Storytelling’s always been a form of social currency – the best storytellers are able to enchant, surprise and delight, whether that’s through writing vivid words on a page or gathering avid listeners around a campfire. Stories help us to learn – they wrap up morals and important messages amongst engaging narratives, delivered by vivacious characters. Brand storytelling is about forging a connection with your audience. People are intrigued by stories – stories make us feel something. If your brand can trigger an emotional response, then a connection won’t be far off. 1. Think before you speak: It's not a crime not to, but if you want to be a good story-teller, you have to do what all good story-writers do: edit. Only here, it will be in your head. It's not so much about length. I am all for narrating and hearing long stories. It's more about the number of words-to-value added ratio. Skip the inessentials. They render the essential, interesting parts of your story ineffective. 2. Don't say it all in one breath: Yes, you're probably all psyched up to share your excitement but your listener hadn't been preparing for it. Take a moment to calm down and then begin. 3. Engage them, let them participate: Story-tellers enjoy one advantage that story-writers cannot: seeing and listening to the recipient's reactions. Look for it. The real art of storytelling lies in building a connection with your audience while you weave your tale. If your story about an adventurous road-trip reminds them of the time they were caught in a dangerous car accident, you are probably doing a good job at winning their undivided attention. Don't spoil it by hushing through their words saying, "Yeah that's okay but listen to what I did next!" 4. Give them something to look forward to: Start with the end only if it is the most gripping part. Kind of like Agatha Christie in "Why Didn't They Ask Evans". Otherwise, don't make it a pain for them to listen to the whole thing when they know it all ends in you drinking a glass of soda. 5. Props to you for using props! Your story becomes so much more lively and fun when you start using things and people around you to recreate the whole scene. Use those cups to tell me how your vehicles were all in a disarray before that show. Make two people shake their hands the way your friends did before one of them accidentally crushed the other one's. Help me visualize by explaining how that dog looked much like the one I had once been chased by. Visuals over audio is the thumb-rule, after all. 6. And lastly, give your listener the freedom to tell you when they feel you are stretching it or could tweak the method a bit. You could even ask them if it's getting boring, if they want you to shorten it, etc. Nothing to feel bad about, it will in fact help you become a better story-teller. Every listener is different. And they are the best source to know what will catch their fancy and give your story the weight it deserves! What do all of these storytellers have in common? They try to elicit an emotional response. There can be a simple message behind a story and brought it to life in a way that creates a connection with a reader or viewer is the key to success. Whether you make someone feel nostalgic, sentimental or positive, you’re urging them to feel something. The power of ‘feeling something’ shouldn’t be understated. It’s what makes people do something, which is exactly what you want in brand storytelling. Tell stories and give your audience a reason to move onto the next step with you and your brand. It is hard to overestimate the importance of bedtime stories in our culture and the nightly ritual of reading with our children. As a child it was a special time I looked forward to, and as a parent it is a snuggly, calming way to end our busy days. The promise of story time motivates my preschooler to get into his pajamas and brush his teeth, and even my 1st grader, who is already reading on his own, still asks to read together at night. In addition to this wonderful parent-child bonding, there are also crucial educational benefits to bedtime stories. Reading aloud together helps children learn the mechanics of how books work (there are words on a page, you read the words to make the story, the words tell you what is happening in the pictures, when your parent pauses it’s time to turn the page and read more, and so on). Children also learn new vocabulary and a more formal type of language than they might hear in everyday speech, as well as more poetic and beautiful (or silly and funny) ways of expressing themselves. For my wiggly little guy, reading together at night is one of the only times he will sit still for stories! During the day it is go go go, but at night, he is winding down and so is ready to sit and really pay attention to a story. The act of reading together also helps him relax and get ready to go to sleep. Even older children benefit from reading aloud together: My older son’s teacher was just telling me recently that many early readers can develop bad habits when they read to themselves, like skipping over words they don’t understand. Reading aloud with an adult or being read to helps them attend to every word on the page and can also help with pronunciation of words they may have only seen written. For us it also prompts a lot of discussions and questions about what we’re reading (of course, I’m sure part of this is my son trying to delay bedtime!) Here are some of our favorite bedtime stories. What books does your family read together at night? Share in the comments! I received complimentary copies of some of the books below for review purposes; however, all opinions are my own. This post contains affiliate links. If you click through and make a purchase, I receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. Throughout the years many people have perpetrated hoaxes – often for publicity, and sometimes just for the hell of it. Of all the hoaxes through history, the ten in this list are the most famous. In at least two cases (the Book of Mormon, and the Priory of Sion) millions of people have been fooled – or continue to be fooled! In no particular order, here they are: 1. The Book of Mormon 1830 The Book of Mormon is considered by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to be a divinely inspired book of equal value to the Bible. Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormon religion, claimed that he was directed by an Angel to a hill near his home in which he found golden tablets containing the full text of the book. With the books he found two objects called the Urim and Thummim which he described as a pair of crystals joined in the form of a large pair of spectacles. Unfortunately, after Smith finished his translation, he had to return the tablets to the Angel, so there is no physical evidence that they ever existed. The book refers to a group of Jews that moved to and settled in America where Jesus visited them. Some segments of the Book of Mormon contain sections copied directly from the King James version of the Bible – the Bible that was most popular at the time and used by Joseph Smith. One example is Mark 16:15-18 which is quoted nearly word-for-word in Mormon 9:22-24. In addition, the book mimics the literary and linguistic style of the King James Bible. Linguistic experts have stated that the entire book is written by one man, and is not written by a combination of authors (the prophets as claimed by Smith). Additionally, the book refers to animals and crops that did not exist in America until Columbus arrived: ass, bull, calf, cattle, cow, domestic goat, horse, ox, domestic sheep, sow, swine, elephants, wheat, and barley. The most compelling proof that Joseph Smith was perpetuating a fraud is the Book of Abraham. In 1835 Smith was able to use his Urim and Thummim to translate some Egyptian scrolls that he was given access to (at that time no one could read hieroglyphics). Upon inspection, Smith declared that they contained the Book of Abraham. He promptly translated the lot and it was accepted as scripture by the church. The scrolls vanished and everyone thought the story would end there. But it didn’t – in 1966 the original scrolls were found in the New York Metropolitan Museum of Art. The scrolls turned out to be a standard Egyptian text that was often buried with the dead. To this day the Book of Abraham is a source of discomfort for the Mormon religion. Read it for yourself! 2. The Cottingley Fairies 1917 The Cottingley Fairies are a series of five photographs taken by Elsie Wright and Frances Griffiths, two young cousins living in Cottingley, near Bradford, England, depicting the two in various activities with supposed fairies. Elsie was the daughter of Arthur Wright, one of the earliest qualified electrical engineers. She borrowed her father’s quarter plate camera and took photos in the beck behind the family house. When Mr. Wright, upon developing the plates, saw fairies in the pictures, he considered them fake. After the taking of the second picture, he banned Elsie from using the camera again. Her mother, Polly, however was convinced of their authenticity. In the summer of 1919, the matter became public and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (author of Sherlock Holmes) wrote an article for a leading magazine claiming that they were authentic. Not everyone was taken in by the fraud, as this statement from a leading Doctor at the time attests: “On the evidence I have no hesitation in saying that these photographs could have been `faked’. I criticise the attitude of those who declared there is something supernatural in the circumstances attending to the taking of these pictures because, as a medical man, I believe that the inculcation of such absurd ideas into the minds of children will result in later life in manifestations and nervous disorder and mental disturbances…” For fifty years the girls avoided publicity and the hoax continued to be believed by many. In late 1981 and mid 1982 respectively, Frances Way (née Griffiths) and Elsie Hill (née Wright), who took the photographs admitted that the first four pictures were fakes. Speaking of the first photograph in particular, Frances has said: “I don’t see how people could believe they’re real fairies. I could see the backs of them and the hatpins when the photo was being taken.” Both of the girls claimed, right up to their deaths, that the fifth photo was, in fact, authentic. 3. Alien Autopsy 1995 In 1995, Ray Santilli instigated a wide reaching “alien autopsy” controversy when he claimed to possess footage taken in a tent by a U.S. military shortly after the 1947 Roswell UFO incident. Santilli first presented his film to an invited audience of media representatives, UFOlogists and other dignitaries at the Museum of London on 5 May 1995. Although the broadcast version did not show the actual “autopsy”, video editions have the complete and unedited film, plus previously unreleased footage of wreckage presented as the remains of the alien craft reported to have crashed in Roswell. The show features interviews with experts on the authenticity of the film. On April 4, 2006, two days prior to the UK release of Alien Autopsy Ray Santilli and fellow producer Gary Shoefield announced that their film was only partially real (a “few frames,” in their words), while the rest was a reconstruction of twenty-two rolls of film, averaging four minutes in length, which Santilli had viewed in 1992 but which had subsequently degraded from humidity and heat. According to Santilli, a set was constructed in the living room of an empty flat in Rochester Square, Camden Town, London. John Humphreys, an artist and sculptor, was employed to construct two dummy alien bodies over a period of three weeks, using casts containing sheep brains set in jelly, chicken entrails and knuckle joints. 4. Piltdown Man 1912 The “Piltdown Man” is a famous hoax consisting of fragments of a skull and jawbone collected in 1912 from a gravel pit at Piltdown, a village near Uckfield, East Sussex. The fragments were thought by many experts of the day to be the fossilised remains of a hitherto unknown form of early human. The Latin name Eoanthropus dawsoni (“Dawson’s dawn-man”, after the collector Charles Dawson) was given to the specimen. The Piltdown hoax is perhaps the most famous archaeological hoax in history. It has been prominent for two reasons: the attention paid to the issue of human evolution, and the length of time (more than 40 years) that elapsed from its discovery to its exposure as a forgery. It was exposed in 1953 as a forgery, consisting of the lower jawbone of an orangutan combined with the skull of a fully developed, modern man. The identity of the Piltdown forger remains unknown, but suspects have included Dawson, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin and Arthur Conan Doyle as well as numerous others. From the outset, there were scientists who expressed skepticism about the Piltdown find. G.S. Miller, for example, observed in 1915 that “deliberate malice could hardly have been more successful than the hazards of deposition in so breaking the fossils as to give free scope to individual judgment in fitting the parts together.” In the decades prior to its exposure as a forgery in 1953, scientists increasingly regarded Piltdown as an enigmatic aberration inconsistent with the path of hominid evolution as demonstrated by fossils found elsewhere. 5. Feejee Mermaid 1842 The Feejee Mermaid was presented as a mummified body of something, supposedly a creature that was half mammal and half fish (like a grotesque version of normal mermaid stories). The original exhibit was popularized by circus great P.T. Barnum, but has since been copied many times in other attractions, including the collection of famed showman Robert Ripley. The original exhibit was shown around the United States, but was lost in the 1860s when Barnum’s museum caught fire. The exhibit has since been acquired by Harvard University’s Peabody Museum of Archaeology and Ethnology and is currently housed in the museum’s attic storage area. The Fiji mermaid came into Barnum’s possession via his Boston counterpart Moses Kimball, who brought it down to Barnum in late spring of 1842. On June 18, Barnum and Kimball entered into a written agreement to exploit this “curiosity supposed to be a mermaid.” Kimball would remain the creature’s sole owner and Barnum would lease it for $12.50 a week. Barnum christened his artefact “The Feejee Mermaid”. In reality, the mermaid was a gaff, the work of an Indonesian craftsman using either papier-mâché and materials from exotic fish, or the tail of a fish and a torso of a baby orangutan, stitched together with the head of a monkey 6. The Priory of Sion 1956 The Priory of Sion has been characterized as anything from the most influential secret society in Western history to a modern Rosicrucian-esque group, but, ultimately, has been shown to be a hoax created in 1956 by Pierre Plantard, a pretender to the French throne. The evidence presented in support of its historical existence is not considered authentic or persuasive by established historians, academics, and universities, and the evidence was later discovered to have been forged and then planted in various locations around France by Plantard and his associates. Between 1961 and 1984 Plantard contrived a mythical pedigree of the Priory of Sion claiming that it was the offshoot of the monastic order housed in the Abbey of Sion, which had been founded in the Kingdom of Jerusalem during the First Crusade and later absorbed by the Jesuits in 1617. Plantard hoped that the Priory of Sion would become an influential cryptopolitical irregular masonic lodge dedicated to the restoration of chivalry and monarchy, which would promote Plantard’s own claim to the throne of France. The priory recently gained interest again (despite easily obtainable proof that it is a fake) through the publication of the book The Davinci Code which the author, Dan Brown, claims to be fact (proving that he lied outright about his alleged years of research for the book). 7. The Turk 1717 The Turk was a fake chess-playing machine of the late 18th century, promoted as an automaton but later proved to be a hoax. The Turk made its debut in 1770 at Schönbrunn Palace. Its owner, Kempelen addressed the court, presenting what he had built, and began the demonstration of the machine and its parts. With every showing of the Turk, Kempelen began by opening the doors and drawers of the cabinet, allowing members of the audience to inspect the machine. Following this display, Kempelen would announce that the machine was ready for a challenger. Kempelen would inform the player that the Turk would use the white pieces and have the first move. Between moves the Turk kept its left arm on the cushion. The Turk could nod twice if it threatened its opponent’s queen, and three times upon placing the king in check. If an opponent made an illegal move, the Turk would shake its head, move the piece back and make its own move, thus forcing a forfeit of its opponent’s move. Observers of the Turk would state that the machine played aggressively, and typically beat its opponents within thirty minutes. The Turk was in fact a mechanical illusion that allowed a human chess master to hide inside and operate the machine. With a skilled operator, the Turk won most of the games played. The apparatus was demonstrated around Europe and the Americas for over 80 years until its destruction by fire in 1854, playing and defeating many challengers including statesmen such as Napoleon Bonaparte and Benjamin Franklin. TRAITS OF A GOOD WRITER – 5 QUALITIES OF A GOOD WRITER Have you ever wondered if you possess the qualities of a good writer? Learn the top five qualities of a good writer and why it’s important to develop these traits if you don’t already have them. If you’re interested in beginning your writing journey and have ever questioned whether you have the traits of a good writer, learn how to take your writing career to the next level! 5.) Good writers possess patience. Good writers are patient and realize that completing a manuscript is a haughty goal. Writing won’t be easy. There will be days when you have absolutely nothing to add to your manuscript. Or days when you realize the end is far away and the only thing preventing you from finishing is white space. Keep writing! Take it one sentence at a time; your persistence will pay off! Your patience will eventually garner you a finished book that you’ll be proud of. We recommend: 6 Ways To Deal With Writer’s Block 4.) Good writers give attention to detail. Good writers can vividly describe their characters, while allowing their readers to see in detail the scene (including locations) they are describing. Has your manuscript answered questions the average reader of your book will have? Does your reader know how your character looks? Are there are any flaws your character possess? A limp? Or a lisp perhaps? When your reader can see in detail what you are trying to convey they become invested in your characters and story. 3.) Good writers are good listeners/observers. Writers need to be good listeners and observers of their surroundings during those times when they’re not writing. It is during those times that a writer is doing research. What about a person’s personality intrigues you or makes you dislike them? Expound on those character traits and bring them to life within the pages of your book. What about a person’s style of dress makes them unique? What stands out to you when you see a person enter the mall, the club, the grocery store, or the gym? Have you ever been in a situation where you thought, “This could only happen to me!”? Or “No one would believe this…” Recreate the scene in your manuscript and bring it to life. Let the frivolities of life be what makes your book a familiar read to your readers. 2.) Good writers are avid readers. Show me a good writer and I’ll show you an avid reader. After all reading is what usually sparks a person’s desire to write. A good writer needs to immerse themselves in a pool of words. What qualities does your favorite writers possess? Now think about the kinds of books that make you stay up all night reading them. Discovering the strengths of other writers will help you in your own writing. THE #1) QUALITY OF A GOOD WRITER – GOOD WRITERS HAVE A VIVID IMAGINATION. Think about authors like J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter) or Stephanie Myer (Twilight). Rowling’s Harry Potter series is 700 plus pages of fictional places and creatures. If that weren’t enough she threw in a dash of magic! These weren’t places that existed. She created a whole world with her imagination. What can your imagination create? WHAT ARE THE QUALITIES OF GOOD WRITING? Simple. Good writing leaves an impression. One of my favorite movies as a child was The Never Ending Story. Remember the character Falkor from the movie? That character was unforgettable. Write a character that will have you readers talking for years to come and you’ll know you possess the qualities of a good writer. While this list isn’t exhaustive and there are several more qualities of a good writer, this list will get you well on your way to becoming a writer that the masses love. Right now, I swing between Dave Chapelle and Louis CK. I respect those two a lot because they're incredibly intelligent. They're basically the modern philosophers of our age, but they exercise their beliefs, points and logic through the lens of comedy. Which is an exceptionally difficult thing to do. Believe me. They have a fascinating method of engaging and deceiving the audience into understanding their point of view. Louis CK in particular executes a joke in a very precise and calculated way that seems completely spontaneous, another nigh-impossible thing to execute for any comedian. Dave Chapelle has a flawless method of displaying sarcasm, irony, and wit-ful humor with feigning unintelligence, which gives him lots of versatility to cover almost any topic. They also cover edgy subjects and push the boundaries of comedy and commentary (when done right, they're one and the same). They don't deserve a fraction of the flak they get. They're pioneers of speech and thought, able to tap into the grey recesses that the rest of society is too pussy to state. Even if we’re all thinking the same thing. Honorable mention to Bo Burnham. He uses comedy and music in a very special and witty way, and every line in his songs are far more deliberate and thought out than most people give him credit for. He has the cynicism and honesty while cradling it in theatrical spectacle. My favorite comedian is George Carlin. Though, history of stand up comedy goes back from 18th and 19th century. But, for me (an Indian), I guess it got exposed just a decade back. Stand up comedy is becoming famous in India. And, it is common now that someone choose stand up comedy as their full time profession. Internet plays a big role in this. One good act and you just have to put it on internet and it will get viral for at least the local audience. Or more, if your content is global. After getting exposed to stand up comedy I have tried to watch comedians of different era. One thing which is getting easier by easier with time is censorship. The more restriction you have the less content you can construct. For instance, the joke on slavery wouldn’t be funny 100 years back. The joke on Hitler wouldn’t be funny 70 Years back. It take time to forget tragedies and take the content as humor. The reason, I loved George Carlin’s content most because I always find his content at least 2 decades advanced. His views on the use of technology( One of the act he explains that how we are getting addicted to camcorder and hands free phone) is so true for this generation, like he could see the future. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and reflections on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. George was definitely a visionary. Using comedy to prove his points on politics, religion. It won’t just make you laugh but also leave an impact on you to understand his point of view. I would recommend his few act to watch, such as: White lies are harmless if you have a full understanding of what it is and how to use them. White lies can be, for example, telling your friend that you like their clothes, despite thinking its something that you would never wear…or, asks you about their appearance. You would only reply in a way that would keep the peace and harmony within that relationship to prevent a falling out. Those are examples of white lies and in no way cause harm, but rather harmony. If for example you personally profit from an untruth then it isn’t considered a “white lie” but rather an untruth. An example is, you take some money from your friend that just happened to be laying around. This friend asks you if you know where it went to? To answer this friend without admission is simply a straight out lie - it’s not a “white lie” because you’re benefitting. Another simple way to explain a “white lie”, is any untruth that protects those who don’t feel security within themselves, and needs reassurance contrary to their thoughts or feelings. We all lie, even those good people who value honesty above most other things. Sometimes we consider our untruths to be 'white lies'. So what exactly are these white lies? White lies are... What we call 'white lies' are those untruths which we tell in order to minimize harm, embarrassment or distress. In doing so, we moderate what we and others know, think or feel. We usually tell white lies to help others, though it may also be for our own benefit. Often, both we and others benefit, for example in the way that white lies help sustain our good relationship. If you add up the all the harm that telling the truth would create and subtract the harm caused from telling a white lie, then this gives some measure of the net benefit of the white lie. We could hence define white lies as 'Untruths that reduce net harm'. This is a little coarse as it can be really helpful for us and harmful for others and still come out as a positive. What might be called altruistic white lies may be defined as 'Untruths that reduce net harm to others'. This is more likely to fit into the common understanding of white lies being 'good' (ie. of benefit to others). An even purer form of white lie is one that is only ever helpful. This can be simply defined 'Untruths that do no harm'. The important aspect of such lies is nobody is harmed, so the net harm is always guaranteed to be zero or only ever helpful. Types of white lie Here are a several types of lie that we typically describe as 'white'. Outright lies White lies may be completely opposite to the truth, For example, when a person thinks their partner's clothes are unattractive but still says they 'look good'. Outright lies may be somewhat exaggerated in order to negate any suspicious of the truth. Hence a person may say 'you look absolutely wonderful' rather than simply 'you look good'. Softened truths Sometimes we try to tell the truth but end up avoiding the whole truth, for example saying that some other clothes might be more appropriate when the truth is that we hate the clothes being show us. Softened truths often include qualifiers that seek to reduce the impact of the truth, for example when a person says that they prefer different clothes or that the clothes are not very flattering. Careful omissions There are also white lies of omission, where there is a clear opportunity to say something but comment is avoided, for example where a person makes excuses to leave when comments on clothes might get invited. Omissions may be made using methods such as changing the subject, feigning confusion, passing the buck to someone else, excusing oneself to leave or simply avoiding being there in the first place. Gray lies In an obvious metaphor, 'gray lies' are not as pure and selfless as white lies. The principle also implies there are many shades of gray. In practice, almost all white lies have some shade of gray in them. There are also black lies that have no white in them (ie. the liar does nothing to help the other person). Reasons for white lies Why do we tell white lies? Here are several reasons. Avoiding distress A common situation where 'white lies' are told is where you have negative feelings about someone else or think they are wrong in some way. Knowing that telling them about these thoughts would cause distress, you tell white lies. We also tell white lies to reduce our own empathetic distress. When we value the happiness of others, telling them the truth can be uncomfortable. Women in particular, who tend to put more emphasis on relationships, are more likely to tell white lies. Avoiding harm We may also tell white lies to avoid harm to others, for example where we know a friend has told a relatively harmless lie to another person, we back up what they have said. We may also avoid telling harmful truths about them, for example not telling their manager that they left work early one day. Sometimes such lies are not particularly white, but we frame them as such because our intentions are good, for example when we protect a friend who done something that is clearly wrong. Telling white lies to avoid harm to oneself is even less white. We may tell ourselves that the lie is harmless but this may itself not be completely true. Positive help Sometimes white lies are more about positive help than avoiding harm, for example where a doctor gives a patient a placebo pill that has no effect but tells the patient that this will cure them. We also tell positive white lies to people about how good they are or how wonderful they look with the simple aim that they feel better about themselves. Positive lies are helpful when a person's beliefs are unhelpful, such as when their self-esteem is low. In this way, the lie helps reduce the self-harm that people may inflict on themselves, although it may do little to address the underlying issues. Social norms There are often social rules about what may be discussed and what should be brushed under the carpet or otherwise avoided. Although unwritten, these are often quite clear, for example that a man should not criticize a woman's appearance, and certainly not in front of other people. Different cultures can have very different rules about lying and rule-following, for example Trompenaars' notion of universalism vs. particularism. Breaking social norms leads to social punishment, which can range from open criticism to outright ostracization. These are fearsome enough for many to choose white lies over such treatment. Within groups, effects such as groupthink can make telling of lies to sustain social harmony more important than telling the truth, even if the net result is greater harm. Ingratiation We often tell white lies to ingratiate ourselves to others, building our relationship with them. Even when I tell white lies to or about you and you know that I am doing this to protect you, you will probably still be grateful, trust me more and feel obliged to help me in return. Procrastination Sometimes we tell what we believe are white lies in order to put off the discomfort or harm that will result in telling the whole truth. The time value of lying adds a whole new dimension to the decision whether to lie or not and many people prioritize short-term benefits of lies over longer-term benefits of truth. Self-protection What we call 'white lies' can be purely for the benefit of the liar. If the person views the lie as harmless, causing no distress or problem to others, then they may consider lying to protect themselves to be a reasonable option. Such motivations are often fear-based. A common form of fear-based self-protection is where we believe that the other person may become angry if we tell them the truth, and that they may then take their anger out on us or on those we care about. In practice, almost all white lies have some personal benefit, even if it is just avoiding one's own embarrassment. Self-creation White lies are often, if we could admit it, a key tool in sustaining our sense of self. In order to maintain a selfconcept that is acceptable we tell many little lies (and perhaps some big ones). Most of all, we tell these to ourselves, although of course we also have to live the lies in our external lives. Balanced benefit There are benefits to telling the truth and benefits to telling lies. Whenever we are faced such a choice we do a bit of mental algebra, balancing the benefits of truth and lies before we decide which to use and what exactly to say. The equation we use for this may have different weightings for different people (including ourselves). Altruistic white lies will weight personal benefit lower and benefit to others (especially vulnerable people) higher. The impact of white lies Justification When we believe lying is wrong, then even telling white can cause the inner discomfort of cognitive dissonance. To handle this tension, we tend to justify our actions, telling ourselves a story of how the white lie was the right thing to do. Propagation Like Pinocchio, we may also need to tell further lies to support and sustain the original white lie. What was once a simple and well-meaning lie can hence turn into a massive cover-up as small lies lead to bigger ones and so on. Conversion A further effect of the dissonance of lying is that we may even change our beliefs as we start to think that our lies may, after all, be true, at least on some level. Good liars do this all the time, believing (at least in the moment) that their obvious lies are actual truths. The rest of us do not fully escape this effect and too many white lies can make us more and more deceptive. Discovering the truth When a person who has been told a white lie discovers the truth, they may change their view of the liar to the extent that the relationship is changed. If they were seeking honesty, they may view the liar negatively, being angry at the evaluation of themselves as unable to accept the truth, or seeing the liar as a coward whose purpose is more driven by self-protection. If they would have found the truth difficult, then they may appreciate the white lie as being based in concern for them. A possibly difficult conversation may then follow, in which the truth and reasons for the white lie are discussed. Alternatively, the person lied to may perpetuate the lie or tell white lies of their own to avoid further distress or harm. Relationship changes Many other changes can occur in the relationship when white lies are told, for example the liar may come to resent the other person, particularly if they feel an obligation to tell white lies on a regular basis. The lack of truth can easily lead to a lack of trust and without sufficient trust relationships may break down. With sufficient trust, white lies are less necessary and so it can be important to work hard to increase trust at least for this purpose. On the other hand, if we reduce dissonance by believing the lie, we may become more concerned for the other person and so the relationship can improve. How the relationship changes hence depends on both the people and the situation. Relationship change must also be considered in terms of if the white lie was not told. Almost by definition it would seem the relationship would deteriorate if the white liar told nothing but the truth of what they think, know and feel. Detecting white lies So how do you know when other people are telling white lies? Much the same as other ways of detecting lies. In particular, look for non-verbal as well as verbal signals. Non-verbal signals The person telling white lies does not want to be detected and may well display some anxiety. They may also show the wider range of deceptive body language signals, such as holding oneself still and watching for signs of detection by staring at the face of the other person. Verbal signals White lies may also be detected in how the person speaks and can indicate the level of the lie. As mentioned above, a clear lie may lead to the person exaggerating and emphasizing the truth, while a softened truth will include qualifiers such as 'partly', 'sometimes', and so on. So what? You probably cannot avoid using white lies yourself, but do reflect on their necessity before using them as well as the possible consequences. If you must use them, then keep them simple and avoid elaboration or exaggeration. Sometimes you can usefully tell white lies in a way that the other person realizes that you are not telling the whole truth in order to help them. In this way you can gain their confidence and trust and perhaps persuade them on other matters. Watch for white lies from others, especially if you are ready and willing to hear the truth. Sometimes people will try to protect you when knowing what they really think is a far better option. Being able to take harsh truths is a good sign of character and can lead to improved levels of trust.
