

МИНИСТЕРСТВО ОБРАЗОВАНИЯ РЕСПУБЛИКИ БЕЛАРУСЬ
Минский государственный лингвистический университет
Т. В. Поплавская
Т. А. Сысоева
Интерпретация коммуникативного поведения:
Гендерный аспект
Interpretation of Communicative Behaviour:
Gender Aspect
Рекомендовано учебно-методическим объединением
по лингвистическому образованию в качестве пособия
для студентов учреждений высшего образования,
обучающихся по специальности 1-23 01 02
«Лингвистическое обеспечение межкультурных коммуникаций
(по направлениям)»
Минск МГЛУ
2021
1
УДК 811.111’24:316.77(075.8)
ББК 81.432.1–923.137
П 57
Р е к о м е н д о в а н о Редакционным советом Минского государственного лингвистического университета. Протокол № 2 (60)
от 08.06.2021 г.
Р е ц е н з е н т ы : кандидат филологических наук,
И. В. Метлушко (МГЛУ); кандидат филологических наук,
О. А. Пантелеенко (БГУ)
доцент
доцент
Поплавская, Т. В.
П 57
Интерпретация коммуникативного поведения: Гендерный аспект =
Interpretation of Communicative Behaviour: Gender Aspect : пособие для
студентов учреждений высшего образования, обучающихся по
специальности
1-23 01 02
«Лингвистическое
обеспечение
межкультурных коммуникаций (по направлениям)» / Т. В. Поплавская,
Т. А. Сысоева. – Минск : МГЛУ, 2021. – 96 с.
ISBN_____________
Пособие предназначено для развития умения осуществлять эффективную
коммуникацию с учетом гендерных характеристик ее участников. Оно позволяет
углубить знания о социальных параметрах личности, определяющих развитие
коммуникативного сценария, и сформировать навыки адаптации собственного
коммуникативного поведения в разногендерной среде. Пособие включает задания для
аудиторной и самостоятельной работы по темам, предусмотренным программой по
дисциплине «Интерпретация коммуникативного поведения».
Адресуется студентам старших курсов факультета межкультурных
коммуникаций МГЛУ и других учреждений высшего образования, владеющим
английским языком на продвинутом уровне и желающим совершенствовать
собственную интерпретационную компетентность.
УДК 811.111’24:316.77(075.8)
ББК 81.432.1–923.137
© Поплавская Т. В., Сысоева Т. А., 2021
© УО «Минский государственный
лингвистический университет», 2021
ISBN_____________
2
CONTENTS
PREFACE.................................................................................................................. 4
Part I. WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF WOMEN .............................................. 5
In What Way We Are Unique ................................................................................... 5
What Is Important to Us .......................................................................................... 13
How We Speak About That..................................................................................... 28
Part II. WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF MEN .................................................. 40
In What Way We Are Unique ................................................................................. 40
What Is Important to Us .......................................................................................... 51
How We Speak About That..................................................................................... 61
Part III. HOW TO COMPROMISE ........................................................................ 70
REFERENCES ........................................................................................................ 95
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PREFACE
This textbook is aimed at developing students’ interpretational skills, correct
assessment of their interlocutors’ gender identity being one of them. It is of interest to
senior students of Minsk State Linguistic University majoring in cross-cultural
communication, but may also be of use to advanced learners of English at other
universities taking the “Interpretation of communicative behaviour” course.
The material is shaped for in-class assignments as well as individual (nonguided) work. The topics are arranged as follows: Welcome to the world of women;
Welcome to the world of men; How to compromise. First, students consider the
peculiarities of men’s and women’s communicative behavior, identify challenges that
may arise in mixed-gender environment and establish reasons thereof. Second, they
try to find solutions to the problems, learn to compromise and adapt their own
behavior accordingly.
Each unit encompasses four types of activities – Discuss, Find out, Work Out,
Create. They encourage students to research gender issues, deepen their
understanding of gender as a diverse social phenomenon, identify the peculiarities of
gender roles in personal life and at a workplace, learn genderlects and “translate”
between men’s and women’s languages. Critical thinking and creativity are highly
welcome in the process. At the end of each unit the students are posed some
questions to consider, allowing them to assess their own level of gender awareness.
Working with this book will help students to acquire indispensable practical
skills as well. They will learn to effectively communicate with representatives of both
their own and “opposite” genders, overcome misunderstandings or even avoid
conflicts.
Disclaimer: Though the material of the book is split into “Ladies” and
“Gentlemen” sections, we are fully aware of the fact that gender is not necessarily
binary and expect a multitude of opinions on this matter.
Having said this, let’s start. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the world of
women... And welcome to the world of men.
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Part I. WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF WOMEN
IN WHAT WAY WE ARE UNIQUE
1. DISCUSS. It is believed that gender differences are rooted in biology.
Express your opinion about the following.
In 1882, Francis Gatton, the first researcher ever to study male and female
brain differences, found an interesting fact: “Women quickly develop the part of the
brain that is responsible for speech, intuition and imagination, while men develop the
part of the brain that is responsible for spatial orientation and logical thinking.” What
a difference a brain makes. Small changes in the brain can affect how genders
communicate in life.
https://www.languageconnections.com/blog/do-men-and-women-speak-different-languages/
Why women remember everything. Women have a larger hippocampus. This is
where we store memories. This is why women can recall Every. Single. Word. of an
argument from 5 years ago.
Women feel, while men use logic. Men take a more fact-based approach to their
environment, often scanning for threats and challenges. Women tend to take a more
intuitive approach because they perceive people and events more deeply and with
greater memory capacity.
We problem solve differently. Men tend to converge in their thinking. They
define and clarify the problem, and begin by eliminating and isolating issues. Women
often will define the problem in broader terms and examine a wider array of potential
factors before going into solution mode. This is why women want to talk out
problems, and men want to dive right into solving them.
A woman’s brain is far more active at rest. This is why women tend to want to
talk after a hard day, while men want to process in solitude. Women want to talk it
out, process, and explore. Men want to give their brain time to explore, unwind, and
decide what to do next.
Women often will include more details in their decision-making, and they’ll
verbalize those details during meetings or in conversations. This is often
misinterpreted by male peers to mean that women’s deliberations take more time,
when they actually do not.
https://www.scienceofpeople.com/gender-differences/
How our brains differ. The neuroscience literature shows that the human brain
is a sex-typed organ with distinct anatomical differences in neural structures and
accompanying physiological differences in function.
Brain-imaging studies indicate that these differences extend well beyond the
strictly reproductive domain. Adjusted for total brain size (men’s are bigger), a
woman’s hippocampus, critical to learning and memorization, is larger than a man’s
and works differently. Conversely, a man’s amygdala, associated with the
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experiencing of emotions and the recollection of such experiences, is bigger than a
woman’s. It, too, works differently.
Women, it’s known, retain stronger, more vivid memories of emotional events
than men do. They recall emotional memories more quickly, and the ones they recall
are richer and more intense.
The two hemispheres of a woman’s brain talk to each other more than a man’s
do. The white-matter cable that crosses and connects the hemispheres is bigger in
women than in men and women’s brains tend to be more bilaterally symmetrical than
men’s.
Why our brains differ. But why are men’s and women’s brains different? One
big reason is that, for much of their lifetimes, women and men have different fuel
additives running through their tanks: the sex-steroid hormones. In female mammals,
the primary additives are a few members of the set of molecules called estrogens,
along with another molecule called progesterone, and in males, testosterone and a
few look-alikes collectively deemed androgens.
https://stanmed.stanford.edu/2017spring/how-mens-and-womens-brains-are-different.html
2. FIND OUT. Search for 2–3 additional sources of information (these can
be scientific journals or popular science editions) and provide more evidence
proving biological differences between the male and female genders.
3. DISCUSS. Women talk a lot, don’t they? Read the extracts and express
your opinion.
There is a widespread belief that women talk more than men, yet research
findings consistently contradict this. Men have been shown to talk more than women
in settings as diverse as staff meetings, television panel discussions and husband-andwife pairs in spontaneous conversation.
When asked to describe three pictures, male subjects took on average
13.00 minutes per picture compared with 3.17 minutes for female subjects.
Evidence suggests that men and women tend to discuss different topics. For
example, men tend to talk about sport, politics and cars, whereas women tend to talk
about child-rearing and personal relationships.
http://www.putlearningfirst.com/language/23sexism/genderlect.html
“A woman’s tongue wags like a lamb’s tail”, so an old English saying goes,
and if you deign to type “why do women…” into Google’s search bar, the search
engine will finish your sentence accordingly with “talk so much”. We’ve been
brought up to believe that women are the talkative ones, the ones whose words, both
soothing and scolding, are the social glue of small communities and families alike.
We assume women talk more than men.
Today scientific study has even found the odd bit of evidence that girls may
indeed find it easier to acquire language than boys. But does the idea of women’s
super- (and superfluous) loquacity actually hold up to scientific scrutiny?
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It depends on the context. For more than 20 years, Deborah Cameron, one of
Britain’s leading sociolinguists, has examined the concept of conversational
dominance. What she has found is that men hold court more often in mixed-gender
conversation unless the topic is one where female expertise is presumed –
relationships or babies, for example – and this is not just because the men talk over
the women but because the women more frequently defer to them.
What’s more, in formal or public situations – business meetings, political
debates, TV interviews – men nearly always talk more than women. And that’s also a
matter of status, says Cameron – people higher in the pecking order command the
floor. That more men hold positions of high office than women explains again why
it’s male voices that resonate more loudly and more regularly.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/feb/14/why-do-women-talk-so-muchgoogle-autocomplete
4. WORK OUT. Let’s try to solve the “women vs. men: who talks more”
problem. Consider the following quotes and, if possible, add to the list. What
conclusions can you draw?
Freud said he didn’t know what women wanted. I know what women want.
They want a whole lot of people to talk to.
Kurt Vonnegut
There are two kinds of women who like to talk a lot: the married women and
the single ones.
https://ownquotes.com/quote/33608
She wasn’t like a jukebox; you never had to put in a dime and she never came
unplugged.
https://www.enkiquotes.com/quotes-about-people-who-talk-too-much.html
Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a
shoulder to put her head on.
Henry Louis Mencken
The strong, silent sex? It’s a myth. A comprehensive analysis of decades of
studies on gender-based loquaciousness has found that men are actually slightly more
talkative than women.
https://www.wired.com/2007/11/its-official-me/
The chief drawback with men is that they are too talkative.
Marilyn Monroe
5. FIND OUT. This menu was presumably offered to women by one of the
restaurants. Do you think it is real or fake? Comment on the names of the
dishes.
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I don’t know…………………………………………………………..5.00
I’m not hungry………………………………………………………...5.00
I don’t care……………………………………..……………………...5.00
I don’t want that………………………………………………………5.00
Whatever…………………………………………………………..…..5.00
9gag.com
Some restaurants do offer a special menu for women, though (at least on
special occasions like Mother’s Day or Women’s Day). Find 2–3 examples. What
dishes are typically included?
6. CREATE. What is comfort food?
A. Make a list of comfort food for women. Include 5–10 items.
B. In contrast, make a list of comfort food for men. Include 5–10 items.
Compare the two lists. To what extent are they similar or different?
7. DISCUSS. Women tend to exaggerate things and get over-emotional at
times. Read the extract below and comment on the case of catastrophizing
described in it.
Mum’s phone call has spooked me so badly, it’s some time before I can even
get myself together to start cooking – all right, reheating – Barney’s food. But
eventually I put the risotto on to heat (gently) while I go and jump in the bath. I bung
in about half a bottle of Aromatherapy Associates Relaxing Oil, and dig out this
article I remember from an old Marie Claire with Top Businesswoman Nicola
Horlick’s six Top Tips for distressing. But I can’t relax or de-stress in the slightest!
All I can think about is snooty, superior Portia, ringing Auntie Clem after her first
day at St Martins to announce that even after extensive enquiries, she can’t find me
on any course anywhere. And then Auntie Clem will get straight on the phone to
Mum – or, more likely, to Dad – and then he’ll get straight on the phone to me – or,
more likely, jump into his car, speed up to M4 and drag me outside by the hair…
OK. This is ridiculous. If Mum’s weird psychic friend is right and this is going
to be the night when Will proposes, I’m not about to have it ruined by anything. Least
of all worrying about the fact that my creepy cousin can expose my little fib. There’s
plenty of time to panic about all that tomorrow.
H. McQueen. The Fabulous Fashionable Life of Isabel Bookbinder
8. DISCUSS. Do you follow the “I’ll think/panic about it tomorrow”
principle?
9. FIND OUT. Actually there’s a scientific explanation why women worry
a lot. Does it sound convincing?
Do you know a woman who worries… a lot? Don’t blame her! It’s just her
brain. This all comes down to the worry centre of the brain.
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 Women have a larger anterior cortex, which means they spend more time
ruminating, trying to process emotions, and – well – worrying.
 Women have higher rates of anxiety than men. Researchers think this
might come down to the highly sensitized female anterior cortex.
https://www.scienceofpeople.com/gender-differences/
10. FIND OUT. Do you think the worry centre of the brain can be
controlled? If yes, how? (Search for additional sources of information, like
psychology magazines or popular science editions.)
11. DISCUSS. Men and women choose different ways to fight stress, right?
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade
another country.
Elayne Boosler
12. WORK OUT. What’s the best way to distress? Exchange ideas with
your groupmates and choose the best solution to the stress problem.
13. DISCUSS. When it comes to gender differences, there is an alternative
point of view, yet. It runs that men and women do not differ drastically (apart
from biology). Read the following extract and express your opinion.
What Most People Get Wrong About Men and Women
By C. H. Tinsley and R. J. Ely
The conversation about the treatment of women in the workplace has reached a
crescendo of late, and senior leaders – men as well as women – are increasingly vocal
about a commitment to gender parity. That’s all well and good, but there’s an
important catch. The discussions, and many of the initiatives companies have
undertaken, too often reflect a faulty belief: that men and women are fundamentally
different, by virtue of their genes or their upbringing or both. Of course, there are
biological differences. But those are not the differences people are usually talking
about. Instead, the rhetoric focuses on the idea that women are inherently unlike men
in terms of disposition, attitudes, and behaviors.
One set of assumed differences is marshaled to explain women’s failure to
achieve parity with men: women negotiate poorly, lack confidence, are too riskaverse, or don’t put in the requisite hours at work because they value family more
than their careers. Simultaneously, other assumed differences – that women are more
caring, cooperative, or mission-driven – are used as a rationale for companies to
invest in women’s success. But whether framed as a barrier or a benefit, these beliefs
hold women back.
Science, by and large, does not actually support these claims. There is wide
variation among women and among men, and analyses show that, on average, the
sexes are far more similar in their inclinations, attitudes, and skills than popular
9
opinion would have us believe. We do see sex differences in various settings,
including the workplace – but those differences are not rooted in fixed gender traits.
Rather, they stem from organizational structures, company practices, and patterns of
interaction that position men and women differently, creating systematically different
experiences for them. When facing dissimilar circumstances, people respond
differently – not because of their sex but because of their situations.
Take, for example, the common belief that women are more committed to
family than men are. Research simply does not support that notion. In a study of
Harvard Business School graduates nearly everyone, regardless of gender, placed a
higher value on their families than on their work. Other research, too, makes it clear
that men and women do not have fundamentally different priorities. To sum up,
men’s and women’s desires and challenges about work/family balance are
remarkably similar. It is what they experience at work once they become parents that
puts them in very different places.
Popular myths
We’ve all heard statements in the media and in companies that women lack the
desire or ability to negotiate, that they lack confidence, and that they lack an appetite
for risk. And, the thinking goes, those shortcomings explain why women have so far
failed to reach parity with men.
Take negotiation. Over and over, we hear that women are poor negotiators –
they “settle too easily”, are “too nice”, or are “too cooperative.” But not so, according
to research.
The belief that women lack confidence is another fallacy. That assertion is
commonly invoked to explain why women speak up less in meetings and do not put
themselves forward for promotions unless they are 100 % certain they meet all the
job requirements. But research does not corroborate the idea that women are less
confident than men.
What about risk taking – are women really more conservative than men? Many
people believe that’s true – though they are split on whether being risk-averse is a
strength or a weakness. On the positive side, the thinking goes, women are less likely
to get caught up in macho displays of bluff and bravado and thus are less likely to
take unnecessary risks. On the negative side, women are judged as too cautious to
make high-risk, potentially high payoff investments. But once again, research fails to
support either of these stereotypes.
https://hbr.org/2018/05/what-most-people-get-wrong-about-men-and-women
14. DISCUSS. Some people believe that men and women are similar even
in terms of biology. Consider the following articles on this topic and comment on
them.
Men and Women Are the Same Species!
Similarities between the sexes can be as important as differences
OK, we all know that men and women do not always see eye to eye. We can
have different goals, desires, ideas and actions… sometimes. Other times, we are
10
very much in synch. If you stop and think a bit about biology, it turns out that men
and women are a lot more similar than most of us realize. I am going to suggest that
sometimes focusing on the similarities (or better put, the “overlaps”) between males
and females can help us towards a better understanding of where behavioral
differences actually come from.
First, let’s acknowledge the core differences in biology between males and
females. These are evolutionarily, important and they do matter. Females have babies
(gestate and give birth), and males do not. Males are, on average, about 10 to
15 percent larger than females and tend to have greater upper body strength. Males’
brains grow for a bit longer and are a bit larger than females. But remember, as long
as it is a healthy human brain (anywhere between 1,000 and 2,000 cubic centimeters)
size does not relate to function. There are also some skeletal differences between men
and women due to childbirth (wider pelvis) and male size/musculature (more rugged
developments on male bones). Most of you reading this already know these
differences… but do you know about the similarities?
Our hormones are the same. They function the same ways and we all have the
same hormones… there are no “male” or “female” hormones. There is some
important variation in hormone levels and patterns, and there are some differences in
how the hormones interact with male and female bodies. On average, men tend to
have higher resting levels of some androgens (like testosterone), and females may
have higher levels of certain reproductive hormones like Follicle Stimulating
Hormone or Estradiol at certain times. However, these same reproductive hormones
also work in men. There is substantial overlap in the process and patterns of our
entire endocrine system.
Our brains are the same. Aside from the slight size differences and the
possibility of some differences in an area called the straight gyrus, there are no
reliably and repeatedly demonstrated morphological brain differences between the
sexes. Now, this is not to say that there is not a great deal of variation in brains across
our species or that in some cases adult males’ and females’ brains can react
differently to stimulus. There is a lot of variation in neurological structure and
probably some in function… but it is primarily across individuals, not sexes.
So why do we almost always try to explain behavior by implicating biological
differences between the sexes? Could it be that our perceptions of what is “natural”
for the sexes is biased? Why don’t we try to start some of our inquiries into human
nature with a level playing field? Let’s not assume that there is a relevant sex
difference until one actually emerges from the data.
Individual variation in our species is really important and the fact that the sexes
overlap as much, if not more, than they differ should tell us something about how to
ask questions about human nature. Misrepresentation of human biology and
evolutionary patterns in males and females by focusing only on the differences while
ignoring the overlaps facilitates a myopic view that inhibits good science.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/busting-myths-about-humannature/201205/men-and-women-are-the-same-species?collection=162112
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Scientifically, How Are Men’s and Women’s Brains Different?
Let’s start with the word – “differ”. We currently know of no brain measure on
which all women differ from all men. When we talk about differences between the
brains of men and women, we talk about a difference between averages – differences
that you find when women and men are compared as two groups. But when you
compare a specific woman to a specific man, you may or may not see the difference
that you see at the group level.
Probably the largest group-level difference between the brains of men and
women is in the size of the entire brain. It is larger, on average, in men by 7–10 %.
Note, though, that this difference disappears if you look at the size of the brain
relative to the size of the body.
There are also many group-level differences in the size of different brain
regions. Most of them reflect the general rule that in a larger brain, everything is
larger. We know this from studies that compared the brains of women and men while
taking into account the difference in total brain size, as well as from studies that
compared women and men with a similar total brain size. In any event, when brain
size is taken into account, the differences between women and men are typically
small.
Only a few regions in the human hypothalamus and brain stem show relatively
large sex/gender differences. These may be considered as “true” sex/gender
differences, with “true” meaning that they are not simply a byproduct of the
difference in total brain volume.
Up until now we were discussing differences in single brain features. But what
happens if we look at the entire brain?
What we discovered is that sex/gender differences rarely add up in a single
brain. That is, very few people have brains in which all the group-level sex/gender
differences show up consistently in the form that is typical of one sex. In other words,
it’s extremely rare for all of these features to be present exclusively in the form more
common in women than in men, or exclusively in the form more common in men
than in women. In contrast, many brains have some features in the form more
common in women than in men and other features in the form more common in men
than in women. That’s what we call “mosaic brains”.
Last point – if human brains are typically composed of a mosaic of femaletypical and male-typical features, this means that knowing that someone is female or
male does not help you much in predicting which features in her or his brain would
be similar to yours, and which would be different. Indeed, we have recently found
that although there are group-level differences between the brains of women and
men, the brain “types” typical of women are also typical of men, and vice versa. In
fact, the chances that a woman and a man would have the same brain “type” are very
similar to the chances that two men or two women would have the same brain “type”.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2019/10/11/scientifically-how-are-mens-and-womensbrains-different/#2fa9833e2b47
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15. FIND OUT. Ask 10 acquaintances of yours to participate in an
experiment. Let each respondent name 1 to 10 similarities between the genders
and 1 to 10 differences. Now analyze the results.
A. What prevails?
B. What was more difficult to identify – similar or different features?
Based on the issues discussed above, what conclusions have you arrived at?
1. Are the two genders totally different / predominantly different / not that
much different / not different at all?
2. Where do the major differences (if any) come from? Are they rooted in
biology (brain, hormones, etc.)? Can they be controlled or overcome?
3. Where are these differences (if any) manifested most vividly – in relations,
family life, at workplace, etc.?
4. As for the common stereotype that women are more talkative than men, do
you think it is true?
5. Are women more emotional than men? Can we say they even get overemotional at times?
6. Do men and women use the same methods to distress?
WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO US
1. DISCUSS. Do you agree that women are obsessed with their looks?
2. FIND OUT. Read the following extract and explain what signature look
is. What categories of women is it important to?
Mug of yummy mochaccino in hand, I head back to the bedroom to get on with
the most important part of my day so far: assembling my Signature Look.
I mean, where would Donatella Versace be without the leopard skin and the
Tango tan? Or Stella McCartney without the snazzy little tailored trouser suits? And
look at Vivienne Westwood, with all that punky hair and distressed tartan. If I’m
going to make it as a Top International Fashion Designer, the right Signature Look is
absolutely vital.
Holly McQueen. The Fabulous Fashionable Life of Isabel Bookbinder
3. CREATE. Think of a person you know and design a signature look for
them. What parameters and characteristics of this person did you rely on for
your choice?
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4. DISCUSS. Apart from collecting clothes women like collecting other
stuff as well. Do you agree?
While many women have a wardrobe full of nothing-to-wear, my mom has a
fridge full of nothing-to-eat and a living room full of nowhere-to-sit.
5. FIND OUT. As far as the common stereotype goes, women are quite
observant. Read the text and explain what women notice in a person (especially
man) in the first place.
What Women Like: Five Things They Notice Right Away!
1. You have your own opinion.
Women do not want you to agree with them all the time. No one really wants
that. Most people want to be able to have conversations and challenge their own
thinking in order to be open to new ideas and the same holds true for women. We
don’t want a doormat that we walk all over, we want someone that knows himself,
knows what he stands for and knows how to use his voice. You’re allowed to speak
your mind, guys! Just do it with respect and she’ll respect you right back.
2. You know how to dress and you can dress well.
This isn’t just about making things look good on the outside. When a woman
sees that you can dress well and you take the time to pay attention to details, so show
up and be presentable, it shows a woman that you’re capable of paying attention to
the details. That if you put care into how you present yourself, how you carry
yourself, that same attention to detail and use of care and awareness is going to also
be used in a relationship.
3. You know how to communicate properly.
This also goes back to feeling safe with you, guys. A woman needs to know
that if you get upset or frustrated, you’re not going to punch a wall or start becoming
verbally abusive. That you are in control of your emotions and you’re not ruled by
them, because that is unsafe. Women, at least high-value women, look for a man that,
when there is a disagreement, is able to address it with compassion and
communication, where you both look for a solution instead of just trying to be right.
4. You have a purpose.
This is a big one! Having passion in your life, having things that you love and
being happy is huge for women. And also for you guys, too! It’s so important to
understand that happiness comes from inside of you. If you’re not happy with
yourself, with where you’re at in life and with what’s going on, a relationship is not
going to make that better. In fact, a woman would walk away because if you’re not
happy in your life and you’re putting too much pressure on her to fix you or make
you happy, she’s going to become resentful and run in the opposite direction. This
isn’t about owning a company or having billions of dollars, purpose means that you
know what you offer in your career and you are happy with your life. It’s a huge
attraction, this actually attracts people to you in general.
5. You have manners.
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A woman will look at how you treat other people. Do you have a positive
energy about you? Do you treat people with respect? Even when you think no one is
looking. This shows her that she can be safe with you, emotionally safe with you.
This one isn’t about whether or not you know which side of the plate the knife goes,
this is about respect. Do you respect her and the people around you? This triggers her
to picture how you’ll be with kids, with a relationship, with anything in life. So be
sure to just treat everyone with respect, the same way that you would want to be
treated.
https://www.apolloniaponti.com/what-women-want-from-men/
6. DISCUSS. Women seem to be demanding, don’t they? Read the text
and say what women value in men. Can you expand the list?
Six Things Women Want in a Man!
So many times I hear guys saying, “women are complicated, they want too
much”, and it’s really simple, guys.
1. Women love a man that makes us feel safe.
This does not mean that you fight another man for us, or pick fights to show
the girl you’re macho. Nothing like that at all! You don’t want to pick a fight with
someone and show a woman that this is the way of you being macho. I can guarantee
you the moment you do that, she’s dying to get away because that is exactly what you
don’t want to do.
There are different ways you can show a woman that she can feel safe or
secure around you. And it’s not about being physical. Let’s say you take her out to
dinner, and you see she’s cold. Offer her your jacket. Or if you don’t have one, just
ask the waiter if he can turn down the AC. This shows that you care about the way
she feels. Make sure you hold her hand or even have her walk in front of you while
you hold her waist in a crowded area. Ask her if she’s feeling okay and having a good
time.
Also, walking her to her door, or even calling her an Uber and walking her to
the Uber and asking her to text you when she gets home is a way that you set the
boundaries for a woman to feel safe. Let’s say she forgets. She gets home, gives you
about an hour, never texts you. This is when you text her. Maybe she fell asleep, but
guess what? The moment she wakes up, she’s going to see a text from you, asking if
she got home okay. This shows a woman you take control of her safety.
Also, a woman wants to know you will stand up for her and make sure she is
treated well. Meaning, with friends, family, coworkers, everyone.
2. Women love honesty and trust.
Trust. We love honesty, presence, and trust. So many men think that they have
to play hard these days. I’m a true believer if a man and a woman really like each
other, they do not play games because it interferes with trust, and sometimes honesty.
You start building your foundation of trust by showing up to your dates on time and
calling when you say you will.
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Listen, women remember when you tell them, “I will call you tomorrow,” or
saying, “I want to see you tomorrow.” So, if you say this, do it! I hear so many
women dating men and they have a great date and the man says, “I would love to see
you tomorrow.” She confirms politely, and the next day, he’s going to happy hour
with his friends. This does not look good, guys! This is what happens in a woman’s
mind when you do this: “He isn’t serious, and I don’t want to dedicate my time to
him.” Men wonder why this happens, and it’s because a high-value woman will not
want to set a date with a man that does not stick to his word.
Men, if you cannot stick to your word at the beginning of setting a date, then a
woman is not going to take you seriously.
3. Women love a man that can carry himself well.
Make your presence known. How you carry yourself matters. Walk into a room
with her proudly. Introduce yourself to her friends with confidence, and maybe even
tell a joke from time to time. A lot of men tend to think that presence is only about
showing up, and yes it has a lot to do with showing up, but it’s about how you show
up.
4. Women want to feel important to you.
If you’re in a relationship, she wants to feel like she’s number one. You hear
me, men? Women want to feel like they are number one. If all men could get this
right, so many of us women would be happy. Tell her and show her you love her.
You do this by involving her in things with your life, like work, your friends, family.
Not only are you telling her, but you’re showing her too. She feels important when
you’re including her in your life and you want her to be a part of it.
Open doors for her. Wait for her to sit down before she does. Offer to help her
with bags in her hand, especially when she’s shopping. Men, a woman does not want
to be carrying bags when she has a man that can be doing this for her. She does not
want to be loading the luggage while you stand there and watch. These are just little
ways of being a gentleman that shows her you’re there for her and wanting to help.
Compliment her and bring her flowers. Know her favorite color. Tell her what
your favorite outfit on her is, and remember it. Know her favorite artists and buy her
concert tickets. Remember what she likes. Make that masculine energy known.
5. Women love a man that makes them feel heard.
Communication is key. This is what I hear a lot: “I provide for her, and she has
all the money to do all the activities she wants with her girlfriends, and she can shop
whenever she wants. Why isn’t she happy?” This is where you get it wrong because
it’s not about things. Women want to be heard. They want you to communicate with
them. Don’t just come home, put on that TV, and just ask, “What’s for dinner?”
Involve your partner in conversations when you get home. And yeah, I get it. Even if
you have a hectic day and you don’t want to talk, because I know, we’ve all been
there, this is when affection comes in. Just hug her, and kiss her, and tell her you love
her. Tell her you had a hard day and you’re happy to see her. These are the things she
is going to remember. I can guarantee you she will have a hot meal on that plate in no
time. And if you’re lucky, maybe even a back rub.
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6. Women value maturity.
Most importantly, maturity. Maturity is sexy, guys. When speaking to so many
women out there, the number one turn-off is a man that is immature. Call her and text
her with conversations and not just one-line responses you can copy and paste to
another girl. We want to see an effort. What I mean by this is don’t text her and say,
“Hey, how are you doing?” She replies, and you never reply back. What is that?
That’s not a sign of a loyal, respectful man. Get straight to the point, and do not sit
there and text her all day. These types of virtual relationships are not healthy.
Now, there is a difference between dating someone for a while and texting a
couple of times here and there. But I have seen so many people text all throughout the
day. And what I mean by this is at least 20 text messages every 30 to 45 minutes
throughout the day. Listen, a woman wants your attention, but a smart woman will
see this as a red flag. So, don’t interrupt her day, especially if she’s on vacation with
her girls or out with her girls for the day, whatever the case may be.
Men, don’t text a woman and ask her to meet you for a drink, and then say,
“You’re buying,” then laugh afterward. I mean, the woman might offer to pay after
your date, as she might want to escape as early as possible after going out with
someone who isn’t maturely stable. But if you do want to come off as a mature man,
don’t joke like this early on. Yes, I’ve seen this. It never works out well.
Also, please don’t tell her she’s beautiful just like your ex. Yes, I’ve seen this
too. These are all clues of immaturity, and not somebody ready to settle down.
With maturity, a woman looks for a man who can provide. This isn’t always
about money, men. We look for a man with ambition and determination. But let me
be real with you, women want to know that you can handle their basic needs: dinner,
travel, fun activities, and just simple, basic needs. Something that you can enjoy
doing together. When getting in a relationship, many men I speak to date women
sometimes that make more money than them, and that’s okay. But let me tell you
something, men, this does not change the fact that women want to make sure she’s
provided for. Do not make this a permanent habit. Depending on the situation, you
might not always make more money than her. But you need to make sure you’re
standing your ground and taking care of your part.
I see so many women helping their men out, and then they just become
resentful. Listen to me, if there is anything you can do to stop this, you need to take
control. Do not move into a woman’s house, use her car, and expect her to pay your
phone bill. She will become resentful, and this is not the way a woman wants to be
treated.
https://www.apolloniaponti.com/what-women-want-from-men/
7. FIND OUT. Here’s what women expect from men in the relationship
sphere. Does your own experience match up the findings of the study?
We often have the feeling that “some things just never change”. For example,
each year I give lectures to university students about gender stereotypes and
expectations. Traditionally, people expect that men should be more work-oriented
and agentic (e.g., assertive, rational), and not too family-oriented and communal (e.g.,
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caring, sensitive). Research has shown that men who do not conform to these gender
expectations risk negative consequences, such as being seen as “not a real man”,
incompetent, and receiving fewer rewards at work. My students swear that things
must be changing, but I have to break it to them that research shows gender
stereotypes and expectations have been surprisingly stubborn over time.
One recently published study suggests otherwise, however – at least in the
relationship sphere. Researchers at the University of Leuven and the Research
Foundation Flanders (Belgium) investigated whether women really do prefer men
who are work-oriented and agentic, or whether they might actually prefer men who
are more family-oriented and communal. They reasoned that as more women pursue
careers of their own, they might actually seek a partner who can help them to balance
work and family life, and thus who will chip in and be a good parent, too.
Why might this be? Research shows that the identities we take on are not only
determined by what we ourselves find important, but also by what other people find
important, especially the people that we care about, like our (potential) partner. So,
the more women’s roles shift toward including not only family, but also a career, the
more they will value and seek a partner who complements these roles. Consequently,
men’s roles might shift toward including family and more communal traits. These
shifts will benefit both women and men, as research has shown that engaging in
family and communal tasks is related to men’s health and well-being, and can allow
women to pursue their career ambitions while still experiencing a satisfying family
life.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mind-your-body/201811/is-what-women-trulyvalue-in-partner
8. DISCUSS. It is believed that women are overly concerned about
relationship issues. Read the extracts and say whether the main character’s
behavior confirms this theory or not.
Everyone is looking for their soulmate.
Take our Love Test and find out:
Is He the One?
God, these things are so stupid.
I scan the quiz in the magazine. There’s a photo of a couple looking into each
other’s eyes, all lovey-dovey, and it’s decorated with cartoon drawings of Cupids and
love-hearts. I mean, please. As if you can find out if he’s ‘the One’ by answering a
few silly multiple-choice questions.
Like, for example:
My guy and I go together like...
a) Batman and Robin
b) Posh and Becks
c) Lindsay Lohan and fake tan
Honestly, how ridiculous!
I’m jostled by someone squeezing themselves into the tiny space next to me.
Looking up, I realise we’ve pulled into a station. I cast my eyes around the crowded
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carriage. It’s Friday-afternoon rushhour and I’m sitting squashed up on the subway,
flicking through the pages of a magazine I found on my seat. The doors close, and as
the train moves off with a judder, I turn back to the magazine. And that dumb quiz.
Dismissively I turn over the page. It’s an article on cellulite. I frown.
Then again, maybe a dumb quiz isn’t so bad. After all, it has got to be more fun
than reading about how to get rid of dimpled orange-peel thighs, I muse, glancing at
the section on detoxing. Though, frankly, I don’t think you can get rid of dimpled
orange-peel thighs. Everyone has cellulite. Even supermodels!
Well, that’s what I like to tell myself, anyway.
I peer closely at the grainy paparazzi photo of Kate Moss’s bikini-clad bottom,
which has been magnified a million times. To tell the truth, I can’t actually see any
dimples. Or much bottom. In fact, looking at this photo, I’m not sure Kate Moss even
has a bottom.
Suddenly I’m struck by what I’m doing: I’m sitting. In public. On the New
York subway. With my nose pressed up against a photograph of a left bum cheek. Or
is it a right? I grab hold of myself. For God’s sake, Lucy. And you thought the quiz
was ridiculous?
Quickly I turn back to it. I notice it hasn’t been filled in. Oh, what the hell. I’ve
got five more stops.
Reaching into my bag, I pull out abiro.
OK, here we go . . .
1. Whenever you think about him, do you get butterflies?
a) Yes, always
b) Sometimes
c) Never
Well, I wouldn’t call them butterflies exactly. In fact, it’s been so long the
butterflies have probably grown up and flown away. Now it’s more of an ache. Not
like the terrible toothache I got when I pulled out my filling at the cinema on a
pic’n’mix toffee... I wince at the memory. No, this is more of a twinge. The
occasional pang.
I plump for b) Sometimes.
2. How long have you liked him?
a) Less than six months
b) A year
c) More than a year
My mind flicks back. We met in the summer of 1999. I was nineteen. Which
makes it... As my mind does the calculation, I feel a thump of realisation. Quickly
followed by a left jab of defensiveness.
OK, so it’s ten years. So what? Ten years is nothing. My mum’s known my dad
for forty years.
Yes, but your mum’s married to him, pipes up a little voice inside me.
Ignoring it, I quickly circle option c. Right. Next question.
3. Can you see yourself getting married to this guy?
a) 100 %
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b) 50 %
c) Zero
Well, that’s easy. It’s zero.
In fact, I’d say the chances of marrying him are less than zero. But that’s OK.
I’m perfectly fine with it. That’s just the way things are, and that’s cool.
All right, so in the past I might have thought about it. And maybe for a moment
I imagined myself in a white dress (actually, more of a calico, in antique lace, with
full-length sleeves and a sweetheart neckline) and him in top hat and tails with his
messy blond hair and tatty old Converses peeping out from underneath. Dancing our
first dance under the stars to “No Woman, No Cry”, our favourite Bob Marley song.
Leaving on our honeymoon in his old VW camper van...
Zoning back, I notice I’ve been absentmindedly doodling a love-heart around
a) 100 %. Shit.
What did I do that for? Flustered, I grab my pen and start scribbling over it
furiously. It’s not as if that means anything. It’s not like it’s in my subconscious.
I suddenly realise I’m pressing so hard I’ve torn the page.
4. Do your friends think you’re obsessed with this guy?
My body stiffens defensively.
I think about him from time to time, but I wouldn’t say I’m obsessed. Not at
all. I mean, I’m not stalking him or anything. Or hounding him with Facebook
messages. Or Googling him relentlessly.
OK, I confess. I Googled him once.
Maybe twice.
Oh, all right, so I’ve lost count over the years. But so what? Who hasn’t gone
home and Googled a man they’re in love with?
Hang on – did I just say the L word?
Out of the blue my stomach flips over like a pancake. I flip it straight back
again. I didn’t mean that at all! It’s this silly quiz – it’s making me think all kinds of
things.
I circle b) No.
As the number six train makes its way uptown, I continue through the
questions. They get progressively more ludicrous, but it passes the time. In fact, I’m
just on the last question...
10. What film best describes your relationship?
a) Love Story
b) Brief Encounter
c) Nightmare on Elm Street
...when I’m suddenly aware of the overhead announcement – “This is FortySecond Street, Grand Central” – and I realise I’m at my stop.
Stuffing the magazine into my bag, I start politely trying to excuse my way
through the packed carriage. Of course, no one pays any attention. Since moving to
New York from London a few weeks ago, I’ve begun noticing that all my “Oh,
sorry’s”, “Excuse me’s” and “I beg your pardon’s” fall on deaf ears.
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It’s not that New Yorkers are rude. On the contrary, I’m finding them to be
some of the friendliest, warmest people I’ve ever met. It’s just that our terribly British
way of apologising for everything has zero effect. They don’t understand what we’re
apologising for. To be honest, half the time I don’t understand what I’m apologising
for. It’s just something I do. A habit. Like logging on to Facebook every five minutes.
***
Once upon a time there was a prince of sorts, but we didn’t end up living
happily ever after. Like I said before, though, I’m fine with it. It was a long time ago.
I’ve moved on. In fact, since then I’ve dated loads of different guys.
Well, perhaps not loads, but a few. And some of them have been really nice.
Like, for example, my last boyfriend, Sean. We met at a party and dated for a couple
of months, but it was never that serious. I mean, he was good fun. It’s just...
OK, I have this theory. Everyone dreams of finding their soulmate. It’s a
universal quest. All over the world millions of people are looking for their true love,
their amore their âme soeur, that one special person with whom they will spend the
rest of their life.
And I’m no different.
Except it doesn’t happen for everyone. Some people spend their whole life
looking and never find that person. It’s the luck of the draw.
If, by some miracle, you’re lucky enough to meet the One, whatever you do,
don’t let them go. Because you don’t get another shot at it. Soulmates aren’t like
buses; there’s not going to be another one along in a minute. That’s why they’re
called “the One”.
I mean, if there were loads of them, they’d be called “the Five”, or “the
Hundred”, or “the Never-Ending Supply”.
So I think maybe that’s it for me. Because you see, I was lucky. I did find the
One, but then I lost him. I blew it, or he blew it. At the end of the day it doesn’t really
matter. The details aren’t important.
Besides, it’s not like I’m unhappy. What’s that saying? Better to have loved
and lost than never to have loved at all. To tell the truth, I rarely think about it any
more. And yet...
Sometimes, when I least expect it, something will remind me. Of him. Of us.
Of long ago. It can be as random as a quiz in a magazine, or as inconsequential as a
restaurant table on the street. And sometimes I can’t help wondering what my life
would be like if things had worked out. What if we were still together? What if we
had lived happily ever after? What if, what if, what if...?
Sometimes I even try to imagine what it would be like to see him again. Which
is crazy. It’s been so long I doubt I’d even recognise him now. I could probably walk
past him in the street and not even know it was him.
Oh, who am I kidding? I’d recognise him in an instant. Even in a crowd.
And do you want to know something else? Deep down inside, I know if I saw
him again, I would still feel exactly the same.
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***
“So why are you doing some stupid quiz?”
“So what? It doesn’t mean anything!”
“Would someone mind filling me in?”
I hesitate.
“Well?” Robyn looks at me expectantly.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” I mutter dismissively.
“It sure as hell doesn’t sound like nothing,” remarks Robyn, raising her
eyebrows. “C’mon, I want all the juicy details.”
I think about resisting, but the beer is weaving a warm path inside me and I can
feel my defences weakening.
I swallow hard, my mind flicking back. “It was the summer of 1999. I was
nineteen and studying art in Venice, Italy.” I start talking quickly, the words tumbling
out. I’m keen to get it over and done with. “His name was Nathaniel and he was
twenty and an American on the Harvard summer programme, studying the
Renaissance painters. Afterwards I went back to England and he went back to
America–”
“You’ve missed out the bit about the bridge,” interrupts my sister.
I turn back to Robyn. “Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. First I should tell
you how it all started.” As the memory comes flooding back, my stomach starts
whooshing giddily and I take a deep breath to steady my voice. “Let me tell you
about the legend of the Bridge of Sighs...”
“Wow, how romantic.” Robyn lets out aloud sigh.
As I finish telling the story, I zone back to the bar. Elbows leaning on the
counter, chin cupped in her hands, Robyn’s got a strange, dreamy expression on her
face. Like she’s in some kind of trance.
She’s not the only one, I realise, noticing several people along the bar who
have stopped their conversations and are leaning in to listen. Seeing my captivated
audience, I feel a prickle of selfconsciousness and glance around awkwardly, only to
see a group of girls sitting at a table behind me, waiting expectantly.
“So did you kiss underneath the bridge?” asks one of them, mascaraed eyes
wide.
I can feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment. I’ve never been much of a
public speaker and now suddenly here I am, orating to an entire New York bar.
“Well?” coaxes her redheaded friend, clutching her martini glass to her
cleavage with anticipation.
My mind wanders back to that evening, all those years ago. “We didn’t have
enough money. We were totally broke in those days...”
There’s an audible groan of disappointment.
“...but Nathaniel bribed a local gondolier with some pot,” I finish, laughing at
the memory of the young Italian in his stripy shirt, stoned and giggly.
“So did he take you?”
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I hear a male voice and turn to see a burly banker type, shirt unbuttoned, tie
loosened. The hope on his face is tangible.
“Stop interrupting. Let her tell the story,” shushes someone else loudly.
“So we met at sunset...” I continue, an image of the tangerine sky popping into
my mind. It had been such an amazing sunset. Multicoloured streaks had lit up the
sky in a blaze of colour, bathing the ancient buildings of Venice in a fiery glow. I’ve
seen many sunsets before and since, but none has ever seemed as special. ...and he
rowed us out on to the canal.”
A. Potter. You Are the One That I Don’t Want
9. DISCUSS. Starting a relationship is as important for a woman as
ending one. Read the text and explain what women deem relevant in a breakup
case.
It’s High Time You Learned to Handle Breakups like a Pro
Because the true mark of a grown woman is being great at both sides of a breakup
By H. Smothers
Want to know the most ironic thing about relationships? The way someone
handles the end of one – no matter which side they’re on – tells you everything you
need to know about them and whether they’re worth dating. Chronologically
speaking, is this helpful? Oh no, not at all. Sorry! But in the grand scheme of your
love life, it’s incredibly useful intel.
That’s why it’s worth it to put your best face forward at the very end. Just like
a super-punishing workout, splitting up may hurt like hell in the moment, but if you
push through, it’s a huge growth opportunity that you’ll come out of stronger and
better. Put simply: being good at breaking up is like having an emotional revenge
body. So, here’s how to do it right.
FOR THE DUMPER
Say Bye, with Feeling
Resist the urge to ghost them. Straight-up disappearing is a cowardly thing to
do. It forces your partner to break up with themselves, which is cruel. Plus, “if you
ghost someone, it’s likely that you’ll sit with guilt or shame,” says Jaime Gleicher, a
licensed social worker. Not only can that be psychologically unhealthy, but it can also
make moving on harder because there’s zero closure (which helps you both recover).
So have a brief in-person convo, or at the very least, send a text.
Give a legitimate reason for why you’re leaving. No one who’s ever delivered
a cliché like “It’s not you, it’s me” or “You deserve someone better” (gag) has
actually meant what they said. “It’s a cop-out,” explains relationship therapist Jane
Reardon. These are phrases you say when you are either checked out or just “not that
deep and can’t come up with anything more original,” Reardon explains.
Instead, be honest and direct about exactly why you’re peacing out of the
relationship. Try something like, “The way we feel about each other doesn’t match
up, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon” or “I simply don’t trust you, so
continuing to be with you is no longer working for me”. It may feel harsh to say the
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full truth, but most people would rather hear it than be kept in the dark with some
generic breakup Mad Libs line.
Keep all the receipts. You’ll probably be tempted to coach your new ex on how
to be a better partner to the next girl. Hint: Don’t do that (unless they were being
manipulative or abusive, in which case they’ll need more than just your help). “You
don’t have to bring up every red flag and annoying thing you saw,” says Reardon. “I
don’t think that’s anyone’s job.”
And your perspective is subjective: what you wish were different about them
might be the very quality someone else will love. If they press you for feedback, offer
a few reasons connected to your own preferences instead of specific personality
pointers. No one likes a preachy defector.
FOR THE DUMPEE
Get Over It Faster
Face the cold, hard facts. Sadness also draws people whose support we need
closer to us – it’s a beautiful thing.
Most people want to immediately skip the “feeling like shit” part, which makes
sense, but it’s better to start the healing process by embracing the hurt. Sadness plays
a big role in heartbreak recovery, says Ty Tashiro, PhD, author of The Science of
Happily Ever After.
“It makes you contemplative about what you want to do and skeptical about
things that haven’t been working,” he explains (e.g., if your partner dumped you
because you’re focused on your job, that sucks, but it also tells you something about
who you’re better paired with). “Sadness also draws people whose support we need
closer to us – it’s a beautiful thing,” adds Tashiro. Admit what’s bumming you out
about the split, and lean on friends during rough days.
Set a strict wallowing limit. This is a firm amount of time you’re allowed to
indulge in the depths of your sadness – all the ice-cream-eating, rom-com-bingeing
stereotypes – before you have to get your act together again. Without deciding on a
deadline, you may think that feeling like a loser is your new, permanent way of life.
(It’s not!) There’s no rule on how long this period should last, but Tashiro says two to
four months is typical (and it’s normal for sadness to pop up again later). Try your
best to move into your fresh rebirth phase when your time is up. It’s a more fun and
hopeful time (with better music!).
Look forward to the glow-up. A 2003 study published in the academic journal
Personal Relationships, coauthored by Tashiro, found something incredible: for
every negative outcome people experienced from a breakup, they reported, on
average, five positive changes too. These shifts ranged from a boost in selfconfidence to learning how to be a better partner.
“When you have an event that disrupts your normal way of thinking, it creates
this opportunity to reorganize things,” explains Tashiro. The most common benefit
people noticed in the study was that a split made them want to choose different kinds
of partners in the future – a true “thank you, next” bonus.
https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/confessions/a26293452/how-to-break-up-dumpsomeone/
24
10. WORK OUT. Give 3–5 useful tips to someone facing romantic issues at
the moment. How can one get back on track?
11. DISCUSS. Traditionally, it is women who worship romance, while men
are more down-to-earth (at least, that’s the common stereotype). Here’s an
article whose author thinks men could do with some romance as well. Do you
share this opinion? Are men likely to appreciate such behavior on the part of
women?
25 Ways to Be Romantic with Your Partner
Because everyone can use more romance in their life.
By C. Hsieh
1. Let them take the leftovers home after a date.
2. Let them rant about an annoying thing at work or throughout their day
without interrupting. No advice, no suggestions, just let them vent.
3. If you always go on dates by your place or your office because it’s easier, go
out of your way to find a place near them for once.
4. Surprise them with takeout of their favorite meal at home.
5. Take a road trip together.
6. Plan a movie marathon of his favorite movies. Men love talking about their
taste in cinema and also Quentin Tarantino movies.
7. Go back to where you had your first date.
8. Buy him flowers. Or a succulent. Or a fake plant. Gender norms are dumb,
everyone should be able to appreciate surprise flowers!
9. Send them delivery when they’re having a busy day at work but just can’t
leave their desk for lunch.
10. Write them a love note. Tuck it into their pocket before work or leave it on
their pillow for when they returns. Either way, it’s a cute gesture.
11. Surprise them by loading their fridge up with their favorite kind of beer or
wine.
12. Give them a massage.
13. Ditch your phone on your next date or the next time you hang out. Take
both your phones away and put them underneath the breadbasket at dinner. No
peeking until you’ve both paid the check and are ready to leave!
14. Work on a project together. Have they always wanted to write a play? Read
their script! Help them edit that music video! Do a puzzle!
15. Compliment them. You don’t have to pull your partner aside for ten
minutes and give them a rundown of every good trait of theirs you like, but the next
time you see them being the kind person you fell in love with, tell them!
16. Binge watch a new show together. The only rules are that you can’t watch
an episode without each other. Working towards a goal, even when it’s finishing a
season of TV, can be a low-key bonding activity.
25
17. Get dressed up for a dinner at home. Have him put on a tie and you can
wear your cutest heels. You won’t be walking much anyways, so it’s really the
perfect occasion to show off some fashionable-but-kinda-tight shoes.
18. Pretend you’re strangers at a bar. Sexy roleplay can liven things up
physically, but it’s also a fun bonding moment, so don’t put too much pressure on
yourselves to perform an Oscar winning performance of strangers.
19. Anticipate their needs. If they’re having a rough week at work or
something and you just know how they hate grocery shopping or doing laundry, help
them out a little. This isn’t to say you should start doing anyone’s chores for them on
the regs, but if you’ve got the kind of partner who would do the same for you if you
asked, totally fine to help each other out!
20. Ask them to teach you something they care about. If your boyfriend is
addicted to gaming or your girlfriend loves building miniatures, ask them to give you
an intro lesson. They can share their interests and you’ll have a starting off point for
talking about their hobbies in the future.
21. Do a spa day together. Being relaxed and feeling loosened up can really get
sparks flying later in the privacy of your own home if you know what I mean.
22. Play some sexy games together.
23. Do they love dogs? Cats? Sign up for the both of you to volunteer at a
shelter for a day. All the fuzzy love you get from helping animals in need and
cuddling furry friends will definitely encourage feelings of love and affection.
24. Make them a Spotify playlist. It can be romantic love songs, or spelling out
a message with the titles, or even just bops you think they’ll appreciate.
25. Go for a walk around your neighborhood or park. Just being outside and
holding hands while looking at scenery is cute and relaxing.
https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/confessions/advice/g2195/ways-to-be-romanticwith-your-guy/?slide=1
Which of these tips do you personally find useful? Are there any effective
techniques that might work out regardless of your partner’s gender?
12. WORK OUT. Let’s try to solve the “who is more romantic – men or
women” problem. Split into two teams that hold opposing views. Think of
arguments and counterarguments and see who wins.
13. CREATE. Write a short magazine article on the topic: “Gender norms
are dumb, everyone should be able to appreciate surprise flowers / romantic love
songs / love notes!”
14. FIND OUT. Now that we know what women appreciate in men and
relationships (at least what they say the value), let’s consider what they would
actually prefer.
Good looking? Good lover? Good humor? What qualities do women value
most when building the ideal man?
26
When I posed the exercise to several female friends, you’d swear I’d asked for
their bank account PIN or the square root of 14,739. One could almost hear the
screeching of tires and smell the burning rubber as the question brought them to an
immediate stop.
One woman wondered if there was some dastardly ulterior motive at hand.
Another hesitated to respond, her stammering as discernible as it was inaudible.
Others laughed around it, to avoid answering. Still others, it was clear, answered
cautiously, not honestly, as to not offend the qualities their husbands did or didn’t
possess.
Gosh, I wasn’t asking the women if they’d ever been unfaithful, cheated on
their tax return, or had any work done. Rather, this exercise was intended to be fun.
What piqued my interest and sent me down this road was a recent Facebook
post asking ladies to build their ideal man. Listed were 10 qualities, each with a
corresponding dollar amount: 1. Good looking $3; 2. Funny $1; 3. Smart $1; 4. Great
in bed $2; 5. Faithful $3; 6. Wealthy $3; 7. No kids $1; 8. Tall $1; 9. Great body, $2;
10. Romantic $2.
The caveat: each woman had only $5 to spend.
I was curious as I set out on this experiment: If women have always been
honest about what they’ve said they find attractive in a man, I thought, the answers
should have been easy. They should have spent their $5 on qualities like faithful,
funny, and smart, or faithful and romantic. There are those of us who possess a halfdozen or so qualities on the list. Of course, many of us are delusional as well, so...
Faithful, funny, smart is what women seek. At least that’s what they’ve led us
to believe, that the ideal man isn’t necessarily rugged, rich, ripped. Men’s Health
magazine last year polled 1,000 American women, ages 21–54, in two online surveys
to pinpoint which characteristics women deem attractive in a man. Overall, women
valued men who were faithful, funny, smart, romantic, and showed a sense of style.
And some of the ladies I quizzed indeed chose those endearing qualities.
Others? Well, let’s say that for some of the women, they’ll go watch a Harvardeducated standup comic if they’re looking for smart and funny.
“No. 1 and No. 4,” said one woman, choosing good looking and great in bed. “I
already make good money.”
So much for the sensitive man.
Another woman chose wealthy and great in bed, and added a qualifier.
“No one said this ideal man is a guy you’re married to, right?” she asked. “It
could just be your ideal guy.”
Some people just can’t follow the script.
One woman looked at the list and built her ideal man.
“I’d say good looking, funny, smart, and great in bed,” she said.
When I told her she needed a math refresher, that she went $2 over, she said,
laughing, “Oh, I forgot to tell you I just came into some money.”
Some people just can’t follow the script.
27
The more I examined the list, I wondered how men might answer if asked to
build the ideal woman. I asked a close friend who has been successful with the ladies
from the time we were young to participate. His answer:
“The woman who will love you not only for what you have, but despite what
you don’t. That’s the ideal woman.”
Mic drop.
https://www.burlingtoncountytimes.com/opinion/20190317/gianficaro-what-qualities-dowomen-value-most-when-choosing-ideal-man
15. CREATE. As a psychologist contributing articles to a glossy magazine,
provide an answer to your reader’s question: “How can I be sure my wife loves
me for who I am, not for my thick wallet or good looks?”.
Based on the issues discussed above, what conclusions have you arrived at?
1. Are women really more concerned about their looks than men?
2. Women are crazy about shopping, collecting clothes and other stuff, aren’t
they?
3. Women are extremely attentive and observant. They notice the tiniest
details, don’t they?
4. Are women really more demanding in a relationship than men?
5. What do women expect from men, be it their husband, partner or friend?
6. Who is more romantic – men or women?
HOW WE SPEAK ABOUT THAT
1. DISCUSS. Women are particular not only about their clothes but also
about the way they describe them. Read the extracts and explain what elements
of her outfit the main character pays special attention to and why. Who does the
main character want to impress in each case?
Even though I can’t actually think of a time when I haven’t dreaded the
Bookbinder Family Barbecue, this year is completely different… Think of the looks
on everyone’s faces today, when I turn up looking like a Top Fashionista and tell
them all about my brand-new, highly prestigious internship! Let’s see how much they
can patronize and belittle me then.
Anyway, to really nail the Top Fashionista effect, I’ve spent most of yesterday
working on the perfect outfit. I really put some effort into it, not to mention the last
dregs of my bank account. Still, it was worth every penny. Because the
Vintage/Designer/High-Street combo that so impressed Nancy could be a little bit
out-there for today’s audience. I’ve decided to go for fashion, intimidating, head-to28
toe black. And not that boring V-neck and trousers uniform, either. Oh, no. I’m
wearing:
1) Just-above-the-knee black shift dress from Reiss, cinched in at the waist (or
what passes for my waist, which is the bit that goes inwards by about a millimeter
between my hips and my ribcage) with a wide black patent belt;
2) The most enormous black sunglasses Topshop had to offer;
3) A huge black straw hat, with picture brim and black chiffon hatband; and
4) Black patent peep-toe court shoes, with five-inch chunky heel, only thirty
quid from this great little vintage shop on Kensington Church Street.
***
So my Signature Look now consists of:
1) Indigo denim straight-leg trousers (NOT jeans) from Paper Denim & Cloth
that make me look almost half a size smaller that I really am, and make my bottom
look a little bit like Jessica Alba’s;
2) A crisp white shirt, unbuttoned as far as is decent, to draw attention towards
my nice, slim collarbones, and away from the evidence that I might have actually
eaten anything this calendar month;
3) My brand-new black blazer from Reiss that’s going to make me swelter in
this Indian summer heat, but will display to my new colleagues that I’m aware of the
fact that you don’t just keep wearing summer clothes because it feels like summer,
you get right on the A/W horse and to hell with any sweltering;
4) Brown (chocolate? mocha? raw umber?) platform loafers from LK Bennet
that are loafer enough to make me look as though I\m not making too much of an
effort, but platform enough that I don’t think I’ll fall foul of any Anna Wintour-esque
rules about minimum heel heights in the office; and
5) My emerald-green Mikkel Borgessen clutch bag that may barely have room
for my mobile, credit card and lipstick, but is the only Top Designer handbag I own,
and is so beautiful that it can introduce dangerous frenzies of lust in even the most
die-hard Zagliani owner.
I think it works.
I hope it works.
Holly McQueen. The Fabulous Fashionable Life of Isabel Bookbinder
2. FIND OUT. Read the following descriptions of outfits, stay-at-home
clothes and accessories. What words are used to describe the fashionable
details?
1. Fuzzy fleece is the best thing to cuddle up with while at home. And you can
pop your collar when you’re on that next video conference call to show ’em who’s
boss.
2. You’ll look like a cozy painting in this pastel-flower-decorated half zip and
drawstring pants.
29
3. If you’re going the minimalist route, throw on this baby, which features a
drawstring crop top.
4. A good silk pajama set is always a good choice if you want to feel like your
sleeping on a fluffy cloud. Bonus! This silk is actually washable so you won't ruin the
material.
5. You can’t beat a good cheetah print outfit, especially when it’s as soft as this
one. This matching button-up and shorts combo is made from jersey fabric, keeping it
casual and trendy at the same time.
6. This delicate spaghetti strap piece has charming florals and a length that
makes it perfect for either day or night parties.
7. A simple solid-color dress works well for multiple occasions, but with
details like layered flutter sleeves and an asymmetrical hemline, this one still stands
out.
8. Looking for a cocktail-dress? Consider this mermaid-worthy one in a light
blue shade with a fun twisted detail in front.
9. This is definitely a bold look – with its puff sleeves, crinkle pleats, and neon
color – but if you’re not afraid to have people stop and stare, this is the dress for you.
10. This dress has a floaty, flirty silhouette, and the gold details make for an
effortless day-to-night transition.
11. This dress has a floaty, flirty silhouette, and the gold details make for an
effortless day-to-night transition.
12. You can add this neutral-colored clutch to your everyday wardrobe. The
ruffle trim is a perfect way to level up your handbag game.
13. This light blue cutie is the versatile bag your closet is missing. Picture
wearing it with a classic pair of jeans and a white T-shirt or even slinging it over your
shoulders while wearing a floral dress.
14. Your tired eyes will appreciate a protective pair of frames, like these
gorgeous babies, with clear specks.
15. Yes, these are extremely pricey, but if you can’t live without name brands,
you might as well have a pair of Tom Ford glasses in your collection.
https://www.cosmopolitan.com
3. CREATE. Make up your own “fashion vocabulary”. How many items
does it include? Compare it to those of your groupmates.
4. FIND OUT. Read the extract and highlight the peculiarities of women’s
language mentioned in it.
These are the elements of the language that women use, as identified by Robin
Lakoff in 1975.
1. Hedging. It provides a way out, should disagreement occur, qualifying
statements with non-absolute language, such as “sort of”, “kind of”, “I guess”, etc.
Well, I sort of looked at him, and then he kind of looked back. Then I guess I
kept looking.
30
2. Politeness, which is taken to more extreme forms (e.g., Would you please...,
I’d really appreciate it if…), either putting the speaker in an inferior position or
seeking to be thoughtful and non-threatening towards the other person.
Do excuse me, but I really appreciate it if you could take a little time to help
me.
3. Tag questions, that are added to the end of a statement. They do not change
the statement, although they do seek agreement.
You would do that, wouldn’t you?
4. Emotional emphasis. The emotional content of sentences is increased
through the use of intonation that emphasizes and exaggerates emotions.
You are so very kind. I really want you to know I am so grateful.
5. Empty adjectives are applied to soften and add friendly elements to the
sentence, although they do not add any particularly meaningful content.
What a charming and sweet young man you are!
6. Correct grammar and pronunciation. Special care is taken to be correct with
language and speech. Colloquialisms and slang are used far less than by men.
I would be very appreciative if you could show me the way.
7. Lack of humor. Humor is not used very much and jokes are very seldom
told.
8. Direct quotations. The words that people said are often quoted, even quoting
people who quote other people.
Then she said that he said, “I won’t do it”. So I said, “Why not?”
9. Extended vocabulary. Rather than simple language, vocabulary is extended
to use descriptive language. For example, a precise language is used to describe
colors.
The walls should be cerise, with a royal blue tracer.
10. Declarations with interrogative intonation. Statements are made, but using
the intonation of a question, rising at the end of the statement.
That sounds like a good thing to do?
http://changingminds.org/explanations/gender/womens_language.htm
5. DISCUSS. Of course, not all women use all of the language elements
itemized in Ex. 4 all of the time. Do you agree that the given theory is quite
questionable on the whole?
6. WORK OUT. If you were to do a duplicate study these days, what
differences in women’s language would you pinpoint? How much has changed
since the 1970s?
7. FIND OUT. Here are some more facts about the peculiarities of
women’s speech. Do you observe these features in everyday life?
31
Top 5 Characteristics of Women-Talk
1. Women tend to have more focus on affinity, connectivity and group
consensus than men.
2. Women are more likely to ask questions. In research based on 100,000
interviews by John Gray and Barbara Annis, 80 per cent of women said they prefer to
ask questions even when they know the answer, because it encourages others to
contribute.
3. Men and women both use minimal responses such as “mmm”, “yeah” and
“oh”, but women use them more as a way of showing support and encouragement,
while men tend to use them as a way of driving the conversation forward,
demonstrating expertise or competing for status.
4. Women use more pronouns such as “I”, “you” and “we”. In fact social
scientist Professor James W. Pennebaker estimated that, on average, women use
85,000 more pronouns a year than men. This is significant because pronouns are used
in reference to relationships and people.
5. Rather than giving orders, women are more likely to make suggestions or
proposals, so as to increase rapport.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/blamestorming/201612/5-ways-men-andwomen-talk-differently
Women’s speech is usually considered to be emotional and conflict-free. They
are characterized by the inclusion in conversation topics about family, human
qualities, and details of action descriptions. Women cite personal experiences and
provide examples of specific cases from their own environment. Typical features of
the female speech include expressiveness, for example: Ouch! Wow! What do you
mean? How so? Awesome! Women’s peculiar vocabulary includes the presence of
many introductory words, definitions, circumstances, pronominal subjects, additions,
as well as modal constructions expressing variety degrees of uncertainty such as may
be, apparently, in my opinion. Women have a tendency to use “prestigious
stylistically elevated forms”, clichés, as well as “book vocabulary” that relates to
women. Ladies also use evaluative statements and great imagery when describing
their feelings. A variety of adjectives design such as “adverb + adverb” could be
used.
https://www.languageconnections.com/blog/do-men-and-women-speak-different-languages/
8. DISCUSS. Read the article. Do you agree that women are more
advanced linguistically? How is this manifested?
Women Are Linguistically More Advanced than Men.
So Why Do We Tell Them How to Speak?
By I. Raftery
When I was in college, an English professor chastised me when I said “I
think.”
32
“Just say what you think,” she said, annoyed. She was a feminist, and believed
she was preparing me for the real world.
I’ve heard similar advice since: Stop saying “sorry” so often. Nix the “likes”.
Don’t use exclamation points in professional emails. No upspeak – that’s punctuating
statements with question marks. In other words: talk like white men.
I shared these examples with Kathryn Bartholomew, a retired linguistics
professor from Seattle Pacific University. She too once coached female students to
shed these verbal tics.
“I was younger and more docile then,” Bartholomew said.
Linguists know now that, when it comes to language, women lead men by half
a generation or more. “Women will be at the cutting edge of the innovations,”
Bartholomew said.
The reason is teenage social survival.
When teenagers enter adolescence, they want to be distinctive. Girls converse
more than boys, encouraged, perhaps, by the praise they receive from a young age for
being articulate and engaging. Boys are cheered for walking early and being good at
sports.
Teen girls, Bartholomew said, must “figure out how to survive, and if possible,
thrive”.
“Being super assertive and scientific in the company of your peers if you are a
middle school or high school girl is probably not going to work as well as other
strategies,” she said. “The other strategies being the disarm-the-opponent charm
offensive.”
Tittering flirtatiously doesn’t work. (Too easy, too obvs.)
“Giggling far too loud is an unsophisticated way of achieving salience,”
Bartholomew said. “A more sophisticated way is doing things with your language
that nobody else can do until they imitate you. Hence the Valley girls.”
(Valley girls, a refresher: like, duh. As IF. What-EVER. Like.)
The trend is even older: In the 1500s, women started using the word “you”
instead of “ye”.
“You” had staying power, as we know. Certain verbal tics are as contagious as
the flu.
Like saying “sorry” all. the. damn. time.
Deborah Tannen, a linguist who studies gender and language at Georgetown
University, has said that women aren’t actually apologizing when they say sorry.
Rather, they’re creating a bridge to the other person.
“There are many ways that women talk that make sense and are effective in
conversations with women but appear powerless and self-deprecating with men,”
Tannen wrote in her book, You Just Don’t Understand: In Conversation With Women
and Men. “One such pattern is that many women seem to apologize all the time.”
But an apology may not be intended in that spirit, she said.
By phone, Tannen said that upspeak, or uptalk, may also have been
misinterpreted as insecurity.
33
“I think what it really is doing is encouraging the other person to say ‘Yeah’,”
Tannen said. “It’s forcing that connection. It’s not about some internal state.”
Mark Liberman, professor of linguistics at University of Pennsylvania, said
that while women lead men, everyone plays with language all the time.
“The question is, which innovations will spread and which will die out?”
Liberman said by email.
One explanation is that women are influencers because they are more likely to
be caregivers, he said, “and therefore models for language acquisition”.
So why, if young women are more linguistically sophisticated than men, are
they schooled in how to speak more like them?
Bartholomew said that’s because white male speech is considered the
“unmarked” way of speaking, or the neutral way of speaking. African-Americans
have said they adjust how they talk for work. Women do as well.
Trying to teach women to speak like white men has created a cottage industry
of advice pieces online. Consider these recent articles, by women:
“One word women should never say at work”;
“Six things women shouldn’t say at work”;
“Talking while female: an expert guide to the things you definitely should not
say”.
In them, women are advised:
1. Don’t use emojis/exclamation points.
2. Don’t say sorry.
3. Don’t say, “I just wanted to let you know.”
4. Don’t say, “I was wondering.”
5. Don’t start sentences with “I think”.
6. Don’t sign off emails with “Thanks!”
7. Don’t say “just”.
8. Don’t say, “I feel like.” (The author, a woman, suggests reaching “for a
more definitive, muscular phrase”, for example, “a man told me”.)
9. Don’t say, “I’m no expert.”
Deborah Cameron, a feminist professor of linguistics at Oxford
University, responded to one of these articles – a critique of “vocal fry” – in 2015.
“Teaching young women to accommodate to the linguistic preferences, aka
prejudices, of the men who run law firms and engineering companies is doing the
patriarchy’s work for it,” she wrote. “It’s accepting that there’s a problem with
women’s speech, rather than a problem with sexist attitudes to women’s speech.”
As Cameron suggests, perhaps it’s time to make linguistic preferences work for
women, instead of the other way around.
Sorry, not sorry.
https://www.kuow.org/stories/maybe-stop-telling-women-how-to-speak-5d91
If women’s speech is so advanced, why are they constantly asked to
accommodate their speech to certain preferences or standards?
34
9. DISCUSS. Another theory runs that women have more reasons for
talking than men do. Read the text. Do you share the author’s opinion?
John Gray, the author of Mars and Venus in the Workplace, has identified four
reasons why women talk. Men have only one reason and that is to convey content.
This places the burden on them to adjust to how women communicate. The following
are the four reasons.
1. Talking to make a point. In this regard both sexes agree. However, women
use talking to convey more than facts, figures and logical derivations.
2. Talking to give and receive emotional support. Women often use
language to inform each other of their emotional state, similar to an FYI note. They
do not expect anything to be done about it, or that someone should be blamed for it.
As a result the degree of rapport and trust is increased, and stress is minimized.
3. Talking to relieve tension. Women talk to relieve normal stress and job
pressures, and also to share ideas on how to manage stress. Men, on the other hand,
internally strategize how to manage stress and gain more confidence.
4. Talking to discover a point. Men generally know what they are going to
say before they speak, but a woman may just begin talking and gradually discover
what she has to say. Actually, most creative people, either male or female, work this
way. They start vaguely on something, and later develop focus on a certain point of
expression. Men, however, lose patience with this roundabout way of getting to the
point.
Gray also gave suggestions on what men can do to earn the trust of women and
create a more harmonious work atmosphere. He emphasized actively listening to
what women were saying and not saying. Listen to their tone of voice, look at the
way they move their hands and body, and think of what they really meant.
https://www.streetdirectory.com/travel_guide/191458/communications/men_speak_from_th
eir_minds_while_women_speak_from_their_hearts.html
10. DISCUSS. As a rule, women do not speak directly. Or do they?
Comment on the story.
My girlfriend always assures me she doesn’t care if I’m a little overweight, yet
in the past few weeks she’s bought me running shorts, new trainers, a set of
professional barbells and weights, a “how to lose weight in your living room” book
and installed a treadmill in the garage.
11. FIND OUT. Are you a good interpreter? Translate the following
examples of women’s language into men’s language, then check the answers.
1. “I’m going to the hair salon.”
2. “Honey, another five minutes and I will be ready to leave.”
3. “I gained so much weight!”
4. “Oops, I pressed a cute little button in your car!”
35
A N S W E R S (Translation for men)
1. “I am going to be gone for a long time, so your dinner is not my problem
tonight. And don’t forget to compliment my hair when I get back.”
2. “I’ll be ready in an hour; don’t rush me, please! By the way, where’s my
lipstick and tights?”
3. “Tell me that I look fabulous!”
4. “Do not swear much, it looks like I messed up something in your car.”
https://www.languageconnections.com/blog/do-men-and-women-speak-different-languages/
12. DISCUSS. Read the article and comment on the evolution of men’s and
women’s languages. Are there more similarities or differences between them
these days?
What Are the Differences Between the Male & Female Language?
By D. Westin
Although male and female language patterns have grown increasingly similar
over time, some differences still persist.
Much research has been conducted on the different ways that men and women
use language to communicate. Two main theories exist to try and explain the
differences in male and female language. The first holds that men use language to
dominate, while women use it to confirm their subordination. The second theory
proposes that male and female language is the result of men and women being a part
of very different subcultures and having very different life experiences. Thus, neither
male nor female language is superior, just different.
The language patterns for each gender have become less defined as gender
roles have grown less rigid. Female displays of authority and male displays of
emotion through language have become increasingly acceptable in society over the
past few decades. Nonetheless, some noticeable differences between the way men
and women speak still persist.
Male and female language in the past
In past decades, there existed very clear-cut differences in the way men and
women spoke. Women were significantly more likely to use linguistic techniques
known as hedging devices that can serve a number of purposes. They can express that
a speaker is unsure or uncommitted to what she is saying, indicate an unwillingness
to give up one’s speaking turn or work to soften an utterance so as to not hurt the
recipient’s feelings. Hedging devices include fall-rise intonation patterns: phrases
such as “I think”, “I assume” and “sort of”, adverbials such as “maybe”, “probably”
and “generally”, the modal verbs “may”, “might”, “would” and “could” and tag
questions such as “isn’t it?” and “didn’t he?” These differences often reflected the
types of conversations that women and men had most often.
Women used language to communicate feelings and establish bonds, so it was
more important to use devices that lessen the chances of hurting one another’s
feelings, while men used language primarily to transmit information meaning that
their recipient’s feelings didn’t matter as much. Female language was also generally
36
regarded as more polite and formal, while men were socially allowed more room to
use profanity and nonstandard English.
Current patterns: male language
Men are beginning to make more frequent use of hedging devices as cultural
norms change and they are increasingly encouraged to express themselves
emotionally. Differences remain, however, in the ways that men use some hedging
devices. Whereas women tend to use the hedging device “you know” as an indicator
of politeness, men use it when there is a presumption of shared knowledge between
the speaker and recipient.
Men talk much less when engaging in conversations with each other. The
emphasis is generally placed on physical activities such as fishing or playing video
games rather than on verbal communication. When they do talk, they tend to choose
conversation topics such as money, sports, cars, politics, sex and business. Men like
to have the bottom line given to them before they hear the details, while the opposite
is true of women.
Current patterns: female language
Women adopt more traditionally male speech patterns as they occupy more
previously male-dominated domains. Women now curse with much greater frequency
than was deemed acceptable in the past and feel less obligation to speak with
politeness and avoid “male” topics such as sex and sports. They still tend to
downplay their authority by using hedging devices like “I think” and “I believe”,
which suggest that their beliefs apply only to themselves. Women still often focus
more on verbal communication than physical activity when with other women and
generally spend more time talking about topics such as home, family and
relationships. They are more likely to engage in self-disclosure whereby they confide
in one another about highly personal aspects of their lives. Women favor hearing the
details leading up to the bottom line of a conversation rather than being given the
bottom line first.
Current patterns: mixed gender conversations
The differences in male and female language patterns make it so that men and
women must often make adjustments in their speaking habits to communicate with
one another. In the case of informal conversations, women seem to make greater
efforts to keep the conversation going through asking questions. Men’s language
tends to grow more polite and formal when in the presence of women, and they
consequently use fewer curse words. Communication between the genders becomes
less confusing as the language patterns of men and women continue to merge over
time. There is an increase in women speaking assertively in the presence of males as
well as an increased tendency for men to speak on emotional subjects with their
female counterparts.
https://datingtips.match.com/differences-between-male-female-language-7979389.html
13. DISCUSS. On the one hand, men and women do speak differently. On
the other hand, the ways they speak are perceived differently. Read the extracts
and explain what manner of speaking is considered “natural” for a woman. Are
you of the same opinion?
37
Male and female speakers are viewed – and judged – differently because we
have been habituated to the idea that men are leaders and women are nurturers.
Kae Reynolds, Senior Lecturer at the University of Huddersfield who
researches leadership, communication, and gender, says: “Our culture has for so long
presented us with leaders as men – with masculine qualities like dominance, lower
vocal registers, and size – and we have internalized these leadership theories. We
associate certain behaviors, personality characteristics, and physical traits with
leaders that are stereotypically male. The qualities we expect of women – being
caring, nurturing, accommodating – are at odds with those we associate with
leadership. We expect women to be congruent with their gender, and when they are
not, we respond negatively.”
So, for example, if a woman has a booming, assertive voice, listeners may
respond negatively simply because they have been primed to expect a softer tone.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2017/03/21/you-talk-like-a-woman-sowhat/#6d93b05522dc
When it comes to work, women are often left to adapt their language to speak
more like men. Female speech is perceived as insecure, less competent, and
sometimes even less trustworthy.
But wait, there’s more. Yes, women can adapt, but they mustn’t adapt too
much – lest they sound masculine.
https://www.fastcompany.com/3068806/what-a-speech-coach-told-me-about-speaking-likea-woman-and-why-its-bs
14. FIND OUT.
A. Choose some typical women’s topic and ask your female acquaintances
to speak about it. Now ask your male acquaintances to do the same and compare
the results.
B. And what if you offered your respondents some typical men’s topic for
a change? Try out this one and see what answers you will get.
15. CREATE. Write a humorous article on the following topic: “Dear
women, we cannot understand you however hard we try. Stop speaking women’s
language and use normal language instead. ”
Based on the issues discussed above, what conclusions have you arrived at?
1. Do women really have a language of their own or is it just another “oldfashioned stereotype”?
2. If women do speak their own variety of language, what are its peculiarities?
How many specific features or elements of women’s talk can you itemize?
3. Women have their own expanded vocabulary for the things they like, clothes
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among them. Do you think so?
4. In general, women have more reasons for talking than men do and are more
advanced linguistically. Is it true?
5. When choosing between a straightforward way to say something and an
indirect way, women would rather choose the latter. Right?
6. If we assume that language is evolving (and women’s language is no
exception), how much has changed over the past couple of decades?
7. Who tells women how to speak appropriately and why do they do this?
39
Part II. WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF MEN
IN WHAT WAY WE ARE UNIQUE
1. DISCUSS. Read the texts and comment on the basic differences between
male and female behavior. Where do these differences stem from? Do all the
propositions presented in the articles seem reliable to you? Which of the points
do you personally agree with?
It is a truism that men and women do not communicate in the same way. But is
there really any evidence to support this Mars-and-Venus theory? Oxford language
professor Deborah Cameron investigates in the extracts from her new book Do men
and women speak the same language? Can they ever really communicate? These
questions are not new, but since the early 1990s there has been a new surge of interest
in them. Countless self-help and popular psychology books have been written
portraying men and women as alien beings, and conversation between them as a
catalogue of misunderstandings. The most successful exponents of this formula, such
as Deborah Tannen, author of You Just Don’t Understand, and John Gray, author of
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, have topped the bestseller lists on
both sides of the Atlantic. Advice on how to bridge the communication gulf between
the sexes has grown into a flourishing multimedia industry.
Readers who prefer something a little harder-edged can turn to a genre of
popular science books with titles such as Brain Sex, Sex on the Brain, The Essential
Difference, and Why Men Don’t Iron. These explain that the gulf between men and
women is a product of nature, not nurture. The sexes communicate differently (and
women do it better) because of the way their brains are wired. The female brain
excels in verbal tasks whereas the male brain is better adapted to visual-spatial and
mathematical tasks. Women like to talk, men prefer action to words.
The proposition that men and women communicate differently is particularly
uncontroversial, with clichés such as “men never listen” and “women find it easier to
talk about their feelings” referenced constantly in everything from women’s
magazines to humorous greeting cards.
But if we examine the findings of more than 30 years of research on language,
communication and the sexes, we will discover that they tell a different, and more
complicated, story.
A few years ago, the manager of a call centre in north-east England was asked
by an interviewer why women made up such a high proportion of the agents he
employed. Did men not apply for jobs in his centre? The manager replied that any
vacancies attracted numerous applicants of both sexes, but, he explained: “We are
looking for people who can chat to people, interact, build rapport. What we find is
that women can do this more... women are naturally good at that sort of thing”.
Moments later, he admitted: “I suppose we do, if we’re honest, select women
40
sometimes because they are women rather than because of something they’ve
particularly shown in the interview”.
More jobs are now in the service than the manufacturing sector, and service
jobs, particularly those that involve direct contact with customers, put a higher
premium on language and communication skills. Many employers share the callcentre manager’s belief that women are by nature better qualified than men for jobs
of this kind, and one result is a form of discrimination. Male job applicants have to
prove that they possess the necessary skills, whereas women are just assumed to
possess them.
At its most basic, what I am calling “the myth of Mars and Venus” is simply
the proposition that men and women differ fundamentally in the way they use
language to communicate. All versions of the myth share this basic premise. Most
versions, in addition, make some or all of the following claims.
1. Language and communication matter more to women than to men. Women
talk more than men.
2. Women are more verbally skilled than men.
3. Men’s goals in using language tend to be about getting things done, whereas
women’s tend to be about making connections to other people. Men talk more about
things and facts, whereas women talk more about people, relationships and feelings.
4. Men’s way of using language is competitive, reflecting their general interest
in acquiring and maintaining status. Women’s use of language is cooperative,
reflecting their preference for equality and harmony.
5. These differences routinely lead to “miscommunication” between the sexes,
with each sex misinterpreting the other’s intentions. This causes problems in contexts
where men and women regularly interact.
In relation to men and women, our most basic stereotypical expectation is
simply that they will be different rather than the same. We actively look for
differences, and seek out sources that discuss them. Most research studies
investigating the behaviour of men and women are designed around the question: is
there a difference? And the presumption is usually that there will be. If a study finds a
significant difference between male and female subjects, that is considered to be a
“positive” finding, and has a good chance of being published. A study that finds no
significant differences is less likely to be published.
In 2006, for instance, a popular science book called The Female Brain claimed
that women on average utter 20,000 words a day, while men on average utter only
7,000. This was perfect material for soundbite science – it confirmed the popular
belief that women are not only the more talkative sex but three times as much – and
was reported in newspapers around the world.
One person who found it impossible to believe was Mark Liberman, a
professor of phonetics who has worked extensively with recorded speech. His
scepticism prompted him to delve into the footnotes of The Female Brain to find out
where the author had got her figures. What he found was not an academic citation but
a reference to a self-help book. Following the trail into the thickets of popular
literature, Liberman came across several competing statistical claims. The figures
41
varied wildly: different authors (and sometimes even the same author in different
books) gave average female daily word-counts ranging from 4,000 to 25,000 words.
As far as Liberman could tell, all these numbers were plucked from thin air: in no
case did anyone cite any actual research to back them up. He concluded that no one
had ever done a study counting the words produced by a sample of men and women
in the course of a single day. The claims were so variable because they were pure
guesswork.
After Liberman pointed this out in a newspaper article, the author of The
Female Brain conceded that her claim was not supported by evidence and said it
would be deleted from future editions. But the damage was already done: the muchpublicised soundbite that women talk three times as much as men will linger in
people’s memories and get recycled in their conversations, whereas the littlepublicised retraction will make no such impression. This is how myths acquire the
status of facts.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2007/oct/01/gender.books
Ten Differences Between (Most) Men and Women
OK, you’re probably better than this – but the rest of us are exactly like this.
While we all know that gender is both an enacted and learned behavior, falling
across a wide and nuanced spectrum while simultaneously filtered through the prism
of individual experience, we hold these observations to be applicable in what
clinically-trained personnel refer to as “a whole lotta cases” or “most of the time,
especially on weekends”.
1. Men care way too little about what women say. Women care way too much
about what men say – except when those men are in positions of actual power, such
as held by politicians or members of the clergy, who are making decisions and
choices that will affect the deepest recesses and corners of our most intimate lives
without actually, like, consulting us. In that case, we should listen even more closely.
Maybe even speak up.
2. Men care way too much about how women look. Women care as little as
they can possibly stand caring about how men look.
3. Women will smile even when they are unhappy until a certain point of
intimacy occurs (perhaps the procurement of the third drink or, in some more
severely regulated communities, the birth of the third child). After this, they might
never smile again, even for professional photographs, although when they’re actually
happy, they’ll laugh themselves silly. They just won’t fake it anymore. Men will
either smile or not smile as evidenced by pictures taken of them from infancy
onwards. Men’s smiles are not situational. They are constitutional. They are
genetically determined.
4. Men laugh when they find something funny. Women laugh when they think
it’s appropriate. (N.B.: This, thank Gawd, is beginning to change, but it ain’t
changing fast enough.)
5. If a man wants to challenge a woman’s viewpoint, he will worry
momentarily about being a bully. If a woman wants to challenge a man’s viewpoint,
42
she will worry, depending on geography, religion, and history, whether she will be
stoned to death in the middle of the village square.
6. Women know that if there’s a mess in the kitchen, somebody has to clean it.
Men believe that if there’s a mess in the kitchen, it’s nature’s way of maintaining the
cycle of life in all its richness and abundance. (Men under the age of 30 have been
known to regard used pizza boxes as “compost”, and therefore regard themselves as
preservers of nature’s bounty.)
7. Men think it’s important to clean cars. Women think cleaning cars is like
cleaning the bottom of your shoes. You shouldn’t have to do this if you learn to leave
the things outside. If you keep them in the living room, it’s different. Otherwise, who
cares?
8. Women will, when perfectly sober, say “I love you!” to their friends, but
will rarely put their friends in a faux-strangle-hold after a few drinks and say this
while giving “nuggies” to the most sensitive part of the friend’s scalp during the
announcement. With men, it’s the opposite.
9. Men consider parallel parking an accomplishment, especially if only
automotive molecules can measure the distance between vehicles. Women just want
to park either close to the entrance or far away enough from the entrance to collect
points for the pedometer.
10. There are no real differences between men and women except what we
have constructed and imagined in our various cultures. The differences between
women and men are, of course, just the opposite.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/snow-white-doesnt-live-hereanymore/201409/ten-differences-between-most-men-and-women?collection=162112
A majority of Americans believe men and women are fundamentally different
in their physical abilities, how they express their feelings, and their personal interests
and hobbies. And while women and Democrats are more likely to say differences are
the result of social and environmental factors, a majority of men and Republicans
believe they are biological. Beliefs about sex differences and gender roles remain
very much a flash point in American cultural and political controversies today, from
the #MeToo movement against sexual harassment, the persistent pay gap, the
conspicuous absence of women from positions of leadership and power, and men
from the playground, kitchen and carpool pick up.
https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/02/an-interview-with-angela-saini-author-of.html
One of the important things that biology has taught us over the last 50 years is
that nature and nurture can’t necessarily be separated. And there is biological
feedback that happens as a result of the environment. So, for instance, if you give a
very young child mechanical toys to play with, stuff that exercises their ability to
build things and make things, they will be better, biologically better, at making and
building things because of the experiences they’ve had. So a social interference
produces a biological effect.
That goes a long way in explaining the sex differences that we do see. When
parents say to me, “My girls prefer dolls, and my boys like to play with trucks.” Well,
43
you have to ask them, what kind of toys did you give them growing up? Because I
have a son. And when he was growing up, he didn’t receive a doll until he was 4. So,
of course, for those four years, he didn’t play with dolls. We forget the kind of input
we have as we’re raising children produces a profound effect in gender disparities
that we see later on.
https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/02/an-interview-with-angela-saini-author-of.html
Being born a boy also comes with perks. Baby boys are an animated lot who
display a marked curiosity about the world. Compared with girls, they are more alert
and emotionally interactive with caretakers. They begin suppressing their emotions
later in life, suggesting that masculine stoicism is learned, not hard-wired.
https://www.nytimes.com/1999/02/17/health/the-seven-stages-of-man.html
2. CREATE. Write an essay on the topic “Is the gulf between men and
women a product of nature or nurture?”.
3. FIND OUT. Read the extract and speak about the role of dominance in
men’s life. How is dominance manifested in their behavior?
Boys tend to have more hierarchically organized groups than girls and speech
is often used to assert dominance. Boys use aggravated, or explicit directives to get
what they wanted, e.g., “Get off”, “Gimine”, “I want”. This type of command
establishes status differences.
Men tend to jump from topic to topic, vying to tell anecdotes about their
achievements. They rarely talk about their feelings or their personal problems.
Men compete for dominance, with some men talking a lot more than others.
They don’t feel the need to link their own contributions to others. Instead, they are
more likely to ignore what has been said before and to stress their own point of view.
In mixed-sex conversations men interrupt women more, with the result that
women are less able to complete their turns at talk and tend to talk less.
As a result, men tend to dominate topics of conversation and women tend to
take on the role of listener.
http://www.putlearningfirst.com/language/23sexism/genderlect.html
4. WORK OUT. The opinion that men compete for dominance is
contestable, though. Can you prove the opposite? Provide 3–5 arguments
showing that men do not necessarily dominate conversation.
5. DISCUSS. Read the stories and comment on the situations described.
Are they something typical for men? Do you agree that all men are forgetful and
especially inattentive to dates?
“I legitimately mixed up the days we were getting married. Well, I almost
mixed it up. For the record, I showed up on time. But a few of our friends had just
gotten married, and all the weddings were on a Sunday. Ours was a Saturday, but
44
somehow, my brain started to subconsciously associate weddings with Sundays. I
KNEW the date, but my brain just let me keep thinking that. Luckily, when I started
getting texts about the rehearsal dinner on Friday, I pieced it all together. I was a bit
late to the rehearsal because of it, but blamed it on traffic. I think that’s way better
than the alternative, and I’ll never tell my wife.” – Sean, 28.
https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/confessions/a12499976/guys-share-weddingsecrets-confessions/
Today, it was our 12th anniversary. My husband only remembered because
family members texted to wish us a happy anniversary. When he went out to the store
to get groceries, he didn’t even buy me flowers. He’s also irritated that I “seem sad or
something”.
6. FIND OUT. We perceive the same emotions differently in men and
women. Read the following extract. Do you believe that anger is something we
more readily accept in men?
What Men and Women Do Differently and Why It Matters
One such difference is anger. Although it has a bad reputation, anger can be a
wonderful emotion. People feel angry when they, or people, property, ideas they care
about, are threatened. Anger has physical and motivational consequences: hearts beat
faster, pump blood to the extremities, and prepare us to engage in conflict. Anger is
also used expressively as a sign of strength.
It is on this last point that we see interesting sex differences. As a social
emotion, anger communicates a certain amount of dominance as well as competence.
In one series of studies researchers had participants rate faces for affiliation
(friendliness and nurturing) and dominance (potential threat). When the exact same
person’s face displayed anger they were perceived as more dominant than when they
had a happy expression (which was seen as affiliative).
Interestingly, showing anger has all sorts of social advantages: people who see
an angry expression are more likely to think that the angry person has high status, for
instance, than if that same individual displays sadness. For example, managers who
react to bad news with anger are more likely to be seen as competent than those who
sulk. Interestingly, though, the research shows that this effect only holds true for male
managers – and this is where the differences begin to emerge.
Because women’s faces, in general, are more likely to be viewed as affiliative,
they are harder for us to view when angry. In one study, researchers used biological
sensors to measure subjects’ “startle-blink” response. First, they showed participants
images of faces – some of them angry men or women – and then blared a loud and
surprising horn. Research participants were far more likely to startle after seeing an
angry male face than a similarly angry female face. It may be that people are likely to
see anger on a female face as a “mixed signal”, in which assumed affiliative qualities
bump up against assumed threatening qualities.
45
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/significant-results/201410/what-men-andwomen-do-differently-and-why-it-matters?collection=162112
7. DISCUSS. Although anger is more readily accepted in men, we hardly
expect them to openly express emotions. Do you agree? Read the story and
comment on it.
Today, while arguing with my husband, I asked him what makes him so angry.
He threw a spoon at the kitchen floor and yelled, “I AM NOT ANGRY!!!!”
Would we more readily accept such behavior on a woman’s part? Give
your reasons.
8. FIND OUT. A man’s “shutting down” stems from brain chemistry. But
is it always the case?
Men produce 20 to 30 times more testosterone than women.
Men need to replenish their testosterone levels to feel successful.
Although women and men both have testosterone, it is processed differently
when responding to stress.
When men feel successful, they have lots of testosterone. When they
experience a setback, they lose testosterone. This means they need time to replenish
their stores after a loss or failure.
This is why men tend to need space after a long, hard day. Unlike women, they
often do not immediately seek out social support or need to verbalize their thoughts.
Women might misinterpret a man’s “shutting down” as avoidance or
standoffishness, but actually they are getting their chemistry right so they can process
the issue.
https://www.scienceofpeople.com/gender-differences/
9. DISCUSS. As you already know, there is an opinion that men and
women are not that different. Here’s an article about similar behavior of men
and women in relationships. Which of these points do you consider to be
“common myths” and which ones hold true?
Myths About Men, Women, and Relationships
Research shows that we’re a lot more alike than most of us think
When it comes to the behavior of men and women in relationships, almost
everyone has an opinion – and usually, it’s about how the sexes are different. But
what does the research tell us about how men and women really behave in romantic
relationships? Often, that they’re more alike than we think, and that our common
assumptions are wrong. Let’s examine some common myths.
1. Women are more romantic than men. Since most romance novels and
romantic comedies are pitched to female audiences, this may be hard to believe, men
46
actually have a more romantic outlook on love than women do. Men are also more
likely than women to believe in the romantic notion of “love at first sight”.
2. A mate’s physical attractiveness is far more important to men than it is to
women. This myth is based on a kernel of truth: many studies have shown that when
men and women are asked which characteristics they prefer in a mate, men rate
physical appearance as more important than women do. However, closer examination
of this data reveals that both men and women think looks are important, with men
rating it somewhat higher than women.
But this data only speaks to what men and women claim they are looking for.
What does research say about the people that men and women actually choose to
date? In a classic study on interpersonal attraction, college students were randomly
matched with blind dates, and for both men and women, physical attractiveness was
the main characteristic that predicted whether or not someone was interested in a
second date. In a more recent study, researchers examined the preferences of college
students participating in a speed-dating event. Prior to their speed-dates, the students
rated how important different characteristics would be in making their selections, and
the expected gender differences emerged, with women rating physical attractiveness
as less important than men. But when the researchers examined who participants
actually chose during the event, the gender difference disappeared: both men and
women preferred physically attractive partners, with no gender difference in how
much looks influenced their choices.
So, both men and women claim to value attractiveness, and men do value it
more – but not a lot more – and examination of actual dating choices suggests that
both genders are equally enamored by looks.
3. Men and women have fundamentally different personalities and orientations
toward relationships. This myth is often perpetuated by the popular media. In his
best-selling book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, John Gray argues
that men and women are so different they might as well come from different planets.
The truth is that sex differences in most areas are relatively small, and there is much
more variation between individual people than there is between genders. There is, in
fact, a great deal of similarity in what men and women want from relationships: both
men and women rate kindness, an exciting personality, and intelligence as the three
most important characteristics in a partner, for example.
4. Men and women have fundamentally different ways of handling conflict.
Most research suggests that men and women do not differ significantly in their
responses to relationship conflict. But there is a kernel of truth to this myth: some
couples engage in a destructive “demand/withdraw” pattern of conflict, in which one
person, the demander, presses an issue and insists on discussing it, while the other
withdraws and avoids the debate. The more a demander pushes an issue, the more a
withdrawer retreats, only causing the demander to become more intent on discussing
the issue, and creating a vicious cycle that leaves both partners frustrated. And when
this pattern occurs, it is much more likely that a woman is the demander.
But even this exception may have more to do with power dynamics than
gender differences. In some studies, couples have been asked to discuss an issue in
47
their relationship. Sometimes they’ve been asked to discuss something the woman
wants to change. Other times they are asked to do the reverse. Some researchers have
discovered that the main determinant of who demands and who withdraws isn’t
gender. It’s who wants the change. When the issue under discussion is a change the
woman wants, the woman is likely to take the demander role. When the issue is one
that the man wants to change, the roles reverse.
5. Physical abuse in relationships is almost always committed by men. When
people think of a domestic violence victim, most immediately visualize a woman.
And it is true that the injuries suffered by female domestic violence victims tend to be
more serious than those suffered by male victims, and that the abuses inflicted by
men are likely to be more frequent and severe. Nonetheless, males are also frequently
the victims of domestic violence. In a recent survey of British adults, it was found
that about 40 % of domestic violence victims were male. In one national survey in the
United States, it was found that 12.1 % of women and 11.3 % of men reported that
they had committed a violent act against their spouse in the past year. Other studies
have found that women are just as likely as men to initiate violent encounters with
spouses. It’s the stereotype that men can’t be victims of domestic violence, and fears
of being stigmatized, that often discourage men from reporting abuse or seeking help.
But men are quite likely to be victims of physical abuse, even if it is less severe.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201410/6-myths-about-menwomen-and-relationships?collection=162112
10. DISCUSS. Another assumed similarity between the genders is attitude
to success. Do you agree?
She wants it all. So does he. When we talk about how men and women define
success, we often generalize: Women want balance, or to “have it all”. Men want
status, and its symbols – houses, cars, stuff. But that’s not the whole story. One recent
survey found that the ambition gap is a little narrower than previously thought. More
than half of women turned down a job due to concerns about its impact on the worklife balance. But so did more than half of men. And two-thirds of both sexes felt they
could “have it all”. Both genders, meanwhile, ranked the qualities of career success in
this order: Work-life balance, then money, and then recognition.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/our-gender-ourselves/201408/6-ways-men-andwomen-are-mostly-different
11. WORK OUT. How can one balance family life and career? Think of 3–
5 effective methods.
12. FIND OUT. Read the text and explain why too much emphasis on
gender differences can be dangerous.
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Men and Women: No Big Difference
Studies show that one’s sex has little or no bearing on personality, cognition
and leadership.
The Truth about Gender “Differences”
Mars-Venus sex differences appear to be as mythical as the Man in the Moon.
A 2005 analysis of 46 meta-analyses that were conducted during the last two decades
of the 20th century underscores that men and women are basically alike in terms of
personality, cognitive ability and leadership. Psychologist Janet Shibley Hyde, PhD,
of the University of Wisconsin in Madison, discovered that males and females from
childhood to adulthood are more alike than different on most psychological variables,
resulting in what she calls a gender similarities hypothesis. Using meta-analytical
techniques that revolutionized the study of gender differences starting in the 1980s,
she analyzed how prior research assessed the impact of gender on many
psychological traits and abilities, including cognitive abilities, verbal and nonverbal
communication, aggression, leadership, self-esteem, moral reasoning and motor
behaviors.
Hyde observed that across the dozens of studies, consistent with the gender
similarities hypothesis, gender differences had either no or a very small effect on
most of the psychological variables examined. Only a few main differences appeared:
compared with women, men could throw farther, were more physically aggressive,
and held more positive attitudes about sex in uncommitted relationships.
Furthermore, Hyde found that gender differences seem to depend on the
context in which they were measured. In studies designed to eliminate gender norms,
researchers demonstrated that gender roles and social context strongly determined a
person’s actions. For example, after participants in one experiment were told that
they would not be identified as male or female, nor did they wear any identification,
none conformed to stereotypes about their sex when given the chance to be
aggressive. In fact, they did the opposite of what would be expected – women were
more aggressive and men were more passive.
Finally, Hyde’s 2005 report looked into the developmental course of possible
gender differences – how any apparent gap may open or close over time. The analysis
presented evidence that gender differences fluctuate with age, growing smaller or
larger at different times in the life span. This fluctuation indicates again that any
differences are not stable.
Learning Gender-Difference Myths
Media depictions of men and women as fundamentally “different” appear to
perpetuate misconceptions – despite the lack of evidence. The resulting “urban
legends” of gender difference can affect men and women at work and at home, as
parents and as partners. As an example, workplace studies show that women who go
against the caring, nurturing feminine stereotype may pay dearly for it when being
hired or evaluated. And when it comes to personal relationships, best-selling books
and popular magazines often claim that women and men don’t get along because they
communicate too differently. Hyde suggests instead that men and women stop talking
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prematurely because they have been led to believe that they can’t change supposedly
“innate” sex-based traits.
Hyde has observed that children also suffer the consequences of exaggerated
claims of gender difference – for example, the widespread belief that boys are better
than girls in math. However, according to her meta-analysis, boys and girls perform
equally well in math until high school, at which point boys do gain a small advantage.
That may not reflect biology as much as social expectations, many psychologists
believe. For example, the original Teen Talk Barbie, before she was pulled from the
market after consumer protest, said, “Math class is tough.”
As a result of stereotyped thinking, mathematically talented elementary-school
girls may be overlooked by parents who have lower expectations for a daughter’s
success in math. Hyde cites prior research showing that parents’ expectations of their
children’s success in math relate strongly to the children’s self-confidence and
performance.
Moving Past Myth
Hyde and her colleagues hope that people use the consistent evidence that
males and females are basically alike to alleviate misunderstanding and correct
unequal treatment. Hyde is far from alone in her observation that the clear
misrepresentation of sex differences, given the lack of evidence, harms men and
women of all ages. In a September 2005 press release on her research issued by the
American Psychological Association (APA), she said, “The claims [of gender
difference] can hurt women’s opportunities in the workplace, dissuade couples from
trying to resolve conflict and communication problems and cause unnecessary
obstacles that hurt children and adolescents’ self-esteem.”
Psychologist Diane Halpern, PhD, a professor at Claremont College and pastpresident of the American Psychological Association, points out that even where
there are patterns of cognitive differences between males and females, “differences
are not deficiencies”. She continues, “Even when differences are found, we cannot
conclude that they are immutable because the continuous interplay of biological and
environmental influences can change the size and direction of the effects some time
in the future.”
The differences that are supported by the evidence cause concern, she believes,
because they are sometimes used to support prejudicial beliefs and discriminatory
actions against girls and women. She suggests that anyone reading about gender
differences consider whether the size of the differences are large enough to be
meaningful, recognize that biological and environmental variables interact and
influence one other, and remember that the conclusions that we accept today could
change in the future.
https://www.apa.org/research/action/difference
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Based on the issues discussed above, what conclusions have you arrived at?
1. Are male and female models of behaviour (both verbal and non-verbal)
totally different / predominantly different / not that much different / not different at
all?
2. If you think men’s behaviour is different from women’s, what accounts for
these differences – nature or nurture?
3. According to some common stereotypes, we expect men to be dominant and
competitive, right?
4. Why do we more readily accept anger in men than in women?
5. In general, men don’t express feelings and emotions openly, or do they?
6. Do you think that men are awfully forgetful and inattentive, especially to
dates (like their partner’s birthday, wedding anniversary, etc.)?
7. Can we say that some things are universal and are the same across genders,
e.g. behavior of men and women in relationships, attitude to families, career or
success, etc.?
WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO US
1. DISCUSS. Read the extract and explain whether men value friendship
or not.
She has lots of friends. He has, well, fewer. No matter how sure you are that
men spend their free time complaining about the women in their lives, science says
otherwise. Men have fewer friends than women, on average, and those friendships are
different. They confide in each other less. They don’t talk. Instead, they “do stuff” –
golf, ski, drink. Is it that men don’t want close relationships with their pals? Not at
all. One study found that when asked about what they’d like from friendships, men
are just as likely as women to list things like emotional support, ability to confide in
the person, and having someone to care for them. But they don’t always get that from
other men in real life. Many men are conditioned from an early age to believe that
friendships are “girly.” So they leave them to the girls.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/our-gender-ourselves/201408/6-ways-men-andwomen-are-mostly-different
2. FIND OUT. Ask your male acquaintances how many friends they have,
what activities they typically engage in when they are together, what they expect
from their friends, etc. (Note: the list of questions you ask can be expanded as
required.) Comment on the results of your mini-survey.
3. DISCUSS. Although men are thought to be less into “family stuff” than
women, most of them worship their fathers. Is it so?
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Every father is a hero to his son. At least when they are too small to know any
better.
Pat thinks I can do anything right now. He thinks I can make the world bend to
my will – just like Han Solo or Indiana Jones. I know that one day soon Pat will work
out that there are a few differences between Harrison Ford and his old dad. And when
he realizes that I don’t actually own a bullwhip or a light sabre, he will never look at
me in quite the same way again.
But before they grow out of it, all sons think their dad is a hero. It was a bit
different with me and my dad. Because my father really was a hero. He had a medal
to prove it and everything.
If you saw him in his garden or in his car, you would think he was just another
suburban dad. Yet in a drawer of the living room of the pebble-dashed semi where I
grew up there was a Distinguished Service Medal that he had worn during the war. I
spent my childhood pretending to be a hero. My dad was the real thing.
T. Parsons. Man and Boy
4. DISCUSS. Here’s what men consider important in a woman. Which of
the opinions expressed below do you agree with?
The Top 12 Qualities Men Want in a Woman
In a society where commitment seems to be a thing of the past, what qualities
do men look for in a woman?
She is family and/or friend oriented
Before I get heat from people who say that not everyone is close to their family
and that doesn’t make them a bad person or whatever – that goes without saying.
Let’s keep in mind that I speak from my own perspective and to me, a woman who
values both her and my family is important when considering a long term future. Of
course, no one should be penalized for coming from an abusive family. But the
ability to make strong, healthy connections with others is critical.
She is kindhearted
I’m not quite sure how to explain this one. I feel like just the word
“kindhearted” in itself gets the point across. A woman who is thoughtful. Loving.
Caring. Who does small things for you for no other reason that she loves you (as you
do for her). A woman who, when she smiles at you, gives you no choice but to smile
back. A woman who radiates warmth from her heart. That is a woman a man would
want to marry.
She is intellectually challenging
There is no denying that someone’s looks are what initially draws us to them.
It’s difficult to spot a great personality from across the room. Many a fling was built
on physical attraction alone, but how long can it last?
When conversations lack depth or intrigue, we often fill our time with physical
activity together, but it is impossible to build a real connection or lasting relationship
with someone on that alone. Being intellectually challenging and having the ability to
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hold real discussions about meaningful topics, will always trump shallow beauty in
the long run.
She is understanding and empathetic
Being compassionate, supportive, and encouraging towards your partner is a
huge part of building a successful relationship. Nobody wants a person who is a
“Debbie Downer” all the time and will not support them in their endeavors or their
times of need. Life is full of challenges that any couple will face together, particularly
a married couple. Sometimes men need a shoulder to cry on, too.
She is ambitious
In addition to supporting and encouraging you pursuing your own goals and
dreams, she will have her own as well. A mature woman has a vision for her future
and chases after it with voracity. It doesn’t have to be a career, just something your
partner is passionate about.
A mature woman will be someone you can take on the world with. A teammate
in your relationship – and in life.
She is consistent
Being consistent is a valuable virtue because it lets your partner know that you
really are who you are. You haven’t sent your “representative” to get to know them
during the first couple of months of dating, but then suddenly transform once they’ve
committed themselves to you.
To clarify the point, think of consistency as the opposite of volatility. If
someone is unpredictable and volatile, it’s difficult to know how they will be acting
towards you on a certain day, and that gets old no matter how aesthetically pleasing
she is.
She is willing to put in effort for you
I am all about giving in relationships. I believe seeing your significant other
happy should also make you happy – but it is important to understand that it goes
both ways.
Her putting in effort doesn’t have to be much. It can be something as simple as
slipping the waiter her debit card to pay for dinner. It’s no secret that sometimes the
romance wears off of longer term relationships, but you shouldn’t let it – and neither
should she.
If a woman continues to do what she knows attracted you in the first place,
even after she got you a long time ago, it shows she cares about keeping you around.
She holds similar values as you
This is often an extension of the family-oriented point in the beginning,
because many times our value system comes from our upbringing. The things we find
important (or not), the things we believe in strongly (or not), the way we treat others,
and ourselves. It doesn’t matter how attracted you are to someone or even how well
you get along, if your values don’t align, you will always be clashing in the long
term.
She is friendly and sociable
I know, at least for me, I enjoy being social and I love having my girlfriend by
my side. So, naturally, we will find ourselves together out at events or even just
53
bumping into people at a restaurant or bar. No man wants to be worried about the
attitude his girlfriend or wife is going to give to the friend he is trying to introduce
her to. He doesn’t want her to turn up her nose or be short with them – it is important
that as his teammate in life, she is his teammate in all areas of life.
Of course, needless to say, he should possess the same qualities and extend the
same courtesy to her friends, family, coworkers, and anyone else in her life he gets
introduced to.
She has a sense of humor
We know how important it is to women for the man in their life to have a
generally good sense of humor, but I’d argue it’s equally as important in the other
direction as well. Particularly if a man has a great sense of humor, it will be lost on a
woman who is too dry or stiff. Furthermore, it could cause tension if he is often funny
and joking, and she is always serious and becomes annoyed with his lighter
personality.
It is important for a couple to be able to be playful and joke around with each
other. It helps lighten the mood, makes extended periods of time together more fun,
and laughing together never gets old.
She is loving and affectionate
This is more of a bonus point. It may not need to be said, because a few of the
points above just direct back to someone being loving in general, anyway. But, I
think it’s important to state just the same.
For me, affection is important. Holding hands, hugs, just being physically close
together. It symbolizes a connection. It’s a warm, loving feeling, and I would have a
hard time building a long-term relationship with a woman who shrugs off your arm
when you put it around her or always feels “separate” from me.
The qualities she is looking for are the ones you have
Needless to say, every man likely has a different “checklist” for what he is
looking for in the woman that he would consider potentially. But don’t forget, for a
partnership to work, both people have to see value in the other person. It’s not all
about your wants and desires.
https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-top-12-qualities-men-want-in-a-womandg/
Exclusive! Dating Tips from Sexy NFL Stars
Pro athletes reveal their pet peeves and how to get a second date
By Chr. Griffin
Cosmo got the hottest football players out there to reveal what turns them on,
their dating pet peeves, and how to land a second date. Check ’em out... and get ready
to score.
1. – What’s something a woman might say that you’d like to hear?
– “You don't have to pay for that.” Kidding. I would always be a gentleman
and take care of the bill, of course... but really, it’s always nice to hear a woman say,
“Thank you.” Those two words go a long way.
54
2. – What’s something a woman can do on a first date to guarantee a second
one?
– Good communication is the key to keeping my interest. Every man notices a
woman’s looks first, but a beautiful mind and great conversation is what intrigues me.
3. – What is something a woman can do on a first date that would guarantee a
second one?
– She can show that she has an authentic personality and have a good, genuine
conversation with me. Also, I love sexy lips. I hate bad breath and bad attitudes.
4. – What do you love to see a woman wear on a date?
– I have to side with Taylor Swift and go with a T-shirt and sneakers. Oh and a
pair of jeans as well.
5. – What’s a dating pet peeve you have?
– A pet peeve of mine is when a woman acts like she’s not as hungry as she
really is and all she orders is a salad. I’m like, “Baby, please eat!”
6. – What’s something a woman might say that would turn you off?
– If she said she doesn’t like men who play video games, that would be a
problem. I’m a video game fanatic!
7. – What’s something a woman might say that would turn you off?
– “I had garlic for lunch.”
8. – What’s a piece of dating advice you wish women knew?
– Call me so you know where I am, follow me to see if I’m doing what I say
I’m doing, hire a private investigator... but whatever you do, do not snoop through
my e-mail or cell phone!
9. – What’s something a woman might say that would turn you off?
– “Do you mind if I have a cigarette?” I’ve never been into girls who smoke.
10. – What is something that women don’t know about men?
– When we act like we aren’t listening, we really are. We hear everything you
have said, but most likely just don’t want to address it or answer your questions. But
ladies, we do hear you. We hear everything.
https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/g950/dating-tips-from-footballplayers/?slide=1
5. DISCUSS. Some men are not romantic at all. Neither are they good at
making up excuses. Comment on the story. Did the man’s reply sound
convincing?
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate
Valentine’s Day because it was a “capitalistic consumerism holiday”. He works in a
bank and helps “capitalistic consumerism” 364 days a year.
6. FIND OUT. What is the most ridiculous excuse you have heard on
behalf of a man? And on behalf of a woman?
7. WORK OUT. Let’s try to solve the “I don’t want to do this” problem
and think of a good excuse to skip a task. Imagine that: a) your interlocutor is a
55
woman; b) your interlocutor is a man. Will you provide a different excuse for
the same task in either case?
8. DISCUSS. We tend to believe it is women who fuss about their age. Is it
really so? Read the following extract and share your ideas.
Some situations to avoid when preparing for your all-important, finally-I-amfully-grown thirtieth birthday.
Having a one night stand with a colleague from work.
The rash purchase of luxury items you can’t afford.
Being left by your wife.
Losing your job.
Suddenly becoming a single parent.
If you are coming up to thirty, whatever you do, don’t do any of that.
Thirty should be when you think – these are my golden years, these are my
salad days, the best is yet to come – and all that old crap.
You are still young enough to stay up all night, but you are old enough to have
a credit card. All the uncertainties and poverty of your teens and twenties are finally
over – and good riddance to the lot of them – but the sap is still rising.
Thirty should be a good birthday. One of the best.
But how to celebrate reaching the big three-oh? With a collection of laughing
single friends in some intimate bar or restaurant? Or surrounded by a loving wife and
adoring small children in the bosom of the family home? There has to be a good way
of turning thirty. Perhaps they are all good ways.
All my images of this particular birthday seemed derived from some glossy
American sitcom. When I thought of turning thirty, I thought of attractive thirtynothing marrieds fooling around like teens in heat while in the background a gurgling
baby crawls across some polished parquet floor, or I saw a circle of good-looking,
wisecracking friends drinking latte and showing off their impressive knitwear while
wryly bemoaning the dating game. That was my problem. When I thought of turning
thirty, I thought of somebody else’s life.
But that’s what thirty should be – grown-up without being disappointed, settled
without being complacent, worldly wise but not so worldly wise that you feel like
chucking yourself under a train. The time of your life.
By thirty you have finally realized that you are not going to live forever, of
course. But surely that should only make the laughing, latte-drinking present taste
even sweeter? You shouldn’t let your inevitable death put a damper on things. Don’t
let the long, slow slide to the grave get in the way of a good time.
Whether you are enjoying the last few years of unmarried freedom or you have
recently moved on to a more adult, more committed way of life with someone you
love, it’s difficult to imagine a truly awful way of turning thirty.
But I managed to find one somehow.
The car smelled like somebody else’s life. Like freedom.
56
It was parked right in the window of the showroom, a wedge-shaped sports car
that, even with its top off, looked as sleek and compact as a muscle.
Naturally it was red – a corny, testosterone-stuffed red. When I was a little bit
younger, such blatant macho corn would have made me sneer, or snigger, or puke, or
all of the above.
But now I found that it didn’t bother me at all. A bit of testosterone-stuffed
corn seemed to be just what I was looking for at this stage of my life.
I’m not really the kind of man who knows what cars are called, but I had made
it my business – furtively lingering over the ads in glossy magazines – to find out the
handle of this particular hot little number. Yes, it’s true. Our eyes had met before.
But its name didn’t really matter. I just loved the way it looked. And that smell.
Above all, that smell. That anything-can-happen smell. What was it about that smell?
Among the perfume of leather, rubber and all those yards of freshly sprayed
steel, you could smell a heartbreaking newness, a newness so shocking that it almost
overwhelmed me. This newness intimated another world that was limitless and free,
an open road leading to all the unruined days of the future. Somewhere they had
never heard of traffic cones or physical decay or my thirtieth birthday.
I knew that smell from somewhere and I recognized the way it made me feel.
Funny enough, it reminded me of that feeling you get when you hold a new born
baby.
The analogy was far from perfect – the car couldn’t squint up at me with eyes
that had just started to see or grasp one of my fingers in a tiny, tiny fist or give me a
gummy little smile. But for a moment there it felt like it just might.
“You only live once,” the car salesman said, his heels clicking across the
showroom floor.
I smiled politely, indicating that I would have to think that one over.
“Are you in the market for some serious fun?” he said. “Because if the MGF is
about one thing, it’s about fun.”
While he gave me his standard sales pitch, he was sizing me up, trying to
decide if I was worth a test drive.
He was pushy, but not so pushy that it made your flesh crawl. He was just
doing his job. And despite my weekend clothes – which because of the nature of my
work were not really so different from my week clothes – he must have seen a man of
substance. A fast-track career looking for some matching wheels. Young, free and
single. A life as carefree as a lager commercial. How wrong can you be?
“This model has the Variable Valve Control system,” he said with what
seemed like genuine enthusiasm. “The opening period of the inlet valves can be
varied by altering the rotational speed of each cam lobe.”
What the fuck was he going on about? Was it something to do with the engine?
“A total babe magnet,” he said, noting my dumbfounded expression. “Plenty of
poke. A young single guy couldn’t do any better than the MGF.”
This was my kind of sales pitch. Forget the technical guff, just tell me that you
can lose yourself in a car like this. Let me know you can lose yourself. That’s what I
wanted to hear.
57
The salesman was distracted by something on the street, and I followed his
gaze out of the showroom’s plate glass wall.
He was looking at a tall blond woman holding the hand of a small boy wearing
a Star Wars T-shirt. They were surrounded by bags of supermarket shopping. And
they were watching us.
Even framed by all those plastic carrier bags and chaperoning a little kid, the
woman was the kind that you look at more than once.
What you noticed about her child– and he was certainly her child– is that he
was carrying a long, plastic tube with a dull light glowing faintly inside.
If you had been to the cinema at any time over the last twenty years, you would
recognize it as a light saber, traditional weapon of the Jedi Knights. This one needed
new batteries.
The beautiful woman was smiling at me and the salesman. The little kid
pointed his light saber, as if about to strike us down.
“Daddy,” he mouthed from the other side of the plate glass wall that divided
us. You couldn’t hear him but that’s what he was saying.
“My wife and son,” I said, turning away, but not before I caught the
disappointment in the salesman’s eyes. “Got to go.”
Daddy. That’s me. Daddy.
“You don’t even like cars,” my wife reminded me, edging our old VW station
wagon through the thick early evening traffic.
“Just looking.”
“And you’re too young for a midlife crisis,” she said. “Thirty is much too
young, Harry. The way it works, you wait for fifteen years and then run off with a
secretary who’s young enough to be your second wife. And I cut off the sleeves of all
your suits. Not to mention your bollocks.”
“I’m not thirty, Gina,” I chuckled, although it wasn’t really all that funny. She
was always exaggerating. “I’m twenty-nine.”
“For one more month!” she laughed.
“It’s your birthday soon,” our boy said, laughing along with his mother…
Gina was a couple of months older than me. She had breezed through her
thirtieth birthday surrounded by friends and family, dancing with her son to Wham’s
greatest hits, a glass of champagne in her hand. She looked great that night, she really
did. But clearly my own birthday was going to be a bit more traumatic.
T. Parsons. Man and Boy
9. DISCUSS. Men are believed to worship cars. Read the following text.
How are cars described? What details are mentioned?
You Are Now Browsing Dream-Car Heaven
By J. Wilde
How a cultish community of car nuts called Bring a Trailer is changing
everything about the vintage-auto marketplace – and becoming our favorite new
place to burn time online.
58
The clock is counting down and I’m smashing the refresh button, desperate to
know who will win the prize at stake: a fire-truck red 1970 Jeep Grand Wagoneer,
jacked up like Dwayne Johnson and impossible to miss. Over the past six days the
seller has been pelted with questions from a multitude of commenters on
bringatrailer.com, the online auction site whose constantly changing inventory of
automobiles – ranging from legendary to cultish to endearingly WTF – has made it a
car-geek buffet piled high with air-cooled Porsche 911s and mint ‘80s BMWs.
See, some of the people following the auction own this same model, they know
everything about it, and while they aren’t saying there’s some bullshit afoot with the
suspension, they’re not not saying that, either. Also, FYI, one commenter knows a
guy on eBay who makes carbon copies of the original gas pedal, if whoever wins the
auction wants to get it back to stock. And here, during the final two minutes, the
bidding is flying hot and heavy out in the open, in the comments section, as the
seconds pass – $12,250, then $13,750, then $15,500.
We can all agree that the Internet sucks, except when it doesn’t, which is when
it fulfills its highest purpose: uniting a splayed community of like-minded obsessives
in a single safe and unselfconscious corner. One of those gleaming pockets of Good
Internet, for me and hundreds of thousands of car nerds like me, is Bring a Trailer
(shortened to BaT by the locals).
Sellers have to pitch their cars to be included on Bring a Trailer, which rejects
more than half of the submissions it receives. Which is why all the cars that make it
through are special, in the broadest, most exuberant sense: they are iconic (a 1977
Ferrari 308 GTB in Fly Yellow), or they are on trend (Toyota Land Cruisers). Or they
are unloved but maybe worthy of love once more (any Porsche 911 996 with the
fried-egg headlights). Or they’re esoteric (a stunning 2008 C8 Spyder from Spyker),
or nostalgic (you can find a Mercedes SL for all ages), or completely mundane and
middle-aged, yet jaw-droppingly pristine. This version of special may be my favorite.
I don’t know what I want more: the 1992 Toyota pickup (no model name!) with only
104,000 miles and extremely ‘90s graphics on the sides, or a beer with the
Washington State guy who owned and babied it for 28 years. Bring a Trailer turns
every car auction into a full-blown pageant, and many of the entries are affordable, in
the four and low-five figures.
https://www.gq.com/story/bring-a-trailer-is-dream-car-heaven
10. WORK OUT. Ask some male friends of yours to describe their dream
car. Compare different answers and “draw a portrait” of an ideal car, i.e.
enumerate its relevant characteristics.
11. CREATE. Design an effective car advertisement targeted at men.
12. FIND OUT. Ask some male acquaintances of yours what celebrities
they admire and why. Are these actors, singers, sportsmen, politicians, etc.?
What do men pay attention to in the first place – the celebs’ traits of character,
achievements, looks or smth. else? Ask some female acquaintances the same
questions. Compare the answers and draw conclusions.
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13. DISCUSS. Read the following article excerpt. Do you agree with the
author’s opinion about the actor’s achievements? What is especially important
for the author?
Heart of an Assassin: How Daniel Craig Changed James Bond Forever
By S. Knight
For our money, he’s the best Bond yet – a searching soulful actor who
managed to turn the campy secret agent into a three-dimensional character. Now as
the world gears up for Daniel Craig’s final film as 007 nears, he offers some rare
reflection on the franchise he redefined and the icon he reimagined.
Shortly before midnight, on a damp Friday last October, Daniel Craig shot his
last scene as James Bond. It was a chase sequence, outside, on the back lot of
Pinewood Studios, just west of London. The set was a Havana streetscape – Cadillacs
and neon. The scene would have been filmed in the Caribbean in the spring, if Craig
hadn’t ruptured his ankle ligaments and had to undergo surgery. He was 37 and blond
when he was cast as the world’s most famous spy, in 2005. He is 52 now, his hair is
dirty gray, and he feels twinges of arthritis. “You get tighter and tighter,” Craig told
me recently. “And then you just don’t bounce.”
So there he was, being chased down a faked-up Cuban alleyway in England on
a dank autumnal night. He was being paid a reported $25 million. It was what it was.
Every Bond shoot is its own version of chaos, and the making of No Time To Die,
Craig’s fifth and final film in the role, was no different. The first director, Danny
Boyle, quit. Craig got injured. A set exploded. “It feels like how the f*** are we
going to do this?” Craig said. “And somehow you do.” And that was before a novel
virus swept the globe, delaying the movie’s April release by seven months, to
November.
About 300 people were working on the final stretch of filming at Pinewood,
and everyone was pretty fried. The director, Cary Fukunaga, had shot the movie’s
ending – the true farewell to Craig’s Bond – a few weeks earlier. The last days were
about collecting scenes that had gotten lost or were flubbed in the previous,
exhausting seven months. It was just an accident of the schedule that in his very final
frames as Bond – a cinematic archetype that Craig transformed for the first time since
the ’60s – he was in a tuxedo, disappearing into the night. The cameras rolled and
Craig ran. That bulky, desperate run. “There was smoke,” he said. “And it was like,
‘Bye. See you… I’m checking out.’ ”
Craig isn’t the type to linger on moments like these. For the most part, he
blocks them out. “You can ignore these things in life or you can sort of… It’s like
family history, isn’t it?” he told me. “The story kind of gets bigger and bigger. I feel a
bit like that with movie sets: this legend builds up.” Bond is fraught with legends
already. More men have walked on the moon than have played the part, and Craig has
been Bond for the longest of all – 14 years. (Sean Connery did two comeback gigs,
but his main spell lasted only five.) The films are also, insanely, a family business,
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which only intensifies the sense of folklore. Albert “Cubby” Broccoli made Dr. No,
the first film in the franchise, in 1962. Fifty-eight years and 25 movies later, the
producers are his daughter Barbara Broccoli and stepson, Michael G. Wilson, who
began his Bond career on the set of Goldfinger, in 1964.
The films go toe to toe with Marvel: Craig’s Skyfall did around the same box
office, $1.1 billion, as Iron Man 3. At the same time, they are weirdly artisanal,
bound by tradition, a certain way of doing things. The offices of Eon Productions,
which makes the movies, are a short walk from Buckingham Palace. The theme tune
hasn’t changed for half a century. The stunts are largely real. The scripts are a
nightmare. There is a slightly demonic, British conviction that it will all work out in
the end. “There has always been an element that Bond has been on the wing and a
prayer,” Sam Mendes, who directed two of Craig’s 007 movies, told me. “It is not a
particularly healthy way to work.” Reckoning with any of this doesn’t actually help if
you’re the frontman. Craig has spent a lot of his time as James Bond trying not to
think at all. While making No Time To Die, he taped some interviews with Broccoli
and Wilson about his years in the role. There was a lot that he simply couldn’t
remember. “Stop f***ing thinking and just f***ing act,” Craig said once, like it was
an incantation. “It’s almost that. Because so many things are going on in your head. I
mean, if you start thinking… that’s it. You’ve got to sort of forget. You’ve got to
leave your ego.”
https://www.gq.com/story/daniel-craig-james-bond-no-time-to-die-cover-2020
14. FIND OUT. If it were an article written for a women’s magazine, in
what way would it be different? Find examples of articles about celebs (you may
even choose the same actor) and compare.
Based on the issues discussed above, what conclusions have you arrived at?
1. Do you share the opinion that men are not into family issues?
2. Men’s friendship differs from women’s friendship a lot, doesn’t it?
3. What does an average man consider important in a woman?
4. Men don’t care about their looks, neither do they care about their age. Right?
5. Men simply adore big and expensive toys such as cars, don’t they?
6. What celebrities do men choose as their role models and why?
HOW WE SPEAK ABOUT THAT
1. FIND OUT. Observe conversations in a male group, a female group and
a mixed group. Pay special attention to the use of language in each case. What
conclusions can you draw?
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2. FIND OUT. Here are some facts about the way men speak. Read the
extracts and enumerate the hallmarks of men’s speech. Do you observe these
features in everyday life?
Top 5 Characteristics of Men-Talk
1. Men tend to have more attention on displaying their skill, knowledge or
humor, especially in group situations. This trait is well evidenced from studies of
young boys and girls in school classrooms, and extends into adult life.
2. When they hear a complaint, men are likely to see it as a challenge to give
their advice or find a solution. While they think they are being helpful, women will
see this as mansplaining.
3. As they walk away from a conversation, men are inclined to wonder whether
it’s put them in a “one-up” position, whereas women will question the impact of the
conversation on their sense of connection. This is the conclusion of Deborah Tannen,
professor of linguistics at Georgetown University, after three decades of research.
4. While women use more pronouns such as “I”, “you” and “we”, men tend to
use more articles such as “a” and “the”, in reference to objects and things.
5. Men are more prone to interrupting a speaker or challenging a comment than
women. They use more mechanisms for influencing or controlling the topic of a
conversation, in line with their goals or objectives.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/blamestorming/201612/5-ways-men-andwomen-talk-differently
Men and women communicate differently. They may use the same words, but
they place different connotations and emotional emphasis on them. This gender
difference often leads to misunderstanding and can unintentionally hurt each other’s
feelings.
One of the major differences in how men and women communicate is in their
emphasis on task vs. relationship. Men primarily are task-oriented. They
communicate to convey information, to solve a problem or to get things done. They
use fewer words to get to the point and appear more competent to other men. Each
point is essential and in a linear sequence to form a logical conclusion. This quality
presents men to women as impersonal and insensitive, thus risking losing the trust of
women in working with them.
Women, on the other hand, communicate to build and maintain relationships,
and also as a means to generate and share creative ideas. They need to talk about the
job before working, to feel assured they have the facts right before assuming
responsibility.
This quality presents women to men as incapable of doing the job right, thus
risking losing the respect of men in the course of working together.
https://www.streetdirectory.com/travel_guide/191458/communications/men_speak_from_th
eir_minds_while_women_speak_from_their_hearts.html
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Men’s speech is aimed to achieve and maintain an independence, as well as
high status. Men are less likely to criticize, but often tempted to resort to irony and
authority. The representatives of the stronger sex use language that expresses less
uncertainty and doubt, and the result is the impression of a more self-confident
person. A man’s language includes an abundance of terms because of their desire to
be accurate through the use of professional vocabulary. Also, a man’s speech
includes an abundant use of introductory words, especially relevant detections such
as “it is obvious” and “of course”. Furthermore, newspaper and journalistic cliché, as
well as swear words as input are dominant.
https://www.languageconnections.com/blog/do-men-and-women-speak-different-languages/
3. DISCUSS. Read the article and explain why it is difficult for women to
understand “Menglish”. Is it a matter of language only?
How to Speak “Menglish” – the Language “Only Men” Understand
By R. Holman
Scientists have cracked it! Men and women don’t understand each other
because he speaks “menglish”, a report reveals. A sceptical Rebecca Holman tries to
learn a new language.
Trouble attracting a man? Do you find yourself inexplicably single while less
attractive friends snap up men all around you? Fear not, for now we have a solution –
you simply need to become more magnetic and learn Menglish.
Menglish, for the uninitiated, is a same-but-different language that only men
speak. It looks and sounds exactly the same as normal (women’s) English, but words
and phrases have entirely different subtle meanings, thus leading to catastrophic
(CATASTROPHIC!) communication issues between the sexes.
But don’t worry, international love and relationship expert (actual job title)
Julie-Anne Shapiro is an expert on menglish, has just sent me a highly illuminating
press release translating what men are REALLY saying for us. Because men are from
Mars and women are from Venus – AND WE’RE SPEAKING COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT LANGUAGES.
“Do you ever think that you and your man are from different planets? Does it
seem as though you speak completely different languages?” The press release (and I
presume Julie-Anne) ask in what turn out to be a pair of entirely rhetorical questions.
“You do! Men and women actually have their own unique languages. But you
can learn how to approach and respond to your man in a whole new way that will
bring you into synch, and bring you closer together.”
Great! I thought, I can finally discover why, when I say to a man: “I really like
you, and I think we should consider making our relationship more serious,” he
understands that to mean: “I would like you to have sex with me one more time,
before disappearing into the night, never to be seen again. I would also potentially
like you to steal some of my underwear as a parting memento.”
However, I was to be disappointed. The examples in the press release were of
the classic 90s self-help-book variety – women who want to rant about their bad day
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at work, while their misguided blokes try and find a solution – or women who try and
draw their preoccupied men into in-depth conversations about their feelings when all
they want to do is eat their dinner and watch the football (I’m paraphrasing slightly,
but you get the idea).
Each example had a common theme – women trying to mistakenly force their
emotionally simple, dunce-headed men to display a bit of emotional depth, and
failing, because as everyone knows, women are empathetic communicators, men are
overly literal problem solvers. We’re different species who can’t possibly negotiate
normal conversations without external help and a full glossary of phrases to help us
translate what’s going on.
And it’s not just the way you speak to your man (and presumably male
relatives, male friends, male colleagues and men you walk past in the park) that’s the
problem – it’s also the way you treat him. But don’t panic, if you’re not a natural
sycophant, Julie-Anne has some more tips for you. “Men are natural providers, so let
him know specifically what his actions provided or will provide for you. For
example: ‘When you hug me and stroke my hair I feel totally safe and loved.’ ”
And then this fantastic piece of advice for misguided feminists everywhere: “A
man loves a receptive woman so allow him to carry your suitcase, open a door for
you or run your bath. Receive his help gracefully – he wants to treat you like his
queen and make you happy!”
This press release has left me incoherent with rage – there’s a tiny grain of
truth in it – enough that it doesn’t sound like total jibberish, but it reads like a pocket
guide for women with no self-esteem. Don’t upset the apple cart by telling him what
you’re actually thinking, or he might leave you. Don’t let him labour under the
misapprehension that you’re an independent woman who won’t fall apart were he to
leave you – he’ll fall unappreciated and…probably leave you. Supplant your needs,
hopes, fears and dreams for his, and everything will be fine.
The “how to attract a man” self-help books, guides and press releases are a
dangerous genre, and until I’d read this, I thought they’d been resigned to the badtaste bin. But a quick visit to the newsagents and a trawl through the Internet
confirms that we’re all still being told how to please our man (or any man for that
matter), even if the corresponding cover lines have moved on a bit (but not much).
And the basic conversation hasn’t changed one iota. If we want to be lucky
enough to attract one of these sought-after man creatures, than we must work harder.
If we don’t, there will always be another woman out there who will please him more.
We must be lithe and fit, but never stronger or fitter than him. We must be
spectacular in bed, but not so spectacular that we might have once been a slut. We
must enjoy drinking, and be fun, and make his friends jealous of how fun and easy
going we are, but never be a bad drunk and cry or be sick. We must need him without
being needy, support him without being too independent, and we must never betray
the fact of life that it’s possible that our life might be better without him.
And if we don’t do all these things – if we don’t Please Our Man? Well then
we’ll end up alone, which, as everyone knows, is THE WORST.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/10608094/How-to-speak-Menglish-thelanguage-only-men-understand.html
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4. DISCUSS. Read the following tips that are meant to help you “speak
like a man”. Do they hold true for you?
Pay attention to how you speak. Working on these important communication
techniques will make you more attractive to women.
1. Women hedge their statements more frequently, using more tentative
language such as “I think”, “pretty much”, “somewhat”, “I think”, and “you know”.
Don’t do this. Dominant men communicate with confidence rather than establish
doubt in what they’re saying. Just be sure you’re not making false claims which will
make you sound like an idiot.
2. Women give each other compliments as a way of connecting socially. When
a woman says to another woman “I like your dress”, the communication goes much
deeper than the dress. What the language ALSO conveys is that the women are of
equal status, socially respect each other, and it is an invitation for further
conversation. The surface level conversation about the dress has more important
subtexts to it. The takeaway is to be careful with compliments because they can make
you seem supplicative.
3. Men end their sentences with a downward inflection, while women end their
sentences with an upward inflection. Ending your sentences with an upward
inflection makes you sound unsure of yourself and compromises your confidence.
4. Men speak with a more monotone vocal inflection. There is a sweet spot
here as being too monotone can makes you seem robotic, but too much rising and
falling inflection makes you look feminine. Studies have shown that men who speak
in more monotone voices are more attractive to women.
5. Masculine speech is more direct. Women use more adverbs to modify their
speech. Women use more flowery language to communicate, while men are direct
and to the point. You should be communicating with strong images rather than rich
language.
6. Men speak slower than women. Don’t speak rapidly. Most people talk too
fast, and this is making you seem more feminine.
7. Women use personal language and discuss their emotions more. Context is
important on this one, as there are times when it is necessary to convey emotion, but
keep in mind that doing so is part of a feminine communication style and can easily
be overdone.
https://innerconfidence.com/speak-like-man/
5. FIND OUT. Are you a good interpreter? Translate the following
examples of men’s language into women’s language, then check the answers.
1. “I am going to David’s place tonight!”
2. “How is your mom?”
3. “Honey, do we have beer?”
4. “I need to fix something in our garage.”
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A N S W E R S (Translation for women)
1. “I will be late, probably a little drunk, but I’ve warned you.”
2. “Your mom is not going to stay with us, right?”
3. “Today will be a day dedicated to football, and I will be inviting a bunch of
my buddies over.”
4. “Stop bothering me!”
https://www.languageconnections.com/blog/do-men-and-women-speak-different-languages/
6. DISCUSS. Read the article and comment on how the differences in
men’s and women’s language are manifested in working environment.
Are We Speaking a Different Language?
Men and Women’s Communication Blind Spots
By L. Evans
Are men really from Mars? The author of the famous relationship guide
interviewed 100,000 male and female executives to study how gender plays a role in
workplace communication.
The idea that men and women speak a different language is well-worn in
regards to personal relationships, but John Gray, author of the famous relationship
guide Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus says the same communication
difficulties we struggle with in our personal lives also play out in the office. He,
along with gender intelligence specialist Barbara Annis, conducted over 100,000
interviews with male and female executives and coauthored Work With Me to
highlight the blind spots in workplace communication that create conflict between the
sexes.
They argue there are innate differences between how men and women respond
to situations in the workplace and understanding what they are and why they exist
can not only facilitate better communication but result in a happier and more
productive working environment.
Men think women ask too many questions
Seventy-two percent of men Gray and Annis surveyed said women ask too
many questions. Some men felt these questions slowed down progress and delayed
decision-making, while others felt questions were a sign that a female boss was being
too controlling or critical.
Women admitted to asking questions but felt their questions were their best
contribution, needed to stimulate an exchange of ideas, to build consensus, show
concern for others and help arrive at the best possible outcome. Understanding the
motivation and finding value the questions rather than be annoyed by them can help
to facilitate better communication between the genders and create a more balanced
workplace.
Women don’t feel included and men just keep talking
While over 50 % of women surveyed said they didn’t feel included in the
workplace – whether in business social events, casual meetings or conversations –
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90 % of men surveyed felt women had equal opportunities and didn’t feel they
excluded women.
So, who is correct? Both, it turns out.
Gray offers an example of a meeting in which men are constantly interrupting
each other and throwing their ideas on the table while the women in the room are
silent. “The men will just ignore her [because] they assume that she has nothing to
say,” says Gray. The woman at the table then feels that the men in the room don’t
care what she has to say. What men don’t realize, says Gray, is that women like to be
invited into the conversation.
“When women get together, if someone is not talking [women will tend to say]
let me see what she’s thinking,” says Gray. These opposite reactions, he says, are a
result of our biochemical differences. “One of the symptoms of high testosterone is
once it gets revved up there’s a faster reaction time so men are jumping in there,
reacting very quickly,” he says.
Women, he says, have higher levels of oxytocin (or what Gray dubs the “we”
hormone) and like to be inclusive. Men who ask, “What do you think, Sally?” can
help women feel included in the discussion, while Gray says women can take the
initiative themselves.
Men like to receive individual acknowledgment, women like to be seen as part
of a team
The way men and women feel and show appreciation in the workplace also
differs. While men want their individual results to be acknowledged – “John did a
great job on that report” – women tend to share the praise and like to be
acknowledged as part of a team. When a woman is credited for a task – “Great job on
landing that key client, Sarah” – she will most often share the spotlight – “I couldn’t
have done it without Kate’s help.”
Gray argues we owe this difference to our two opposite hormones again:
oxytocin and testosterone. Women have higher levels of oxytocin, the hormone that
promotes a feeling of connectedness – as in “we did this together”, “I have a team
that supports me”. Men, on the other hand, experience a tremendous release of
testosterone when they take credit for something, so naturally want to be the stars of
the show.
Men seek recluse to solve a problem, women seek companionship
The ways in which men and women solve problems is also linked to these
favorite hormones: oxytocin and testosterone. “The stress reaction when a man is
challenged by a problem [is] to withdraw. This is a man’s reaction to rising
testosterone levels to meet a challenge,” says Gray.
Women, on the other hand, seek support to solve a problem to engage their
“we” hormone (oxytocin), which explains why women can misinterpret men’s
shutting out as appearing not to care, or brushing off the problem.
Managing communication conflict between the sexes
Facilitating better connection between the sexes doesn’t mean that men need to
completely change their behaviors or that women need to change, but in order to
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improve communication and have a more harmonious work environment, we each
have to work harder to understand and respect our differences.
“The real issue [in workplace conflict] is lack of gender intelligence. We need
to appreciate and respect the differences between men and women, to anticipate them
and respond appropriately to them,” says Gray.
https://www.fastcompany.com/3031631/are-we-speaking-a-different-language-men-andwomens-communication-blind-s
7. WORK OUT. Think of 5–10 ways of how to develop your “gender
intelligence”.
8. CREATE. Write an article for a psychological magazine named “It’s
not about a different language. It’s all about different hormones.”
9. DISCUSS. Read the text and explain how differently men and women
speak on Facebook. Does this trend change over time?
Ten million status updates from tens of thousands of Facebook users seem to
confirm it: men and women do speak a different language.
A team of computer scientists and psychologists analyzed two years’ worth of
status updates to try to discern the differences in how men and women express
themselves. In the first study, the team looked at groups of semantically similar
words (known as “topics”) across 10 million status updates from more than 52,000
users. They found that the language used more by women was “interpersonally
warmer, more compassionate and polite”, whereas that used more by men was
“colder, more hostile, and impersonal”.
The topics most strongly linked to women included words that had positive
connotations, such as “excited” and “happy”, and social relationships, such as
“friends” or “family”. The words more frequently used by men included those related
to politics, such as “tax” or “political”, and sports or competition, such as “football”
or “battle”.
In the second study, the team used a sample of more than 15,000 Facebook
users and plotted the male- and female-associated topics in relation to two
interpersonal dimensions: affiliation (language that included more statements of
support and understanding) and assertiveness (such as criticisms, imperative
statements or disagreements).
Compared to past research, the authors noticed that there was a similar level of
assertiveness between men and women. They explain that male participants were
more likely to use language that was “both highly assertive and colder (e.g.,
swearing, criticism, controversial topics), while women were more likely to use
language that was highly assertive but also warmer (e.g., expressions of positive
emotion and warmth towards others).”
The researchers aren’t certain why this occurred. “Women are becoming more
assertive in nature. This would align with the social trend of more women in the
workplace and in leadership positions”. It could also be a characteristic of Facebook
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itself. “People are ‘friends’, which is an equalizer. There are no hierarchical
relationships that can influence assertiveness.”
The study has its limitations: the researchers note that other dimensions besides
affiliation and assertiveness could be studied in future work, and concede that users’
behaviour and self-presentation may be different on social media compared to an
offline context.
https://qz.com/695833/a-new-study-shows-just-how-differently-men-and-women-speak-onfacebook/
1. CREATE. Write a guide for social media users: “How to unmistakably
identify an anonymous interlocutor’s gender on a social network”.
Based on the issues discussed above, what conclusions have you arrived at?
1. When men communicate within a male group and a mixed group, do they
speak the same way?
2. Do men really have a language of their own? If yes, what are the hallmarks
of men’s speech?
3. Is it difficult for women to understand “Menglish” (if you do agree it
exists)? Is it more complicated for women to understand men or vice versa, for men
to understand women?
4. Where are the differences in men’s and women’s language (if any) most
noticeable – in family relations, love life or in working environment?
5. Social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc.) are the best proof that men and
women speak differently. Do you agree?
6. Is it easy to identify an unfamiliar (or anonymous) interlocutor’s gender on a
social network?
7. How can one learn to “speak like a man”? Where might one apply these
skills?
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Part III. HOW TO COMPROMISE
1. DISCUSS. Do you consider the following piece of advice reasonable?
The differences between men and women are created to complement each
other and to grow spiritually together. Do not blame a man if he is not as bright at
displaying his emotions as you are, and do not judge woman’s impulsiveness too
harshly.
https://www.languageconnections.com/blog/do-men-and-women-speak-different-languages/
2. WORK OUT. If you were to give just one piece of advice to someone
wishing to communicate with members of the opposite gender successfully, what
would it be? Share your tip with those of your groupmates and choose the best
one.
3. DISCUSS. The author of the text explains to men that they should offer
empathy instead of ready solutions to their female partners. Isn’t it a shallow,
schematic approach? Share your opinion.
Women tend to value intimacy, communication and relationship. Their primary
fulfillment comes from sharing their heart within a close relationship. Most reflect
these values by being relationship oriented rather than goal oriented.
A woman’s identity comes through the quality of her relationships, the most
important of which, being that of her husband. And her primary desire is that her
husband would make her his highest priority in life.
That priority is best demonstrated by her husband when he is willing to listen
without a running commentary on her feelings. She needs to feel that she can express
her feeling completely, and that it’s okay to be upset. She longs for his empathy, not a
Mr. Fixit, practical, logical solution.
For you men, this may be difficult to understand, but offering a solution instead
of empathy is the wrong course of action. It’s like giving a man who is dying of thirst
in the desert a lecture on how he could have avoided his predicament, and then
directions to the nearest river, when all he really needs is a sip of water from your
canteen.
When a woman’s feelings are seemingly ignored and a solution is offered
instead of empathy, she often closes down. That approach makes a women feel that
her identity has been invalidated and that her husband just doesn’t care.
Men, instead of advice, a solution or a fix, may I recommend that you just put
your arms around your wife and listen to her heart. She will feel valued and loved and
you may just find that there was really no need to fix anything.
https://craighill.org/what-women-value-2/
4. FIND OUT. Ask some male acquaintances of yours to name their
favourite conversation topics. Now ask some female acquaintances the same
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question and compare the results. Also compare two different scenarios:
communicating with members of the same gender and members of the opposite
gender. How does the situation influence the choice of conversation topic?
5. DISCUSS. As you have already guessed, if you wish to succeed in
communicating with members of the opposite gender, you have to carefully
choose the topic. Read the texts and share your opinion about the choice of
topics to discuss with women.
6 Best Topics to Talk About with a Girl
You know how the saying goes – men are from Mars, women are from Venus
and they both speak totally different languages. Well, at least that’s what a lot of men
will tell you. In fact, I’m pretty sure that every single guy on this planet has had at
least a handful of “what the hell do I say now?” moments while talking to a woman
that they’re interested in. I’m sure you have and I know I have.
Men feel anxious before approaching a woman, because they are afraid of
awkward silence, even more than of potential rejection.
When you’re trying to attract a woman you are interested in, any conversations
that you have with her are like little games of poker. Your goal is to get her to invest
an equal or greater amount of effort into the conversation because the more invested
she is in your conversation the more invested she is going to be in your interaction.
All great seducers understand this. They know that sharing a great conversation
with a woman isn’t just about what they say to her. They understand that it’s as much
about what they can get a woman saying back to them.
It’s this conversational effort that a woman commits that will help you find
commonalities between the two of you to create rapport, and help you discover
unique things about her that you can show genuine attraction towards, both crucial
ingredients if you are to escalate the interaction towards a romantic outcome.
I want to share six conversational topics that I think are more effective than
others when it comes to interacting with and attracting women.
1. Books, Movies, Music and Art
Let’s face it. You’re not going to have a woman baring her soul to you and
sharing her hopes, dreams and deepest fears with you from the get-go. You’ll need to
build a whole lot of comfort and rapport before you get there. This is why you need a
few conversational topics that are low effort and still engaging to get things started.
Getting a woman talking about her favorite books, movies, music or art is a great way
to do so.
The trick here, however, is to not ask for too little. For example, if a woman
tells you that she loves music, don’t just ask her what her favorite band is. Ask her for
two songs from her favorite band that she thinks you should listen to and ask her
what those two songs mean to her. Or if a woman tells you that she loves to read,
instead of just asking her who her favorite author is, ask her to recommend a book to
you and get her to tell you what it’s about.
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Not only will this allow you to coax her into putting more conversational effort
into your interaction, but it’ll also help you find out things that you both are into.
2. Relationships
I swear to God, relationship related topics are like conversational crack for
most women. And if there’s one thing that women love more than hearing
relationship stories, it’s coming up with solutions to relationship problems.
So the next time you hear about your little cousin’s problems with her
boyfriend or hear about your roommate complaints about his overly possessive
girlfriend, make a mental note of the story and use it in conversation. You’ll be
surprised with just how into these topics women can get.
3. The People Around You
Sometimes I hear a lot of guys complain saying that they run out of topics to
talk about when they’re with a girl that they’re interested in. But here’s the thing. If
you pay close attention to your surroundings the chances are that you’ll find more
than enough conversational ammunition to last a whole day.
For example, there’s a fun little game that I love playing with girls that I’m out
on dates on. I call it the “what’s their story” game. When you’re out on a date with a
girl, pick a stranger at random and talk about what you imagine what their story must
be like.
And then ask your date to tell you her version. Once she gets the hang of it to
start getting more and more imaginative and ridiculous with your stories, I guarantee
that you’ll both have a blast.
4. Travel
Whenever I’m interacting with a woman I always try to direct the conversation
in a direction that’s fun and imaginative. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned
through my experiences with women is that talking about travel always gets them
feeling happy and excited.
You see, people love to travel, and those who aren’t able to travel daydream
about having either the time or the money to do it. The key here, again, is to ask for
more than just an impersonal list of travel destinations.
Ask her where the most exciting place she’s travelled to was and what she
loved about it. Or ask her where she would go if she could disappear for an entire
month without having to worry about her work or any other responsibilities. These
types of conversations will put her in an uplifted emotional state.
5. Observations About Her
There’s a school of thought among some men who teach attraction skills that a
guy should never compliment or show interest in a woman. I disagree. I believe that
to truly attract a woman you need to make her feel as if she’s won you over. To do
this you need to find out things about her that are unique and appreciate them. Being
curious about women can significantly improve your dating life!
You see, a woman’s observational skills are often much more keenly tuned
than a man, and being with a man who notices things that other men usually don’t
will have a powerful effect on her.
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Does she have a fashion sense that you hardly ever get to see on other women?
Does she circle words that she thinks sound cute when she’s reading? Let her know
that you notice these things and ask her about them. And when she tells you these
stories let her know that you find these things attractive about her.
6. Her Passions, Her Dreams and Her Goals
Do you remember the last time someone showed genuine interest in your
dreams and goals? It’s always such a nice feeling to talk about things that you are
passionate about with a person who’s genuinely interested in these things. And here’s
the cool thing. Once you’ve built up a certain level of trust and rapport with a
woman, all you need to do to find out these things about her is to ask.
You see, sometimes being a great conversationalist is like learning to become a
mirror. The point isn’t to grope about blindly in search of things that your
conversational partner likes to talk about. The point is to learn to develop a feel for
what topics get them excited and to learn to steer the conversation towards those
topics. Women will feel refreshed by the genuine interest that you show in their lives
and they will remember how you made them feel when talking about these things that
they’re passionate about.
https://get-a-wingman.com/topics-to-talk-about-with-a-girl/
20 Topics to Talk About with Women That Will Spark Great Conversations
When you’re out and about with your guy pals, there’s always plenty to talk
about, isn’t there? Sport, music, movies…
But when it comes to topics to talk about with women? It can get tricky for
some guys. Whether it’s a first date or you’ve just started talking to a girl out in a
bar – sometimes your brain freezes and you can’t think of a single thing to say.
Why? Well, lack of confidence, mostly. Nerves and anxiety can rob you of
your tongue.
How to Start a Conversation with a Girl
If you find it difficult to come up with things to talk about off the top of your
head, this information is for you. It’s important that you start a conversation with a
girl on the right foot if you want her to become attracted to you.
Here are three great techniques for opening conversations. An indirect
approach works because it allows you to spark awesome off-the-cuff conversations
while still being yourself.
Technique # 1. Comment on something she’s holding or wearing. It can be a
statement or a question. For example, if she’s holding a drink at a bar, ask her how
she likes it. If she’s wearing unique shoes, find out where she got them. Pay attention
to the details.
Technique # 2. Comment on something that’s happening around you both at
the moment. For example, if you’re at a bar and there’s a band playing, make a
comment about the singer’s voice. Again, being able to have conversations on the fly
is all about paying attention to the details.
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Technique # 3. Give her a compliment. This technique is a little more direct but
it’s a great way to start a conversation with a girl who you’re interested in. The
important thing with this one is to stay away from the obvious compliments that most
guys would be giving her. If she’s got a tattoo, don’t compliment her on it. Too easy.
Hair and piercings? No and nope. These are obvious and every other guy is
complimenting her on those. You need to be unique to spark her interest, especially at
the start of a conversation.
These techniques all involve starting with something personal. This makes it
easier to connect with her. If you don’t start connecting right away, the conversation
will quickly die and you’ll lose her interest.
Okay, so you’ve got the conversation started. Now you’ve just got to relax and
let the conversation flow. It’s good practice to have some interesting topics to bring
up should the chatter run dry. Same goes with having a few go-to questions in your
back pocket.
Don’t worry, we’ve done all the hard work for you. Here are some good
conversation topics to talk about with women.
1. The Food/Drinks. It’s obvious, really. They’re right there in front of you.
Does she like what she’s got? Does she want to try yours? What’s her favourite
cocktail?
2. Music. What’s also probably there and should work as its own cue is music.
Don’t use this as an excuse to tell her your top 100 albums in descending order,
though. Guys have a tendency to get a bit crazy when it comes to talking about
music. Ask her what she’s into. And if she says something you hate (which, let’s face
it, is very likely…) – fight the temptation to spit on the floor and walk out.
3. Television. You don’t want to look like an expert, though. That’ll paint you
out like a couch potato. But, do ask her what she watches. Remember – it’s not a test,
you’re finding out about one another. If your tastes are hugely different, perhaps
you’re not a right fit. Don’t make a snap judgement on that just because she doesn’t
watch Mad Men, though.
4. Movies. This subject works like the last two, but – you can use it to progress
to date two. Get talking about new releases. Listen out for what movie she’s looking
forward to seeing. When she says it – REMEMBER IT. Later down the line it can be
your key to another meet. Clever, huh?
5. Work. Tricky topic, this one. It’ll come up, no doubt. Don’t fear it, but do
beware that it can be a touchy subject. You don’t want to brag about work if you have
a good job. It looks arrogant. Similarly, you can’t be too down on yourself if you
have a slightly less than impressive sounding job role. Tell her what you do, say you
enjoy it, then move things onto her line of work.
6. Hobbies. Now we’re talking (quite literally). People LOVE talking about the
things they, well, love. Get her talking about her hobbies and interests. Then the chat
will, naturally, turn to yours. Tell her. Be passionate! There’s nothing more attractive
to a woman than a man with fire in his belly about something. Unless that thing is
strip clubs, of course (usually).
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7. Pets and Animals. Not that we wish to generalize, but there’s a good chance
the girl you’re talking to will either have a pet or want one. Furry friends will get
them gushing with words and all you need do is sit back, nod and pull “aaaaw, cute!”
faces. Talk about your childhood pet (do NOT cry!). Show respect, love and
appreciation for animals and you’re winning brownie points already.
8. Travel. Where has she been? Where does she want to go? Can you relate to
the places she names? Does she have any holiday plans? Do you? If you don’t, you
should check out the list of the best places for single guys to travel to.
9. Future Plans. Avoid making this sound like an interview question, but it’s
still a good idea for a conversation topic. Prepare your answer and you can appear
focused and goal-oriented. Drop in a mention of “a lovely woman” and “kids” and
you’re onto a real winner.
10. Education. You’re not exchanging qualification details here. But this opens
up opportunities for anecdotes about school, college and uni. Just keep ’em clean.
11. Pet Peeves. What bugs the girl? What annoys you? Keep it light. This isn’t
a chance to angrily rant for 45 minutes about your boss or referees.
12. Personal Struggles. Sharing struggles can create a sense of bonding. This
one’s risky, though. You’ve got to judge the tone of the evening. It could turn things
a bit sour. But, judge it right and talking about things she’s overcome can help the
girl develop an emotional connection and build trust with you.
13. Politics. Again, you’ve got to test the waters here. This can give you both
something to talk and agree on. On the flipside, you may find yourselves shouting at
each other. Proceed. With. Caution.
14. Drugs and Alcohol. This isn’t a topic for everyone, but you may have to
broach it eventually. If you’re either a particular fan or hugely dislike these two
things – you’re going to need to see how she feels about them.
15. Ethics. It’s a tough one. Talking about morally questionable ideas and
systems – wage slavery, real slavery, racism, etc. Save this for once you’ve had a few
conversations. Only things could turn sour. And if she’s not keen to talk about this
sort of thing? Ditch the idea.
16. Dreams. So, this one can go either way. Maybe you’ll get her to open up
and talk freely about her crazy, interesting dreams. If that’s the case, it’s an awesome
topic to talk about. Dreams are usually a person’s true passions. And people love to
talk about them.
17. Naughty Stories. Bear with us here. You’ve got to make sure the girl you’re
talking to is relaxed and open and honest and extroverted first. And don’t open with
this whatever you do. Plus, when it’s your turn to talk – don’t get too filthy.
18. Conspiracy Theories. Who does she think killed JFK? Alright, this one’s
not for everyone, admittedly, but it can be entertaining. But either way, you really
shouldn’t bring up your flat Earth theory.
19. Life and the Universe. If you can’t string a few minutes talk out of a subject
as huge as this, then you’re probably screwed, brother.
20. Love. We dare you! But remember, guys. It’s a pretty bad idea to ask her if
she’s in love with you. If you’re not sure why we’ve said that, this post is for you.
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What’s So Hard About Talking to Girls?
Nothing, really. They’re just people, after all. Alright, some of them are brainfreezingly beautiful. We get that. But just take a deep breath. And remember – you’re
not alone. Lots of fellas struggle with relaxed chit-chat when they’re planted in a seat
two feet away from women they find attractive. Here are just a few reasons
conversation can be stilted and men struggle to talk to women.
1. Lack of awareness. She’s not your mother or sister. And she’s definitely not
one of the boys. Be aware of your company and the situation you’re in. Some men
forget to adapt their conversation and behavior and it can set up a terrible convo and
really put a woman off wanting to talk to you. It can also land you in the friend zone
if the girl is a romantic interest.
2. Lack of motivation. Maybe you’re just getting out of a relationship and can’t
stop thinking about your ex (actually, this is a great reason to go on a date). Maybe
you’ve been forced by your friends to go on the date and you’re not all that up for it.
Or maybe, your low self-esteem makes you believe any effort is futile. Lack of
motivation can be a real killer of good conversation. So, what can you do? Simple.
Get off the couch and get in the game. You’ll feel a lot better for it.
3. Lack of knowledge. Don’t get yourself involved in talking about something
you know absolutely nothing about. Unless it’s a favorite subject of hers and you
mention up front that you want her to teach you about it. There’s not much worse
than seeing a dude spout off ignorant falsehoods because he feels threatened by a
woman’s intelligence. If you do this, it will quite rightly make her want to stop
talking to you.
There you have it. There are a lot of topics here but don’t let that stress you
out. Each one of them can lead to hours of stimulating conversation. Do yourself (and
mankind) a favor, though. Don’t talk about the weather, alright? Unless you’ve got a
sneaking suspicion she’s dull. Or a meteorologist. Or a dull meteorologist.
https://www.theadultman.com/love-and-lust/conversation-topics/
What topics do women like to talk about with men? You can talk about
whatever you want, but there are some easy topics to rely on to ensure that the
woman gets into a good mood and enjoys talking to you.
Four Failsafe Conversation Topics to Use When Talking to Women
What should you talk about during the initial conversations that you have with
a woman prior to dating? After much practice, testing and research, Ben, Stu and I
have identified four conversation topics that almost every woman enjoys talking
about. Those topics of conversation are: pets, travel, movies, food.
An example of a travel related conversation topic is, “If you could click your
fingers and be in the ideal holiday location right now, where would it be?” That type
of question gets her feeling great around you. She immediately searches for her
dream holiday destination and feels excited.
When talking to women, you want them to feel a wide range of emotions (e.g.,
excited, nervous, happy, sad, confused, clear, amazed) rather than just feeling like she
is having a polite, friendly conversation with you. Making her feel a wide range of
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emotions raises her attraction level and makes her feel more excited about talking to
you and seeing you again.
What Women Like to Talk About With Other Women
Have you ever sat back and listened to a group of women talking? What do
they talk about? When asked these questions, some men will take a GUESS and
suggest topics such as: Hollywood celebrity gossip, shoes, clothes and fashion, makeup, relationships, men… and they would be correct. Well, kind of.
While it’s true that many women enjoy talking about the topics listed above,
men who believe that women only want to talk about such things have a very shallow
view of women and will struggle to connect with them. These men will also worry
that what they talk about with women won’t be good enough.
Another important point to make about the conversation topics listed above, is
that women tend to talk about those things amongst OTHER WOMEN.
It’s not the kind of thing that you should be actively TRYING to talk to women
about. Why? When a woman talks to a man, she isn’t looking to have the same kind
of conversation she has with her girlfriends. She is looking for something different.
…And most guys have NO IDEA what that is.
Not knowing how to talk to women in an interesting way, some guys choose
not to talk to women at ALL.
Other guys decide that they will just wait and hope to get lucky by meeting a
woman who will immediately be interested in talking about the things he finds
interesting… but, finding such a woman is like finding a needle in a haystack.
Why? Until you’ve started dating a woman, she usually won’t be interested in
talking about the kinds of things you chat about with your male friends. For example:
sports, the sciences, cars, politics, philosophy, computer games, career, finances,
investing and so on.
Why is that? Why do women only become interested in talking about subjects
that YOU LIKE (or that men typically like to talk about) after you’ve begun dating?
It’s simple. Initially, a woman wants to see if you’re the kind of guy who can make
her laugh and FEEL GOOD during her conversations with you.
If her initial conversations with you are boring, she assumes that the
relationship will end up being boring too, so there’s no point in starting one with you.
When you can make a great first impression on a woman by making her feel
attracted to you during a conversation, the door opens to love and a relationship with
her…
https://www.themodernman.com/4_conversation_topics.html
Today’s article has been put together to be exactly that: talking to women for
beginners (with a few neat tips thrown in here and there to spice things up for the old
pros). Let’s dive in.
Most newer guys make the mistake of getting into conversation with women...
and then boring them. Seems obvious, right? If you want to get somewhere with a
girl... don’t bore her!
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Everybody knows that! And yet... men keep boring women anyway. Why? The
reason why, of course, is that the things most men think women want to hear often
are not what they actually want to hear.
If you had to name the most interesting topics to a woman, what would you
name? Some guys would say: travel, excitement, danger, parties, drama. Some guys
would say: pop culture, music, celebrities, fashion, friends, gossip. Either of those
sound right to you? The fact is, some women like some of those things... but if you
start going on and on about them at random, chances are you’ll spend a lot of time
talking about things any particular girl finds tedious! That brings us to the ways to
make talking to women amazing.
#1: Find Out What She’s Interested in FIRST
Imagine you met a girl who’d just read in the latest edition of Cosmopolitan
that men are all really fascinated by: sports, guns, violence, motorbikes, video games,
stock trading, robots. Now, armed with this valuable information, this otherwise
attractive girl busts out her newfound knowledge in a conversation with you, droning
on and on about guns and stock trading, or video games and golf. Sure, some of that
you might find interesting... but the rest of it makes you want to go jump off a bridge!
Before you launch into any longwinded stories, tales, or monologues about any
topic in particular, find out if the woman you’re talking with finds the topic
interesting first. Here’s an easy way to do that: simply ask her, “Hey, do you ever
follow what the celebrities are doing?”... and you’ll know whether you’ve got the
green light, or whether you need to change directions and head down another side
street.
#2: If She Doesn’t Like It... Ask Her What She DOES Like
So how do you know if a girl’s interested in what you’re about to talk about
with her, and what do you say if she isn’t interested?
If she says, “Yeah, sometimes,” but isn’t that interested, it’s time to reverse
course and talk about something else. If she says, “Are you kidding? I practically
know half of Hollywood’s addresses and middle names!” then you’ve got a winner.
Now, when she isn’t interested, you conversation will look like this.
You: Do you ever travel, or want to travel?
Her: No, I totally should, but I just never seem to get around to it.
You: That’s cool. So what do you do to get new stimulation in your life so it
isn’t the same old thing all the time?
She’s saying travel doesn’t interest her, which means that amazing travel story
you were just about to tell her is going to bore her to tears. Instead, you changed the
question to ask her what she does do to get new things into her life.
What you do there is frame the question so that she feels uncool if she doesn’t
have a good answer. If you ask her, “What do you do for fun?” she can sound cool
and defiant and rebellious by saying, “Oh, I just work all the time,” or, “I don’t really
have fun.” But if you ask her, “How do you expand your horizons?” or, “How do you
keep life from getting too stale?” she has to come up with some kind of answer to not
look lame. By phrasing things this way, you compel her to want to invest more in the
conversation, and show you why she’s someone worth getting to know.
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#3: Don’t Brag, Showboat, or “Pump Your Value”
Everyone knows that women don’t like guys who brag about themselves. And
everyone knows that trying to impress women is a waste of time and
counterproductive. So, what everyone else does instead is he tries to “pump his
value” by indirectly making himself look as valuable as possible. Only problem is,
most of the things men do to do this are far too obvious to women, and simply come
across as – you guessed it! – bragging, impressing, and showboating.
Why’s it bad to brag, impress, showboat? It’s bad because:
 If she already sees you as desirable, bragging pushes her away, making
her feel that you are increasingly out of her league and outside her reach,
plunging her into auto-rejection.
 If she doesn’t yet see you as desirable, or views herself as more
experienced/aware/in-control than you are and isn’t taking you seriously,
bragging makes her feel even more experienced/aware/in-control, as she
watches you race to try and impress her (to no avail).
What should you do instead to make women value you more? Focus on your
fundamentals. Trying to “talk your way” into being impressive at the last moment
(when you’re actually talking with her) instead of actually doing the groundwork to
go and be impressive beforehand (by working on your fundamentals) is transparent –
women see right through it. Talk is cheap – she’s far more interested in who you
appear to be, how you conduct yourself, and how you come across, than in the words
coming out of your mouth. Fundamentals include things like: your walk, your voice,
your eye contact, your charisma, your movements, your facial expressions. …Get
those down and you won’t have to worry about trying too hard to be impressive.
But if you’re there with a girl, and you don’t want to bore her with bragging,
how do you show her what an attractive guy you are, then? Well, you...
#4: Get Her Doing Most of the Talking
When you get a woman doing most of the talking, guess what? She ends up
talking about the things she enjoys most. That is, provided of course, that you are
actively listening and are feeding her conversation back to her, and you are asking her
the right questions to get her talking more and opening up more. Talking to women
isn’t so much about talking to women as it is about getting women to talk to you.
The more she’s talking, for the most part, the more interesting she’s finding
and will continue to find the conversation. That’s the secret of making conversation
interesting for a woman... get her talking.
#5: Be Mildly Bored
When you’re talking to women, you want to come across as mildly bored.
Imagine Brad Pitt or George Clooney talking to a woman. Think of the expression on
their faces. Mild amusement, mild boredom. They’ve done this a million times before
already. That’s the look you want.
#6: Provide Feedback
Throughout your conversation, you’d be well advised to provide feedback to
show that you’re paying attention and relating. Just little remarks like “Hmm”, “Oh I
see”, “Really?”, “That’s crazy”, “How’d you get through that?”, “That’s pretty
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remarkable”, “I’m surprised you hung in there that long”... and others like those are
all you need. These offer encouragement to her to keep talking, and keep going with
the topic.
Talking to women is one of those things that seems pretty complicated, but it’s
really just a series of little rules you pick up here and there, get down, and then pick
up a few more rules, until eventually you get enough of those down that you don’t
even think about them anymore and you just do what you want. It’s like playing a
game that you know very well – eventually, you feel like you can do anything,
because you know all the different paths to winning so well that it stops being all that
hard.
Start using these tips, if you aren’t already, and you’ll find that before long,
you don’t even have to think about them anymore.
https://www.girlschase.com/content/20-ways-talk-women-and-make-it-amazing
6. DISCUSS. Now that we know what topics are great choices to discuss
with women, let’s consider men. Men are easier to communicate with, aren’t
they?
Topics Men Like to Talk About
If you ever thought it’s just women who gossip and men don’t, you’re so
wrong.
Here are some common topics guys like to discuss.
1. WOMEN
When guys come together, they’re almost certain to talk about a woman or
more. Either they’re assessing the hottest girl(s) in the bar or wherever they find
themselves.
2. SPORTS
I think sport is the other thing guys talk about more. From scores to players, to
team lineups, guys talk about it all. Sports are a major part of the life of a man.
3. MONEY
Discussion may come in form of a business idea/opportunity, but you’ll
definitely hear figures being mentioned when guys come together.
4. CARS, MOTORCYCLES
They take pride in their stuff, how it’s made, where it’s from, if it’s
customized, or maybe they made it themselves.
5. POLITICS
If they are a matured group you will find them discussing politics.
They like to have fun and talk about fun stuff, but that’s not all. They do get
serious too, and discuss other important topics like politics, on occasions. You can
catch us talking about who should be the next president or simply dissecting a
political event.
https://www.miraflorestravels.com/post/top-7-topics-men-like-to-talk-about
15 Things Men LOVE to Talk About with Women
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The bro code as a young boy: “Don’t talk to girls, they’re yucky and they all
have cooties.” The bro code as a man: “Talk to girls before they run away.”
Times certainly do change throughout life. During our youth, boys run away
from girls and prefer spending time with other boys who they find share common
interests with them. As the years move on however, men start getting closer to
women. Sharing interests and wanting to spend more time together. Some guys
eventually find themselves more comfortable with the opposite sex, often finding
themselves surrounded by women, fully comfortable divulging their inner secrets.
Ok, maybe that’s a little too far but as the years roll along men grow accustomed to
conversing with women. Some of them even prefer it.
We will discuss some topics that men love to talk exclusively to women about.
The conversations they will have with their buddies will be quite different, especially
when it comes to emotional topics.
15. He Loves to Know the Gossip
A little secret some men may have that might not be all that apparent is their
love for some good old gossip. For the most part, men and their male counterparts do
very little gossiping, guy conversations basically consist of favorite pass times and
their casual work conversations, anything pertaining to gossip is extremely limited
among men for the most part.
Which brings us to the reason why some men actually enjoy gossip, simply
because they get none of it elsewhere. Beware though, the gossip must come in doses
or else you’ll just scare the guy off, sending him running for the hills. A reasonable
dose of gossip is not only worthwhile for a guy to speak about but it can also present
an opportunity for a guy to give his thoughts on certain issues which can show a
reasonable side to him and one you may not have seen before.
14. Talking About Money
Money is a topic most men discuss with women, whether it be with a casual
friend, a date or in a long-term relationship the topic just always seems to come up.
When just meeting a new face, some men love to flaunt their money, by
discussing how much of it they have. They might even further this by bringing a girl
out to a nice restaurant or club. Men typically use money as a symbol of power
during conversations.
Money can also be brought up in long-term relationships; whether it be to plan
out a future purchase of something like a car or house.
13. Favorite Songs & Artists
Like the old saying goes, “music connects people”.
This truly is the case when it comes to men and women. Music conversations
can go on and on for hours when discussing your favorite types of songs and genres.
Even in long-term relationships with men and women, over time, preferences change
and before you know it, you both enjoy the same type of music. This mutual interest
happens more times than not. The reason is pretty basic, the more you hear
something, the more likely you are to start liking it. In some other instances, music
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actually can unite a guy and girl, ultimately making it a great conversation starter, to
help break the ice.
12. Fitness
If you meet a guy that’s into fitness, we seriously hope you like fitness as well.
Men that discuss fitness don’t even realize how much they talk about it, as it truly
becomes an obsession.
11. Sports
Many of you might roll your eyes at this entry, but as annoying as it might be,
men truly do love to discuss sports and the sports they talk about are the ones that
really matter to them.
We don’t expect all women to be fully invested in these conversations but you
are required to at least listen, nod and smile while men go on and on about something
they truly love.
10. Television/Movies
Whether it be an ice breaker on a first date, or a casual weekly conversation
between a guy and a girl, movie and TV shows are generally a big talking point
amongst the different sexes especially when it comes to men and what they talk about
with women.
Like music, television and film can unite the opposite sex and cause a bond to
be formed. Men love to share their interests with women and TV/movie preferences
are always a topic of conversation that comes to the surface.
9. Clothes and Fashion
Men love to get some feedback from the opposite sex particularly when it
comes to clothes. More often than not, men listen to what women have to say and
seek their advice when picking out a piece of clothing.
Clothes can also be used as a way for a man to show off for a woman, whether
it comes from wearing a designer shirt, or even wearing a tightly fitted shirt, clothing
is meant to make a statement and one that men generally try much harder for when it
comes to impressing women.
8. Work
Chances are, a guy has brought up what he does, whether it be through
excitement or the struggle that goes along with it. In terms of struggles, men use
women for a more “emotional” connection as opposed to a male counterpart. Women
are viewed as more understanding creatures which makes a man’s ability to talk
freely about the “work struggle” that much easier. Whether it be a work problem, or
career decision, women seem to know how to help and what to say to make a bad day
seem a bit better.
On the other side of things, men who love their careers can go on and on about
it. A guy who loves what he does will constantly discuss it, oozing with enthusiasm.
7. The Future
With their guy friends, men generally like to keep things loose discussing easy
going topics like sports, hobbies and just flat out non-sense to be quite frank. For the
most part, men show off their deeper side to women when discussing certain topics
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such as future plans. Providing an insight into one’s ambition can really give you a
better sense of what that person is all about.
Men like to discuss this for a variety of reasons, for one, they use it to show
women that they do in fact have goals and a deeper side to them. Another reason,
girls are much more sympathetic and can offer more of an emotional helping hand as
opposed to guy’s opinions which is rather blunt and usually less emotional.
6. Guy Friends
This irritates a lot of women but some men can go on and on about their
friends, talking about great memories or what their friends are life. Just like other
things on this list, some men don’t even realize how much they talk about their
buddies until their partner or date finally shuts is down. Guys love to constantly relive their glory days with friends and it may feel like a burden for so many women
who constantly put up with these stories.
For the most part, men eventually ease up on the talk but if they don’t, it might
be time to put your foot down and let them know it’s enough… for a couple of hours
at least.
5. Travel
Travel is another topic of conversation that men love to bring up when talking
to women. Why? Well, simply because travel generally makes people happy and it’s
never a bad thing to talk about something that’ll probably change your mood for the
better. Travel is great because it offers people an escape, something that can bring
people together too.
4. Food
Yes, that’s right, food is one of the hottest topics men love to discuss with
women. Conversations about food surprisingly come up more times than you think,
especially in a relationship. Half the discussions you’ll have with your partner will be
about where you want to eat or which restaurants you’ve loved most. Chances are,
the male will opt for a meat place, while a woman will put in her vote for a nice and
quiet Italian restaurant that serves a variety of fine wines. This gentle discussion
could turn into a heated battle lasting longer than it really should.
3. The Struggle
We discussed this earlier, men at times do share their deeper side with women
as opposed to their buddies. Their understanding nature can encourage men to open
up, something they prefer not to do with a friend. They tend to keep things light and
fun with friends, wanting to seek advice or discuss issues with women.
“The Struggle” type of conversation can certainly range from a variety of
topics whether it be a work problem, family issue, life goal or even a problem with
another friend. If the situation is serious enough, chances are men will showcase their
lighter side and ask for a female perspective. Sometimes they just need someone to
vent to, just talking about a problem out in the open can make a guy feel better.
2. Intimacy
Most of you probably thought about this topic as soon as you read the headline.
If so, you are on the right track as this is one of the most preferred topics to discuss.
And it is very true, men do love talking about sex, but most often so do women. Since
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intimacy is such a big part of a relationship, discussing it with a potential mate would
be smart. Some people even start discussing sex on their first few dates. This can
allow them some inside information as well as feedback. You also want to know a
little bit about the person's preferences before you make the plunge and go all the way
with them.
1. Guy Things
Ladies block your ears for this one, but generally speaking, the thing guys like
to talk about the most is ironically guy things. As sad as it might be for women that
have to endure these topics, at the end of the days it’s just guys talking about things
they’re passionate about. Topics that are usually brought up consist of cars, watches
and other common interests like UFC or various other sports than generally put
women to sleep just thinking about.
What can we say, men are just passionate about what they love and won’t shut
up about it!
https://www.thetalko.com/15-things-men-love-to-talk-about-with-women/
12 Topics Men Should Really Talk About
Let’s get a beer and talk feelings.
1. The Fact That You Don’t Like Football
You know what, some people just don’t like it. There’s no shame in it. Not all
of us care about who’s just been signed from where, or how the latest local derby was
settled. There are plenty of other things to like out there, so it shouldn’t be a surprise
that not everyone settles on football.
2. Depression
It’s something that men have been conditioned to ignore. We’ve been told
since childhood to “man up”, but depression is not a choice, not something to be
embarrassed about, and can happen to anyone.
3. Body Image
It’s easy to dismiss worries about body image as a purely feminine
phenomenon, but it’s a real struggle for a lot of us guys. Dudes constantly have
masculine ideals of ripped six-packs and huge biceps pushed into their faces. It’s time
we started talking about our concerns and insecurities. It’s totally cool to embrace
that dad bod, mate.
4. Losing Your Hair
Look, it just happens. If you looked up “hair loss” in the dictionary, we’re
pretty sure it’s just a shruggie emoji and the words “It’ll be OK, don’t worry”. Still, it
is a thing that plays on the literal minds of young men everywhere. So let’s give each
other (and ourselves) a break, and start talking about those hairs that came out in your
hand that one time.
5. Pedicures
Just ask for one. Go into that damn place and ask for one. It is their job to do it.
Soft feet are the best.
6. Sexuality and Relationships
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It can be super difficult to admit to these things to yourself, but that’s the first
step. The second step is unloading that burden to someone else who you trust. If
you’ve got an issue that involves your sex life – be that sexual orientation, confusion,
getting dumped, or whatever – you need to share it. Keeping it all bottled up will not
only make you unhappy, but also unhealthy.
7. Anxiety and Emotions
Hey, your brain can be scary. It’s OK to speak about that. It’s actually really
useful. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that. Forget all that “big boys
don’t cry” nonsense, you’ll also find out how many people have been having similar
feelings and problems. And if you’re comfortable opening up to your friends and
family for fear of judgements, then you can always talk to a therapist. They’re, like,
the wisest friends you never had.
8. Candles
It’s fine. You can admit it. Men like candles, because everyone likes candles,
because candles are awesome. Making your house super comfy and relaxed isn’t “for
girls”.
9. Panic Attacks
You ever seen The Sopranos? Panic attacks can happen to anyone. They’re not
a sign of weakness or illness. They’re just your body getting its signals mixed up.
Talking about them shouldn’t be embarrassing – it should be illuminating. You might
just work out what factors are causing them in the process...
10. Work
There’s this old adage that you shouldn’t talk about work in social circles, but
whatever. One of the most common reasons for guys feeling down is work, and with
work encroaching on all our lives evermore, it’s totally cool to chat about it in the
pub. Got some stress at work? A few issues that have been bugging you? General
frustrations? Just let it out. You’ll feel way better for it. (And, as a bonus, there’s no
pesky HR people in the pub…)
11. Loneliness
No man is an island. We forget who said that, but it’s true. All the guys you
know might come across as living their best life, but a common reason for guys
feeling down is loneliness. It only takes a minute to reach out to a friend or loved one,
and can make the world of difference.
12. Suicide
Let’s not get it twisted, it’s one of the hardest things to talk about in the entire
world. It’s intensely personal and confusing and dark and amazingly 42 % of men
have considered suicide. Suicide is now the single biggest cause of death for men
aged under 45. Add to that the fact that 70 % of guys questioned said if their mate felt
suicidal then they’d sit down with him and talk about it. So, tell a mate. And if you
can’t, then ring one of the many helplines out there and talk through what’s going on
in your head.
Don’t be afraid to ask your mates how they’re doing and not just what they’re
doing. We all have our problems and you don’t need to face them alone.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/lynxuk/12-topics-men-should-really-talk-about
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7. FIND OUT. As it appears, the choice of the topic also depends on the
channel of communication. What topics are the best choices for text messaging?
Notes for What to Talk About with a Guy via Text
Before I start giving you ideas on what to talk about with a guy in person, I
want to point something out: texting is a different game from phone or even in-person
conversations. Let me give a few tips here.
Keep Them Short and Funny
Texting isn’t e-mail. It isn’t a conversation. It’s designed to be short and
functional. Yes, we’ve all been guilty of having actual conversations via text, but
man, don’t your fingers get tired? If you start to get into a conversation that warrants
more dialogue, suggest a phone call.
Ask Questions, but Also Let Him Do Some Asking
It’s also easy to fall into the trap of the one-sided questions. You ask a question
and he answers. You ask another…and he answers. Before long, you’re feeling like
the leader of the Spanish Inquisition! Pull back before you freak him out.
If he doesn’t ask you questions naturally, say something like, “Whew! I’m
asking a lot of questions. Your turn!”
https://sexyconfidence.com/what-to-talk-about-with-a-guy/
8. DISCUSS. Some tips are to be followed regardless of whether you are a
man or a woman. Here’s one of them. Do you personally practice this technique?
There are objective differences between masculine and feminine speech that
are apparent in casual conversation. Scientists with too much time on their hands,
have also studied these things. There are some aspects of engaging speech that are the
same for both men and women, and are the same no matter who you are
communicating with. It is always a valuable trait to actively listen, tell an engaging
story, make insightful connections with what you’re discussing, and captivate a group
with your speech.
https://innerconfidence.com/speak-like-man/
9. FIND OUT. Read the text and see how gender gap can be bridged at the
workplace. Do you think it is a good solution?
How Gender Differences Make Decision-Making Difficulties
Does seeing male-female differences reflect bias, stereotyping, or reality?
Couples need to be able to make decisions together. So do work colleagues.
Why does trouble come running as soon as two people, and especially folks of
different genders, try to solve problems together? Male plus female plus a decision to
be made invites high potential for arguments.
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That’s often because each gender tends to short-change a different vital
decision-making step. Men rush for the finish line. Women explore, communicating
about various underlying concerns. And therein lies the struggle.
This observation goes beyond simple stereotyping in that it has been wellverified in copious research. Deborah Tannen first catalogued the research basis in
her book You Just Don’t Understand. Later, in her book about male-female
differences in the business world, Talking from 9 to 5, she repeated her research
conclusions, “that often women want to talk about problems and get annoyed with
men who want to solve them”. By contrast, Tannen surmises, “men... tend to take
complaints as requests for solutions”.
When it comes to shared decision-making, men tend to rush too quickly to the
finish line. Women tend to dwell too long on exploring all the various aspects of the
problem, moving too slowly toward a plan of action. Each is at risk for impatience
with the other.
When women face a decision, they tend to begin by collecting data. They do
this by asking for others’ thoughts on a question. When men hear these questions,
they think they are being asked for a plan of action.
If the woman then thinks further about other factors and then decides against
the man’s suggested plan, woops. The man feels that his idea was rejected, and
therefore that he was rejected. Trouble’s brewing.
As I mentioned above, this glitch happens because when men address a
problem, they tend to head straight for the finish line. They view success as finding a
solution, preferably asap. When women address a problem they tend to err on the side
of excessive data collection. They first explore the territory before being ready to
choose an answer. For women, a quickee dash to solutions is frustrating.
Here’s the deal
Men love to generate solutions. Women enjoy sharing the exploration of
relevant concerns. The good news though is that men can explore underlying
concerns, and women can create solutions. It’s just that each tends to be more
comfortable, and to do more of, one or the other realm.
Put men’s and women’s strengths together and, wow, great solutions can
emerge. That way they can co-create plans of action responsive to all the concerns of
both of them and to the concerns of others who’ll be involved in the plan as well.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201202/how-genderdifferences-make-decision-making-difficulties?collection=162112
10. FIND OUT. Read the extract and see how you can improve your
communication style. Would you like to follow this tip?
There is no right or wrong way to speak
Linguists have shown for years that men and women speak differently, yet no
way is superior to the other. In her engaging read in Fast Company, Jessica Bennett
writes about her own experience working with a speech coach. She explains the
difference between male and female speech patterns: “Women tend to have more
versatile intonation patterns; they place more emphasis on certain words; they speak
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about more personal topics. And while the masculine style of communication at work
is to give orders – as in, ‘Here’s what we need to do’ or ‘We have to do better’ – the
feminine style is to persuade. ‘I have an idea that I want you to consider.’ Or she may
phrase her idea as a question: ‘What do you think of this approach?’ ”
While the male manner of speaking is often associated with leadership and
strength, it is important to remember that there’s value to various approaches to
communication. As Adam Grant wrote so persuasively in Give and Take, research
shows that using powerless communication can reap significant rewards. By not
trying to dominate others, we enable them to put their guard down and be even more
influenced by what we have to say.
Whatever you do, do it purposefully
I’ve seen women get most tripped up in communication when they don’t have
the self-awareness and situational awareness that can help them. It’s a valuable
exercise to reach out to people that you trust about your communication style –
asking both men and women – to see what impression you’re giving.
We’re most powerful when we know how we want to show up, and stay in
alignment with that presence. But we all get to decide for ourselves what that
presence looks like.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2017/03/21/you-talk-like-a-woman-sowhat/#6d93b05522dc
11. DISCUSS. Here’s another article on how to boost effectiveness of
communication at workplace and improve you communication style. Read the
text and explain whether these tips are mainly provided for men, women or
both.
The workplace and professional environment dictates what communication
style is preferred. Power and professionalism may require different skillsets in the
corporate or sales setting compared to the non-profit, healthcare, or academic world.
We also may “code switch” our style depending on our conversational partner. For
example, a public defender in downtown Baltimore may speak differently to her
clients than to her colleagues.
Communication is comprised of three V’s – Visual, how you look; Vocal, how
you sound; Verbal, what you say.
Visually, women tend to smile more, which can establish rapport, but may
undermine authority when used in excess. Women also tend to show more active
listening by their smiles, head nods, and vocal encouragement. Look around the room
at a boardroom meeting. Women do not always take up as much physical space at the
table. Keeping elbows close to the body, or crossing arms and legs makes one smaller
and diminishes confidence and power. While standing, crossing ankles and shifting
weight compromises your posture. Stand tall, hold your ground, and face your heart
outwards!
Vocal patterns may reveal one’s level of power and confidence. Uptalk and
vocal fry are two major vocal features that are often attributed to women, particularly
Millennial women. However, men and other generations are guilty of using these
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patterns as well. Uptalk or upspeak is a term describing a rising pitch at the end of a
statement, making the speaker sound less confident and assertive. It also becomes a
distraction to the listener. Studies have found that the uptalk speaker is perceived as
less credible, especially by Baby Boomers! Vocal fry, glottal fry, or creaky voice is
the term for speaking at the bottom of the pitch range with minimal breath support of
the voice. This voice is often difficult to hear and lacks energy. Many women lower
their pitch to sound more authoritative. This can lead to inappropriate vocal use and
possible strain. Embrace the vocal variety that females possess. Just avoid the
extremes of becoming high-pitched and shrill when upset or nervous, or dropping
down to vocal fry. Uptalk and vocal fry may undermine the authority and power of a
female (or male) professional. Practice introducing yourself and saying simple
sentences and bring your pitch down at the end of your statements. Remember: when
there is a period at the end of a sentence, we drop our pitch!
Women tend to use verbal features that might diminish their professional
image. Although this is changing, research reports that females do not communicate
as directly as their male counterparts. Discounting your own idea (“You may not
agree with me, but…”) or frequent apologies when not required inform the listener
that you do not have the confidence of a successful professional woman. Overuse of
qualifiers and adverbs dilute the message (“I am totally excited about that fantastic
conference!”). Asking tag questions is inclusive and collaborative with the listener,
but may jeopardize the authoritative perception of the speaker (“We’ll finish it this
week, won’t we?”, “This is an excellent idea, isn’t it?”). Women also tend to be
interrupted more than men. As Madeline Albright has said, you must “learn to
interrupt, but only if you know what you’re talking about”. You can even support
your female colleagues by confirming and restating their points in a meeting to make
sure they are heard.
Both men and women want to speak concisely and have a clear message. How
can we do this? An acronym TIES gives a framework to come across organized: T –
State your topic, I – Introduce it, E – Give some examples, and S – Summarize your
information. This can be used when speaking for 30 seconds or 3 hours. Try it and
you’ll see how it keeps you on track.
Above all, we must be mindful about how our body language and gestures,
voice, and words can affect our image. We should balance the three V’s to send a
consistent message and express warmth, likeability, authority, and confidence. When
all three are balanced, we present ourselves with a powerful and polished professional
presence.
http://successfully-speaking.com/blog/2017/8/24/do-men-and-women-talk-differently
12. DISCUSS. Read the text and comment on the problem it raises. Is
there really a possibility to develop an “ideal” way of speaking?
I ask Bill to assess my speaking style on the spot, and he directs me to describe
what I do for a living into his iPhone. He observes closely, and then we watch the
video together. “Do you want the honest version or the brutally honest version?” he
asks me. I tell him to be brutal. “You have really good ‘micropauses’.” (I am
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flattered, though I have no idea what a “micropause” is.) “You use almost none of
your volume range, but your speed range is good. You don’t use ‘upspeak’. But you
don’t have ‘authoritative speak’, either.”
He pauses. “Do you want to know what your problem is?” he asks. “Uh, yes.”
“Your problem is you’re driving a Ferrari with the handbrake on. You’re capable of
more power than you realize.”
I sort of like the way I talk. Should I have to change it, simply because it
doesn’t fit with what’s been deemed, somewhat arbitrarily, the workplace standard?
What’s been deemed the ideal doesn’t necessarily match the way women
actually talk. And so we are told that we sound unconfident when we raise our pitch.
That we should remove our “likes” and “justs”, defry our chords, and that we should
practice, and learn to find our “best speaking voices”.
But what if we’ve already found them?
https://www.fastcompany.com/3068806/what-a-speech-coach-told-me-about-speaking-likea-woman-and-why-its-bs
13. DISCUSS. Read the text and explain whether the woman has found an
effective solution to the problem.
A number of years ago I worked with an international company that had one
woman among its entire senior management community. After a strategy meeting, the
conversation at dinner deteriorated to the point where I felt uncomfortable on her
behalf. She happened to be sitting next to me, so I asked her how she coped. “I
behave like a man,” she whispered.
In all probability, none of the men felt there was any problem. If challenged,
they would have said, “It’s fine, she’s one of us.” Their willingness to include her as
a member of their tribe was – in their eyes – a badge of recognition, but acceptance
was predicated on conforming to their norms of behavior. We shouldn’t be surprised
when women struggle to find their voice, or to figure out what form their voice
should take, in work environments that are skewed toward male ways of
communicating.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/blamestorming/201612/5-ways-men-andwomen-talk-differently
14. WORK OUT. Read the story and say how you would have reacted to
your boss’s words in the storyteller’s place. Consider two situations: a) her boss
is a man; b) her boss is a woman. Which is a more likely scenario? Give your
reasons.
Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of
reactions, except, “But... Erm... How did that happen?”
15. WORK OUT. Bearing in mind how differently men and women
approach problem solving, give tips to your friend who has recently had a
conflict with a member of the opposite gender.
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Men and women in conflict. Men tend to depersonalize and externalize issues
or problems, giving them time to think through solutions, often in solitude. Women
tend to personalize and are more inclined to talk through the issue to reach
understanding.
https://www.scienceofpeople.com/gender-differences/
16. DISCUSS. Instead of “talking through the issue”, the main character
of this story prefers to keep silent about her true feelings and emotions. What
would be the consequences of this conflict, do you think?
“Who was that?” A voice in my ears makes me jump and I turn to see Nate
standing next to me.
“Oh... um... no one,” I say, feeling flustered. “Just some guy.” I quickly change
the subject.
“How are you? Everything OK?”
“Bit of a nightmare at the studio, but it’s sorted now.” He smiles, sliding his
arm round my waist.
“How about you?”
“Oh, fine.” I nod distractedly. I feel jittery. Though that’s probably to be
expected. After all, not only is it a big night for the gallery, it’s mine and Nate’s first
official outing as a couple.
“Only fine?” he asks, his brow furrowed, and as I look into his eyes, I suddenly
remember all the years I’ve spent dreaming about him, thinking I’d lost him,
wondering what would happen if I found him again.
And now we’re back together and he’s standing here with his arm round me.
And I’m saying I’m fine. Am I completely bonkers?
Smiling, I reach up and give him a kiss. “No, everything’s perfect.”
Well, perhaps not everything.
To be frank, I would have preferred it if Nate’s iPhone hadn’t kept jingling
every five minutes for the rest of the evening, and he hadn’t had to keep disappearing
off to take calls from the studio.
And it was a bit annoying when afterwards we all decamped to a little Chinese
restaurant round the corner and Nate wouldn’t eat any of the dim sum that I’d ordered
for both of us. Or the sweet and sour chicken. Or the fried rice. Something about
MSG and E numbers, apparently, which was a bit of a shame, as his steamed mixed
vegetables didn’t look nearly as delicious.
Anyway, it’s not like it was a big deal, I’m just saying. Like it said in my
fortune cookie, “Nothing will ever come between you and your lover.” What’s a
couple of phone calls and a few plates of dim sum between soulmates?
A. Potter. You Are the One That I Don’t Want
17. DISCUSS. Read the extract and dwell on the following issue: a
woman’s heightened sensitivity can be considered as either a gift or a curse, it all
depends on the perspective.
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A woman’s heightened sensitivity is a gift and a curse.
 To women who worry: Be patient with yourself, use it as a gift.
 To men around women who are worrying: Be patient with them and find
a way to leverage it.
https://www.scienceofpeople.com/gender-differences/
18. CREATE.
A. Write an article for a men’s magazine: “How could a man
communicate with a woman more effectively?”
B. Write an article for a women’s magazine: “How could a woman
communicate with a man more effectively?”.
19. DISCUSS. There is an alternative opinion, though, that men and
women are so different, there’s no point in adapting to the peculiarities of their
behavior at all. And what do you think?
The question of sex differences, and whether they’re biological have such
enormous implications. There is a school of thought that, if differences are biological,
if women are just genetically wired for nurture and caregiving, and men to go out into
the world and build things, why bother changing workplace cultures, social policy, or
gendered caregiving norms? If biology is destiny, men should go to work, women
should stay home, and we should be done with it.
https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/02/an-interview-with-angela-saini-author-of.html
20. DISCUSS. Another theory runs that sticking to gender stereotypes can
be dangerous. Do you agree?
Men and Women Say They’re More Different than Similar
By C. C. Miller
In a survey, men said they felt pressure to be financially successful and engage
in locker room talk, while women felt pressure to be involved mothers and attractive.
Men are tough, women are in touch with their feelings. Men are providers,
women are nurturers. Men should punch back when provoked, women should be
physically attractive.
These stereotypical beliefs about gender differences remain strong, found a
new survey from the Pew Research Center. Even in an era of transgender rights, a
surge of women running for office and a rising number of stay-at-home fathers, most
Americans believe men and women are fundamentally different, and that masculinity
is more valued than femininity.
The workplace is the one area in which a majority of men and women said the
sexes were more alike than different in terms of what they were good at: 63 percent
of respondents said men and women excelled at the same things at work, while
37 percent said they were good at different things.
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The survey results also shed light on some root causes of sexual harassment
and discrimination. Nearly half of men, and 57 percent of men aged 18 to 36, said
they felt pressure to join in when other men talked about women in a sexual way.
Sexism was described as widespread, and baked in from a young age. The
belief that society placed a higher premium on masculinity than femininity was
reflected in views of how to raise children: respondents more often approved of
teaching girls that it was acceptable to be like boys than the other way around.
Three-quarters of people said it was important for parents of girls to encourage
them to participate in the same activities as boys and to develop skills considered
masculine. But a smaller majority – just under two-thirds of respondents – thought
parents of boys should encourage them to do girls’ activities or develop skills
considered feminine.
A large majority of women thought parents should break gender norms when
raising either girls or boys, but men’s opinions changed depending on the sex of the
child. Seventy-two percent thought parents should break gender norms for girls, and
56 percent for boys. Two-thirds of Republicans thought parents of girls should break
gender norms, but less than half thought parents of boys should.
In questions about life outside the workplace, most respondents said men and
women were different in how they expressed their feelings and in their physical
abilities, hobbies and parenting styles, according to the survey, which was nationally
representative. Pew surveyed 4,573 adults in using its American Trends Panel.
There was a partisan divide about whether these gender differences were the
result of biology (and thus unlikely to change) or societal norms. More than half of
Republicans said biology determined differences in how men and women parented,
expressed feelings or spent their free time. About two-thirds of Democrats described
society as the primary driver of these differences.
Women were also likelier than men to attribute gender differences to nurture,
not nature. For instance, 87 percent of survey respondents said men and women
expressed feelings differently. But two-thirds of women said this was based on
societal expectations, while more than half of men thought it was because of
biological differences. This was the gender difference that the largest share of
respondents of both sex – about a quarter – thought was a bad thing.
In terms of gender differences in parenting styles and approaches, 60 percent of
women said they were societal, while a similar share of men said they were
biological. This was the gender difference that the largest share of respondents – just
over half – thought was a good thing.
Being a woman, according to respondents, meant pressure to be physically
attractive and to be an involved parent.
Being a man meant facing pressure to support a family financially and to be
professionally successful, emotionally strong and interested in sports. To a lesser
extent, it also meant being willing to throw a punch if provoked. Nearly half of men,
and more than half of millennial men, said it also meant facing pressure to have many
sexual partners and to join in when other men talked about women in sexual ways.
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Democrats were more likely than Republicans to say that society looks up to
masculine men – but Democrats were also much more likely to say that society’s
esteem for masculinity is a bad thing.
Despite the deep-seated beliefs about gender differences, there were some
signs in the survey responses that attitudes about gender roles were becoming less
rigid, particularly among women and Democrats, who were more likely to say that
society should be more accepting of nontraditional gender roles.
When survey respondents thought about the next generation, there were certain
qualities associated with one gender – like taking on leadership for boys and
expressing emotions for girls – that most thought should be encouraged more equally.
More than half of respondents said there should be more emphasis for boys to
talk about their emotions when they are upset and to do well in school. As for girls,
more than half of respondents said there should be more emphasis on being leaders and
on standing up for themselves. In playground games, at least, we might see more girls
leading the teams, and more boys explaining how winning or losing makes them feel.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/05/upshot/men-women-gender-bias-poll.html
21. CREATE. Write an essay on the topic: “Gender norms are there to be
broken, right?”
Based on the issues discussed above, what conclusions have you arrived at?
1. If men and women are so different, is there a point in trying to adapt to the
peculiarities of the opposite gender’s behavior at all? Wouldn’t it be better just to
acknowledge the differences and that’s it?
2. If we do try to find effective ways to communicate with representatives of
the opposite gender, though, what are the tips to follow?
3. What conversation topics are the best choices to discuss with men? And
women? Will these topics remain the same in homogeneous and heterogeneous groups?
4. Do you agree that men and women react to conflicts differently? And what
can cause these conflicts?
5. While trying to solve a problem with a member of the opposite gender, is it
better to offer empathy and support or give a ready solution to the problem?
6. How can one improve their communication style and develop an “ideal” way
of speaking, especially when it comes to a mixed environment?
7. In general, who is easier to communicate with – men or women?
8. Do you think that some norms of behavior are better suited for men, some
are better suited for women, while others are universal? Can you give examples?
9. Gender stereotypes might seem ridiculous and old-fashioned at first sight,
but actually they still hold true. Do you agree?
10. When and why can sticking to gender stereotypes be dangerous?
94
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студентов учреждений высшего образования, обучающихся по специальности
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Поплавская, Т. В.
Пойми
меня
правильно:
интерпретация
коммуникативного
поведения :
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Baron-Cohen, S. The Essential Difference: Male and Female Brains and the
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288 p.
Feldhahn, S. For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner
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Masters, M. Text Appeal – For Guys. The Ultimate Texting Guide /
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Potter, A. You’re the One That I Don’t Want / A. Potter. – London : Hodder &
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Smith, Sh. T. The Practical Guide to Men: How to Spot the Hidden Traits of
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95
Учебное издание
Поплавская Татьяна Викторовна
Сысоева Татьяна Александровна
Интерпретация коммуникативного поведения:
Гендерный аспект
Пособие для студентов учреждений высшего образования,
обучающихся по специальности 1-23 01 02
«Лингвистическое обеспечение межкультурных коммуникаций (по направлениям)»
Ответственный за выпуск Т. В. Поплавская
Компьютерный набор Т. А. Сысоевой
Редактор О. С. Забродская
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